My sweet Lucille
by Thecricketsarecalling
Summary: A year before we meet Negan, we learn of a prisoner he took and forced to be his wife.
1. Wedding night

_"Taking it like a champ!"_

 _The several prisoners kneeling down all knelt there screaming in complete and utter horror as they watched their friend get beaten to death before their very own eyes._

 **One year earlier.**

Lucy couldn't believe this was happening. At just sixteen, she knelt there in jeans, and a faded gray T-shirt beside Chris, the man who had rescued her from the city when everything had fallen apart. He was older than her, almost by twenty or so years. He was a Southern man, who owned his own bar, divorced twice, with a skinny face, and thick dark hair. He had fired the bullet into the creature that had grabbed a very stunned Lucy just mere minutes after watching her parents get torn apart before her very own eyes. He was good with a rifle and had grabbed her arm, hurrying her off the street. Nearly two weeks later, Lucy figured she loved him, even though before all of this she was just another stupid high school girl with average grades, and stupid teenage problems. She lived in the city, with her biggest fear before being if she could sneak back into her parent's condo without them noticing when she was past curfew. In just the matter of days everything had fallen apart. At first she had watched the news in school thinking of it as a big joke. Within days she saw things she only believed existed in nightmares. Her family had planned on leaving the city, going up North like the news was telling them to do. There was some sort of military base they were going to drive to. Instead, she watched as those things came out of nowhere. The streets were filled with burning cars, bodies, and the smell of rotting flesh.

Chris had grabbed her as she stood screaming for her parents, watching them get eaten alive as he dragged her down an alleyway. He yanked her into his truck and they had driven until finally they reached the countryside. The truck ran out of gas, and they walked. That first night, she couldn't sleep. Instead flashes kept repeating of her mother and father's screams. She sat awake up in a tree with Chris who stood guard with his gun, promising her that nothing was going to hurt her. It took a while, plenty of moments of Lucy hysterically breaking down, screaming and crying that she couldn't do this. That she wanted her mother, and didn't want to go with him. Each time Chris would roughly grab her by the arms, give her a good shake, and slap her across the face. Finally one morning after hours of walking through the woods, dirty, and exhausted she broke down in his arms. Gently he rubbed her back, hushing her, and holding her against him until finally she settled down. The next morning while they washed up by one of the streams, he insisted on teaching her how to shoot. They spent three months together, looking for survivors, camping out, and killing more creatures than she could remember.

Chris was a gentlemen to her. He taught her how to survive outside, camp, fish, hunt, and use weapons. He was tough on her, but most nights allowed her to fall asleep against him as they camped out underneath the stars. He was protective of her, whenever a man who crossed their path was fresh, he would wave his gun and tell them to move along. Just a few days before they were captured, they were traveling with four others, strangers who seemed trustworthy enough who had plans on heading down to Mexico. That night, the two passionately made out in each other's arms against a tree while on watch. Breathless, and pulling away Lucy's hand began to travel down to his belt buckle when he stopped her. Taking her hand gently, he lifted it and kissed it smiling. "Not now. We have all the time in the world." A few days later, here they were. Captured, scared, and kneeling. Lucy hadn't been this scared since her parents died. That's when a man stepped out of the shadows. Dressed in jeans, a leather jacket, and scarf. He laughed, holding a baseball bat wrapped in barb wire. Boots clinking, he paced in front of them.

"Well, well, well...here we are. I know you've been those troublemakers passing through my roadblocks. Well guess what...time to pay the toll."

Swinging the bat with ease, he kept walking up and down past them, grinning with his dark brown eyes. Nervously, Lucy eyed Chris who remained calm. Her hair hanging in her face, she felt her insides shake before the man squatted down right in front of her. Smiling, he leaned forward, grasping her chin and causing her to turn her face towards him.

"Well ain't you a sweet little thing? What's your name?"

Lucy shook all over before gulping. Silent tears trailing down her face.

"L-Lucy..."

"Lucy, ain't that a pretty name."

"It's actually Lucille."

"Lucille, now that's beautiful. I haven't seen something as sweet and as pretty as you in a long time...I'm Negan."

"Leave her alone."

Chris said. Instantly, Lucy felt her heart hammer in her chest. Staring at him as if he was crazy, she went to speak before Negan rose, grasping his baseball bat. Walking over to Chris he grinned.

"You know, usually it's real hard to pick which one of you will be an example. But I got a feeling you are sweet on little Lucille over here, and sorry buddy...three is a crowd."

It all happened in the matter of seconds. Lucy's eyes widened as she screamed. Negan gave a frightening grin before he wound up his arm like a baseball player at home plate.

Laughing he swung and in just a matter of seconds he swung and brought down the bat with all of his might. One second Chris was kneeling there, strong, alive, and brave. Moments later his body was twitching, bleeding, and turned into a bloody pulp. Blood sprayed everywhere, as the others screamed. Lucy opened her mouth, but instead nothing escaped. Instead she watched as the bat went down again and again and again and again. When all was said and done, all that remained of Chris was a convulsing bloody body with chunks of brain, skull, and hair pooled around the ground. Blood had sprayed across Lucy's stunned face, splattering across her pale and frozen expression.

Before she could even react, Negan snatched a handful of her hair, hard enough to rip it out of her skull. Lucy screeched, before Negan began dragging her back to one of the trailers like a caveman. Struggling and fighting, she was dragged backwards across the ground. She yelled, clawing, and screaming watching the others watch completely stunned, all still kneeling around Chris' beaten body. Negan's strong arms were wrapped around her before she was brought up the metal steps, and within seconds all noise was cut off as the door slammed shut. Screaming at the top of her lungs, Lucy cried before she found herself being flung backwards onto an unmade bed in the back. Scrambling, she went to get herself up when Negan hit her hard in the face. Falling backwards, nose bleeding she spit blood before Negan tossed down his baseball bat.

Chuckling, he stood at the edge of the bed looking down at her. Reaching down, he yanked down her jeans down to her ankles. Seconds later, he tore her panties off in just a snap. Humiliated, Lucy cried, trying to turn over before Negan began unbuckling his jeans.

"God you are so sweet my dear Lucille..."

He muttered before unzipping his jeans. Lucy, who had never had sex, let alone really had seen a man naked before stared up frightened. No, this wasn't the way her first time was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be with Chris who was gentle, and caring. Not like this, not raped.

"No! Please no!"

She cried, bringing her hands up together almost in prayer. Negan pushed down his own jeans, still grinning the scent of his sweat and tabbacqo thick in this rusty dark trailer. Laying there, Lucy watched him crawl on top of her, and that's when she saw it. It was standing completely up out of a mass of dark public hair. Staring at it, Lucy screamed and went to roll over again. Grabbing her by the arms, hard enough to make bruises, he firmly held her in place before he roughly used his free hand to spread her thighs.

"NO!"

Lucy cried, begging him to stop. Instead, Negan licked his lips, staring down at her before he laid on top of her, his weight crushing her into the stained old mattress. Laughing, his hand reached up, roughly cupping her breasts over her T-shirt, pinching, and squeezing. That's when he drove himself forward and in that exact instant Lucy screamed, her back arching up as high as she could. She felt the pain of him ripping her apart, as she snapped her eyes shut. That's when he grabbed her throat, gently squeezing. "No, you open those eyes. I want you to see me damnit." Opening her eyes, she stared up at him before he pushed forward, bitting down on his bottom lip.

"Goddamnit your tight. Just lay back and enjoy the ride sweet pea."

In just mere seconds, Negan found a pace and began roughly thrusting deep into her. Spreading her legs apart as far as they could, as the mattress creaked underneath them. Feeling him drive into her, she whimpered and cried like a frightened child. Laying there, his large hand still pressed against her throat, she laid back getting raped listening to the creaking of the mattress and an odd wet slapping sound. Negan bucked his head, sweat rolling down his forehead before he leaned down his beard scratching her face as he mashed his lips against hers. Moments later he swore, thrusted once, twice, and climaxed. Feeling warmth drip down her thighs, she didn't know if it was from him, or if she was bleeding. Laying there in shock, she laid beneath him, still feeling him deep inside her. Finally, he roughly pulled out and rolled over. Laying there in shock, Lucy stared up at the tin ceiling before Negan wrapped his arm around her.

"One hell of a way to spend our honeymoon huh honey?"

Slowly, Lucy glanced over knowing she was stuck with a complete madman.


	2. Innocence lost

The next morning Lucy's eyelids fluttered open.

At first she had drifted into a thick dark fog of sleep. Her own natural defense against what was happening. For hours after the rape, she simply laid on that filthy mattress in the back of the dark trailer. Bleeding, hurting, cramping, and frightened, she laid in Negan's arms, listening to the sound of his breathing and the faint sounds from outside. He tightly held her, not allowing her to even move at the slightest. Instead, she laid there feeling his warm breath against the back of her neck and she stared off into the darkness. When finally her body slipped into shock and exhaustion she found herself drifting through several memories. The two that stood out the strongest was one of her two or so years ago in her bedroom. Her talking on the phone with her best friend Taylor planning on going to a summer concert for her birthday. The second was just a few days ago while Chris and her were fishing in the river. How he stood behind her, arms loosely around her waist smiling as the sun beat down through the trees. These pleasant comforting dreams were shattered by violent images of that baseball bat coming down again and again and again.

When she snapped awake, it was morning. In just the matter of a few seconds everything came crashing down at once. She wasn't home, or in the tent she shared with Chris. Instead she was back in this dirty trailer, raped, hurt, and with him. Eyes snapping open, she began to scream as everything came into focus when his large hand snapped across her mouth hard enough to make it sting. Freezing, she watched as she crawled over almost on top of her. Grinning like a shark, he stared down at her. Lucy stared up before he smiled, his beard a salt and pepper color, his eyes dark brown and hungry.

"Morning sweetheart..."

Staring up, Lucy instantly felt her chance. Opening her mouth underneath his open palm that covered her lips, she bit down as hard as she could, clamping down before he laughed.

"Honey, that just tickles. You sure are a feisty one aren't you?"

Letting go of her mouth, she saw a thin bite mark on his palm before he smiled and straddled her. Looking down, he frowned before lifting his eyes and staring at her.

"Oh honey, you were a bleeding. Don't tell me...was I your first?"

Lucy refused to give him the satisfaction in answering. Instead she just laid there as he reached down trying to gently pet the side of her face. Flinching away, she glared up at him. Smiling, he shook his head and chuckled.

"Man, your first. Beautiful, sweet, and pure. Your practically a dream girl huh?"

Leaning down he licked her neck, trailing kisses along the way. Feeling his beard scratch her, she gagged and snapped her eyes shut. Lifting his head he grinned.

"Well darling, I'm gonna give you something to relax. God knows we were a little rough last night. After that I'll get you nice and cleaned up."

Lucy glared up, before she spit. Negan snapped his eyes shut before using the back of his hand to wipe the spittle that had flown across his eyes. Smiling, he grinned and rubbed the side of his face where his beard was growing. "

You have every right to be upset, but I'll treat you real nice. Hold on..."

Seconds later, he reached down for something underneath the bed. Lucy scooted up and was horrified to see the smears of blood on her inner thighs. She hurt down there bad, and she would kill to scrub his taste away from her. Sitting up, she went to raise her hands to hit him when he turned around, stripping plastic wrapping from a syringe, spitting the plastic cap, he turned towards her.

"I'm not a fan of this dope, but sometimes it helps real good. Hold on a second honey..."

"FUCK YOU!"

Lucy shouted, trying to whack him. Grabbing hold, Negan pushed her back with little to no effort, and grabbed something. Struggling to sit back up, she saw it was daylight but all of the blinds were closed. Trying to crawl away, she was stopped as he took hold of her arm and plunged the syringe deeply into her arm. Crying out, she pushed him as hard as she could, the syringe falling out of her, causing tiny beads of blood to gather. Crying, she scooted off the mattress, and attempted to stand when he wrapped his large arms tightly around her, lifting her up and tossing her over his shoulder like a rag doll.

Screaming, she struggled, trying to bit or kick him before her vision began to blur. Setting her down on the mattress, Negan stared at her before she felt faint. Laying there, she tried to summon Chris' face. Anything besides this monster's. Grinning, he gently stroked her cheek.

"You're going to learn something real quick honey. It's my way or the highway. You listen to me, I'll treat you real nice. You break my rules...well you'll be punished. But I gotta tell ya, you might actually like the punishments more."

Laughing, he watched as her eyes rolled back into her head and became dead to the world.

 **That night...**

Lucy's eyelids slowly fluttered open, at first she had no idea where she was, but as she slowly awoke from her drugged slumber, she found herself staring up at the tin celling of the trailer. Slowly she felt painful pressure, as she got pushed down. Her limbs were screaming, and her insides ached. In just an instant, her eyes focused and she found herself naked, legs tied out, spread eagle, her arms bound as well. She was laying naked on the mattress, ropes pinning her wrists and ankles down and apart, as far as they could stretch. She laid there, as Negan, completely naked knelt between her two open legs, driving his penis into her, building up a sweat.

Terrified, she began to scream before Negan grinned.

"Ah you're awake."

He reached down, roughly cupping her breasts before he leaned forward, thrusting into her like a mad man. Squirming, unable to move, Lucy struggled against the ropes feeling them hurt her skin. Tossing her head back, she cried, smelling faint soap. He had cleaned her up, but here she was, God knows how many hours later tied up, legs spread, being raped again on this dirty mattress. Judging from the blinds, it was late. Negan snapped his eyes shut, grunted and came. Lowering his head, he moaned as Lucy screamed, feeling him empty inside of her as warmth dripped down her thighs. Pulling out, his penis flopped as he stared down at her.

"If you try to run, escape, or fight back this is one of your punishments. I can keep you like this for weeks if I need to. You can shit and piss right here and rot. I don't care. If you behave, you'll be fed, and taken care of...and most of all protected by me."

"Go to Hell..."

She muttered, trying not to cry. Laughing, Negan reached over on the windowsill and took down a huge buck knife. Softly he pressed it against the throat. Feeling her heart hammer, she stared up at him with wide eyes. Smiling, he enjoyed her reaction.

"I'll carve that pretty face up and feed pieces of you to those corpses, believe me. Now my darling, you're my wife and you'll respect me, understand?"

Lucy didn't answer, instead she just laid there. Smiling, he tossed the knife away, and stared down at her.

"Here, got you something. Had my men after you were cleaned up fetch this...now if you don't like it we'll get you a bigger one soon."

He reached over and took out a huge diamond ring. A ring that must have cost seventy, maybe even eighty thousand dollars. It was huge, so big in fact it almost looked fake.

"Hope it fits sweetheart..."

Reaching over, he untied one of her wrists and ankles, allowing them to drop. All ready her skin was raw from the ropes. Sliding the ring on, it fit. A little big, but still it fit. Smiling, Negan brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it causing his mustache to tickle her skin.

"Perfect..."

Lucy began crying, unable to help it.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you..."

"No you don't...please just let me go...please..."

"Oh my sweet darling Lucy, never ever will I let that beautiful face of yours go. Now come on, let's get you some dinner..."

 **Later...**

Lucy couldn't eat. Negan untied her, and held up a navy blue sundress. He said his men had fetched some clothing while hunting for that rock of hers. Pulling up a pair of jeans, he grinned taking the dress and slipped it over her naked body, tightly taking her hand and bringing her to the other end of the trailer. Sitting her down, he told her he wasn't much of a cook but hustled up some stuff. The moment she was sat down on the little bench next to the table, she waited until he made his way towards the kitchen and stove. Seeing her chance, she leaped up and went for the door when Negan, without so much as breaking a sweat took a handful of her hair and yanked her backwards.

"If you try that again I'll stick one of those needles right into one of your kneecaps."

Sitting, Lucy stared up, eyes watering with tears. Negan served them food, and even poured them a glass of wine. When Lucy refused to even touch the food, he drew a gun from the counter and reminded her about being punished. Eating little to nothing, she lowered her head and began to weep. Shortly after, he took her back to the back of the trailer and got another syringe ready.

"I...need to use the bathroom."

She softly whispered. Negan turned, staring at her with slightly untrusting eyes before nodding.

"You have a minute, any longer I'll break the door down."

Lucy stood up on shaken feet, opened the tiny door and went inside. Instantly she looked around for anything to defend herself, but there was nothing. Using the bathroom, she stared down, disgusted with how sore she felt. Looking at the large diamond ring, she nervously played with it. When would she wake up from this nightmare? This couldn't be happening? Was she really going to be this crazed man's sex slave? She couldn't do this again...no, she couldn't. She rather die. Getting up, she opened the door, to find Negan standing right outside. Staring up at him with tear filled eyes, her lip quivered.

"Kill me, please. I can't do this..."

Smiling, Negan stroked her cheek again.

"You won't be saying that soon...now come on, I'm gonna show you how to make you feel good."

Bowing her head, Lucy began to break down. Taking her shoulder, he led her back to the back of the trailer, where he gently sat her down. In just seconds, she felt the prick of another needle. Crying out, she looked over.

"Please, stop..."

"That's something different, it won't knock you out, just make you feel real good, now lay back."

"NO!"

Negan pushed her back. There he lifted her dress. Bringing her hands up, she covered her face like a frightened child. There she felt his rough hand slide up her thighs and go between her legs. Trying to squeeze her legs shut, she whimpered before she felt two of his fingers enter themselves inside of her. Stiffening, she cried before she felt his thumb begin to move in circular slow motions. Laying there, she tried to focus on breathing as his fingers went in and out of her with lighting speed.

"That's it, relax..."

Lucy began feeling the effects of whatever Negan had stuck in her, causing it to rush down her arm and make the room spin. embarrassed, and humiliated, she laid there feeling his fingers continue to go inside of her when suddenly a strange tingling began to happen. Turning her head away, she wanted to slap him back, but instead she continued covering her face. The drugs were making her sweat, and suddenly she found it hard to breath. Laying there she waited before finally the most overwhelming, strange feeling came down below. Snapping her eyes shut, she tried biting down on her lip when she shuttered a small cry. Hearing Negan chuckle, he felt her breasts.

"You liked that didn't you...trust me, won't be the first time I'll make you come..."

Lucy opened her eyes and felt everything swim.

"What did you do to me?"

"Honey I made you come..."

"No, what did you give to me...I feel weird..."

"Oh enjoy the ride honey...now, how about you pay it forward and I'll teach you some things, you bite...I'll blind you, understand?"

She heard him yank his zipper down, and seconds later he grabbed a handful of her hair again, bringing her down towards his erection which was all ready standing up. Turning her face away, she cried as he laughed.

 **Two months later...**

Lucy sat on top of a motorcycle, wearing jeans, a halter top, and one of Negan's leather jackets draped over her shoulders. Her hair was in braids, just like how Negan liked it. She sat there, stoned, and drugged from the syringe he had given her just an hour ago. She knew he had made her a junkie on purpose to control her. She sat there, watching as her husband paced in front of the people kneeling. They had found these people trying to steal some supplies.

She could be trusted now simply because she had been pushed. Her back was covered in healing scars, her wrists and ankles as well. She had tried to escape several times, and each time she was caught and Negan would be waiting. She didn't know if she was brainwashed, or just hooked on the drugs but any effort now in trying to leave was gone. He spent every waking moment with her by his side, proudly showing her off, and even killing three men when they whistled at her. He held her hand, sat with her, even had her ride along with him on raids.

Late at night, he would join her in the trailer. They would eat together, shower together, and sit looking over maps, listening to the men on the radio call back and forth as he made road block plans. He took her every night. He would make her come first, even though she now believed it was the drugs that made her like this, not by his touch. He would have his way, raping her for hours until finally collapsing and holding her tightly in his arms. She was never allowed to be out of his sight, even for a second. She was his slave, and he was her master. Her arms, covered in needle tracks. She spent most days spacing out, drugged, no longer caring anymore. She knew this was his favorite thing to do in front of her. He loved having her watch whenever he beat someone to death. Most times she would be too stoned to even focus.

The men knew she was his wife, and respected her, but kept their distance, knowing his temper when it came to her. She watched him select a frightened young teenage boy before lifting the bat and swimming it down again and again and again. He had named his weapon after her as almost a term of endearment. Once he was done, and the bloody mess of the body was laid twitching on the ground, he came around, the bat still dripping with blood and brain matter before wrapping his arm around her waist and lifting her off the bike.

"Come on darling, let's go inside."

"I need a hit..."

She muttered. Laughing, he kissed the top of her head and half carried her to the inside of the trailer. Once inside, he made her pull her pants down, and knelt behind her doing her from behind. The bloody bat, laying just a foot away staining the sheets. Laying there, she hung her head down, hearing him grunt, all the while feeling her stomach toss for another hit. She needed it badly. Laying there, she focused on holding off long enough before she did what she always did. Slowly escaped into her mind. Whenever he was fucking her, ramming himself into her, or gagging her, and roughly pinning her down she would just drift away.

The drugs she was now hooked on helped. It always did. Shortly after, he injected her, and watched her lay back, blouse still open, breasts exposed as the high overtook her. Staring at the ceiling, her eyes glazed over before Negan grinned and stared down at her. Slowly, she traced the track marks that ran up and down her arm.

"Now you'll never leave me, will you?"

Silently a tear rolled down Lucy's face.


	3. Working on

**Four months later...**

Lucy laid on all fours on the forest floor. Negan had taken her along for a patrol on his motorcycle, and the two had turned off a half an hour ago. Parking the bike hidden behind some overgrown bramble bushes, the two walked as Negan carried his rifle. His radio cackled and sounded, as the others reported that they would be bringing supplies in soon. Currently Negan had several bases in the surrounding area, and a pretty solid system working through. Most nights, Lucy would sit up with him in the trailer, strung out, sitting beside him as he looked over maps, marking off lists of ammo, supplies, and weapons. She knew he was beginning to get real sick of how dependent she was becoming with the drugs.

Twice when she snapped at him, pushing him off after sex, or refusing to talk he decided to wait on giving her her hourly hit. Here both times she ended up begging, on her knees, sweating and sick to her stomach. She told him what she wanted him to hear, lying and saying that she needed him and that she was sorry. Each time he would look disgusted, shake his head before filling one of the syringes and mutter...

"Jesus baby, you are becoming a regular junkie..."

Lucy hated that she actually was. Besides trying a little pot a few times at a party she had never touched drugs. In fact, she had listened in all of those health prep talks about the dangers of using. Never before in her wildest dreams would she see herself unable to even function without this shit pumping through her. Still, it kept her at bay. Megan liked the control, and most days she would sit near him, spacing out not saying a word. He would round about the camp, speaking with the others, all the while dragging her along. None of the men were allowed to look or speak to her. They had to respect her as the wife of Negan, They called her Ma'am, and often bowed their heads slightly whenever Negan would drag her over. Most times she just sat back either on a rock or bench. She wouldn't run, she wouldn't speak, she wouldn't fight.

Instead she would sit there staring blankly out not saying a word. Most times he would sit next to her, arm around her shoulders squeezing her tight. Whenever he went somewhere, he took her with him. Every night in the trailer, he would shower with her, sit down and eat with her. As of lately, she didn't have much of an appetite, she figured this was from the drugs. She would pick at her food, before he would take her into the back of the trailer and rape her for hours. Some night when he stayed up, smelling clean like cologne and soap he would turn on the lanterns, sit at the table and look over his maps. There he would take a handful of her hair and roughly press her head down before she was gagging on his penis.

Twice she had attempted on biting him, and both times Negan had left bruises on her collarbone bad enough they felt tender at the touch. She didn't try to hurt him anymore since she knew he had learned her weakness, which were the drugs. Most evenings his large cock would be inside her mouth as she tried not to gag on it, trying to breath through her nose as he complained that she needed to use her tongue, and move her head up and down. Whenever he came, he would force her head down so she would swallow his come. Once they were in the bedroom, after fresh clean feeling she felt from the shower would be gone as he threw her legs up on his shoulders and took her rough, fast, and direct. Most times, she was either too stoned or exhausted to cry, or even focus on how badly he was hurting her. She had learned something quickly. He usually finished faster whenever she laid there motionless like a dead fish. In the beginning, before the drugs really took hold he would grin, enjoying the struggle, making sure it would last. Now, he would either rub her down below, or lick her until she came. All these times she felt dirty and disgusted whenever that overwhelming pin prick feeling overtook her body. Each time this happened she tried her hardest to convince herself it was the drugs that made her feel this way, and maybe strangely it was a blessing that he was getting her body somewhat ready before he began with her. There were a few times during the day when that urge overcame him, and that dangerous look of hunger would fill those eyes and before she knew it they were behind one of the trucks at the camp with her skirt up, and his zipper down as he was roughly thrusting into her dry. Each night after he finished he would collapse on top of her and sleep, snoring lightly, all the while his large muscular arms holding her tight.

Today, she laid there as he grabbed onto her hips, thrusting away, causing her braided hair to hang in her face. Staring forward at the ground, she tried so hard to think of Chris and what things would have been like had they never gotten caught at this camp. She thought of what it would have been like having her first time with him. How gentle and slow he would have been. Nothing like this bastard. Megan roughly pulled out before he turned her with little to no effort on her back. Staring up at the trees, she blinked before he ripped open her blouse, yanking down her bra, completely ruining it. The amount of clothes she went through with Negan ripping them was insane. Still, each evening Negan would have fresh new ones waiting for her, always telling her to wear these tight jeans, these revealing halter tops, or skimpy sundresses.

Always making her wear her hair in braids as if she was just a little girl. Her breasts were covered with faint bite marks and bruises from him. His large hands grabbed them, squeezing them tight before he spread her legs and laid on top of her. Laying there she tried to fade away as she usually did, laying there limp as he began pumping into her in a nice steady pace. She felt her body move from beneath him. as he grunted and clutched onto her.

"I'm gonna come...oh Jesus..."

His jeans were pooled around his ankles as he drove himself in, once, twice, and finally he cried out as his bare ass twitched as he climaxed. Instant warmth filled her as she laid there in a daze. Catching his breath, Negan remained inside of her. Licking her neck, he began sucking on her skin. Annoyed, Lucy eyed his baseball bat laying just five or so feet away. How badly she wanted to bash his brains in with that. Laying there, she felt his move his hips, still kissing and sucking her skin. Feeling her head ache, she hated to say it now since she barley did speak to him, but she knew he would enjoy seeing her suffer and squirm until he finally asked for it.

Clearing her dry throat she said...

"I...need a hit."

Megan froze from kissing her, staring down he smiled and shook his head.

"Sorry darling but this morning was your list hit. We gotta keep that system nice and clean now even if it kills you."

At first she thought he was joking. Some new sick and twisted way to control her. Laying there, she continued feeling him lick her breasts up and down before he pulled out. Panting, he sat next to her before grabbing her ankles. Lifting her legs straight up in the air, she laid back before she looked over at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Working on what I've been wanting for some time now. Might take awhile but I'm in no rush. The making is what's gonna be fun. Like I said you gotta have a clean system and that starts now."

Lucy stared up as he continued to hold her legs up in the air.

"What are you talking about?"

Negan smiled and roughly drummed his fingers across her flat stomach.

"We're gonna make ourselves a baby honey, I'm gonna put a son if you if it's the last thing I do."

Frightened, Lucy stared up speechless. Smiling, Negan clearly enjoyed her reaction.

"So just lay there and focus on those little guys going upwards and onwards, I feel round two coming on real quick."

Horrified, Lucy stared up at him unable to scream. Laughing, he kept her like that for what seemed like a lifetime. When he dropped her sore legs, she found the strength of sitting up and trying to jump up and run. Struggling, she began to cry and scream before he crawled on top of her.

"NO! NO!"

"It's too late to say no darling, sorry."

With that he head butted her, causing her to black out. Smiling, he opened her legs and laced his hand into hers, her wedding band dully sparking in the sunlight.


	4. Ticking time bomb

**Three months later.**

Lucy knew she was pregrant. In fact she was certain. Ever since she was kidnapped by Negan, she continued having her period. The first time she got it she begged Negan to leave her be. Smiling, he told her a little blood never bothered him, and that was just another part of her being a woman. He wasn't turned off by it at all. Embarrassed and disgusted, Lucy was forced to have sex with him and even have to shower with him. As much as she tried scrubbing her skin clean, almost until she drew blood. Negan had taken the scrub brush away from her, laughing and looking at her pink skin telling her to take it easy. When she was on the drugs, she was too strung out to really take notice or be embarrassed. Anything she needed or asked for Negan would have his men bring to her. Three months ago in the forest when he informed her about his plans, the beginning of her withdraws began.

The first forty-eight hours were pure hell. He brought her back to the trailer where she begged and pleaded to please let her have a hit. Negan sat with her as she squirmed, screamed, and cried. She vomited nonstop, and had several accidents. She had fevers, saw things, and felt as if her insides were being torn apart. Negan never once looked disgusted or inpatient during all of this. Instead he sat with her, holding her hair back, laying cool clothes on her head, and rubbing her back as she gagged and dry heaved. Twice she passed out, wishing she would just die. It took a week before her strength got back. Negan forced her to continue drinking that terrible boiled tasting water and broth.

He never left her side once. He continued changing her soiled stained clothes into fresh ones, bathed her, and sat there keeping a close eye on her. This one week, Negan for the first time ever didn't touch her once. She kept waiting for any second for him to pull up one of those baggy shirts she wore, and yank her legs open. Instead, he didn't bother her once. She still wanted the drugs, she knew he had made her an addict to control her, and here he was controlling her as always making her quit cold turkey. She knew if she ever had to do through withdraws again it would kill her. She kept dreaming of finding those syringes, injecting herself, and floating away into that thick abyss. The same abyss that had been her escape this whole time. Now the only numbness, the only escape was taken from her. He would be watching her closer than ever now, and she would be much more aware during all of this. The thought of him putting a baby inside of her made her feel more sick than she knew she would ever feel craving those drugs. The first week after she felt strong enough, she waited patiently until finally she saw her chance.

Negan still hadn't touched her. It was almost two whole weeks. She still felt sick whenever she had to eat, and kept feeling light headed if she moved around too much. He answered his radios, and informed her in another few days he would be taking her out again. He had a new base he wanted to set men up in, and told her he wanted her by her side. Feeling his beard scratch and tickle the side of her neck made her stomach roll. Tonight he had drummed his fingers across her flat stomach. He whispered that he had always dreamed of having a big family. Own a farm somewhere up North, lots of kids. Boys and girls. Kissing her, he snuggled in close to her saying that they were going to have one hell of a fun time making this little tiger of theirs. Laying there in a trace, she felt her blood boil. A few hours later, he had fallen asleep. Listening to him breathing, she slowly slid from his arms and stood up. Staring down at him, she began to slowly tip toe out. Franticly she looked for anything to be used as a weapon including that awful baseball bat. How wonderful it would feel to bash his brains in while he slept.

Instead she found nothing. For a quick second she felt the urge to look underneath the bed for Negan's syringes. She wanted a a hit badly but her mind screamed for her not to be stupid. Wearing nothing but a long shirt, she knew she didn't have time to dress. This trailer had become her prison cell. Besides her clothes, she owned nothing. At this exact moment in the darkness, she knew she didn't have time. Turning, she slowly made her way down the narrow hallway before carefully opening the door. Cringing at the loud creaking, she almost sprawled out on her face when suddenly she felt a handful of her hair get grabbed yanking her backwards. Screaming, she was flung backwards as the door was slammed shut. Hitting the floor hard, she looked up and saw Negan standing there.

"Aw sweetheart, I knew you ere going to be a pistol once you got clean. If you're strong enough to try and escape...you're strong enough to be punished."

Minutes later, Negan took a pair of handcuffs, latching them onto her wrists tightly.

Crying, she tried fighting him before he laid there on top of her, pinning her down. "Now, let's focus on making us a baby..." He grabbed onto her hips, and slid her down. Bringing her cuffed hands, she hit her face as he slid into her roughly. Grabbing onto her wrists, he yanked them away from her face and smiled. Slowly he began to lick her face. Moving his hips, he gave her a dull thrust, causing her whole body to shake. Pushing down again, he smiled, and he pumped into her again, and again, and again.

"Oh baby, I'm nice and full for you, just lay back and enjoy the ride..."

He began to rape her, shoulder blades arching as his ass bounced between her spread legs. Ten or so minutes later, he groaned, squeezing onto her breasts before he covered her mouth with his and climaxed. It was there, the second try that he conceived their child. Days turned into weeks and the rapes continued. He looked at it with glee, as if they were this happily married couple trying for the first time. He acted like they were. Ignoring the fact that the world had indeed ended, and danger was always around. He would leave her tied up every morning after fucking her, letting her shower, and feeding her before handcuffing her hands and ankles to the bed. He would always cover her up, brush her hair back, kiss her forehead and tell her to be good. A guard was always left there, sitting in the kitchen area, not saying a word. She never saw this guard, but heard them listening to the radio broadcasting, and taping their foot. In the beginning she begged to be brought to the bathroom, but the person always ignored them. Hours later, once dusk fell, Lucy would lay there watching the light change from behind the blinds around her before Negan returned. Every evening he would thank a different person before coming in.

Smiling, he would unzip his jacket and slowly crawl on top of her.

"Oh baby, aren't you a sight for sore eyes..."

He would kiss her, uncuff her, allow her to use the bathroom, and feed her dinner. All the whole, squeezing her hand, stroking her hair, and talking about his day. Then for the next several hours he would take her. Now always on her back, legs spread as he drove himself into her. He no longer worked on trying to make her cum. Instead he was hard, direct, and focused. Whenever he finished, he would lay inside of her, holding onto her tight. As always he would raise her legs, and stroke her stomach telling her how beautiful their baby would look like. Finally there came a time when she knew she was late. Her period didn't come, as much as she dreaded it, Day after day she would lay there, tied up knowing that whatever seed Negan had planted was indeed a reality. Negan caught off shortly after and demanded a pregnancy test to be brought in. When he handed it to Lucy she glared up at him.

"No..."

"I'll fuck that mouth of yours until you bleed, now sit down, and piss on that damn stick."

A few minutes later, head bowed humiliated she handed him the test. He had watched from the doorway and the moment she handed him the test with the blue stripe across it, he laughed. This laugh chilled her to the bone when she heard it. It sounded as if he was the happiest man on this planet. She was pregnant, with this monster's child. Never in her whole sheltered life did she ever think she would be a teen mom. A result of rape with this bastard. That night he carried her into the bedroom, gently kissing her neck and nuzzling in close to her. Laying wake the remainder of the night, Lucy felt silent tears roll down her scared and pale face. She was completely terrified. All the while, his hand rested on her stomach where this spawn had been placed not only by force, but hate and obsession as well. Negan refused to let her go outside now.

But the morning after he learned she was pregnant, he made her dress and wait for him for a second as he stepped outside for a second. Sitting there, she thought of maybe making a run for it anywhere, even if she smashed her body through one of the windows. She looked around for anything to use to defend herself but didn't see anything. In less than thirty seconds, Negan opened the door revealing a man. He was in his late thirties, maybe forties, sandy brown hair, and dark friendly eyes. He wore jeans, and a long sleeve shirt. He had a kind look, the same look that reminded Lucy so much of Chris. The instant he climbed up inside the trailer, he almost seemed embarrassed being there. She knew a huge reason behind this was that everyone at the camp knew what Negan was doing with her. That this entire "marriage" was just some sick twisted excuse for him to use her like a sex slave. That she was being held against her will in this trailer, and now rarely allowed to go out unless she was with him. The two locked eyes briefly as both men came in, shutting the door behind them. Lucy stared up.

"Sweetheart, this is Guy. He used to be a nurse. He's been part of our group for the last few months. I told her all about you and our little bundle of joy. He's going to be spending days with you in here. I want to keep you safe, but you gotta be learned to be trusted. Guy is a friend...so you be nice. There's a group I hear with a doctor who can take a look at you in a few months. Until then Guy will keep an eye on you while I'm busy. I'll only be gone mornings, but I need you to take care of yourself...and our little tiger..."

He reached down, patting her stomach. Glaring up, Lucy spoke.

"What, no more handcuffing me, or keeping me tied down to the bed. Now that I have your baby in me what I'm precious cargo?"

His face didn't change. Instead he kept on grinning while Guy looked uncomfortable. Laughing, he ruffled her hair.

"Ain't she a pepper? Guy, you keep a good eye on my family."

With that, Negan stepped outside leaving the two of them alone. Sitting back, Lucy sighed, too humiliated to even care. Looking down at her sparking diamond on her left hand her face crumpled. All she wanted to do at this exact moment was to yank it off and throw it across the trailer.

"Hey..."

Guy squatted down in front of her, reaching he gently touched her knee. Lucy lifted her eyes and looked at him. He was handsome in a very plain way. He had kind dark eyes that reminded her of a child. Looking, her bloodshot eyes seemed defeated.

"I brought some vitamins for you and..."

"Did he kill somebody you knew?"

Instantly Guy looked confused.

"What?"

"That's what he does...did he beat somebody you knew to death."

Guy shook his head.

"No, but I've seen him do it."

"And you're still part of his group. Interesting..."

"Your husband keeps all of his men safe. I was in bad shape in the road, alone..."

"He isn't my husband. He's just the man who beat an innocent person before my very eyes and has been raping me nonstop until he knocked me up like a dog. See these?"

She showed him her bruised wrists.

"He ties me up, fucks me until I pass out. See these?"

She showed the faint needle marks on her arms.

"He had me kept like a junkie until he got me pregnant...yeah, my husband is a real sweetheart..."

Guy swallowed and rubbed his chin looking not only overwhelmed but disgusted.

"Jesus...I heard rumors but I..."

"I don't need nor want any of your help. He's going to keep doing this until I die. He's using me to get a baby because in his sick twisted mind that's the only thing that matters."

Right away Guy shook his head.

"I don't think so. Earlier, he was talking to me. There's a group of men, one with a doctor called the Saviors. There's a doctor there. I was reminding him of two other pregnancies two of the smaller groups had. Both women lost the babies, one was a miscarriage, the other died during delivery...I told him about how dangerous pregnancies have become as of lately, no matter how much medical care we could get...there's still risk for you and the baby."

Lucy listened as he went on.

"He grabbed my collar and told me no matter what happens if it ever comes down to it to save you and not the baby. He said you two could always make another baby but not another one of you. He cares about you honestly..."

"Yeah sure, he wants me around so he can fuck me more, beat me, and use me like an object. Sorry but I'm not buying it."

Guy looked at her before he stood up. Pacing back and forth in front of her he turned.

"We could leave."

"What?!"

"This afternoon. Most of the camp are going to be North in the woods. We could sneak off, take the back paths, head towards the saviors. They are our friends..."

"That's the first place they would look..."

"I'm not saying stay there, but find it, rest and try to head out of state."

"He'll find me..."

"Lucy, I've been thinking about bailing for some time now. I told Negan I wasn't planning on staying long but ever since he found out I used to work in a hospital he wants me around. I've seen what he does...I can't follow somebody like that even if he thinks it's for the better of the camp. We'll go together, find someplace safe for you and the baby."

Lucy shook her head.

"I don't want the baby."

"What?"

"I can't have this thing inside me. Have you ever given an abortion before?"

"No, but I'm sure we could find somebody maybe at that other camp that could perform it. Still, it's a big risk and you wouldn't be able to travel for a few days plus you would be at a great risk for infection..."

Lucy looked at him.

"Why do you want to help me? You just met me. Negan trusts you...enough to at least be left alone with me and look after me? Why risk it?"

"Because I didn't honestly know how bad it was. My sister was with me when this whole outbreak began. A group of men caught us, beat me and made me watch her get raped by them until they shot her in the head. I can't live with myself if I stand back letting this happen."

Lucy stared up before sighing.

"All right, what do we do?"

 **Later...**

It was almost dusk and Lucy had yanked her wedding band off, looking at it disgusted she tossed it onto the carpet of the trailer and rubbed her arms as goosebumps broke out up and down them. Her stomach kept twisting and turning, and she waited with Guy. They didn't really speak much, and he told her they wouldn't be able to pack or have any supplies since it would weigh them down. He had a gun, tucked in the back of his jeans. The plan was they would leave the trailer, and look as if they were headed to his tent. If anyone stopped them they would say that he was going to take her blood pressure or something to that effect. After that they would start walking towards the supply trucks before darting down the back path that led to the freeway. There weren't any guards at this time as if they hurried they would make it there before the sun set. After that they would try to find a car, if not keep on foot until they could hide.

They knew within an hour or so once Negan returned the entire camp would be looking for them like dogs. Guy seemed confident that they could do it if they didn't stop. He glanced at the maps Negan had pinned up on the wall and showed her with his finger how quickly they would leave the surrounding area as long as they hurried. The plan seemed far fetched but even the slightest glimmer of escaping brought hope to Lucy. She knew if they got caught it would be the end of them, but still even if they tried and she would finally be rid of this bastard, she had to hold onto this small little possibility as long as she could. She knew he would try to find her, but maybe she could fight back, have a gun, kill him if she could. The very idea of shooting that monster in the head brought a smile to her pale face. After that she would get an abortion, even if it killed her. She knew if they couldn't find anyone she would do it herself. Get this thing out of her and run. She didn't know Guy, but in these few hours in the trailer she knew he was a good man. He reminded her of her own father, or maybe even Chris. He saw what his fearless leader was doing, and knew it had to be stopped. Lucy figured maybe, just maybe if they did indeed escape, he would probably find some other poor young innocent girl to hold captive.

Looking down at her flat body, she had the strongest urge to curl her hand into a fist and start punching her stomach. Instead she stood there, parting the blinds slightly and watching the camp. The few people that were out were busy underneath tents, nobody seemed to be watching. Feeling her heart hammer if her chest she knew it was now or never.

"Come on."

Snapping out of her thoughts, she turned and nodded. Looking around the trailer, she shook her head before following him silently out the door.

 **Two miles outside of camp.**

Lucy followed Guy through the woods. The sun had just set, but a strange purplish blue shadow had casted over them as they continued to move quickly. They had left the camp unnoticed, nobody stopping or questioning them. They hurried through the woods, Guy holding onto his gun the entire time. As Lucy followed him, that terrible nervous ache in her stomach continued. As time passed and they put more distance between them and the camp, she knew it would only be a matter of time before Negan came back and found her missing. This terrified her. They continued walking before suddenly she heard his voice. It was far, but sounded wild.

"LUCY!"

Freezing, Lucy turned and looked over her shoulder. All she saw was darkness. Guy reached out and took hold of her hand.

"Come on..."

Grabbing it, they began to run. Stepping over large roots and stones, faint she kept hearing her name get called. Terrified she knew he was looking for them. That's when the bright blinding lights came. They were headlights in front off them.

"FREEZE!"

Lucy and guy froze like two frightened children side by side. It was a truck in front of them, with men standing up. Suddenly the sound of guns filled the air and Lucy looked, seeing fifteen or so surrounding them in a circle, all carrying flashlights, all holding guns. One stepped forward, an older man with a beard. Lucy remembered him from the camp. His name was Dan or something. Grinning, he walked over holding his shotgun.

"Knew you two kids would be coming this way. Negan has the entire camp out looking for you little lady. He's been on the radio having us set up all around the forest. A woman in your condition shouldn't be out the woods with some little twerp like this?"

With that he swung the butt of his shotgun, whacking it against Guy's face. Grunting, Guy fell to his knees as Lucy jumped back. Glaring, she turned and tried to run, breaking away from the circle. In just seconds she kept something hit her head, either a gun or a rock. The pain came from behind causing her to fall forward as her vision blurred. Before everything turned to darkness she heard Dan yell...

"Jesus Lou! Negan is gonna kill you!"

 **Later...**

Lucy's eyes fluttered open. At first her vision was blurred before finally it cleared. Instantly she knew where she was. She was back in the trailer. looking up at the overhead light, her head throbbing. She heard humming, and saw Negan in his leather jacket sitting on the edge of the bed, gently brushing her hair back, his eyes angry but concerned.

"Hey baby..." Lucy wanted to scream but instead she stared up at him.

"I outta kill Lou, he was trying to stop you and whacked the back of your head pretty good. You okay?"

Lucy refused to speak. Sighing, he stared down.

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted Guy. He was new, but the second I heard about him working at a hospital I thought he could be trusted. Goes to show you who you can trust. Now I'm angry as hell at you...in fact I really could kill you right now, but I know you're scared and you got our baby inside of you. So I'm gonna let this time slide. Pregnant woman do crazy stuff sometime, but that will teach me not to let you out of my sight. You could have really hurt yourself out there."

"Where's...Guy?"

She finally asked, her throat dry. Negan smirked shaking his head.

"He begged for us to let him do, tried some bullshit story about taking you to that new camp to get checked out. Boy was he a screamer. Once we started in on him and spilled the beans and turned on you pretty quick, trying to say it was all of your fault, that you wanted to leave and that you actually wanted to get an abortion? I told him that was crazy...there's no way you would ever want to kill my baby...right?"

His grip on her arm became so strong, she felt his fingers dig into his arm. Laying there, she stared up frightened, knowing better not to answer.

"I'm bringing you to that camp next week, getting you checked out...then we're going to make sure you and our little miracle are safe and sound."

Just then there was a knock. Annoyed Negan shook his head before calling out...

"Come in!"

Seconds later, Dan entered, dropping his eyes seeing Lucy laying there with Negan sitting beside her.

"Um, sorry..."

Negan looked over.

"Here..." He leaned down on the floor and opened up an old leather bag. Looking at Lucy, he shot her a look.

"Here's your little savior..."

He opened the bag and tilted it towards her. Lucy's eyes widened, seeing Guy's bloody cut off head inside it. What appeared to be a knife sticking out of the temple. Snapping the bag shut, he handed it over to Dan who took hold.

Turning, Dan left before Negan looked down at her.

"He died screaming...you listen to me now, if you ever try to escape I'll break your fucking legs. If you ever even think about hurting my baby...I'll blind you. Understand?"

"Why don't you just kill me?"

Negan suddenly changed, smiling from ear to ear.

"I love you Lucy but so help me God...you never leave me again, understand?"

Lucy stared up at him before he smiled, fishing into her pocket and took out her ring.

"Dropped this?" Sliding it on her finger, he squeezed her hand before kissing it.


	5. Twins

**Four months later.**

"Well, I'll be damned."

Lucy laid on the table at Hilltop. She was nearly eight months along and her heavily pregnant swollen stomach stuck out of her tiny frame. The last two months had been horrible. Her back and hips ached, and she could barley sleep. Negan had only had the chance to take her to Hilltop just once before almost four months before hand shortly after her failed escaped with Guy. Here she met Harlan, who had worked as a doctor. The moment they looked at each other she saw the same type of frightened pity in his eyes when she first met Guy. Still, he followed Negan's orders as Gregory informed him on how he would look her over, and make it quick. Negan insisted on staying there the entire time, arms crossed, eyes glaring. Lucy didn't know much about what was going on, but understood that whatever went on between here and Negan's camp, it was clear that Negan called the shots, and that everyone here were afraid of him.

Several of Negan's men had come with them. Lucy riding on the back of Negan's bike as trucks followed. Several times Lucy got horrible urges to just throw herself off the bike and risk breaking every bone in her body. Instead, she sat behind him, holding on around his waist watching the vast empty countryside pass by. She was taken inside the large framed house instantly before she could really get a good look around. Negan watched closely as Harlan asked if he could perform an ultrasound on her. Instantly Negan stepped forward.

"Will that hurt her or the baby?"

"No, just will give me a better look on how the fetus is developing."

Negan nodded.

"Sure, but make it quick."

Lucy was asked to lay down and unbutton her blouse. Harlan saw the marks on her wrists and bruises on her body and sighed. The two stared at each other but instead of saying anything, Harlan wheeled over a large machine and squirmed some sort of jelly across her stomach.

"Sorry, it's a little cold..."

Lucy laid back as the screen lit up. Taking a paddle, Harlan gently pressed the paddle against her stomach and waved slowly moving it back and forth.

"Wow."

Negan stepped forward, instantly concerned.

"What?"

Harlan turned the screen towards them.

"Look, two heart beats...she's having twins."

Negan stepped forward squirming as Harlan pointed to two fuzzy images, and two smaller circles that appeared to be fluttering. Turning a knob, a heavy echo of thumping filled the room. Instantly Negan smiled, showing what kind of man he could have been before all of this. A kind gentle man, who at this exact second seemed so handsome, and happy at the sight of such wonderful and amazing news. Looking at the screen, he completely lit up. Lucy meanwhile laid, looking at the screen completely terrified. To her, this was a death sentence. She knew it was risky all ready being pregnant now, doctor or no doctor. But seeing and hearing these two heartbeats she knew that no matter what, if she lived long enough these babies would kill her being brought into this world. Watching the screen, she never felt more terrified before in her entire life. The following months Negan treated her as if she was some sort of precious piece of glass.

Fragile, ready to break at any second. He still had to leave during the day, but this time he had two of his best men to watch her. Dan and Neil. Both men stood or sat inside the trailer, usually watching old taped games shows on the TV that ran on the generator with Lucy sitting between them. The men would drink beer, curse, laugh, and talk to each other. Often they sat in the tiny kitchen area playing cards and acting all tough while Lucy sat on the tiny couch with a book. Negan once caught on they were smoking cigars inside the trailer and almost broke Neil's fingers.

"You ain't smoking that shit so Lucy and my babies are breathing it in. You want a smoke, only one of you at a time step out. If you can't handle that I'll be more than happy to have someone else do it."

The men never smoked again. Just a week or so after the visit from Hilltop Negan brought Lucy vitamins, and a huge box filled with old paperback novels. When he dropped them in front of her, she raised an eyebrow. They hadn't really spoken since Hilltop...at least on her end. He continued holding and kissing her, saying over and over how he didn't think he had it in him. Twins! How proud he was of her, and how he was going to take real good care of her. When he gave her the vitamins and books he grinned and casually rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thought since you're gonna be resting a whole lot you might as well read. I hears someplace it's good for the babies to hear you read out loud or something..."

The books weren't great, mostly old mystery novels from the 70's but it was still better than nothing. Whenever Neil and Dan watched their tapes or played cards she would play back reading her books, trying to tune everything out. Time passed, and she began to notice her body slowly changing. Her stomach and breasts began getting larger and larger. Her back began to ache, and a few times in the morning before Negan left the strangest things would turn her stomach. Let it be the small of Negan's coffee, or her trying to keep down a few crackers. She still wasn't eating much, but tried to look as if she was having more whenever Negan got home. He would as always talk about his day, before bending down and kissing her stomach, rubbing the curve of her belly. "How are my babies doing?" Lucy would never answer. Most nights they would shower, Negan behind her, soaping her back and kissing her neck. Whenever he shaved in the tiny bathroom she would sit on the toilet, braiding her damp hair, wrapped in a towel.

Once they were in the bedroom, he would open her towel, kiss her down her breasts, before nuzzling against her. Once she began to really show he insisted on taking her from behind for now on as if he would hurt the babies. The rape was still forced, but she noticed a strange sickening change in him. He wasn't as hard, or as rough. She as always would either lay or kneel there limp, just waiting for him to finish. Whenever he did he would loudly groan, pull out and hold her close. His hand always covering her growing stomach. Today she was at Hilltop. Negan planned that in another three weeks or so he would have Harlan come to his camp until Lucy was ready to give birth. The last few weeks he seemed on edge, constantly watching her closely. Today she laid there, swollen stomach sticking out.

"Would you like to know the sex of the babies?"

Harlan asked. Lucy laid there uninterested. Negan walked forward grinning.

"Hell yeah we do! What are they?" Harlan moved the paddle again and smiled softly.

"Boys, both boys." Negan's entire face lit up as he laughed.

"Boys?! I got me two sons! I'll be damned! Look at that!"

His excitement made Lucy sick. On the ride back, which Negan pulled the bike over on the side of the road. Killing the engine, he turned towards her, the warm sun beating down on them. Her hair tied up in a bandana, she sat back and raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?"

"Thought we would take a rest, back hurting?"

"Sure..."

Helping her off, Lucy stood, her large stomach underneath her black tank top sticking out. Rubbing her stomach, she stood watching as he began pushing the bike off the road, hiding it behind some bushes. Tucking one gun into the back of his jeans, he slid his baseball bat out from the side bag and tossed it up into the air as if it was a mere child's toy. Lucy hated whenever he carried that around. Whenever she looked at it she kept remembering Chris' face before it smashed down into the front of his skull. Looking around, he took her off the bike, being careful as he squeezed her hand and walked into the forest. Together they walked, dry leafs crunching before Negan glanced at her.

"We'll find a place for you to sit for a bit then get on our way, sound good?"

Lucy didn't answer. The weight in her stomach was killing her. Staring at her, his brow wrinkled. One hand held her, the other held his baseball bat, leaning up against his shoulder.

"So...where...did you...go to school?"

Lucy looked at him as if he was crazy. Negan stared at her as they kept walking.

"You were in school right?"

"Yeah...high school." Lucy snapped at him, wanting him to know that she was just a teenager before all of this happened. Safe, innocent, and not kept as some sort of sex slave, impregnated, and held hostage. She was now carrying twins, she meant her pregnancy was at a much higher risk. She knew deep in her heart she wouldn't survive the delivery, even if there was a doctor. What if there was a complication and they had to take the babies C-section? What if she bled out? What if one of them died inside of her? Somehow she knew these things inside of her growing with each day and beat of her heart were ticking time bombs, planted by Negan. Just then she stopped short, one of the babies were resting currently on her kidney, kicking hard. For the last two months or so she had her suspicions that there were more than one baby in there.

At first she thought she was just being paranoid, but as more time passed and the larger she got, she could have sworn the quick sudden kicks and movements inside of her were coming from all over. Stopping, she snapped her eyes shut, uncomfortable and in pain. Instantly Negan held onto her arm.

"What?"

Shaking her head, she shrugged him off.

"Nothing, the baby...they are...kicking."

Negan without even asking slid his large palm across her stomach. Frowning, he looked down.

"Where?"

Annoyed, Lucy grabbed his wrist and slid it over to the left curve of her stomach. Beneath her skin, tiny little kicks were being pushed upward.

"There, feel?"

Negan's face lit up for the second time this morning.

"I'll be Godamned, got ourself a little soccer star in there huh?"

"Yeah, he's a regular all star, hurts..."

Negan frowned, but still looked widely amused. Staring down at her stomach, his eyes lit with wonder.

"Would you look at that..."

Lifting her eyes, Lucy suddenly knew what she would have to do. As far as she was concerned she was a dead woman walking. She was damned the second he got a hold of her. She would after burn in Hell than bring these babies into the world. The only problem was him constantly watching her. She knew her time was short, and as horrible as it was a plan began turning in her mind. Staring upward, she found his eyes as they locked with hers. She saw the same hunger she had feared before and knew unwanted sex was about to happen. "Pull your pants down quick..." Sighing, Lucy knew if she had to do this, she needed to just shut up.

Pulling down her pants, they dropped to her ankles. Negan tossed his bat a few feet away, and motioned to the ground.

"Get down, quick I'm horny..."

Lucy very carefully got down on her knees, feeling her heavy stomach hang down. Her limbs felt sore, but she postioned herself as Negan knelt down behind her and undid his jeans. In just a few seconds, he took hold of her hips, and used his hand to guide his penis inside of her. Instantly Lucy felt her insides relax as he slid himself upward inside of her. Stiffening, he groaned, trying to fix himself. Leaning forward, on her hands Lucy knew she had to fake it. She had to make him believe her, even if it was just a few weeks. Harlan had told her she needed to stay off her feet or she would go into early labor. Her mind began to race, remembering the rock quarry a mile or so away from the camp. Negan had taken her out there several times before she got pregnant. Once he kept her out there until nearly dusk, raping her until finally when they returned to camp he had to give her his shirt since he had tore her tights and skirt so badly they were behind repair. Her mind kept trying to focus on the quarry. Negan pulled out slightly before thrusting into her, grabbing onto her.

"Boys...fucking sons...am I a man or what baby? Two fucking sons...my boys...growing inside if you damnit..."

He panted, trusting softly between each thrust. Slowly she felt his hand reach down, holding onto the side of her stomach as he drove into her again.

"They are gonna be tough just like their daddy...isn't that right baby?"

The babies continued to move inside of her, causing her to almost loose her footing on the ground. Negan kept taking as he continued driving himself deeply inside of her. Within minutes he grunted, coming inside of her. Feeling it trickle down her thighs, she wanted so badly to lay there crying, begging him why her? Instead she stayed silent and kept thinking of the quarry. She needed to get out there...

Negan pulled himself out and sat down heavy beside her, tucking himself back inside his jeans. Slowly and very carefully Lucy laid down on her side, holding her stomach. Negan looked at her.

"When we get back, I'm gonna clean you up real nice and make you come, you deserve it baby..."

He kissed her shoulder blade before Lucy slowly with a bit of a struggle pulled her pants up. Helping her up, they stood, as he brushed her fallen bangs away.

"Come on..."

He lovely patted her stomach before Lucy's eyes widened.

"Look out!"

Negan spun to the side and saw a walker, just two or so feet away, slowly limping towards them hissing. Grabbing his gun, which he had tucked inside his side pocket before he began fucking her aimed and fired. The walker fell and instantly Negan looked shaken.

"Damnit, didn't even hear that coming."

At first Lucy walked to slap herself. She could have waited while he helped her up, spotting the walker slowly approach behind him. Maybe it would have gone unnoticed and bit him. How wonderful it would have been to watch one of those rotting corpses rip his throat open. In fact, Instead she had shouted and warned him like an idiot. But the second Negan turned, looking at her with grateful relieved eyes, she knew that actually she had done good. She had saved/helped him. Maybe that showed him that she trusted him, or showed that he could maybe trust her, even if it was just the two of them. It was the first very small step.

"Thanks baby..."

He took hold of her face and plunged her tongue into her mouth, kissing her deeply. As much as Lucy wanted to pull away disgusted, she closed her eyes and for the first time actually kissed back. She hated the feel of her lips moving against his, but she knew she needed to do it. Feeling this response, he slowly wrapped his arms around her, groaning as he continued. Finally he pulled back smiling, and used his thumb to wipe her lips.

"Mmmm, that was awfully tasty. You in a good mood today honey?"

Lucy didn't say anything. Instead Negan chuckled, grabbed her hand and tucked his gun away. Walking, he grabbed his bat and led her back to the bike. Once they got on, Lucy slowly slid her hands tighter around his waist and rested her head on his back. Feeling him tense at this, she rode sitting behind him knowing she was doing the right thing. It was the only way.

 **That night...**

Lucy laid there as Negan laid behind her. One hand cupping one of her swollen breasts. For the last several hours he had been celebrating the fact that they were expecting two boys. First he fingered her, and the moment she climaxed she sat up and told him they should take it easy. She heard before on a show that the more she climaxed the higher risk they were at her going into early labor. Negan watched her with un trusting eyes before she shrugged saying he could ask Harlan if that was right when he came to the camp. Nodding, Negan said he would.

"Didn't that feel good sweetheart?"

Lucy hated to respond but knew she had to.

"It did, but we want...these boys nice and strong, the longer they stay inside me, the stronger they will be when they come out right?"

She hated the words as they left her lips. Instantly Negan smiled.

"You're using that brain baby, I'm proud of you..."

For the next two hours he decided it was just as well to make him climax. He grabbed her hair and sat up, making her give him a blow job. When that was over, he laid behind her and twice so far entered inside of her. She didn't know how he had any energy or fluids left in his body. He kept up with a slow, but very direct pace. Every time he came and she felt the warmth inside of her, her stomach turned knowing this very same warmth was the seed he had planted inside of her. The seed that was going to kill her.

"Come on, I'm close...I'm coming...oh fuck...oh Jesus...here I come..."

He muttered, squeezing her breast. Lucy laid there in the dark moonlight, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She knew what she had to do. She knew she needed to. As he swore, driving himself into her one last time, his penis twitching deeply inside of her as it emptied into her, she waited before he caught his breath. Knowing this was the best time to do it with him not seeing her face, she spoke in a dead panned voice.

"I love you."

Negan went still. She wanted for him to lose his temper. Instead he laid there in the darkness, almost expecting some sort of trick.

"What?"

She didn't respond. Slowly his rough hands turned her over. She was happy it was too dark for him to see she was crying.

"What did you say?"

He asked, hand rubbing her breast.

"I...love you..."

She could faintly tell he was smiling.

"I love you too baby..."

She knew she bought her a night of more unwanted sex. For the first time in months, he opened her legs as far as they went and slowly took hold of her hips, bringing her in close as he entered her again. As he began raping her, trusting into her Lucy stared up in a trance and kept thinking of the quarry.

The quarry...she needed to keep thinking of the quarry...


	6. Thank you

_**Lucy had finished showering, actually feeling a million times better after the hot scalding water ran down her skin.**_

 _ **She knew Negan had several hookups to different trailers and tents around the camp with hot water heaters. The one luxury she was allowed was to have hot showers, which in this hot sticky weather she was always thankful for. Ever since that night that she told Negan she loved him he had allowed her a tiny bit of trust as well as freedom. It wasn't much, but more than enough for her. The only times he allowed her to use a razor was whenever he was in the bathroom with her. Now large and clumsy, she struggled shaving her legs. Negan helped even though she felt embarrassed and often told him she was perfectly fine. Negan as always, jammed in the tiny shower with her would tell her he didn't mind and was an expect at shaving and could do it ten times quicker than her. Often she gave up, and had to admit when he did shave, usually squatting down, in front of her making her turn underneath the showered, he always left her legs nice and smooth, never cutting them which she had begun to do once her stomach started getting in the way. She spoke up once saying she felt embarrassed him doing that. Laughing, he would shake his head like a dog, hair dripping wet before cupping her face and planting a wet sloppy kiss on her cheek.**_

 _ **"Honey, I like a nice smooth body, it's more of a service for me. Besides our boys are making it hard for you to get around. I understand."**_

 _ **As always he would wink, and take back the razor from her. She was able to use it, but always with him either in the shower with her, or just outside shaving himself. Wherever he kept the razors, knifes, or anything else was always kept away. Where was beyond her. Still, she was able to have a little bit of privacy. Whenever Negan was gone during the day and the guys were watching her, they would always walk down that tiny hallway in the trailer and stand outside the door waiting until she finished, no mater how many times she had to get up to pee. As always they would help her off the couch, and walk with her and wait until she was finished.**_

 _ **The little bit of freedom she got from Negan was extra time in the shower, her books, and was more gentle than ever now. She knew as much as she hated it on the inside, she had to continue.**_

 _ **"Babe, I gotta get going in a half an hour, you ready?"**_

 _ **Negan asked, splashing water on his face at the sink. He was dressed, as she dyed her hair, wrapping it carefully up in a towel, slipping into a terry cloth robe he had given her. Using the belt at the waist, she almost bumped into him.**_

 _ **"Sorry..."**_

 _ **Negan laughed, before his hands firmly held her stomach which stuck out between them.**_

 _ **"How are my boys doing?"**_

 _ **Usually whenever Negan touched her stomach the babies began kicking up a storm. Negan claimed it was because they knew their daddy was there. Lucy deep down inside knew it was because he raised her blood pressure so badly, and actually scared her. It annoyed her usually whenever the was always touching her, feeling her stomach without asking and lighting up whenever the babies kicked.**_

 _ **Today...nothing.**_

 _ **Instantly Negan raised an eyebrow.**_

 _ **"Huh...my little kiddos asleep?"**_

 _ **Seeing him stare down at her, Lucy stepped back away from his touch.**_

 _ **"Uh, they must be asleep..."**_

 _ **She walked down to the living room area where Negan usually forced her to eat something. It was the one time Negan usually let her move around a little bit without breathing right on top of her. Still, she noticed every cabinet was locked. Negan had the key or everything and besides her clothes and books, everything was locked away. Feeling her back ache, she sat down on the tiny couch. Negan moved into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Sitting there, Lucy rubbed her stomach feeling exhausted. Instantly Negan was at her side sitting down beside her with a glass of juice.**_

 _ **"Drink this."**_

 _ **Lucy raised an eyebrow.**_

 _ **"Where did you get this?"**_

 _ **"It canned, drink up."**_

 _ **Lucy shrugged, drinking it. Instantly she felt Negan's hand slide over her belly, opening the robe and his large hand pressing firmly against her stomach. Mid gulp, Lucy lowered the glass and looked at him. His eyes were worried, staring down at her stomach.**_

 _ **"What?"**_

 _ **"They usually kick when you drink something remember?"**_

 _ **Lucy had lost count of how many times Negan was touching her stomach or making some stupid remark about the babies. Shooting him a look, she tried to close her robe.**_

 _ **"I told you, they don't always move around. Probably sleeping. Let them be."**_

 _ **Negan sat back still not looking completely convinced. Setting the glass down, she went to tell him to relax, wanting him away from her so she could get dressed and enjoy a little peace as the guys came in and played poker while she finished one of her latest books. She was about to tell him she felt fine when suddenly a terrible pain shot through her. It was worse than any period cramp she ever experienced. It tore through her causing her to snap her eyes shut and cry out.**_

 _ **"Ah!"**_

 _ **Negan jumped up.**_

 _ **"What?!"**_

 _ **The pain came again, worse this time. Something was wrong, something was really wrong. Screaming, she bent forward, holding herself as she screamed.**_

 _ **"JESUS!"**_

 _ **Negan tried grabbing onto her but she fell, hitting the floor hard. The pain was awful, her muscles ripping through, she could feel herself being torn apart. Screaming, she arched her back, whipping her head from side to side in complete agony. Negan grabbed his radio, calling for help, saying he needed men to round up and get Harlan down there right away. Laying there, she squirmed and twisted, before she opened her robe. Negan was kneeling beside her, when the door burst open. Harlan came racing in, holding a black medical bag. There were others, but Negan screamed for them to stay out. Harlan knelt on the other side.**_

 _ **"What happened?!"**_

 _ **"She just got out of the shower, the babies were't kicking and she started screaming."**_

 _ **Lucy screamed, feeling sweat roll off her.**_

 _ **"IT HURTS!"**_

 _ **Negan squeezed her hand looking scared to death.**_

 _ **"Is she going into labor?"**_

 _ **Harlan slid down, opening her legs.**_

 _ **"No, she's not dilated...Lucy when did the pain start?"**_

 _ **Lucy screamed. No, this was happening too fast. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. Negan was behind her, helping her sit up. That's when she watched her stomach move and it hit her. The babies...the babies had died inside of her and had changed. They were ripping her apart from the inside. Watching her stomach move, she threw her head back and screamed...**_

"NO!"

Lucy shot up in bed, eyes wide and sweat rolling off her. She sat up, hands clutching her chest feeling her heart hammer inside of her. Sitting there, she tried catching her breath as she sat up in bed, the room washed with darkness. Negan sat up, kissing her bare shoulder blade.

"Another nightmare baby?"

The dreams had begun a week or so ago. All the same. She felt like she was going into early labor before the horrible pain began and she felt the babies starting to rip her apart from the side, dead inside of her and trying to claw and eat themselves out of her. Sometimes the dream had her pushing before black blood went everywhere. Other times, she could see her stomach expanding as the babies tore their way through her. Other times, she heard the words...

"She's miscarrying!"

The words would echo before she felt them rip her apart from the inside. Each time she would snap awake crying out or screaming with Negan awake, asking if she was okay? At first she tried to hide the dreams from him, or just lie about them. Finally she knew the only way she was going to continue gaining his trust was to open up a little bit to him. Worried, he would always be sitting there, calming her down before she was ready to go back to sleep. Harlan was staying at the camp until the babies were born and told her that nightmares like this were perfectly normal. That so far everything looked fine and it was just her nerves. He offered to give her something to sleep but Negan forbid it saying it would hurt the babies. So almost every other night the same scene would replay in her head. As always her hands would slide to her swollen stomach, feeling the babies shift and move within her. The last few days weren't terrible besides the nightmares. Negan had been gentle with her, and as much as he forced things on her, was keeping a close eye on her. He made sure she rested, got plenty of sleep, and would always come home kissing her, and squeezing and kissing her hand. Tonight, he had her climb onto his lap backwards. Doing her in that position, he sat there, rocking his hips back and forth as she sat there tired and uncomfortable. Afterwards in bed, he made her give him a hand job. Lucy sat beside him, looking tired as she jerked her hand up and down his shaft. Once they were finished, he laid her down, kissing her before finally the two of them fell asleep.

"You need something?"

He asked still kissing her shoulder blade. Lucy rubbed her clammy face before shaking her head.

"No, I'm fine..."

Laying back down, she laid completely still as Negan began nuzzling her neck. His tongue traced up and down her jawbone, before he started kissing the side of her face. Sighing, she cursed herself for waking him up. Rubbing her stomach, he pulled her closer.

"Don't worry honey, we're fine...we're all fine..."

 **The next morning...**

Lucy was surprised by Negan the following morning when he handed her a glass of powder milk and a jar of peanut butter. Casually he had asked her a few days ago what her favorite food was. Lucy had struggled to put on weight during her pregnancy, and really only ate whenever she was forced. Asking her, she raised her eyes from her book and at first didn't want to tell, thinking it was some sort of trick. Instead she rolled her eyes and looked back down.

"Peanut butter..."

This morning he brought her a jar. Grinning, he handed it over.

"Here little lady."

Lucy raised an eyebrow, before slowly letting down her book and taking the jar. Turning it over in her hands she looked up at him trying not to show any emotion. Still, the very thought of eating it, tasting the creamy rich goodness made her mouth want to water.

"Eat up honey, you deserve it."

Handing her a spoon as well, he winked at her before strolling over to the kitchen to call into the radio. Sitting there, Lucy eyed him before setting her milk down and unscrewing the cap. Smiling, she used the spoon before tasting some. The second it hit her tongue, she smiled, unable to help herself. As she continued to eat, not noticing Negan watching her smiling. Afterwards he led her out. He was calling a meeting. Harlan was coming tomorrow, and Negan wanted to round up the others and assign guards. Several men had been found killed in the area, and he wanted to keep an eye out for any surprises.

About thirty or so of them gathered around. Negan spoke with Lucy now dressed by his side. Everyone knew not to talk nor look at her. Negan told the men they had nothing to worry about, and showed them the giant map that laid out on the ground before them, weighed down by rocks. He told them to keep their wits about them. To set up several miles apart, and where to reload weapons. Lucy stood beside him, listening, catching nervous glances her way.

A few of the others began to talk, one of them being Neil who was throwing out ideas of making road blocks all around the main camp. The men all began throwing out different ideas, such as using trees, walkers, even digging out ditches in the road to stop any travelers.

While Negan was listening, Lucy took a deep breath knowing she needed to take the next step. Sighing, she stared at him as he listened across the way and turned towards him. Gently she reached up and rested her hand on his chest of his jacket. Instantly, Negan stared down. Lucy never touched him unless forced. Right now as they stood listening to Neil and the others, she stood close to him, resting her hand against his chest. Raising her eyes, she stared at him with no expression. Slowly she began rubbing his chest, back and forth on top of his jacket. Looking instantly interested, he smiled as she forced hers. Slowly his arm snaked behind her, and pressed firmly against the small of her back. Leaning down he whispered in her ear...

"My, you sure are frisky today huh?"

Lucy just continued forcing her small little smile as she rested her head against his shoulder. Smiling, he held her close, stroking her hair as he continued listening to the others. Once they were finished, and everyone began breaking apart going their own ways, Lucy tugged on his sleeve.

"Say, wanna go for a walk?"

Negan frowned, sighing as he watched everyone walk their separate ways.

"We really shouldn't baby, that doctor fella is coming tomorrow and you outta rest up."

"Please...I was thinking we could go for a walk, maybe head over to the quarry. It's such a nice day..."

Negan kissed her hand smiling.

"We'll see honey, maybe after the doc takes a look at you, come on."

Sighing, Lucy knew not to push the issue. She had been playing her cards right, and didn't want to anger him. He hadn't honestly lost his temper in so long and she wanted to continue this as long as she could. She just knew she needed to get to that quarry before these babies were born. As of lately the terrible weight in her stomach had become so uncomfortable her back often ached as did her ankles.

She knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. Following him, they returned to her prison, otherwise known as the trailer. Shutting the door, Negan stretched, and smiled as he unzipped his jacket. Watching her, he smiled as she undid the red scarf she used to keep her bangs out of her hair today. Smiling, he strolled over.

"Can I see?"

Confused, Lucy stared before handing him over the scarf. It was just one of the many clothing pieces that had been brought to her over the last few months. Negan smiled, wrapping it around his neck.

"Months are getting cooler, smells like you. Might have to keep this close to me."

Lucy shrugged, not really caring. Walking to the back bedroom, she sat down, struggling to pull her boots off. Once she sat there, Negan appeared in the doorway smiling,

"God your beautiful."

Lucy dropped her eyes, she knew she couldn't look at him. She felt her act had been pretty solid, but whenever he looked at her like that she couldn't help but feel frightened. Negan stepped forward before undoing his belt. Sighing, she knew what was next. Once the belt was off, he dropped it to the side before undoing his jeans. Sitting there, Lucy knew it was best to just get it over with. Pulling her own blouse off, she let it fall to the floor. Negan sat down beside her as she finished undressing. Staring at her, he squeezed her hand. Turning, she looked at him. It was such a shame she hated him so much. Not only had he kidnapped her, killed Chris, beat her, raped her, and impregranted her...he had changed her into something she never thought she would be. He was going to be the cause of her death, since life even if she survived the delivery like this she couldn't handle.

She wouldn't forgive herself to be his object any longer. She needed him to pay for what he did. For the longest time she weighed the options if she did indeed survive the delivery. These babies were half hers after all? No, she couldn't think that way, she wouldn't. Never in a million years back when she was just a carefree teenager living in the city with her parents did she ever believe she would be a mother. These babies were unnatural.

They weren't meant to be. They were conceived out of hate and possession, nothing more. She was just used to carry his children, and as much as she heard otherwise, she couldn't even try to think that he would rather her survive instead of them. These babies shouldn't have even existed. Looking at him, she kept seeing all little flashes of what kind of man maybe he was before. Did he have a family? A wife? Children? What drove him to be this insane rapist who kept her locked away like some kind of bird ready to escape towards the sky. She couldn't understand. He was a complete madman. She looked at him, he was older, salt and pepper in his beard. His eyes hazel, his hair going gray. He was handsome in a a strange way, and its seemed completely insane that this was who she was having children with. That these babies were made by him, a mix between the two of them. Thinking of them looking like him made her sick to her stomach. She wouldn't...no she couldn't allow it.

"So...I was thinking, how about Negan Jr for one and Damon for the other."

"What?"

Lucy blinked, lost in her own thoughts.

"One named after me, NJ and Damon...that was my kid brother's name. He died years ago over seas...and DJ. You like those?"

Sighing she knew these babies would never even have those names but nevertheless she wanted to humor him.

"Those are nice."

"You like them?"

"Yeah, they sound nice."

Negan reached over deeply kissing her, his lips tightly pressing against hers as he groaned.

"Oh baby, you are just too much for words...I can't wait for all of us to be a family..."

Gently pushing her back, his hands went up and began to run over her swollen breasts. Sighing, she stared up at the ceiling, before he turned her over. Within seconds, she was kneeling, legs parted as he reached down and rubbed her back.

"Shhhh..."

He said grinning. Within seconds he entered her. Lucy had to stiffen a cry. Laying on all fours, belly hanging down she stared forward as he began to thrust inside of her. Staring forward at the mattress, she ignored the pain as he kept going into her and tried to focus on the quarry. All that mattered was the quarry.

 **Later...**

Negan wasn't done yet. For hours he had been fucking her, now she was laying on her side as he was entering her form behind, curled up close behind her. Laying there, she sighed as he kept entering her, one arm tightly wrapped around her, holding her into place. Feeling her body shake as he continued going into her, she shut her eyes trying to tune him out. This wasn't her husband. He didn't love her. These weren't her children, they were made as a result of a rape. A dirty filthy rape.

Shutting her eyes, she said a silent prayer. Not just for her soul, but for the babies' as well.

 **The next morning...**

"What do you think?"

Harlan sat back, having just listened with his stereoscope to her stomach. Smiling nervously, he patted Lucy on the arm as she laid on the tiny couch, blouse brought up. Negan stood behind, watching.

"Well, I don't have all my equipment but the babies sound strong. I would say in a few more weeks to start bedrest and start getting ready."

"You'll be able to deliver them?'

"Absolutely."

Harlan stood up as Negan patted his arm.

"Thanks doc, I'll be keeping you on call. Now go on out and see where the guys can set you up someplace nice, get yourself a nice warm dinner alright. I'll be seeing you tomorrow all right."

"Sounds good. Thank you."

As Harlan rose, he stared down at Lucy as she carefully sat up buttoning up her blouse.

"Take care of yourself Lucy."

Lucy locked eyes with him and softly thanked him. Negan saw him out and once he turned he smiled.

"That's good news, boys are doing great."

Lucy lifted her eyes and sighed.

"What if something happens...what if they die during the delivery and rip me apart?"

Negan's face fell as he sat beside her, putting his arm around her.

"Shhhh, don't say that. Harlan is a damn good doctor and he's going to make sure you are all taken care of."

Brushing her hair back he smiled.

"Quit worrying, it's not good for you or the boys okay?"

Sighing, Lucy nodded before she forced a small smile.

"How about that walk?"

She was waiting for Negan to say no, that he didn't think it was a good idea. Instead he smiled and patted her on the knee.

"All right, but only for an hour. I want you off your feet okay? We'll take the bike up."

"Can we go to the quarry? The trees look so nice there."

"Anything you want."

Leaning forward, she kissed him, feeling his beard tickle her.

"Thank you..."

Negan smiled, kissing her back before getting up. Zipping his jacket up, and using the red scarf he had now started wearing, he helped her hunt her boots down. Dressed in jeans and a jacket, Lucy pushed her hair back and smiled softly. Taking her hand, he led her out. Before she walked out the door, she took one last look around the trailer, knowing she would never see this awful place again.


	7. Almost over

**The night before...**

Negan had finally finished. Coming inside of her, he stiffened behind her, gasping for breath against her neck before kissing her cheek. Pulling out of her, he rolled her over to face him and smiled a lazy grin. They laid in darkness as he gently brushed some of her hair behind her ear. "Get some sleep baby, the doc is coming in the morning to check you out." Lucy prayed that whatever Harlan would say it would be good news. If he demanded her to be on bedrest she would never get her chance. She kept expecting herself to psych out. To rethink what she was planning, and chicken out. Instead her mind kept going back to all of those times Negan raped her.

All of those times he yanked her legs apart and drove himself inside of her ruining any innocence she had. How he would be violent and rough, using her like an object, and murdering Chris before her very eyes. He was worse than those creatures out there. He was a monster. A crazy obsessive monster who put these babies inside of her and claimed he loved her. This wasn't love, it was lust. Thinking of two paths, she laid there staring at his dark eyes. She would die giving birth. Either the babies would die, or she would die.

Whatever happened at least she would be put out of her misery. If she turned she turned. At least she would finally be taken away from this Hell. She wasn't completely sure what she believed in, but she hoped if there was some sort of afterlife it would be peaceful, maybe with her parents, friends, and Chris. Maybe she could start all over again, far away from Negan forgetting the pain he caused her. Or she could just chicken out, give birth and life. If the babies didn't make it and didn't harm her she was sure Negan would try again, that is if he didn't blame her for his son's deaths, which she expected he would. If she lived and everything went fine she would then be a mother to two unwanted babies. Two things that were forcefully put inside of her and created. She didn't think any instincts would kick in. Instead she would be officially trapped. Either Negan would think she fulfilled her purpose and either get rid of her, or keep her around for more children. She would be forced to raise these babies, and stand next to this bastard.

She didn't think it was meant to be a long life, but she expected however long it would be...suicide would be a better choice. Lucy shut her eyes, drifting off into broken uneven sleep. It was just a few mere hours later that she heard Negan talking to her. At first she thought he was trying to wake her up and get a fuck in. Sometimes if he couldn't sleep it wouldn't matter what time of night he would jolt her out of a sound sleep and start pulling down her pants without any warning. In her sleep, she must have turned back over, back facing him. She felt his body laying close beside her. His hand gently rubbing her stomach. He was whispering. Lucy's eyes shot open, grateful she wasn't facing him. He was talking out loud.

"Please forgive me Lord...I have sinned. I began wanting to keep these people sleep and have lost sight of what I was sent here to do. What I've done to this girl is unforgivable but...I love her. I know it sounds crazy but I really do. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew I needed to have her, own her, control her. I know she'll never really love me and if I could turn back time I would, but please...please give me a chance to make things right. I'll never hurt or kill another woman. I'll only kill when it's right. I'll protect my men, and try to show Lucy what sort of man I can really be. Please, please keep my wife and babies safe. I swear to God I'll make things right...I swear..."

Lucy couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was this some sort of act? Was he thinking she was awake and listening? Was he praying? She could have sworn she heard him crying, his voice uneven.

"I love her so much...please...just please..."

He continued rubbing her stomach as Lucy laid completely still. Finally she heard him shift his weight, wrap his arm around her tightly. Laying there, she knew tomorrow was now or never.

 **Earlier that morning...**

Lucy's eyelids fluttered open. Early sunlight was pouring in onto her. Her bladder felt full but not uncomfortable. Squinting, she shifted, turning over on her back where she saw Negan standing at the edge of the bed grinning. He was just wearing jeans. Hands on his hips, he stared down at her.

"Morning beautiful..."

Lucy blinked, about to ask what time it was when Negan leaned down, slowly pulling her pants off.

"I have to go to the bathroom..."

Negan ignored her. Any thoughts of the night before as he laid behind her speaking or praying out loud for forgiveness vanished instantly. Flinging her pants to the side, Negan had that same hunger in his eyes as he raised her ankles, lifting up her legs and dragging her to the edge of the bed. This was the first time he was going to fuck her in this position in a very long time. Instantly thoughts of her water breaking flashed before her mind. In panic, she shook her head trying to scoot back.

"Negan wait..."

But as always he didn't listen, Taking her ankles, he slid her back so her ass was almost up in the air and her legs were up on his shoulders. Unzipping his jeans, he knelt on the edge of the bed and worked himself out. Her large stomach blocked her view but she knew exactly what he was doing. Sighing, she laid back before he used his hand and guided himself inside of her. Not prepared, Lucy whimpered a small cry as Negan smiled and began pumping inward, one hand on her ankle up on his shoulder, the other resting against her stomach. Pumping into her, he smiled when suddenly a loud rapping came from the front door. Negan froze mid thrust before rolling his eyes.

"It's the doc he's early..."

Working his way out of her, he let her legs carefully drop before he reached down, handing her a small pile of clothes.

"Get to the bathroom and get dressed, you need help you yell all right sweetheart?"

Lucy laid there, still staring at him unable to process of she was annoyed or relieved. Smiling, he zipped himself up before standing and grabbing his shirt and jacket. Winking, he helped her off the bed. As Lucy dressed inside the tiny bathroom she caught her reflection just once. She looked pale and unhealthy. Not a glowing beautiful pregnant woman. She could hear Harlan and Negan speak outside. Sighing, she looked at herself and prayed everything would look okay so she could convince Negan to go for a walk to the quarry and hopefully all of this would end soon.

 **Later...**

Negan and Lucy walked hand in hand in the woods. None of this area looked familiar, but she was sure they were close. It was a nice mid morning, the sun shinning as they walked through the old dried up crisp leafs. Negan held onto her hand tight, making sure she wouldn't trip over any roots. Together they walked in silence before Lucy glanced up at him. She figured she might as well keep playing along, making sure he didn't become suspicious.

"Is Negan your real name?"

She asked. Looking down at her as they walked he smiled faintly.

"It is. My father's name was Neil, my mother's name was Regan, they did a combo when they named me."

"It's different."

Negan smirked.

"Not as pretty as Lucille.

" Lucy rolled her eyes.

"I hate that name..."

"Why? It's real pretty."

"It sounds like an old lady..."

"Well my darling, I can tell you for sure you ain't no old lady...not at all."

Lucy sighed as Negan brought her hand up and kissed the top of it.

"I can't wait to see these babies Lucy, I sure hope they get their mamma's good looks."

"Yeah maybe..."

She muttered. Stopping, Negan pressed her up against a tree, grinning, he bent his head down, hand raising and grasping one of her breasts from on top of her shirt. Giving it a dull squeeze, he softly laughed and began to kiss her softly at first, then faster and faster.

"Get down on the ground, take your pants down..."

Negan whispered. Sighing, Lucy felt the babies shift inside of her, kicking gently as he heart began to race. Glancing over, she spotted it. Unable to believe her eyes. Just a few yards away was one of the edges of the quarry. She hadn't been on this side before, but nevertheless there it was. Staring at it, she saw it, the rocky ground, the steep drop, and how across the tree line. Gulping, she ignored Negan as he continued to kiss her, trying to lift up her shirt. Taking a deep breath she knew she couldn't chicken out. Smiling, she slowly with a bit of a struggle began to kick her pants down. Carefully, she laid down onto the grass as Negan started rubbing the bulge that had formed in the crotch of his jeans. Standing before her, he smiled before crawling down, yanking down his zipper as he laid down upon her. Laying there, trying to pray silently that this would be the last time, Lucy tilted her head backwards slightly in the grass and stared out at where the quarry was. So close, yet so far. She laid there as Negan lowered his head, kissing her as he spread her legs.

It would all be over soon... She closed her eyes, praying.


	8. I'll give you anything you want

Lucy laid in the grass, her pants thrown to the side, legs up painfully in the air. Laying backward, she felt Negan roughly thrust into her, held up in such an awkward position so he could still enter her despite her large stomach. Her back ached badly, as he held onto her hips so tightly his fingers clawed into her sides, all ready making bruises, and marks. Thrusting into her, his head bent slightly as he bit down on his bottom lip. Laying there, feeling her body slightly move from beneath him, her eyes drifted upwards looking up at the trees, branches slowly rocking back and forth. It was a warm beautiful day, and at this exact moment she tuned out everything.

The pain of Negan moving inside of her, the uncomfortable weight of the babies inside of her, or the ache in her back. Instead she stared upward at the trees, listened to the wind, and even thought she heard a bird cry somewhere off in the distance. "Negan, come back?" Negan's walkie talkie cackled off to the side, snapping her out of whatever thoughts she was in. Annoyed, Negan rolled his eyes, breaking the rhythm he had just found. Pulling out, he let her legs drop as he swore and reached over to the side. "Damnit to hell..." She saw him reach for his walkie and press down on the side button.

"Negan here, Neil that you?"

Lucy with great effort sat up, and began pulling her pants slowly up. Negan hadn't finished, but she still could feel him all over her. Her belly kept getting in the way as she reached, pulling her pants slowly on. Negan had pulled his jeans on, and was pressing down on his walkie. Neil had responded that he was in the area and wanted to double check the plans on a road block he had begun working on with several other men. Negan paced as Lucy got her pants on, and sat staring up at him. She could tell he was annoyed, but shook his head and pressed down on the walkie telling Neil he was on the West side of the quarry, next to the tree line. Neil responded back that he would be back in less than ten. Tucking the walkie into the back pocket of his jeans, he rubbed the side of his face, and looked down at her.

"I'll get rid of him as soon as possible baby, I'm sorry...here..."

He tossed her his leather jacket.

"Wind is picking up..."

Lucy held the leather jacket, sighing before offering her hand. Helping her up, he softly laughed as he helped drape the jacket over her shoulders.

"How you doing honey?"

"I'm okay...what's that?"

Lucy pointed into the bushes. Negan turned, looking out. If anyone had just happened to walk by not knowing them at that exact moment, they would think what a attractive beautiful couple they looked.

"What?"

"There's somebody hiding in the bushes, watching us..."

Lucy continued to point, her heart hammering in her chest as she tried her hardest to look frightened. She felt Negan's hand tighten it's grip on her arm.

"Where?"

"There! I think he was watching us! He's ducking down..."

Negan looked confused, squinting before drawing his gun.

"Stay here baby..."

She watched him begin to carefully move towards the bushes. Staring at him, she knew it was now or never. Taking a deep breath, she waited until he was ten or so feet away from her, getting closer to the empty bushes, gun raised and ready. Praying her stupid big stomach wouldn't slow her down, she watched him carefully and slipped off his heavy leather jacket before she spun around and took off running towards the ledge of the quarry. Legs pumping, she tried to make sure she wouldn't trip or fall, rolling her ankle, or stumbling over some root. Her stomach felt the biggest and heaviest it had ever been.

Feeling her lungs burn, and scared out of her mind she knew how big Negan was. How any second he would come running behind her, yanking her hair back and knocking her down. She skidded to a stop. Less than two feet away, the gravel giving away. Swaying, she stopped insanely out of breath. Holding her stomach she stood there and looked down. The ledge of the quarry had a huge drop that seemed to go on forever until finally all she saw below was water and rocks.

Turning, she saw Negan running towards her. Taking a deep breath, she took a step closer to the edge, now just a mere inch or so away from the ledge. When she turned, facing the trees, she watched Negan run over and for the first time ever since he had taken her, she saw pure terror on her face.

"LUCILLE!"

Lucy stood there, knocking if she just backed up a mere inch she would fall backwards to her death. Standing there, keeping her balance, she felt her heels dig into the gravel, ready to give way at any second. Staring at him, she waited for him to lunge and grab her. Instead she held her hands up, palms up. Instantly Negan stopped, six or so feet away from her.

"STOP!"

She yelled at him, causing him to stop. Instantly he stopped, frightened. He was sweating, and his eyes looked scared to death. Standing there, he stared at her as if she was crazy.

"Lucy, get over here right now!"

He barked, his voice firm and loud. Still, Lucy could hear the faintest trace of fear beneath it all. Glaring, he stared at her, looking ready to lunge at any second. Eyes wild, he watched as she glared at him, eyebrows raised. Lucy carefully watched him, ready for any false move. The babies inside of her continued to move, kicking up a storm due to her adrenaline pumping through her at full blast. The wind blew back, blowing her bangs back. At this exact moment, she looked beautiful. Her skin clear and bright, her eyes insane, and her chest raising and falling.

"Lucy...come here...don't be stupid."

He offered his hand, a foot or so away as he reached out. She knew if he leaned forward just a little bit his fingertips would brush against her and he would get his chance to grab her and yank her forward. Her back stiff and straight, she shook her head.

"You know...had I met you any other way...who knows...a handsome strong guy like you...maybe, just maybe if you hadn't of kidnapped me, murdered the man I think I really truly loved, raped me, and forcefully got me pregnant...who knows..."

"Lucy for the love of everything come here..."

Lucy smiled shaking her head, she enjoyed seeing him squirm. Now she was the one in charge. She wasn't the poor frightened little girl being pushed down on that mattress being raped night after night. Forced to have his cock driven deeply inside of her, up her ass, down her throat, hit, beaten, bruised, and controlled.

"You'll never hurt me again Negan. Never rape me, or hit me, never force me down, or ever have you inside of me again..."

She swayed, making Negan's eyes widen. Nervously, he held his hand out again and forced a smile.

"Lucy baby...come back, I'll give you anything you want."

Lucy laughed, slowly shaking her head from side to side.

"You can't give me Chris back, you can't give me my innocence back, you can't undo time, or reverse it."

In a small glimmer, Lucy saw two handsome teenager boys with Negan's good looks. These boys would never be born, or exist. They were conceived in nothing but hate. No, theses babies weren't hers. They were his, always would be...

"Can you bring Chris back? Can you not rape me every night until I got pregnant? Can you erase these babies?"

"Anything baby, please..."

Eyes began to water, she saw how scared he was.

"Please Lucy, I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry...just please come here and take my hand. Please..."

Lucy's own eyes began to water and disappointment.

"Oh God Negan...what did you do?"

"Jesus Christ Lucy please..."

"I'll see you in all Negan, I'll be waiting with your babies in my arms..."

Lucy then closed her eyes, held her hands out at her sides and let her weight carry her backwards. Negan's eyes widened, as his face crumpled. Reaching forward, he screamed her name and just for a brief second he felt her arm just for a mere second brush against his fingertips.

Then...she was gone.

"LUCY NO!"


	9. Gone

Negan stood frozen.

He couldn't believe it.

One second Lucy was standing on the ledge of the quarry. Eyes wild and sharp, hands held up in front of her, wind blowing her hair back.

"I'll see you in Hell Negan, I'll be waiting with your babies in my arms..."

"NO!"

Then...she was gone. He tried reaching out to grab her and just for a brief instant he felt his fingertips graze her before she fell backwards and disappeared. Negan stood there in shock, feeling the wind blow against his stunned face. His mind began racing a million miles a minute. No, this didn't just happen. He couldn't believe it, he wouldn't believe it. Not his Lucille, not his Lucy...no... Negan blinked for a second before slowly taking a step forward on legs that didn't feel his own. He stood there, wind whistling against him before he slowly stared down. His entire body felt frozen, as if he wasn't there and simply looking down at himself as this all happened. No, he was just getting her back. She was distant, but the babies had changed everything. She told him, she loved him. He could tell, see it in her eyes. She was having more moments of actually seeming content, safe with him. No, they were a family. She was having his boys. His two babies. He knew as soon as she had them, held them in her arms things would change. She would forget the past, she would forgive him.

They would finally make things right, be a family, and everything would be okay. Staring down, he looked down at the rocky water below. The water was still. He didn't see her body anywhere but knew at that height, it wasn't possible. His knees almost buckled as he swayed, almost falling himself. Falling backwards, hard on his ass he fell back speechless. Sitting there he stared out not saying a word. No, she was fine. She was back in the trailer waiting for him. Everything was okay. Sitting there, he blinked before his lip quivered, and silent tears fell from his eyes.

"It's okay...it's okay...you're okay..."

He softly said to himself, repeating it over and over, almost meaning for these words to actually become true. Slowly, he turned and crawled on his hands and knees across the gravel and stared down the ledge. He stared down below at the water, waiting for any sign of movement. Instead, he saw nothing. Turning, he fought the urge to vomit. "Negan?!" Neil called, just beginning to walk from the tree line. Turning, he saw him. Instantly Neil broke out running. Once he reached him, he knelt down.

"Negan? What's the matter?!"

Negan stared off in shock.

"She...jumped..."

"Who? Lucy?"

"She...jumped...she..."

He bent his head to the side and this time violently began to vomit, throat burning as his stomach bubbled and heaved. Neil squatted by him, watching completely speechless before glancing down at the ledge at the rocky watery below. Turning back, he went to touch his friend's back when Negan lashed away.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

Neil jumped back, before Negan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Getting up, he took a deep breath before pacing back and forth, rubbing his neck.

"Get twenty men down there right away, radio it in...don't say what happened. Keep your fucking mouth shut and search the water high and low."

"Negan, if she jumped she's..."

"I want my sons..."

"Negan if she jumped...the babies..."

"GO DAMNIT! GO!"

He roared, making Neil jump. Not knowing exactly what to say, Neil sighed not even the slightest surprised that this kid ended up killing herself. The only reason why people weren't talking was the fact Negan had kept them so safe for so long. Whatever he did alone with that girl was his business. Still, he couldn't help but hear those helpless cries come from her from the trailer late at night knowing exactly what was happening. Getting on the radio, he began to call it in. Negan meanwhile walked silently back towards the trees. He was planning on grabbing his jacket, grab his gun, and get one of the men to get him down there right away. His mind wouldn't accept it. If that bitch threw herself off the ledge, why did she have to take the babies with her? No, even if there was the slightest chance, he could get them back he would. He didn't care. Marching forward, nothing would feel better than grabbing his bat and bashing someone's head in.

 **Later...**

It was late afternoon. There was a small slope, most likely for trucks back when the quarry was up and running. It was steep, but several jeeps drove down and Negan had the men search. They didn't have tanks, but he had them in the water swimming, going under looking. It had been hours, so any chance of finding her or the babies alive was hopeless, but he needed to see. Standing, Lucille cradled against his shoulder, he glared not saying a word as several of the men swam in the water or climbed searching on the rocks. There wasn't any blood, or body. The men searched everywhere, but so far nothing. Finally Derek, one of his men walked up shaking his head.

"We can string up lights, and keep looking but this water is miles deep. Her body will come up soon, but we can't find anything right now Negan. I'm sorry."

Negan continued glaring at the water. Down there, somewhere...was his wife and children. Derek nervously cleared his throat.

"Um, we can...keep looking but her jumping at that height..."

"She didn't jump."

Negan said flatly. Derek stared, blinking for a second.

"What?"

"She fell, its as an accident."

"Negan you don't have to..."

"We're talking about my wife here. She fell...understand?"

Derek nodded, clearly taken aback. Turning, Negan began marching up the gravel.

"Everyone back to camp."

"What?"

"Stop looking...she's gone."

"But..."

"I said let's go. Now."

Negan silently swung the bat, as his boots crunched up on the gravel, approaching the jeeps. The men all looked at each other puzzled before Neil shook his head. If Negan said stop, they had to stop. Slowly, the men began swimming forward, as everyone climbed out and started heading up. For Negan, at this exact moment, Lucy was dead. She had died a long time ago. She died before giving birth, peaceful and in his arms. She had loved him, in fact her last words was telling him that. He tried to save the babies but its as too late. A tragedy, but nevertheless, she died in love with him. He lost his family before he even got a chance to get it. That's what he would believe. Yes, that was easier instead of knowing she killed herself and their unborn babies. No, his wife was dead...but he would never come back here. Never. he wouldn't talk about her again. He would live to believe his sweet Lucille and his babies were waiting for him somewhere else. He would never touch or hurt another woman again. He would keep his men safe, and he would do anything to keep that promise. The Negan who raped and took Lucy's innocence was gone. He would live, and never think of this day again. He got into one of the jeeps as Neil followed, getting in. Starting the engine, he glared forward before telling Neil he didn't want anyone, and he stressed anyone to talk about Lucy again. It was an accident, and he forbid anyone to come out here, if he found out anyone did they would be banished.

Sitting there as they began driving up, he started discussing the road blocks as if nothing happened.

A few hours later when they were all back at the camp word had spread fast and everyone knew in order to stay on Negan's good side, his wife had died in a tragic accident. That was all. Returning to the trailer, he grabbed a trash bag and threw her clothes in, wanting to burn them. For a moment, he picked up the red scarf and deeply inhaled shutting his eyes. He could almost see her there with him. Sighing, he put the scarf aside, and rubbed his stubble covered cheek.

He stared at the bed, and thought of how he was planning on surprising her with two bassinets he had gotten just a few days ago. Knowing those bassinets would never be filled made his blood boil. Tossing the filled up bags to the side, he sat down on the edge of his bed. He was too angry to cry. Instead he silently rocked back and forth, clenching his fists, making his nails dig into the palms of his hands hard enough to draw blood.

It was an accident. Just an accident...an accident...

He kept repeating. Slowly laying back down, he stared up at the ceiling and fought the urge to rip the entire inside of the trailer apart. He would do anything to get her back. To show her that he really loved her. Opening his hands, all ready bleeding from his nails, he rested them on his chest of his leather jacket. Pressing down, he felt something. Raising an eyebrow, he fished inside one of the pockets and took out what was inside. Her wedding ring. She must have slipped it off when he gave her the jacket. Holding it, he stared at it, sparking in the dim lantern light. Face cramping, he tossed it, hearing it hit the floor. The ring fell underneath the small dresser, where it would remain for a very long time. Laying there, he knew from this day forward, he would never be the same.

 **A few hours earlier...**

"NO!"

Lucy floated in a blueish crystal abyss. She floated deep within it, eyes closed as millions of tiny bubbles floated around her. Floating, she felt weightless. The impact of hitting the water kept her there. For some strange unknown reason, the fall didn't kill her. She narrowly missed the rocks, and sank down deep floating looking like an angel. She was beneath the surface, blood swirling around her as her hair waved and pooled around.

Slowly her eyelids opened. For a mere second she thought she heard Chris' voice calling her. She searched so hard to find it, but instead all at once her eyes snapped open. In panic, she looked and found herself under the water. At first she thought she would just stay there. This numbing pain all over keeping her down below to silently die. Instead, she began kicking and fighting her way towards the surface. A lifetime went by before finally she broke the surface, gasping and fighting. By chance, Negan or Neil weren't looking down at this exact moment, and a small ledge of rocks hid her as she coughed and gasped, swimming to the side.

Choking, lungs burning as she cried she grabbed hold of a rock and slowly pulled herself over. She was hidden below the rocks, even if they did look at this exact moment they wouldn't see her. Rolling on her back, the cried out and saw her leg bleeding. She had caught her leg on one of the rocks, blood trickled with water down her skin. Her entire body ached and screamed as her soaking wet hair was plastered to her skull. Leaning down, she gagged, almost vomiting up water before she laid back completely defeated. She had lived. Somehow she had lived despite the million in one chance she had. The fall hadn't broken every bone in her body, or had her drown.

Instead, she was there, some cuts and bruises...that's it. She had lived. She looked up, sitting in the small cave from within the wall of the quarry. Water lapped against the rocks, as she laid there. She listened, waiting to hear Negan or anything from above. Instead all she heard was the water. Face crumpling, she began to sob. How was this even possible? She jumped off a fucking ledge and landed in water below.

How did this happen? How could she even still move? Was this her punishment?

Her Hell? Her hands found her stomach, and for the first time she didn't feel any movement. Were they dead? Were about to rip her apart? She knew she had to move. Maybe she had broken bones, maybe once she got up on her feet she would collapse? Maybe she was internally bleeding? Maybe she was dying? Slowly, she got to her feet. She was sore, her leg screamed, wanting to buckle but she fought through the pain, gritting her teeth. Slowly she craned her neck looking upwards. She didn't see anything. Slowly, her eyes traced around the quarry. There was a gravel road going upward. Feeling her head pound, she braced the rocks and knew she needed to get back into the water to get to it. For all she knew Negan was watching. The way she felt, she didn't care. At this point after what she did, she wouldn't be surprised to see him with a gun aimed. Slowly, she eased back into the water, almost screaming out. She felt pain now, in fact it was getting worse and worse. Slowly, she entered the cold water, slowly working her way across. Her stomach weighed her down, but her sides burned, and her leg continued throbbing. Once she was half way across, she looked back up and didn't see anyone. How was that possible? She crawled up on the gravel on the other side, turning over and panting. Slowly getting to her feet, she wobbled for a moment before slowly walking up, holding her stomach and her side.

She didn't know if she had the strength to keep walking, but she didn't care. At this point she would welcome a bullet from Negan. Minutes passed and for a moment she thought she heard the faint sound of an engine. She froze, waiting, dripping wet and shivering. Instead, nothing. Once she reached the top, slipping and sliding twice, she knew just by how it felt her ribs were broken. Turning, she looked across.

Negan was nowhere in sight. She kept looking, hair soaking wet. Was he hiding? Did he run away? She couldn't have been under the water that long? In that cave what? Ten minutes? Maybe less getting up here. Swaying from side to side, she knew her temple was bleeding, she felt the warmth go down her cheek. Holding her belly and side, she began walking. She wasn't sure where he was, but at this exact moment she didn't care.

So she walked, trying her hardest to hurry, limping badly, and wanting more than ever to die. Later... Unknown to the men who arrived at the quarry less than an hour later, the corpse they were looking for was almost three miles away in the opposite direction. Lucy was getting weaker, shivering and soaking wet. Her leg was bad, nearly collapsing twice. Her entire side was hurting, burning whenever she walked. She felt dizzy, and kept tripping. She wasn't trying to leave a trail, but at this exact moment she didn't care. She kept waiting for any second to hear the sound of roaring engines or Negan screaming.

She was dying, she knew it. But he wasn't following her. She had been walking for a very long time, was she really free? Was she? She didn't know if this was Heaven or Hell.

 **That night...**

Lucy knew she was somewhere else completely. She was in the woods, and had been walking for hours. Now she couldn't take it any longer. It was pitch black, and she couldn't see a thing. She was freezing.

"Please God, just let me die..."

That's when she tripped, falling hard. Screaming, she hit the dirt hard before rolling over. Face crumpling, she screamed, holding onto herself. That's when she felt it. Snapping her eyes shut, she screamed. Her water had broke. Laying there, she held herself, alone, freezing, and hurt. No, she couldn't have survived this impossible thing, only to have this happen. Throwing her head back, she felt a horrible sharp movement from inside of her. So, this was her punishment. Negan's babies would in fact rip her apart. Crying, she leaned forward, too weak to really move, Reaching down, she felt a new sort of dampness from her slacks. Reaching, she expected water, but even in the darkness, she knew it was blood.

"No, please God no..."

She laid back, as a horrible pain ripped through her. Laying there she screamed, knowing this was it. The pain was overwhelming as her legs slowly spread as she grasped onto her stomach. As another pain ripped through her she threw her head back and screamed...

"NEGAN!"

With that, her eyes rolled back, passing out.

 **To be continued, this October.**


	10. Wake up

_**"Lucy, you need to wake up."**_

 _ **Lucy's eyes snapped open. The moon was out now, casting thin light above through the skeleton like branches of the trees that surrounded her. Laying on her side, she snapped awake staring blankly ahead. There were dry leafs surrounding her. Staring forward, she heard Chris' voice faintly inside her head. The same voice she had heard before when she awoke underneath the water of the quarry. The pain was currently gone, but she was numb all over. Her face was healthy pale, and her breathing slow and labored. She heard beneath the wind, shuffling footsteps behind her, crunching in the leafs behind her.**_

 _ **Reaching, she gripped a rock that laid before her. Grabbing it, she wrapped her numb fingers around it before she turned over, hauling all of her weight to swing the rock at whatever was coming behind her. It was a walker, stinking and rotting, it's left eye missing as it groaned revealing blackened teeth. It was clumsy, nearly tripping as it came closer and closer towards her. The rock bounced off it's leg, but didn't slow it down. Rolling over, she cried out, knowing her leg was bad. It seemed impossible to get up, her stomach getting in the way. Almost falling forward, she scrambled and found the first thing she grabbed the first thing she saw. A branch, not big but big enough.**_

 _ **Grabbing it she took hold and screamed, face wild. Running forward, she swung the branch like Negan swimming that awful bat. The walker groaned, almost fell back but she swung it again. This time she heard it's skull crack as it fell backwards, limbs twitching. Face crumpling like an animal, she brought the branch down again and again, and again. Black blood and pus flew everywhere before finally the walker was still. Stumbling back, vomit bubbling in her throat.**_

 _ **Dropping the branch, she grabbed onto a tree, feeling the rough bark beneath her hands. Panting for breath, another horrible cramp hit her. Reaching down again, she touched the crotch of her pants and held up her hands. More blood. She was losing the babies. Turning, almost stumbling she blindly began walking. The pain continued throbbing inside of her. Almost dropping, she froze. Looking forward, she saw lights. Stopping, she stared forward. The lights were coming from a cabin, just fifty or so yards away. Standing, her legs shook. Blinking, she didn't think she was seeing right. But in the middle of this pitch darkness, she saw windows. There was a cabin, and there were lights. Stopping, she stared in complete disbelief. The pain came again, even worse than before. Holding her stomach, she cried out. A horrible pressure was building inside of her, so bad she didn't think she could stand it.**_

 _ **"Negan, Negan, Negan, Negan, Negan..."**_

 _ **The name kept repeating over and over in her mind. Why was she thinking about him? She had leapt, willing to kill herself to escape him. He had raped her, and beat her. She had jumped, and somehow lived. Somehow despite the odds, she had survived. Why was she thinking of his name?**_

 _ **"Why didn't he look for you? Why didn't he go down there?" "Because he thought you were dead. You told him you would see him in Hell and jumped to your death, taking his babies with him..."**_

 _ **Her mind argued back and forth. Feeling weak, she stumbled, holding onto herself, feeling more pain, she began slowly stumbling towards the lights. If only she could get to those lights. Walking, the pain got worse and worse as she tried to focus on her breathing. Shortly before reaching the pathway that led up to it, she fell forward. Grabbing onto herself, more pain ripped through her. The worst yet. Turning, she screamed. Instantly she heard heavy footsteps and running. Warm hands turned her over, before she stared up at two concerned faces. One of a man, one of a woman.**_

 _ **"Jesus Christ..."**_

 _ **"My God, what happened to you honey?"**_

 _ **"Look she's pregnant...oh God she's bleeding..."**_

 _ **Before her eyelids closed, Lucy stared up, everything slowly going dim.**_

 _ **"Negan...where is he?"**_

 _ **With that she blacked out.**_

At that exact moment, nearly one state over back at Negan's main camp he laid awake in the darkness of his trailer. Eyes staring upward, he focused on his breathing. Not only was he outraged, he was devastated. Laying there, the oddest feeling overcame him. His brow wrinkled as a horrible pain ached inside of him. Closing his eyes, he drifted off to sleep. All the meanwhile, grieving the loss of not only his children, but what he honestly believed was the love of his life.

 **\- End of part 1.**

 **\- Stay tuned for the second half this October and see how Lucy and Negan's tale is finished. Thank you all for all of the kind and amazing reviews! See you this fall! - TCAC**


	11. Preview for the fall

**Preview of the second half of My sweet Lucille coming this October.**

The cabin that Lucy stumbled upon belonged to Michael Weber, a car salesmen in a pervious life. Michael was in his early forties, with big basset hound brown eyes, and sandy colored hair. Twice divorced, he had no children or living family down state when everything had gone to Hell. Lucky for him, Alice Walkins, a nearby neighbor who was a nurse at St. Peter's hospital had run to his house asking about his father's cabin he still owned up state. Michael had taken Alice out to dinner a few times, including a weekend less than a year ago of really good sex up at his daddy's cabin. The two had kept things casual, and hadn't really gotten the chance to get together before everything happened.

The night that the governor announced state of emergency, Alice came to him in her jeep which was packed with as much supplies from her own home. She told him maybe they outta hold up a his cabin until things blew over. They had been there ever since. Tonight they had gone down to the creek to fish. They had started off with more than enough supplies which they had gathered slowly over time. Sadly with lack of animal around hunting hadn't been as successful as it had once been, and Alice's Jeep were beginning to give them trouble with runs. They hadn't wanted to go very far since twice all ready it had cause them to run into more walkers than they could handle.

Both times they just barley escaped and counted themselves lucky. They were resourceful and Michael had killed in total twenty-three of these creatures. Alice, who had proved she was perfectly capable had killed her fair share, and the two of them sadly had watched three people who had joined them die, turn, and be killed. For the moment it was just the two of them and Michael figured Alice wanted into looking into traveling out of state. She had gotten maps from an old travel center by the welcome center near the old hiking path. She pointed out that if they headed towards the mountains there might be more people, including more supplies, animals, and less of these things.

They knew about the surrounding camps, and how dangerous they were. Lucky for them the cabin was pretty well hidden, and with the several rifles they had, they took turns keeping watch. So far they had been lucky, and figured since they were so set back, none of these people had stumbled upon them yet. Alice had told him one night that it was just a matter of time, and they had to start packing up and get going soon before it was too late.

Tonight they had gone fishing and planned on leaving in just a few days. They had their packs ready, and were trying to get enough food to last them. Tonight as the wind picked up they found Lucky slumped over in a heap. She was pregnant, and she was badly hurt. Before she passed out, she muttered a name. Regan? Negan? She called out asking where this person was before becoming unresponsive. Both had carefully carried her inside and laid her down on the wooden floor. Instantly Alice sprang into action. She knelt down, putting one ear to Lucy's swollen stomach. Frowning, she scanned over the woman. Michael brought over the lantern that casted dim shadows.

"What do we do?"

"She looks about full term, help me get her pants off..."

Michael bit down on his bottom lip before helping her. The girl was frozen solid and wet. Her face pale and cut. Once she was stripped from the waist down, Alice spread the girl's legs and felt. Michael, feeling more than a little uncomfortable decided to keep looking at the girl's face.

"Jesus, she's just a kid. You think she wandered from one of those camps?"

Alice didn't answer. Michael continued looking the girl over, seeing her bruises, and her arms.

"She might have some broken bones..."

He felt her stomach, not even knowing what he was doing. Sighing, he shook his head.

"Are you gonna try and take the baby out, I don't feel anything..."

Alice shook her head. "No time, I all ready see the head, she's crowning..."

Michael sat up.

"Whoa, hold up...we don't know who she is. What if she dies? We can't..."

"Michael, shut up and grab my first aid kit and my bag in the bedroom."

Michael blinked before not questioning Alice anymore, instead he sprang into action jumping up and running. Alice looked the girl over and figured it was for the best that she had passed out. Keeping her legs apart, she knew this wasn't the best way to go about it, but she was going to try and give this baby a fighting chance. She knew exactly what Michael was about to say, but she wanted to focus on delivering this baby. She hadn't had the chance to fully look over the girl, but she saw how badly she was hurt, and more than likely she wouldn't make it till dawn. If she could put to good use her medical skills one last time, maybe just maybe this wasn't all such a waste. Seconds later Michael came in, nearly dropping her bag and kit.

"Michael, lit a fire, a real good one, put the water on it."

"Don't you think..."

"Michael I need you to listen and not talk okay?"

Michael nodded and headed towards the fire before Alice snapped open her bag and kit, taking out the little supplies she had. Taking her alcohol wipes, she started to cleanse her hands the best she could before shouting for Michael to bring over three more lantern, she needed as much light possible. Checking, the bleeding was thinning, and nature was running it's course. The girl was fully dilated, and the baby was slowly coming.

Minutes after Michael returned with the hot water, and lanterns, she instructed Michael to hold the lights as she worked. Carefully, she moved the girl forward, and worked her hands in, slowly allowing the baby to slide out into her hands. Once she reached up, pressing firmly down on the girl's swollen abdomen before she fully understood that she needed her to be awake. Grabbing her smelling salts, she snapped one open and waved it underneath the girl's nose. Instantly her eyelids fluttered open as her face crumpled as she tossed her head from side to side.

"Negan?"

The girl muttered. She was burning up, and barley alert. Alice asked Michael to sit behind her and help her sit up. The girl groaned with pain as Michael sat behind her, allowing her to lean against her. Alice spread her legs.

"Darling, what's you're name?"

The girl's eyes kept closing, as she cried in pain.

"I...don't know..."

"Where did you come from? One of the camps?"

The girl shook her head.

"I..."

That's when she threw her head back against Michael's shoulder crying out. Whimpering, she tried to focus. Instead, all she kept muttering about this Negan person. Alice asked if that was her boyfriend? The girl was unable to answer. Instead she kept crying, tossing her head from side to side. Alice checked, and saw the baby was almost ready to come.

"Listen darling, I need you to look at me and push."

"NO!"

"You have to! Take a deep breath and push okay? Push honey!"

Lucy squeezed onto Michael's hand, and gritted her teeth. She was losing blood, her fever was burning up, was injured, and now in shock. Her body was fighting against her, and everything was slowly blurring together. She remembered the woods, she remembered water, she remembered her babies, and she remembered a man's face. He was older, with handsome brown eyes.

 _Negan..._

That's all she remembered.

 _Negan..._

It was so hard to think, so hard to breath. Instead she cried as the woman worked between her legs, only guided by the dim light thrown from the lanterns. Crying, she tried to sit up as everything below her waist felt as if it was being completely ripped apart. She never felt such horrible pain before, and at this exact moment the horrible pressure that was building was the only thing that was keeping her from passing out.

 **Two hours later.**

"She's dying."

Alice said matter of factly. The girl had a terrible time delivering, and to much surprise she had been carrying twins. The first baby came easily after just a good fifteen minutes of pushing. It was under weight, with the cord tightly around it's neck. Alice had snipped it, before beginning CPR with her two fingers against the infant's slimy chest. It began breathing, but it was shallow and uneven. Alice discovered there was another baby, and that the girl's bleeding was getting worse. She had Michael take the first baby into the kitchen area to continue CPR. She knew any second it could stop breathing. The girl's fever was getting worse as she whimpered in pain.

Alice coaxed her that she could do this, to just keep pushing. Finally after countless pushes, screams, and cries the second baby came out. It was a heather weight and loudly screaming. Alice laughed, relieved to see at least one was healthy and snipped the cord.

"He's beautiful!"

The girl was too weak to lift her head but watched with gazed over eyes. Alice wrapped the baby tight before Michael came over and shook his head. He was holding the other infant wrapped in blankets in his arms. Alice knew it hadn't made it. Calming the other baby down, she cleaned it's face and leaned over, cradling the baby in her arms.

"It's a boy..."

The girl looked at the baby before her eyes shifted upwards where Michael was standing across the room.

"Where's my other baby?"

Alice sighed.

"He's fine...I'm going to give you something, just lay back okay?"

She stripped a syringe and sedated the girl. She knew she had to finish with her and stop the bleeding. Calling Michael over, she told him to take the baby and clean him up and get him warm. Michael frowned.

"His breathing is really light, he keeps stopping every few minutes. Is there anything we can do?"

Alice looked over the frail looking infant and sighed shaking her head.

"No...lay him down on the floor, and take him...hurry."

Michael did so, switching the babies as Alice began working. Less than a half an hour later the bleeding had stopped, the placenta had been delivered, and she had tried to stitch the girl up the best she could despite the lack of supplies and medical equipment. In her entire nursing career she had delivered a total of three babies. Once the girl was cleaned up, she had Michael pile blankets around her, making her as comfortable as possible. Her fever was still bad. Her injuries weren't horrible, but still bad. She had a few broken ones, and was suffering from exposure. She knew with the trauma of the delivery, with the delivery she more than likely wouldn't survive. She wrapped the infant up and laid him next to his mother. His breathing continued being uneven and shallow. She knew within the hour they would lose him. Michael and Alice had a long talk, both standing by the fire next to the sleeping woman. They knew in less than an hour it would be dawn, and they needed to go. There might be people looking for this girl, people with guns.

"We can't just leave her."

"There's supplies here, shelter. She's in shock, and has lost a lot of blood. I don't think the fever will break. We can make her comfortable but if we're leaving we can't afford to take her with us."

"But..."

"Michael, it's the only way."

Both looked down at the sleeping baby between them.

"What about the baby?"

"We'll take him with us."

"Take a newborn out there? We don't have supplies, milk, clothes..."

"We can get powder milk, there is plenty of formula in that general store in town. We'll hit in before dawn. He'll need it."

"What if he cries..."

"We'll be fine, we can't just leave him behind. His mother and brother will probably be dead in a few hours. We can't leave him."

Michael didn't look as sure, instead he continued looking down at the baby.

"What if her people are out looking for her, what if..."

"Michael, we gotta go. We'll make her comfortable and go, we can't stand there and argue." Both stared at each other, the sleeping baby wrapped up safely in Michael's arms.

 **Later...**

Lucy was surrounded by blankets, a wet rag over her forehead as she shivered. She was still in shock, and the fever was getting worse. Alice had put some food, water, and supplies near her within reach. She didn't think she would have enough strength to reach them, but it was the least she could do. More than likely either infection or shock would do her in. Alice left enough drugs to keep her comfortable. Brushing her hair back, Alice sighed.

She seemed so young...

"Darling, we're going...I'm so sorry..."

The girl's purplish eyelids fluttered open.

"Negan?"

"He's coming, very soon honey..."

Michael was waiting by the door with the packs, the baby wrapped up. Alice motioned him over. Kneeling down, he held the baby wrapped up.

"We're going to keep him safe, I promise."

The girl weakly stared up. Michael leaned in, keeping the baby close to her so she could see him.

"We'll take care of him, we promise."

The girl stared up at them.

"Do you remember anything? You're name?"

She slowly and weakly shook her head.

"Okay...listen we could take the other little one. I tried everything I could but I don't think he has long, he's going fast, We could take care of him and bury him outside..."

Michael didn't look so sure and the girl laying on the floor knew it.

"Leave him with me please, I'll take care of it if I can..."

Alice nodded and shifted the other baby in her arms. The girl simply stared up before Alice bit down on her bottom lip.

"We'll take good care of him honey..."

The girl stared before nodding slowly. Her head was throbbing and she could barley keep her eyes awake.

"In...case you need this. There are just two bullets...but just in case..."

Alice laid down a small handgun just a foot or so away next to the supplies. Slowly, Michael and her stood staring down, holding the baby before turning. Lucy, who had absolutely no idea who she was, or what had happened kept drifting in and out of wherever she was. Her entire body was dumb. She was weak, and achy all over. She heard heavy footsteps, before just once she heard her baby thinly cry. After that she heard the door and silence. Lucy felt the fire crackle a few feet away as her labored breathing became slower and slower. Weakly she reached over, and touched her dying newborn son. Listening to the wind, she shut her eyes, she slept.

 **A few hours later...**

Lucy's eyes slowly opened. She heard a noise. Dazed, still with a high fever she weakly opened her eyes and looked around. Sunlight was coming in through the cabin windows and the fire was just glowing ambers and ash. Her lower half of her body was still numb from the drugs. Her limbs throbbed, and her throat felt as if it was on fire. Slowly she looked over and saw her baby. He was dead. His skin was no longer pink, instead a terrible awful gray color. All of the veins in his tiny body looked purple.

Patches on his skin had burst blood vessels. Her baby had finally stopped breathing a few hours ago as she slept beside him awaiting her own death. Now, he had died...and returned like those things. Lucy didn't remember much. She didn't remember her name, or where she was, or even how these babies came to be. The shock, blood loss, and fever had taken care of that. She only remembered flashes. She had vague hazy memories. Some of her parents, of a birthday party when she was seven. How she first got her period when she was in the 7th grade. Of a rollercoaster and how a boy named Larry had tried to hold her hand. She remembered a trailer, and a man.

A man she kept thinking of. His handsome brown eyes, his beard, his grin... He wasn't her father, she wasn't sure who he was. He was older and his name was Negan... She remembered falling and water. She was pregnant with boys, twins. These strangers had taken her in when she was hurt and lost, and she had absolutely no idea how she even got here. All she knew was that she was dying, laying on this cabin floor with her other baby. She was dying, and she couldn't even remember her own name. She saw the baby was now dead, squirming within the blankets, it's eyes glassy and bloodshot. She stared and instantly her face crumpled. Her baby, one of her babies that she had carried inside of her had died and had returned. It squirmed, giving an inhuman cry that was high pitched and full of pain. She didn't remember barley anything, but she knew what her baby and become, and what had to be done. Weakly she hiked herself up on one elbow, tears running down her face. She felt dizzy by the fever, and could barley move at all.

Looking down at her baby she hated herself for being asleep when it had died. He should have been in his mother's arms. How could she had lost something she didn't even remembering carrying. Her heart broke as she watched it.

"Shhhh..."

She reached over the blankets next to two learners and boxes of food, there was the gun that the woman had left.

"Shhhhh, there...there...mamma's got you...shhhh..."

She said feeling the room swim around her. Picking the gun up she felt it's weight in her hand and knew she couldn't do it. Instead she saw a small knife left wth the food. Picking it up, she felt her hands shake. Whimpering, she reached over and gathered the baby in her arms. It continued to cry, now dead and staring up at her with lifeless eyes. Cradling the baby, she held it close before frowning. This poor baby never even had a chance, and somehow she felt responsible. She had done something, and now one of her babies had been taken, and the other one laid dead in her arms.

"Shhhh honey, it's all right..."

The baby felt cold to the touch. She knew it was gone. Holding him close, she felt his cold flesh squirm. She felt so confused. All she could remember clearly was collapsing in the woods. She didn't know if it was from shock, or the fever. She was so sore, and she just wanted this horrible confusion to end. Holding her dead baby, she took the knife in her free hand and rammed it into the baby's soft skull. There was a strange gurgle sound, and the baby shook for just a second before going still. Opening her eyes she stared down as she slid the blade out and instantly she began to sob. Holding the baby close to her she shook all over.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Staring down at the handgun, she knew she was all alone. Reaching for it, she put the barrel of the gun in her mouth, still holding the dead baby in her arms. Closing her eyes, hot sticky wet tears rolled down her face. Her chest heaving she got her finger ready to press against the trigger when...

A seizure took over her. The fever had reached it's breaking point and her muscles all at once relaxed, causing her to lose her grip on the gun which fell between the blankets. She fell back, still clutching her dead infant as her eyes rolled back and she began to convulse. Her bladder let go, and she began to foam by the mouth. Her limbs twitched as her back arched and after a minute or so she collapsed and was still.

 **Three hours later...**

A survivor, by the name of Joe walked through the woods carrying his hunting rifle. Joe was forty-four, with short black hair. He was originally from Texas when everything started, the owner of a local gas station in his small town. For months now he had been on his own, traveling from state to state, looking and searching. For what exactly? He wasn't sure. He had joined up with several people, all of which had gone their separate ways. He had been hoping to find a camp soon, find some people, and hold up for a while. Just by luck he happened upon the cabin. Raising an eyebrow, he cradled his rifle and strolled over.

"Hello!"

He raised his free hand and showed his hand was away from the trigger of his rifle.

"Hello! Is anyone there?!"

He slowly climbed the stone steps before knocking gently on the door.

"Anybody home?"

No answer. Carefully, he got the rifle ready in case any zombies were about. Gently he pushed the door open, letting in light. Instantly he saw the woman on the floor, and the dead baby.

"Jesus Christ..."

 **Four days later...**

Lucy slowly opened her eyes. At first her vision blurred and the image of that handsome man she kept remembering vaguely flickered before her eyes. Finally her vision cleared and she saw she was staring up at the ceiling of the cabin. She was in a bed, in a different room. Opening and closing her eyes, she saw a man, slightly older sitting on the edge of her bed. He was wearing what appeared to be jeans and one of those old Western style shirts. Panic leaped into her as she snapped fully awake. The man turned and held up his hands.

"Whoa, easy...easy!" Lucy looked around completely terrified. She was wearing an over sized T-shirt, and her hair smelled clean, fresh of shampoo.

Her left arm was tightly bandaged. She felt underneath the T-shirt her waist and sides were wrapped as well. Her head was still throbbing, and she felt light headed.

"Where?"

Her throat was burning. "Here honey, drink slowly..." He brought over a glass of water and carefully tilted it towards her peeling lips. The water tasted boiled, but was pure Heaven to her throat. Taking small sips, she finally relaxed against the pillows.

"Where am I?"

"First off, my name is Joe Briggs, I'm originally from Freeport Texas. Pleased to meet you darling..."

 _Darling..._

She remembered being called that before, even before that woman called her that delivering the babies. Babies...her babies, her poor babies... Laying there, she stared at Joe's large hand as if she had never seen one before. Slowly she shook it, feeling his firm grip.

"And you are?"

Lucy's face turned downward as she desperately tried to remember. Instead she continued staring up before she shook her head.

"I don't know..."

"You don't know?"

Lucy shook her head.

"I...woke up in the woods. I was pregnant and hurt. I was freezing...I found this cabin and a man and woman were here. I was in labor and the woman was a nurse or doctor...she delivered me. One of my babies died a few hours afterwards..."

A horrible ache throbbed in her right where her heart was. Closing her eyes, she slowly began to wheeze. Joe reached over and patted her shoulder.

"I found you guys...where is your other baby? Did they take it?"

She nodded.

"I was dying and they had to leave, they were scared I had people coming after me. They didn't say where they were going, they left me thinking I was..."

She couldn't stop, instead more tears came. Laying back she covered her face with her hands.

"Do you remember anything else before?"

"No, I keep trying but I can't remember. I tried so hard...and nothing."

"You have some sprains, but your fever broke earlier this morning. It was touch and go for a while..."

Lucy stared up confused and Joe smirked

. "I was in the military and shadowed one of our medical members. I really don't know much but tried making you comfortable. The woman left some decent supplies, mostly medication to fight the infection. My wife died of cancer five years ago...I swear on my honor as a gentlemen when I looked you over, I did so to help you. Women have been delivering babies for thousands of years on their own and you delivered twins while in shock. You're pretty bad ass honey...the woman did a wonderful job on you and if we continue pushing your fluids and keeping you off your feet you should be as good as new. I've only seen a few zombies around, I think this place is safe for the time being."

Lucy laid back and Joe sighed.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but you gotta rest. I'll bring you something to eat in a while..."

Lucy sighed loudly.

"Jesus...in the past few days I stumble upon two people with medical backgrounds? Somebody must want to keep me alive..."

"You aren't in the clear just yet, but we'll make sure you're strong enough and get back on the road, maybe we can find your people...it might come back in time. Do you remember anything?"

She shook her head.

"Just little bits..."

"The babies father?"

"I'm not sure...I just remember a man...Negan..."

Joe stared before she stared up.

"That name mean anything?"

"I don't know."

Lucy laid back, silent tears rolling down her face.

"Well, we gotta call you something...you mind darling?"

"Darling...yeah sure, I don't care..."

"I'm sorry about your baby. That was brave of you to do..."

"Somebody had to do it, might as well be his mother."

"Did you name him?"

"No..."

"I'll let you rest, if you need me call okay?"

Lucy nodded, head slightly turned, tears still running down her face.

 **Elsewhere...**

Michael and Alice were hiking on the side of the state highway. The baby was swaddled against Alice, and currently sleeping. It had been a long journey, and very hard with a newborn, but so far they were making good time. They had fed the baby earlier, and so far he had been wonderful. Unknown to them, all ready he was the spitting image of his biological father. That's when they heard the truck. Freezing, both turned, Michael holding onto his handgun. Two men were inside, both holding assault rifles.

"Michael..."

Alice whispered, clutching into the sleeping baby against her chest. Michael nodded.

"I know..."

The truck rolled to a stop in front of them.

 **Back at the cabin...**

It was sunset. With much help by Joe, Lucy...or as she was currently being called Darling, was able to dress into a pair of sweatpants Joe had as she helped her to the front porch. He pointed. Next to a large tree by the pathway was a grave.

"I dug it after I found you...might help to visit and know there was nothing you could have done."

Lucy bit down on her bottom lip, somehow knowing deep down inside he was wrong. Feeling her chest heave, she gripped onto the railing and stared down across at the tiny grave. The grave that held her little baby boy, a baby she couldn't even remember carrying. Tears rolling down her face she sniffled and wiped her face roughly. She shouldn't have survived. She shouldn't have.

"I'm sorry..."

She whispered softly staring at the grave. If she wasn't so sore, she would have ripped free from Joe's gentle arms and stumbled down the steps before collapsing at the grave and begging for complete forgiveness.

 _Negan..._

The name echoed in her mind as her hands bunched into fists. A horrible rage went shooting through her as she glared, fighting through her tears. Staring, Joe waited before he looked out at the grave.

"Negan..."

"What?"

"Negan, that's my son's name...I wanna name him Negan. I don't know who that is, but...I keep thinking of it. Maybe it will come to be...until then that's the name of my son, Negan."

"Negan...sounds good. Listen, we can find your other son..."

Lucy slowly shook her head.

"No, he's with good people. He deserves better...

Clutching onto the wooden railing, she glared at the grave as the last of her tears fell from her furious eyes.

 **Elsewhere...**

Alice and Michael laid dead on the side of the road. Both shots to the head. The truck sped off, as both men cackled. The passenger stared down at the crying newborn baby and grinned.

"Sure is cute, Vicky is just gonna love him!"

The men continued to laugh, speeding away.

 **Meanwhile...**

Negan stood underneath his shower, hot water steaming down him. His head down, and hands pressing against the walls he slowly breathed in and out. Finally his face crumpled as he made a fist and punched the wall, splitting his knuckles. Furious, he snapped off the water, dripping wet before grabbing his walkie from the sink. Pressing the button, he waited.

"Neil come in."

"Neil here."

"We're going back out there...I'm not stopping until I find a body understand? I'll meet you outside in ten."

"Understood. Over and Out."

Negan released the button and stared at his reflection, water dripping off him, and the eyes of a madman. He would find his wife and babies, if it was the last thing he did.

 **To be continued this fall...**


	12. Long lost love

Present. "You a married man Rick?"

Negan asked from behind the wheel of the R.V. Just minutes before he had murdered both Abraham and Glen in cold blood right in front of the others. After dragging Rick inside the R.V he slammed down the hatchet and sat behind the wheel of the vehicle. Rick, who was merely just on the edge of having a complete mental breakdown laid on all fours, feeling his entire body shake as his bloodshot eyes darted around helplessly.

Negan's back was to him and he kept glancing over at the hatchet, now driven deeply into the wooden fold out table. Feeling his blood pressure build, his eyes narrowed glaring at it. Negan sighed, still not facing him. Instead he held onto the wheel and shook his head.

"I've been married...twice. Last one stuck so hard and fast I thought it would kill me. I guess I tried to make her into something I once had. I treated her horrible, and I brought everything that happened onto myself...still, I would like to believe she's still out there..."

Rick waited, listening to Negan ramble, completely dismissing the rest of the words he said. When he did jump up and lunge for the gun he was surprised by Negan spinning around holding an assault rifle.

 **Later...**

Once Negan's men headed back to camp, and he left Rick and the others with a truck to go back, he sat in the passenger seat of the van that was transporting the man named Daryl. All in all he was pleasantly surprised by how things turned out. He had Rick exactly where he wanted him, and knew he would come to good use further down the line. Sitting back, chewing on a toothpick with Neil driving beside him, he chuckled at the loud bangs coming from the back where Daryl was being held. He had great plans for him. Great plans indeed. Smirking, he sat back, staring out the window with his bat resting between his legs. That's when he thought of Lucy. How beautiful she looked the day she jumped. Her hair blowing into her eyes, her stomach swollen with his sons, and the horrible fear he hadn't felt in years when he saw she had chosen death over being his any longer. It killed him when she jumped, not just killing herself, but his children with her. He had held off hope when no body had been recovered. He had spent months searching high and low and in the end all he found were a bunch of abandoned cabins, and lots of woods with no sign of Lucy anywhere. Still, he had men searching that entire area for months. The body should have came up by now...shouldn't it?

Night after night he was plagued by nightmares of that look in her eyes right before she threw herself backwards. He craved her like a drug and the reality that she really was dead still hadn't fully sunk in. Until he honestly saw her rotting corpse, he would still live in the fantasy that she was still alive. That somehow in the million in one changes there were, she had survived and he would find her. To the men he had given up, but to himself night after night he laid awake thinking of her. No, she hadn't killed herself to escape him. In his mind it had been a simple accident and she had fallen before he could grab hold of her. That time had stood still and when he did find her, even after all these months everything would go back to normal. His mind wouldn't linger too long on the babies, he refused to believe it. Instead he pretended that they were still waiting for him, and that one day he would find his family and never let them out of his sights again. Glancing down at his bloody bat, tiny chunks of brain still stuck in the wire a grin formed on his lips.

He had seen those women react in horror once he beat the Asian and Red to death. He loved spreading the misery. If he couldn't have his love back, nobody would. With each swing of that bat he felt a power he had never felt before this all began. He would continue using this power to numb out the actual pain he felt inside.

 **Elsewhere...**

"Want some more?" Joe offered a can of beans to Lucy who sat on the hood of a now rusting Buick that sat in the parking-lot of the used car dealer ship they had stopped at. The latest town off the back highway had been deserted like all the others. The two had been traveling off and on for the last few months and had gotten used to avoiding the areas where the walkers were the worst. Currently they had headed back in this direction, hoping to head further down South before the truly cold winter months took over. They spent their time hiking in the woods, traveling from town to town, and getting what little supplies they needed. Lucy, who was currently named Darling sat in jeans and a button down blouse. Her hair tied tightly back with a bandana, she sat Indian style and smiled shaking her head at the food before Joe, who was sitting beside her shrugged and finished off the can.

It was a beautiful sunny morning, and they had planned to get another twenty or so miles done ahead of time. Lucy's memory had completely come back. There were vague hazy little memories, but that was about it. She still had no idea what her real name was, where her family was, how old she was, or where she originally came from when this all began. She had faint little flickering memories but that was about it. The memory that was the strongest was the image of an older man with a leather jacket and salt and pepper beard. She had assumed that whoever this man was he might have been the father of the children she had given birth to. The recovery following the delivery had been terrible. Every once in a while Lucy's fever would spike and the two would be forced to hold off somewhere until it broke. Lucy had a bad leg now that often ached if they walked for too long, and had trouble sleeping. Joe had tried often to bring up her other baby, asking if she was ever interested in ever trying to find him. Lucy always told him the same answer, that the kind people who had taken her in and helped deliver them had him. She prayed he was safe and sound, and was doing a whole lot better than them. Still, most nights she woke up in a cold sweat thinking of her sweet dear other baby, turning in her arms shortly after being born and then being forced to destroy him. This was a terrible reality she knew she could never escape and it killed her. Still, she often wondered what her life was like before all of this. She knew she couldn't have been any older than twenty or so. She had no ring on her finger. Was she married? These questions often haunted her, but she pushed them away knowing it would only confuse her and fog her judgement. At the time she was taking each day at a time trying to survive. Joe had been a kind friend and partner to her, teaching her how to shoot, and hide from these creatures.

Even though they slept side by side every night, sometimes even curled up against each other they never once tried anything. She looked at him as her friend or older brother. Nothing more, nothing less. Joe respected this, and the two hadn't seen any other survivors going on two months now. Together and traveled, with little to no purpose. Today after a good fifteen miles of walking they saw the used car lot and Joe had cracked a few jokes about returning back home before they sat up on one of the weather beaten cars, it's price in the dusty window now faded and sun cracked and shared lunch. Lucy hadn't wanted to tell Joe but she felt as if some more memories were coming back to her. Memories of that man in the leather jacket. Just the other night she had been awoken by a rather arousing dream of him laying on top of her and pinning her down. She wasn't exactly sure what this meant, but it seemed with each passing day he was all she could think of... "You ready?" Lucy snapped out of her thoughts and nodded as she slid off the hood of the car, her boots clicking against the pavement. Slowly Joe and her helped each other put their packs on before Joe mentioned cutting through the woods at the end of town. Together they carefully walked by, hearing the faint echo of walkers, and continued on their way.

 _ **"You need to understand this isn't a military school Negan. These are just kids in high school and we've been getting a lot of complaints about your methods..."**_

 _ **Negan was nearly five years younger, dressed in his T-shirt and shorts with Evertmont High's lego on both. His whistle around his neck, and his eyes rolling as this dickhead spoke to him from behind his neck. He knew Luis wasn't going to do jack shit. He had worked as this school's gym teacher for nearly seven years now and he knew for a fact Luis was scared of him. Annoyed, he leaned back in his chair and listened and Luis stuttered and continued on looking over the paperwork.**_

 _ **"We've had several complaints. Children telling their parents of you using foul language to them during class or sports games."**_

 _ **"They need to learn somehow. Life ain't all candy and roses. They play like a bunch of pussys I'm going to tell them."**_

 _ **Luis sighed, his face blushing. "I understand Negan but you can't be so hard on them.**_

 _ **They are just kids..."**_

 _ **"No buddy...they aren't just kids. They are walking talking whine bags who can't hit a ball or score a goal for shit. These parents don't like my methods then they can take it up with me..."**_

 _ **Negan stood up, towering over the desk as Luis dropped his eyes nervously looking over the paperwork again.**_

 _ **"I understand but..."**_

 _ **"Listen I gotta go, I'm picking up Lucille..."**_

 _ **Luis' eyes lit up.**_

 _ **"Ah yes, how is she doing? I heard she's responding quite nicely to the treatments..."**_

 _ **Negan shot Luis a look before rubbing the stubble covered neck.**_

 _ **"See you around Lou..." With that he turned and walked straight out of the office...**_

Negan was woken to the sound of the door of his trailer being hammered onto. His hazel eyes snapping open, he found himself laying in the back bedroom completely wiped out after this morning's events. The kid named Daryl was being held captive, and he was quite excited to see what was in store for Rick and all of his other little asshole friends. Sitting up, rubbing the back of his neck he knew he must have fallen asleep. Standing up and cracking his back he yelled he was coming when he hammering came again. Making his way to the door, he yanked it open more annoyed than anything else. "What?!" It was Neil, looking white as a ghost.

"Um...Negan..."

"What?"

"Two people wandered into our camp fifteen minutes ago..."

"More of Rick's people?

"Um no, two hikers. I thought you would wanna see this..."

"Tell them to get lost or shoot them, what's the big deal..."

Neil gulped before standing to the side.

"Well, I was going to but..."

Negan raised his head and saw the two hikers. One man, one woman. Their packs taken from them and both standing side by side with their hands behind their heads as a few of the men circled around holding rifles. Instantly Negan blinked believing he was dreaming.

No, he couldn't be... There, the woman standing beside the man with the dark hair was Lucy. His Lucy. She looked exactly as she did the last time he laid eyes on her earlier this year. Speechless, he nearly pushed Neil out of the way and stumbled down the three metal steps before locking sights with her as she nervously looked around. Approaching, he couldn't believe it. If anyone at this exact moment tried getting in the way he was certain he would kill them.

"Lucy?" The woman looked over and locked eyes with him.


	13. Together again

Instantly Negan blinked believing he was dreaming.

No, he couldn't be... There, the woman standing beside the man with the dark hair was Lucy. His Lucy. She looked exactly as she did the last time he laid eyes on her earlier this year. Speechless, he nearly pushed Neil out of the way and stumbled down the three metal steps before locking sights with her as she nervously looked around. Approaching, he couldn't believe it. If anyone at this exact moment tried getting in the way he was certain he would kill them. "Lucy?" The woman looked over and locked eyes with him.

 **Earlier that day...**

"You're name is Lucille ain't it? Holy shit woman we all thought you were dead!"

Lucy eyed Joe before looking back at the men inside the truck.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

The men all exchanged a look before the door opened and they spilled out in front of them. Joe took a step further back, still holding onto Lucy's arm. The man in the middle grinned before looking her up and down.

"What happened to you woman? Last I heard you fucking fell on a cliff...we all thought you were dead."

Lucy looked, now feeling annoyed.

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

The driver shook his head, holding his rifle out.

"She's playing dumb..." Lucy shot a look up at him before shaking her head.

"No really, I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"Jesus is Negan going to have a fit seeing you."

Suddenly Lucy froze.

"Negan?"

The middle man chuckled.

"Yeah don't you remember you're own husband?"

Lucy shifted from one foot to the other, trying to keep the look of unease off her face. Instead, the driver waved his rifle around.

"Get into the back with Larry, hand over the gun...any funny moves and I'll shoot."

Lucy and Joe exchanged a look before the man's eyebrows went down as he snapped...

"LET'S GO!"

Joe jumped slightly before handing the gun over. The man named Larry snatched it before looking both of them up and down.

"Anything else on you?"

Both shook their heads.

"Drop you're packs and move real slow..."

Slowly he followed Lucy and Joe into the back of the truck while Neil watched.

"Jesus...I can't believe it..."

"It's her isn't it?"

"Of course it was..."

"You think she's messing around playing dumb?"

"I don't know, from what Negan said she fell...could have fucked her up a little bit...but if she is she'll be taught a lesson real fast."

The men lowered their voices as they watched Joe and Lucy climb into the back of the truck by gunpoint. Both men watched before Neil shook his head.

"No babies..."

"Do you think?" Neil cut him off shaking his head and reaching down to grab one of the packs.

"I don't know what to think, let's just get her back to camp fast..."

Nodding, the packs were loaded up and they began heading back to camp.

 **Present.**

"Let me look at you..."

Negan said grabbing Lucy's head as if she were a mere rag doll. Lucy stiffened up, her large doe eyes looking scared and confused. Besides the length and choppy cut of her hair, it was still her. She seemed a little thin, circled beneath her eyes, but it was still Lucy. His Lucy. Negan stared into her face like a madman. His chest heaved, as he stared at her with complete and utter disbelief. For nearly three months now he had truly believed she was dead. The last time he saw her she stood on the ledge of the rock quarry, glaring at him and letting him know she would rather die than to ever be his again. With one simple leap herself along with his two unborn children disappeared from his life. He knew he had suffered a nervous breakdown in doing so, and had convinced himself it was merely an accident. That she hadn't escaped and tried to kill herself to be rid of him. That they had been in love, and this tragic accident had taken her away from him. When they didn't find a body he was driven on the slight possibility she could still be alive...

Now here she was. Negan roughly held the sides of her head, pressing too hard as he stared at her. His eyes were huge. Lucy liked a frightened child stared up at him before he felt his heartbeat pound so hard it pulsed in his temples. Lucy stared at him before uttering one single word...

"Negan?"

Negan rammed his lips against hers in a violent smothering kiss. Instantly his entire mouth seemed to swallow up hers. Opening and closing his mouth worked on hers, sucking deeply as he plunged his tongue down her throat and seemed to be tasting her rather than kissing her. Holding tight, he moaned as his eyes shut as his hands traveled up and down her sides. From a distance Joe stood at gunpoint looking uneasy as the others watched. The kiss continued on as his hands gripped tightly against her sides, hard enough to crush her. When the kiss finally broke, spit trailed between their lips, both breathless. Staring down at her, Negan stared before Lucy blinked. "Are you...my husband?" She asked in a soft whisper, half shaken and uneven. Negan stared at her confused before slowly nodding. Lucy stared up before suddenly her eyes rolled back into her head and she slumped completely limp in his arms. Standing up straight, Negan clutched onto her, nearly dropping her. Instantly he looked scared to death. Shaking her, he stared down.

"LUCY?!"

He pressed his ear against her chest before a few of the men came hurrying over.

"She fainted..."

He carefully laid her down, as the men circled about. Joe tried to step forward but a gun was pressed against his side. Negan laid Lucy out carefully as if she were made of glass. The men all squatted around before Negan snarled at them, raising his voice to become loud and horsed.

"DON'T TOUCH HER!"

Instantly he lifted his eyes and looked straight at Joe.

 **Later...**

They were currently fetching the doctor as Lucy laid inside Negan's trailer, asleep and being watched. Just outside beneath one of the main tents, Joe sat at a fold out table as Negan sat across from him. His bat laying beside him.

"You better explain fast and quick before I fucking kill you."'

Joe sighed, looking around and seeing all the men on watch with guns. Taking a deep breath he began.

"Almost four months ago I was up on Route 79, about ten miles or so in the North woods. I came upon one of the many cabins that line hills where I found Darling...I mean..."

Negan glared.

"Lucy..."

"Yeah, she was in real bad shape. She had been left by some people who recovered her. They were gone but she had just delivered two babies. One died during birth, the other they took with them. I found her on the floor, God knows how long with the dead infant. She explained to me she had to destroy it herself..."

Negan instantly looked a mixture of disgust and anger as he roughly rubbed his beard. Joe went on.

"She had suffered a seizure, had really bad injuries, suffering from exposure, and had a really bad fever. I helped her, got her back on her feet and we started to travel. We've been circling the surrounding states, planning on heading further down South but her fever keeps getting worse. I'm no doctor but I had a bad feeling she wasn't going to make it come spring."

"How come to doesn't remember anything...she acted like she had never seen me before..."

Joe shrugged. "I don't know how she originally hurt herself but she could have injured her head pretty bad, or the fevers. She doesn't know her name, how old she is, where she's from...I take it you were the father of the babies..."

Negan stared and continued on.

"She never mentioned me..."

"Well that's the funny thing. You're name seems to be the only thing she really did remember. She wasn't sure who Negan was. I figured you were her husband but she's been trying real hard to remember anything before she came to the cabin and she can't. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before it comes to her but with the fevers the way they are, I don't know..."

"Who were these people who took the baby?"

"I don't know. She said it was a man and a woman, she can't remember the name. They left her for dead figuring she wasn't going to make it. They helped her deliver but that's it. I tried tracking them but nothing..."

Negan sat back, crossing his arms. Joe stared at her.

"Listen, we...we were just friends. I tried to help her, we traveled together but that's it. She seems young and..."

"You wouldn't fuck a married woman?" Joe held up his hands in defense.

"Hey take it easy...like I said I never once..."

"But you wanted to..."

Joe ignored this comment.

"Listen, I don't know what happened but she's ben through Hell, I'm just glad she's back with you..."

"Yeah, Lucy went off for a walk in the woods near one of our camps, she always insisted on going alone, she was stubborn like that. I didn't think it was a good idea seeing she was nine months pregnant with twins no less but she went anyways. When she didn't return an hour later I sent a search party...we've been looking ever since."

Joe listened, not saying a word. Negan cocked his head to the side before nodding. Neil who was standing nearby came over before Negan motioned to him and handed him a small notebook and pen. Negan slammed them down.

"Directions to that cabin where you found her..."

Joe sighed sitting up straight and began to write.

"Not that sure how good these are..."

He finished and pushed the notepad across to him.

"But tell me something...do you think that little story you just spun me...do you think Lucy will buy it?"

Negan broke into a grin. Lightly chuckling he lifted himself up, taking his bat and holding it by his side. "I owe you Joe...you're one Hell of a man taking care of my Lucille like you did..."

He circled around the table before turning and standing directly behind Joe. Slowly he rose he baseball bat.

"But I'm afraid I won't be needing you anymore..."

With one single swing, he slammed the bat down onto Joe's skull.

 **Later...**

Lucy's eyes slowly fluttered open as her vision cleared. There staring down at her was the same warm, handsome, and welcoming face she had often tried to find in this thick fog of her memories. He was the only thing she seemed to be able to firmly take grasp onto, and now in just a few seconds here he was in the flesh staring down at her. Instantly he smiled, causing the lines around his eyes to show more clearly. When he smiled his entire face changed and lit up with it. His grin showed teeth as he squinted and reached down with his large rough warm hand and stroked back her hair gently.

"Hey good looking..."

For a mere moment panic leaped into her heart. She had the strangest urge to sit up and run right out of wherever she was. Instead she simply laid there, staring up at him.

"Where...am I?"

She asked in a croaked broken voice. Negan continued smiling.

"You're in one of our camps...don't you remember be baby?"

Feeling scared and overwhelmed Lucy slowly shook her head as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"No..."

She softly whispered. Still smiling, Negan continued stroking her head.

"That's all right...my name is Negan, we're from Tampa Florida. You're daddy ran a construction company with me and my brother...we were just married a month before everything went to shit. We rounded up men, supplies, guns, and made our own society...baby girl don't you remember our boys?"

She saw tears glimmer his hazel eyes. Gulping, she felt her own begin to form. Never before did she feel so confused.

"I..."

She thought of the baby dying in her arms back at the cabin and how she had to kill it before it returned. Feeling her heart ache at this horrible loss, the only thing that seemed to make sense in this dense fog she was trapped in was that he understood. That he had made something with her, and a horrible tragedy happened, causing this numbing empty hole inside of her. For the first time in months she saw someone that could understand how devastating this was. Negan continued stroking back her hair before Lucy broke down completely. Snapping her eyes shut she began to sob not only for how completely alone she felt. but for the fact she as so relieved that something finally made sense that reminded her of what had happened. How she wondered could she mourn a baby she had no idea even existed until a few hours after coming to with everything wiped clear in her memory.

Her muscles ached as she kept crying. Gently Negan rolled her over, wrapping his arm tightly around her and let her cry. She cried for everything, but mostly for her children. Negan didn't say a word, instead he held onto her as tight as he could, unable to believe she was really there in his arms. Soothing her the best he could, he allowed her to cry, petting her hair as her entire body shook. For a mere instant, he had the sudden urge to wrap his large hands around her throat and squeeze. She had ran away from him, lied to him, and tried to kill herself only to end up having her be most likely the main reason why one of his babies was dead. He had listened to the man who had came in with her, about how some couple had taken the other child. He was a realistic man, and knew the changes of him ever seeing the baby again, or having it still be alive were slim to none.

He wanted to beat her, kill her, strangle her, make her pay for what she had done. Nobody ever escaped him. Nobody ever made him grieve the way he had grieved for her and the children. His children, the ones he had made, trying so hard to convince her that he would protect her, keep her safe...all she had to do was accept the fact she belonged to him...

That rage boiled for a mere moment before fading away. Just a half an hour ago after he had killed the man she had traveled with and Neil and the others carried away his smashed up corpse, he had called a meeting. His men broadcasted it over the radios for the other surrounding camps. Lucy was back, but injured. She suffered some major head trauma and this was the story he was sticking with in order not to confuse her. Anyone, and he stressed anyone try to talk to her about anything else would be murdered. He stated the facts simple, repeating the story he would later tell her. A story he was beginning to make himself believe, wanting it to be true instead of knowing she had rather wanted to kill herself than to be with him. He repeated the story several times and said if the camps stuck with this story no problem...if they tried to fuck with him he would cut them up into pieces. He knew the men understood he meant business so when he did go back into the trailer where she was resting he prepared the first of many lies to come. All of that rage broke apart when she looked up at him with her bloodshot eyes which were filling with tears.

"I can't remember anything..."

He smiled down at her, cupping the side of her smooth soft face.

"It's okay baby, you're back with me...that's all that matters. I never gave up hope...I knew you were alive..."

"The...babies...I..."

Her voice broke up again before he gently, in fact maybe one of his first ever signs of kindness as he kissed her softly on the forehead.

"It's my own fault. I wasn't there to protect you and keep you safe..."

"That couple, they..."

"We'll keep looking...I don't care if it takes years we'll keep looking...shhhh now..."

"Where's Joe?"

She asked, blinking through tears. Instantly Negan frowned.

"He left camp about an hour or so ago. Said he was glad you were back with you're family and he wanted to get a jump start...offered for him to stay as long as he wanted but he took some supplies and another rifle and left...told me to tell you goodbye."

Instantly Lucy looked confused. "He left?" Negan nodded. Sitting there Lucy sat there, silent tears still trailing down her face. She looked so young at that exact moment, so lost.

"He...left..."

"I'm sure he'll be okay. He was just glad you're back with all of us...I promise I'll never let anything happen to you again Lucille..."

"That's my name?" Negan nodded, still brushing away her hair. Looking frustrated Lucy rubbed her temples.

"God I just wish I could remember!"

"It will come back, one day at a time baby..."

This was something he knew he would never wish for. Instead he looked at her with so much love it seemed dangerous. Perhaps this was his second chance. He would finally make things right.

"Joe gave me directions roughly of where that cabin was...I'm thinking in the morning we'll head out."

Lucy wiped her eyes.

"What for?"

"Our boy is buried there...I wanna pay my respects..."

Lucy cast her eyes downward and sniffled again.

"I'm...so confused..."

Negan turned her to look at him. Holding her down by the shoulders he gave a faint smile.

"You're my wife, and I don't care if it takes the rest of my life...I'll make up for what happened. You're safe now baby..."

Lucy stared at him, tears still coming before she nodded.

"Okay...I'm sorry, this is all happening so fast..."

"That's okay, we got all the time in the world now..."

He gently picked up one of her hands and kissed the top of her, causing her to make a small yet sad smile.

"Thank you..."

She softly whispered. Sitting beside her on the bed, Negan wrapped his arm tightly around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Come on, let's lay down for a bit...you must be still exhausted..."

Nodding, Lucy wiped her eyes again before turning her head upward towards him. Staring, she seemed so confused. With that she softly kissed his scruffy cheek before he smiled. Together the two laid down on the bed in the back of the trailer. The same bed he had raped her night after night. Instead, he allowed her to snuggle up close to him, her back facing him. Putting his arm over her, he told her to be still and listen to the sound of her softly breathing. In no time, from pure exhaustion she fell asleep. He knew he had a lot of work to do to gain her trust, but at this exact moment she was a blank slate. With lots of work, he would make her his wife, no strings attached. He would rule, and she would be his queen. She would be exactly as he had always wanted her. All he needed to do was make her fall in love with him. Smiling in the dim darkness of the trailer, he knew that wouldn't be a problem at all. She was here, and she was his. In the morning they would go visit the grave of their boy, and he would start looking for the other one. If they couldn't, he knew it was only a matter of time before he got her pregnant with another one. The beginning of the rest of their life's was starting now, and he would be damned if he ever lost her again...

 **Seven months ago...**

Lucy was struggling again, which made it all so much better. Negan was sitting on the same exact bed they would be laying on months from now reunited. Today he had his jeans un-zipped and he was currently forcing her to give him a blowjob. Lucy was crying, and trying to fight. Instead Negan had a huge handful of her hair and was pushing the back of her head down on his erect cock that he currently had forced down her throat. Lucy was crying and gagging, Her hands were flapping about. She was pregnant, and was taken by surprises when he came marching into the trailer with that same look of hunger in his eyes. He was enjoying the fact she was fighting back so much. He had warned her if she used any teeth he would break her arm, something he wasn't against doing. Thrusting his lips upward, he snapped at her to use her tongue, that he knew she could have done better than that. He kept pushing down her head as she began to choke. Last time he did this she had thrown up all over the place. Laughing, he tilted his head back.

"Come on baby, suck it...suck it good..."

He muttered before suddenly he felt the climax building. Deciding to have a little fun, he roughly yanked her head up as she coughed, spit and drool trailing from her lips as she gasped for hair. Smiling, he pushed her back, and threw up the skirt she was wearing. Ripping yet another pair of panties that belonged to her, he positioned himself, his penis standing straight up. Shoving his legs apart, he pushed himself into her causing her to only gently cry out one. Staring down, he smiled and with three hard thrusts he climaxed deeply into her. Panting, he stared down at her lifeless expression and smiled.

"Good girl Lucile, good girl..."

With that, he licked the side of her face.

 **Present.**

He wanted her badly, he felt himself becoming rock hard but knew he had to wait. Staring at the back of her head he smiled and continued stroking her hair before knowing instantly what her punishment would be for leaving him. He would as soon as he gained her trust get her pregnant again. In fact, he would try to have as many children as possible with her, and this time...this time she would never leave his sight again.


	14. Answers

**Present.**

Lucille slept for nearly a straight eighteen hours. Negan laid beside her, curled up, holding onto her the entire time. Shortly before dawn, Lucille woke up, eyelids fluttering open and for a split second she had absolute no idea where she was. Staring up at the ceiling, she took a moment before the worst sense of confusion hit her. Laying there a jolt went through her for a moment before she wondered why wasn't she sleeping in a tent, or in some loft above a barn. Glancing to her side she saw Negan. Not Joe, but Negan.

"Negan, Negan, Negan..."

The words repeated over and over again in her mind. Somehow it felt familiar, but strange. She knew this man, in fact in that hazy mess of whatever was left of her memories was only faint his face. For the longest time she believed maybe he was her father, or whoever she was with before she woke up in that cabin. Hearing that this was her husband, and how they had separated just didn't seem right. She was from Florida? This was her father's friend? His business partner? They were married? She couldn't understand... Still, Joe had left...dropped her off just like that and was gone. Here she was, laying beside a man who was how old? Forty-five? Fifty? Was she really married to him? She had taken a look around briefly and saw how huge this camp was. Negan was the leader...her husband, the father of one dead child, and the other taken...how could all of this information suddenly just be thrown at her? She felt safe staring at him, but why didn't this seem right? Carefully she slid from out of his arms, carefully not to make the mattress creak. Standing, feeling her knees pop, she looked down at him and cocked her head to the side. Was this really her husband? She looked around the tiny room and felt as if she had been here before but could't seem to place it. Turning, she was careful to make her way down the narrow hallway. She used the bathroom, and then went into the small kitchen/living area.

It was early still, and nobody seemed to be out walking around in the camps. There was a heavy fog out, and frost on the ground. She stared out the window, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Morning..."

Lucy jumped, gasping a small scream before she spun around and saw Negan standing directly behind her. His beard showing more gray than brown. He looked roughed, well rested, and handsome. He smiled staring down at her before lightly chuckling.

"I'm sorry to scare you baby, heard you get up. You sleep okay?"

Lucy sighed, a little embarrassed and turned staring back out the window. Negan moved up behind her, slipping his huge arms around her waist and nuzzling her shoulder, gently tickling the skin with his beard as he trailed kisses up and down.

"Yeah...sorry I've been so out of it. Guess I needed it..."

"Of course you did, being on the road...Jesus it makes me sick knowing you were out there all alone..."

Lucy sighed.

"I wasn't alone...Joe was with me."

She could feel Negan pause for a second.

"And...I own him my life. Wish he really could have stayed a little longer. I owed him that much keeping my girl safe..."

Lucy turned, just a mere inch away from his own face. She locked eyes with him.

"I need to know more...what is this place, the babies...I'm...just so confused. I need...answers..."

Negan nodded, bringing her hand up and kissing it.

"Coffee first, answers next...then we're hitting the road."

Lucy nodded before Negan smiled, lifting her chin with his fingers. Smiling, his entire face seemed to light up.

"I just can't believe you're back here with me..."

Tilting his head, he softly kissed her lips. Staring up, stunned she looked at him before Negan grinned. Somehow deep down inside that grin chilled her to the bone.

 **Later...**

Lucy sat down in the small booth of the tiny fold out table with Negan. Two half drank cups of coffee sat before them as Negan finished. He had told her roughly about her family, and how she had lost them during the first attacks. He talked about their wedding, how she was in school, and planning on after they graduated on trying for a family. He spoke about his camps, some of the terrible things that had happened, his men, his rules, and what they had become. He spoke about how she got pregnant earlier that year, how she went for that walk, and went missing. He spoke about how long he had been searching, and finally how happy he was that she was back with him. He reached across and squeezed her hand. Lucy felt sick, sitting there she slowly took deep breaths.

"Do you have any photos...of my parents, us?"

"Baby we had to leave in such a hurry...I couldn't take anything. I'm so sorry..."

Lucy stared at their two hands on the table squeezing each other. Sighing, she clicked her tongue.

"These camps...you're not telling me everything are you?"

Negan used his free hand to scratch his beard.

"What's happened...it's forced men like me to take charge. I've done things I'm not proud of...but by doing so I've kept myself, my men, and until a few months ago you safe. You saw the way I ran things, and while you didn't completely agree, you understood. It's going to take getting used to, but trust me...it's for the best."

Sighing, Lucy nodded.

"The babies..."

"I should have never let you go alone...it's my fault..."

Lucy stared blankly down at the table and the coffee cups.

"I...wish I could remember them."

Negan squeezed her hand.

"Come on, I got some clothes for you...let's get bundled up and we'll take one of the trucks..."

Lucy nodded, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.

"This is all new to me...I'm sure it's going to come back, but I need time. I'm going to ask questions, lots of them...I just need time okay. One day I woke up, having no idea who I was or where I was from and...I had to hold one of my babies who I had no idea I was even pregnant with as they died in my arms. I had to destroy them, and watch the other get taken away. Up until a few days ago I had no idea who my name was or that I was married. My only friend left, and now I'm married. I'm a little overwhelmed here..."

"And you need time. Trust me I know baby, I know..."

With that he smiled, got up and cleared the cups. Lucy meanwhile sat there in a stunned trance.

 **Later...**

Lucy and Negan rode together in one of the pick up trucks. When they left the trailer, she saw that people were just starting to wake up and move about. Before they headed out, Lucy changed in the clothes Negan had left out for her in the bedroom. As she changed, she was completely unaware that Negan was watching leaning against the wall of the narrow hallway. He watched with her back facing him. She slowly slipped on the jeans, and slipped on the black T-shirt. By the time she sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on her boots, he had gone to the front of the trailer.

They took off together, nobody really speaking to them besides the man named Neil and Simon. They took Negan aside, spoke in low voices before Negan took a pistol and tucked it into the front of his jeans. Opening the door to one of the many parked trucks, he let her in and circled around. They rode together mostly in silence. Lucy stared out the window, trying to wrap her entire mind about this. Once or twice Negan asked if she was all right and each time Lucy would force a smile and say of course.

"What were my parents like?"

"Hum?"

"My parents...what were they like?"

"Well, they were...great. You're father...Larry was my best friend and business partner. He was really a great guy, always joking around. You look a lot like you're mother...her name was Mary."

"I do?"

"Yeah, she used to call you her twin. They loved you a lot..."

Lucy forced herself not to cry. Instead she took a deep breath and stared out the windshield at the road ahead of them.

"What was I going to major in in school?"

"You wanted to become a...physical therapist. You went on and on about how that was going to be your major...you wanted to put it off though until we started having children..."

"Can you answer something...Negan?"

"Yeah of course."

"Why want to bring children into this...all of this..."

She motioned to the deserted back highway.

"Joe told me all about what happened...why?"

"Well, you had your heart set on wanting a baby so bad...it was an accident, and we had choices but you told me you wanted a family no matter what. You saw what we build and what we had to do. It didn't always feel right, and sometimes you said we felt like monsters but at the end of day you knew I was keeping you safe. You knew this way was the only way...the future..."

Lucy turned, pretending she was looking out the window and roughly wiped at her eyes. Suddenly she felt his hand reach over and cover the one that was resting on her lap. Somehow, this small sign of comfort was exactly what she needed.

 **Later...**

Nearly three hours later they found the cabin. The moment they parked Lucy felt her heart hammering in her chest. Carefully she let herself out and the two went to the front of the truck. Sighing, Lucy pointed towards one of the trees.

"That's where we buried the baby..."

Negan's eyes seemed stone set. Taking her hand, the two began to walk towards the small grave. Once they reached the area, Lucy let go of Negan's firm grip and took a shaken step forward. Instantly her confused and pale face completely crumpled. Falling heavy down on her knees, she stared forward unaware at Negan was standing directly behind her. For a mere moment he looked as if he was going to kill her. His hands were highly brought into fists at his sides. He glared down at her, fogged with the memory before she jumped out of his sight all those months ago. He saw himself grabbing her neck from behind, wrapping his large hands tightly around her throat and strangling her until she paid for what she had done. Underneath the ground there was one of his boys. His own flesh and blood. His family. He had worked so hard to give her children, and this was how she thanked him? He fought so hard to hold back these terrible urges. Instead he took deep breaths, and stepped forward before slowly getting down on one knee. The two knelt side by side staring at the grave. Sighing, eyes rimmed with tears, Lucy reached down and gently swept the dirt with the palm of her hand.

"I named him Negan...since your name was really all I could remember."

Negan didn't say a word, instead he reached over and gently squeezed her shoulder blade, rubbing it before Lucy lowered her head as silent tears rolled down her face. The two stayed that way for a good hour, side by side looking at their dead child's grave.

 **Later...**

When Negan opened the door, dried leafs blew inside the dark cabin. Lucy stayed behind him as the two carefully walked inside. It smelt damp, and the air inside stale. Negan had his gun out and looked around before Lucy stood in the doorway and sighed. Pointing, she motioned over to the floor where there were crumpled up sheets, blankets, and sleeping bags.

"That's where I had them, that's where I had to kill...our boy..."

Negan saw the dried blood stains now a dark purplish color on the floorboards. Slowly, he walked around as Lucy crossed her arms and told him about the couple. What she barley could remember about them, and how they had promised to keep the other baby safe. Negan circled around the future, looking at the long blown out fireplace, and the firmly latched windows listening. Lucy gave a humorless laugh, shaking her head saying she wished she knew where they were headed, at least then maybe she could see if they had made it.

She regretted letting them take him, but in the shape she was in what choice did she have? Finally Negan walked over to her. His pistol tucked back into his pants. Staring at her, he walked in close and gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

"You did the right thing. Don't you ever blame yourself."

Lucy shifted her eyes to the side, embarrassed before Negan brushed back her hair.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you...but I promise I'll make it up to you. No matter what it takes."

Lucy sighed pulling back.

"I don't even know you...this is all..."

"New, I know. But we got plenty of time to change that okay?"

Lucy nodded before Negan smirked.

"I got some stuff in the truck. Stay here, we'll clean up and spend the night."

"You wanna, stay here?" Negan patted her on the shoulder not answering before walking down the front porch steps. Turning, Lucy watched him, admiring his skinny hips, his broad shoulders, and how his hair was going gray. Looking at him, she still felt so displaced. Turning, she looked back down at the floor where she had these babies she couldn't remember and instantly her forehead wrinkled as she drew her eyebrows down and hurried over. By the time Negan returned with a box of supplies he had kept in the back, Lucy had balled together all of the sheets, and blood stained blankets and hurried past him, nearly knocking him over before tossing them out over the porch railing. When she came back, Negan had drawn up some of the shades in the cabin, and had set down the box on the kitchen table. Walking over, Lucy fixed her hair back in a tighter ponytail before nothing Negan fixing them both drinks in two mason jars from the box he brought.

"What are you doing?"

"Fixing us a drink. I say you rest a bit...I'll keep watch, then maybe in a few hours if you feel up to it we'll hit the road."

"I thought you said you wanted to spend the night?"

"Yeah well, I know you aren't too crazy about that idea and I don't blame you. We're share a drink and you can lay out on the sofa, I'll sit by the window for a few hours..."

"I've slept enough..."

"You seem tired baby. You've been through a lot...trust me okay?"

He handed her the mason jar, filled with a clear liquid. Looking at it, Lucy carefully took it and spelled it before wrinkling her nose.

"What is it?"

"Something that will calm your nerves, drink up..."

He raised the glass.

"To...second chances."

Lucy stared at it for a second before clinking her glass against his.

"Second...chances..."

She repeated before tilting the jar to her lips. There was an instant burn, before the warm liquid traveled down her throat and down into her stomach. She watched Negan drink his, tilting it back and shooting it. Copying him, she did the same, not exactly enjoying the taste before finishing it. Nearly instantly, the booze seemed to go straight to her head. Licking her lips, she handed him the empty jar.

"Thanks..."

Negan smiled.

"Don't mention it. Now go sit down and relax doll..."

Lucy nodded, feeling swimmy headed before slowly walking over to the sofa and sitting down among the throw pillows and folded blankets. There seemed to be thousands of memories wanting so badly to surface...instead they blended together as the booze caused her vision to blur, and soon blend all together...

 **Fifteen minutes later...**

Negan sat beside Lucy who was now sprawled to the side of the sofa, drugged and completely unconscious. The drink Negan had fixed her had been laced with something special he had brought along with them. He knew he needed this time alone with her, to get what he was craving without wrecking what very possibly could be his true second shot with her. In time time he would make her trust him, love him, obey him...but until then he needed to play his cards right. Until then, he would have to use this time, and use it well. He finished his own drink on the coffee table before them, and reached over taking Lucy's limp wrist and felt a strong pulse. He had only used this stuff once or twice, Simon had given it to him and he wasn't exactly too sure how strong it really was. Still, when he snapped his fingers in front of her face, there was no reaction. He lifted her eyelids, dropped them, and listened to her chest which was slowly rising up and down.

He had an hour...maybe... Smiling, he carefully lifted her legs up on the sofa, and looked her over. He felt his erection pulsing in his jeans before he hovered above her. Nuzzling her soft face, his beard scratched against her cheeks and throat. His hands grabbed at her breasts, squeezing above her T-shirt, before lifting it. He stared at her breasts filling her bra, before licking the skin, and being careful not to leave any bite marks. Instead he took deep breaths, and reached down pulling her jeans down, along with her panties. Once they were down around her ankles, he spread her legs slightly and straddled her. Undoing his belt and yanking down his fly, he worked himself out and continued staring at her sleeping peaceful face, completely unaware that any of this was happening... Leaning down, he grunted and pushed himself deep inside of her. Stifling a groan, he sank all the way into her, feeling her tightness and warmth, He laid all his weight down on her, before remembering how good she had felt and at this exact moment everything made sense. Laying there, he pushed gently down before completely losing all control and climaxing inside of her. Unable to help himself, he moaned and clutched onto her before sighing. He felt himself empty out into her and knew he hadn't fully prepared himself for this. Lifting his head, he stared a her while trying to catch his breath. Smiling, he shook his head.

"Guess I didn't expect that to happen darling..."

Working his way out of her, he saw the mess he had made between her thighs and chuckled before sitting up. Scratching his beard, he stared down at her before he wrapped his hand around his now limp penis and began to slowly worked his hand up and down in a frenzy. Working up a sweat, he stared a her and smiled.

"Working on round two honey, just give me a second..."

Lucy continued laying there, drugged and breathing softly unaware that yet again this man had raped her.

 **Later...**

Negan had Lucy naked from the waist down sitting on top of his lap, his own jeans pooled around his ankles. He was holding Lucy by the left shoulder, and right hip, working on making her body go up in a frantic rhythm up and down on his penis, as her head rolled back on her leg like a rag doll. Thrusting upwards, he grabbed onto her, having been raping her in this position for the last ten or so minuites. She felt exactly like she did before, even better now. Negan grunted as he held her, watching her body bob up and down before finally he moaned, squeezing onto her before finishing. It was a rough climax, and as warmth dripped down on him, he allowed Lucy to lay back against him as he laughed. Reaching down he squeezed her breasts before kissing her neck.

"Now, let's get you cleaned up."

 **Later...**

Lucy awoke a few hours later, no longer in the cabin but back in the truck with Negan. Her head resting on his lap, as he drove. It was nearly late evening, and her head felt foggy and slow. Glancing up, she saw Negan driving, one hand on the wheel, the other stroking her hair. Feeling sick to her stomach, she blinked and stared up at him. Something wasn't right. Negan glanced down and smiled.

"Hey darling..."

Lucy slowly slid her head off his lap, not feeling comfortable. Sitting up, she instantly felt dizzy and had to hold onto the dashboard for support. Negan continued driving and glanced over.

"You okay?"

"Lucy's stomach cramped, she felt sick, her head stuffed up, and dizzy. Her throat dry, and her stomach in knots. It felt this same way whenever she got her period. Plus, her skin smelt strongly of soap.

"What...happened?"

She said slowly. Negan glanced at her.

"You had that drink and I think it might have gone to your head...you threw up all over yourself so I had to change your shirt and clean you up a bit..."

Lucy glanced and saw she was wearing Negan's white T-shirt instead of her own. Crossing her arms to cover her breasts by pure instinct, she sat as far as she could on the passenger side and shook her head, rubbing her temples.

"Jesus..."

"Sorry, I knew you were upset and thought it would help. You need rest is all, we're about an hour away from camp. You need a nice hot shower and some more rest...there's water by your feet."

Lucy took the bottle and drank it slowly, her head now pounding.

"I'm so embarrassed..."

"Don't be, you were upset...besides it's not like I haven't seen it before...I wanna give you a heads up though honey, I think your...monthly bill might be due, you can wrap my jacket around your waist when we get back, I'll send for some stuff while you're showering..."

Lucy instantly looked down at the crotch of her jeans, she didn't see any blood stains, and thought she wasn't due for her period for another week. Still, she did feel strange down there, and ever since she had the babies she hadn't been regular. Biting down on her lip, she felt a faint cramp and nodded. Maybe it was just spotting. Trying not to let it get to her she glanced out the window.

"Thank you..."

"Don't worry about it...we'll get you home in no time..."

He reached over, rubbing her arm. Sitting there, Lucy sat there not sure what to believe. Instead she sat there staring out the window wanting so badly to believe this was her husband, and that he was looking after her. Instead as he gently rubbed her arm, and she smelt the strong scent of soap as if somebody had been scrubbing at her skin, and her stomach and insides cramped, she felt as if something wasn't right...and that it was on the verge of getting a whole lot worse. Just then Negan finished into one of the zipper pockets of his leather jacket and finished something out, keeping his eyes till on the road.

"Here..."

Lucy looked over as he dropped it in the palm of her hand. Looking down, she saw it was a stunning sparking diamond ring.

"Is this mine?"

"I lost mine a while back when all this shit started to go down, but I kept yours after you caught pregnant, those fingers of yours would swell so I kept it on me. Thought you would want it..."

Lucy stared down at the ring, surprised by how beautiful it was. Slipping the ring on her left hand, she stared at it as the sparking stone caught some light. Somehow it didn't feel right. Looking, cocking her head to the side as ignored the terrible cramps she felt from down below, and sighed. Negan meanwhile continued glancing at her, grinning.


	15. Deep in lust

**Before.**

 _ **Negan climbed out of his pick-up truck which was parked in front of town house he was currently in the process of paying off. Getting out, he banged the door shut, and circled around scooping up the paper before jogging up the front steps. Letting himself inside, he tosses the paper and keys down onto the table which sat between the coatrack and planter.**_

 _ **"Lucille!"**_

 _ **He called as he made his way down the hallway. Turning, he went into the dinning room/living room where her hospital bed had been placed since she could no longer make the stairs. In just the matter of six months this room and turned into a hospital. Between her bed, the endless supplies of medications, syringes, bottles, and supplies, it no longer looked like the space in which both stood in back when things seemed so hopeful when they first moved here less than four years ago. He still remembered Lucille twirling around laughing, so excited over the fact that he had gotten the job at the high school and had just officially bought their first home. The mortgage was terrifying to think of more than one payment at a time, but both were younger, and so full of hope then. He loved seeing Lucille so happy as she rushed around the giant space talking about how great this place was, and what sort of curtains she would be hanging. Now the dinning table was shoved to the side, littered with oxygen tanks, medical bills, containers, and other pieces of junk that was keeping his sweet wife alive.**_

 _ **She had been diagnosed less than a year ago when they had just started trying for a baby. When it hadn't happened after the first few months she was the one who insisted to go get checked up, and after the blood tests results came back they discovered what was wrong. After that, everything seemed to be a blur. As he walked in, he tried his hardest not to show how shocked he was seeing his once beautiful bride sitting up in her hospital bed. Her was no longer that exotic beautiful woman he had first met when she was subbing at the middle school he was working at. Both had met during PD at the beginning of the year and their name cards happened to be beside each other. During the entire training both had hit it off instantly, and had to stiffen giggles as the two sat like two teenagers making fun of of the woman hosting the training. At the end of the day both exchanged numbers, and the rest were history. Now his beautiful wife was dying, and there wasn't one Goddamn thing he could do about it. As he walked in, he saw her, so frail, so thin, so pale. She sat up, oxygen mask covering her thinning face, her once beautiful hair now tied up in a scarf. Looking at her made his heart sink. Julia, her live-in nurse, a pretty blond twenty-something girl turned in her scrubs, getting Lucille's afternoon I.V ready.**_

 _ **"How are you?"**_

 _ **Negan smiled going straight to his wife's bedside before casually raising his hand to Julia.**_

 _ **"Hey Julia, I'm swell...how's my girl doing?"**_

 _ **"Good, she ate a little earlier..."**_

 _ **Negan pulled up a chair and sat beside her, gathering her thin hand into his large warm one. gently kissing it, he felt his heart break when he saw all the tubes going into her bruised little hand, covered in medical tape. Lucille's heavy purplish eyelids fluttered weakly open, staring at him but not really seeing him before her eyes closed and she fell back into her drugged sleep. He knew it was only a matter of time now. He was watching her slip away...**_

 **Later...**

 _ **Negan stood on his back deck smoking a cigarette feeling his blood pressure boil. Just then the sliding glass door opened and Julia stepped out.**_

 _ **"Can I spare one?"**_

 _ **Negan glanced over before fishing inside his pocket and taking one out. Julia put the cigarette in her mouth before Negan leaned forward, cupped his hand and lit it for her. Both stood in silence, before finally Negan turned and looked at her.**_

 _ **"How's she doing? No bullshit."**_

 _ **Julia sighed.**_

 _ **"I think by the end of the week we'll need to transport her back to the hospital..."**_

 _ **Negan shook his head, leaning against the railing.**_

 _ **"No, she wanted to be here with me...I got time saved up, I'll stay here..."**_

 _ **"I can make her comfortable, but it's out of our hands now Negan...I'm sorry..."**_

 _ **Negan stared forward, not wanting to cry or break down. Instead he wanted to take something and smash it to pieces. That would feel wonderful at this exact moment. Instead he felt Julia's fingertips on his scruffy cheek.**_

 _ **"You've tried...it's just...it's over..."**_

 _ **Negan turned before Julia stood on her tip toes and lightly kissed his cheek. Her soft lips instantly felt like a comfort to him. Stiffening, Negan pulled back and flicked his cigarette down.**_

 _ **"Stop."**_

 _ **Julia froze looking hurt.**_

 _ **"Last night was a mistake...I was upset..."**_

 _ **"I know, because you are a good man. A good husband who doesn't need to face this alone..."**_

 _ **She leaned forward again, kissing him. Unknown to them, inside looking through the window laid Lucille who Julia believed had been sedated and was asleep. Instead in her drugged state, she stared forward, laying on one side, looking through the parted curtains. The same curtains she had picked out so carefully for her beautiful new home with her handsome husband. There on the porch she watched him and her nurse, who she believed was her friend embracing and kissing. Silently a tear rolled down her face.**_

 **Now.**

Shortly before they pulled onto the backroad that opened up to the camp, Negan told Lucy that they would spend tonight in the trailer but he was going to move her to one of their main camps. It was bigger, safer, and a whole lot nicer than what they were used to. Lucy didn't say much, she felt swimmy headed, tired, and sore. Once they parked, she saw there were strung out lights, along with headlights, lanterns, and spot lights all around the trailers and tents. Coming around, he opened the door for her and slipped his arm around her. Lucy stiffened, but knew she needed to relax. He had been nothing but kind to her, and she was just acting this way since she couldn't remember him. Earlier she had seen how reaction to the grave. He looked devastated. Here he had been nothing but kind, but why did she feel as if something was wrong? The two walked together before he brought her to the trailer.

"I'm going to fetch some things for you. Why don't you take yourself a nice hot shower and I'll get your things and dinner all right?"

Lucy nodded, feeling her reactions were slow and delayed.

"Sure..."

Before she climbed the metal stairs to the trailer, Negan turned her around carefully.

"You okay?"

Lucy took a second before nodding.

"I'm just tired...and going back there..."

Gently he raised his finger and pressed it on her lips.

"It's all right. We can't change what happened...but we can make damn sure it won't ever happen again."

Lucy felt a terrible twisting in her stomach and nodded before turning and going up the stairs. Negan meanwhile watched her, licking his lips.

 **Later...**

Lucy had stripped off her soiled clothes and frowned when she looked at the small dime sized blood stains on her jeans. It wasn't her period, but she felt dull cramps. She figured she was just spotting and cleaned herself up. Turning on the water full blast, she went into the tiny little shower and instantly felt her muscles relax once she tilted her head back and allowed the hot water come down on her. Steam rose around as she smiled, closed her eyes and slowly began to feel this horrible day slip behind her. Just then the small shower curtain pulled back and Lucy screamed. Negan stood there in just jeans, his chest broad and muscular. He stood there smirking, holding a pile of clothes in his hands.

"Hey baby..."

Out of pure impulse, Lucy had covered her breasts, still completely caught off guard. Her hair dripping wet, she didn't know what to say or do. Instead Negan acted as if he had seen her naked thousands of times before, which must have actually been true by how he was smiling.

"Sorry I scared you, brought everything over here for you...got enough soap and shampoo?"

Lucy blinked before slowly nodding.

"Um, yeah...thanks..."

Negan placed the clothes on the sink before rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'll cook us up something, you take your time..."

Leaning forward, he quickly kissed her cheek, getting the side of his head slightly wet. Grinning, he playfully shook his head like a dog at her, splashing her with his now wet hair and winked before walking out. Still surprised, Lucy let out a nervous laugh before closing the shower curtain and finishing her shower. After she finished drying off, she was both touched and amused by the clothes and items Negan had brought her. There was a small bag filled with female products, that she knew she didn't need, a hair brush, a nail file, along with several other things. Lucy tied her hair up tight in a bun to dry her hair and dressed in the comfy pair of leggings and long T-shirt. Once she pulled on her socks, she folded her old clothes and walked out into the living space.

Instantly the smelt the mouth watering scent of soup cooking. Walking out she saw some lanterns going as Negan was just bringing over a pot and carefully pouring two bowls of soup at the table.

"Hey baby, feel better?"

Lucy, still taken off guard slowly nodded.

"Yeah...um where can I wash these?"

"Don't worry about it honey, just toss em in that bag over there and come eat."

Lucy did so and joined him. Thanking him for the soup he apologized it wasn't anything better but promised once they arrived at the new camp he would cook her anything she wanted. Together they sat across from each other eating, all the meanwhile Lucy kept glancing at the sparking diamond ring on her hand. Once they finished Negan insisted to clear the table while she sat. Bringing her some water, he sat down beside her and asked if she needed anything else? Smiling softly Lucy said she was fine.

"I'm sure you got a lot of questions, but don't worry about a thing...once I bring you to the main base we'll take care of you. It will come back honey...I promise. Then maybe we can start to figure out where that couple..."

"No."

Negan stopped and looked at her.

"What?"

"No, if the baby is alive...which is unlikely he was with two real good people. People who took me in when I was hurt and dying and tried their best with me. I don't know if they made it...but I rather not know if they didn't..."

Negan stared at her for a second as if she was crazy. Instead he nodded.

"Whatever you want..."

"Thank you..." Negan rubbed his chin, scratching his beard as he closely looked at her.

"I'm never going to let you out of my sight again baby, I promise..."

Just then there was a loud rapping on the door. Looking annoyed, Negan rolled his eyes and slipped his arm around Lucy's shoulders, holding her snug he yelled out to the door.

"Come in!"

Just then a young man with thin blond hair came hurrying in. Instantly Lucy was taken aback by this since the side of his face was horribly burnt. The instant he saw Lucy sitting beside Negan he dropped his eyes embarrassed.

"Um, sorry sir..."

"Don't worry about it. Lucy doll...you've met Simon and Neil, this is another one of my most trusted men...this is Dwight."

Dwight raised his eyes.

"Ma'am..."

Lucy stared at him, trying not to look at his poor disfigured face.

"Hi..."

"I told you I was retiring for the night, what's the problem?"

"Um, can I speak to you for a second outside?"

Negan sighed before letting go of Lucy's shoulder. Getting up, he followed Dwight.

"Let's make it snappy, sorry Lucy I'll be right back..."

Lucy nodded watching him slip on his leather jacket and leave. The door shut behind him and Lucy now sat alone on the trailer. Looking around, she sighed before taking a sip of her water. Standing, she looked around, seeing so evidence or any memories of her ever being here. Frowning, she made her way back down the narrow hallway and into the small bedroom. Still feeling exhausted, she hated to admit the hot shower and meal had helped a great deal. Touching her still damp hair, she sat on the edge of the bed. Sitting there, she cupped her elbows with her hands and suddenly like a chill. Just then the front door to the trailer opened and Negan climbed back in. Looking down the hallway, he saw her and smiled before walking over. Leaning against the doorway he smirked.

"Sorry about that."

"What happened to his face?"

"What?"

"Dwight...that's his name right? What happened to his face."

Negan grinned.

"Don't worry yourself about that...Dwight is loyal, and can be trusted which is a Hell of a lot more than I can say about most people."

Negan walked over, sitting beside her. Carefully he looked her over.

"You okay?"

Lucy shrugged.

"I'm not too sure. All of this is happening so fast...I just feel..."

"Alone?"

Lucy glanced up at him before Negan took her hand in his and squeezed it.

"I love you Lucy...I'll do anything I can to get you back but what happened to the boys, I know it's killing you."

Lucy suddenly felt the worst urge to cry. She stared down at her hands, and saw the diamond ring again catch the dim light inside the trailer. Taking a deep breath, Lucy looked up at him.

"I just wanna forget...I want things to go back to normal..."

Without so much as another word, Lucy turned and cupped Negan's face. Her smooth tiny hands held onto the sides of his face, feeling his scruffy beard. Bringing her towards him, she sat up straighter closing her eyes and deeply kissing him. Her lips pressed against his, slowly her mouth opening and closing. She felt his tongue dart deeply into his mouth, tasting him as he moaned as slowly his hands slipped down to her sides. Frantic, Lucy continued kissing him, unable to stop. She just wanted to do something that felt normal.

Anything that would make her forget about those tiny little helpless babies. Smelling the faint scent of his musk, she tilted her head back as he began kissing her neck, traveling down to her breasts. She wasn't sure how good she was at this, but if she was a married woman she needed something to fill this terrible empty void that was eating away at her. Slowly, she pulled him by the shoulders down on her as she laid down onto the mattress. Laying there, eager she laid beneath him as he hovered over her. Instantly she saw a hunger in his eyes and took a deep breath. Staring down at her, he smiled.

"You sure?"

Lucy nodded, licking her lips before he leaned down and covered her mouth with his. Moaning, as he sucked deeply, his free hand snaked up her shirt and cupped her breast. Nervously, her hands slid to his belt buckle, then down to his fly where she felt something hard beating tightly against the frabic. Laying there, she laid back and quickly pulled her shirt up revealing her bare breasts. Negan took a deep breath, before reaching down and ripping her leggings apart by the crotch. The second his large hands went down to her, she gasped and waited as he threw the torn cloth to the side as if it was nothing.

"Push your legs up..."

He instructed. Lucy did so, bringing them slowly up and spreading them. Smiling, Negan slowly slid down the length of the bed before his head was between her thighs. Instantly Lucy tensed up.

"Don't..."

"Shhhh, just lay back and enjoy the ride baby..."

His head lowered before Lucy tilted her head back and she began gasping for breath, her hands making fists clutching onto the sheets.

 **Later...**

Lucy laid beneath Negan, currently on her forth orgasm and digging her nails into his two arching shoulder blades. Negan had worked up a pretty good sweat, and was currently driving himself into her without any sign of slowing. For the past two hours the two were having non-stop sex. Twice he had to cover Lucy's mouth from crying out so loudly. He ignored his radio on the other end of the trailer that continued to crackle as they kept switching positions, crying out, and making each other come. Negan enjoyed watching her reactions as he touched her body and watched her squirm. Lucy bit down gently on his bare shoulder, crying out as she whipped her head back as his ass continued pumping down between her two spread legs. Biting down on his bottom lip, he grunted before gasping her hands and climaxing. Pushing down once more, he moaned before completely releasing. Collapsing against her, completely exhausted, the two laid there slicked with sweat, both completely drained of all fluids and energy. Laughing, Negan stared down at her.

"Good girl..."

Lucy, who was complete stunned stared up.

"Wow..."

Kissing her, he pulled out and rolled over on his back. Lucy rolled to her side, staring at his body, her hand went over and rubbed his hairy chest before slowly creeping down, and cupping his now limp penis and giving it a squeeze. Laughing, he put his arm around her, dragging her close before planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"Now that's the Lucy I know..."

Smiling, Lucy wasn't sure if she had been good or not, but she felt good and very tired. Laying beside him, the two laid together in the dim darkness, completely spent. Lucy felt his seed trickling down her thighs still, warm and sticky. Resting her head on his shoulder, she took a deep breath feeling for the first time in what seemed like forever completely relaxed. Just then there was another loud knocking on the door. Negan instantly rolled his eyes.

"Goddamnit..."

He waited before the knocking came again. Brow wrinkling, he sat up slightly.

"In a second!"

Lucy looked over.

"What is it?"

Negan kissed her head before sliding out of her arms and standing completely naked. Reaching down, he grabbed his jeans and jacket and tossed them on the bed. Grabbing the jeans, he pulled them up and worked the belt on.

"Nothing, just these idiots not being able to walk and breath at the same fucking time..."

Slipping on his leather jacket, he smirked before looking at her laying there naked in his bed. Smiling, he leaned over and kissed her.

"Stay put pussy cat..."

With that she watched him grab something near the closet. She saw it appeared to be a baseball bat. Within seconds, he was out of the trailer, banging the door behind him. Sitting up, Lucy listened before frowning. Sliding off the bed, she went to the closet and found mostly all of his clothes. Taking one of his white T-shirts, she brought it up to her face and deeply inhaled. It smelt exactly like him. Still, that smell as much as she liked it had a lingering faint memory she couldn't quite grasp. A memory she wasn't exactly sure that she liked. Sliding it over her head and fixing her messy bun, she walked down the dark trailer and fished into the bag for her jeans since her leggings were completely destroyed. Snaking them back on, she thought she faint hearted a cry outside. Puzzled, her thin finger slid up one of the plastic blinds and she thought she saw a large group of people in a circle further off to the side of the camps where the trucks were parked. Curious, she tried finding Negan and couldn't find him. Walking to the door, she slid on her booths and opened the door, making her way down the metal steps. Once she was down them, her boots hit the gravel as she looked around. It was chilly, and she could hear voices. Slowly she walked over towards the crowd, as she approached nobody seemed to take notice of her. Pushing aside several men who looked at her completely confused she froze once she pushed her way to the center. Two men, who appeared to be hunters knelt there. One had a bloody lip and was glaring up at Negan who had his back to her. His baseball bat resting against his shoulder.

"Fuck you!" The man snapped, blood dribbling down his face. She heard Negan laugh.

"I thought you would say that...but this was the second time I warned you two about coming into our camps. Not only have you stolen some of our weapons, but you killed three of our men. Now the rules were simple...but seeing that you are above them, I decided to show you my sweet Lucille and boy is she thirsty..."

Lucy froze, eyes widening as she watched this. Negan raised the bat above his head and suddenly turned and bashed it straight down on the other man who was kneeling. The sound echoed loudly, causing Lucy to jump back completely stunned. The bat came again, causing the man to fall, blood squirting as his body twitched. Negan brought the bat down again, and again, and again as tiny bits of brain and skull came flying up. Soon within seconds there was nothing left. Laughing, Negan spun the bat around, making blood splatter against the gravel. The other man stared in shock before he began to scream.

"HANK! HANK!:"

"I made an example of your brother...you kill my men, I'll kill yours. Now this was just a warning. You know you work for me...I'll be coming by your camp if there even is anything left next week. If you have nothing for me, I'll make another example...and maybe it might be you. "

He motioned as the men grabbed the other hunter who's head was now lowered and crying as they dragged him away. Within seconds everyone started turning and going in opposite directions. Lucy stood frozen. Just then Negan turned, still laughing with his bloody bat resting against his shoulder. Turning, he froze and stared straight at her. The two locked eyes. Negan frowned before Dwight and Simon took notice. Quickly they hurried over.

"Ma'am..."

Lucy stood between them, planted straight to the ground staring at the man she called her husband. The man who just less than a half an hour ago was inside of her, making her feel like lighting was speeding through her. Staring, her eyes glimmered with tears before Negan sighed. "Lucy..." Lucy walked forward, boots still crushing down against the gravel. She passed Simon and Dwight before looking down at the man's dead body. "Lucy?" She finally broke out of her trance and looked up at him. Negan waited before finally she gulped.

"This is what...you do...to keep us safe?"

"To keep the order. It's ugly I know...but every single person who disobeys me...or puts us in danger needs to be taught. You understood before..."

Lucy continued staring at the mashed up skull and brain trickling in the puddle of blood. For a mere moment she thought she saw in some faint memory Negan doing this, raising the bat and bringing it down over and over again. She saw this happen in a brief flash, before faint she heard screams.

"As my wife, you need to stand by me...and know that this is the only way..."

Unknown to Lucy, even if she did refuse Negan would scoop her up and bring her back to the trailer where he would start all over again where they once were. He would tie her up, torture her, rape her, and get another heir. He was waiting as his heart pounded in his chest. Lucy continued staring down at the destroyed body. Slowly her eyes raised up and she stared at his bat, dripping against the leather of his jacket. Without so much as another word, she opened her hand.

"Come on, let's get you inside..." Dwight and Simon looked at each other before Negan grinned, taking her hand.

 **Later...**

Negan and Lucy stood crammed in the tiny shower, both held other each other beneath the hot steaming showered, hair slicked back, and staring at each other. Her arms around him, she gently kissed his shoulder blade as he held onto her, the water continuing to pour down around them and bloody Lucille outside leaning against the sink.

 **One Week Later...**

"I gotta head downstairs and check on these idiots..."

Negan mumbled laying completely naked in the top floor apartment of the new site they had moved to. The following morning after Lucy discovered the truth behind Negan's Lucille, the two laid together in bed shortly before dawn and talked. Negan of course kept things, but laid out exactly how things ran. It was cold, heartless, and brutal, but he told her this was the way things were. Finally he asked her what she was thinking. Lucy laid beside him, staring up at the ceiling before finally she sighed and turned over and faced him.

"Whatever you do...it's your business. I'm you're wife...whatever you do...that's you. I'll stand by you, but don't ever ask me to do what you did last night."

Negan stared at her before reaching over and gently stroking her hair back out of her face. With an unspoken truce between them, Negan knew he had officially gained her trust. A few hours later they rode out together to the new site, and rode up to the top floor of the warehouse. Here he showed her how the entire top floor belonged to them. As they walked down the hallways Lucy saw all the men bow their heads as they walked by. Inside the apartment, Lucy couldn't believe it. Coming from sleeping in the dirt, or in old crumbling buildings...she couldn't believe her eyes. Negan has transformed this entire floor into an illusion. It appeared to be some fancy penthouse. Besides the wired windows, it looked as if she walked onto the floor of a beautiful higher end apartment. There were laid down hardwood floors, painted sheetrock walls, furniture, rugs, artwork. Everything seemed perfect. The closets were packed full of clothing, the vanity in the bedroom with expensive jewelry. Everything she could have ever wanted. Negan told her anything she wanted, anything...she named it, she got it. He wanted her comfortable. This would be their home for the time being and he wanted her safe. Lucy walked from room to room overwhelmed as he smiled proudly. Finally when he asked if she liked it, she turned in jeans and a button down plaid shirt, she smiled softly.

"It's wonderful..."

Now nearly a week later, both laid in the master bedroom. Both naked, laying against each other. Lucy was sprawled across his stomach, lost deep in thought. For the past several days she had stayed up here, a prisoner in all makers of speaking. Each morning, he would shower with her, dress, and leave her at the breakfast table where fresh food and fruit were always waiting for them. As always he would kiss her deeply, tell her he would see her around noon and leave. As always he would take that awful baseball bat with him. Lucy would dress, clean the table, and try to figure out what she would do with herself. Negan had stacked a very impressive library. There she would curl up reading, or sketch, or workout. The hours passed slowly, but she counted herself lucky that she was safe here. Still, whenever she tried the door she found it locked. Often she would crane her neck to look out the high wired windows, barley seeing anything blow. She braided her hair, would watch tapes, listen to music, or nap. Somehow she felt lonely in the hours he was gone and wonder what exactly was going on down below. Since she arrived, she hadn't been allowed out of the apartment. She was curious, but Negan had mentioned to her he would properly show her around once things got settled down below. There was an unspoken trust between the two of them. She knew Negan wasn't exactly being truthful about what was going on here. She had a feeling all of these men and women followed him, and were down right terrified of him and for good reason. Still, she decided to leave it be for the time being. To play a deaf ear and not question his business. She might not have agreed with him exactly on this, but decided that she needed to slowly try to get her memory back. All of this was happening so fast and she just wanted to remember who she was. So far she had lost in all matters of speaking two children, she wouldn't ever allow this to happen again. Most afternoons he would come back, usually she was on the sofa either reading, doing crossword puzzles, or napping. He would come in, usually with that terrible bat in his hands. He would shut the door behind him, grin and walk over, boots clicking against the floor.

Slowly he would toss the bat onto the opposite couch, and then slowly crawl onto the couch before he was on top of her, kissing her and nuzzling his head against her neck. The two would spend the afternoon together, usually having lunch or spending a few hours in the bedroom where Lucy had to admit, the sex was always amazing. Negan seemed to know exactly how her body responded. Where to touch her, and how to make her come. Often he would spend a good hour with his hand down her pants, watching her toss her head from side to side as she sweated and gasped for air. Other times he would ram himself into her so hard she would cry out grasping the headboard to the bed they shared. As always his radio would crackle and he would swear beneath his bed before answering it. 99% of the time it was Simon or Dwight asking for him to come downstairs. After holding down the button and saying he would be right down he would roll over and look down at her.

"Gotta go baby..."

He would kiss her deeply before getting up and pulling his jeans on before finishing dressing. With that he would go and she would hear the door. After showering again, Lucy would simply wander around the apartment trying to pass the time until he came back. As always he would come back a few hours later. He would always insist on cooking as much as she offered to help. They would eat and he would stay very vague about his day. He would complain about some of the men, and how he would travel collecting debits of his, and how many walkers they put down. After they cleared the table he would take her into the bedroom and the sex would start all over again. Their second night there Negan asked her while sitting up in bed if she wouldn't mind making him come. Puzzled, Lucy at first didn't know what he meant until he started rubbing the bulge in his jeans. That night he instructed her on putting his cock in her mouth and how to use her tongue. Over and over she gagged while he playfully laughed rubbing her back saying she would get the hang of it. Sex was rough and direct, but he always made her come first. Most times she would lay beneath him being roughly pushed down into the mattress as he swore and gritted his teeth. It seemed as if the man could go for hours until finally collapsing and rolling over beside her. He insisted they both slept naked, and as always his arm would tightly be around her cupping her breast. Even when she woke in the middle of the night to use the bathroom he would stir awake and tell her to keep the door open. It seemed as if he didn't want her out of his sight for even a second unless he knew she was safe and locked up here. The day would start all over again and so far this had been the pattern. She desperately wanted to know more about him and herself, but each time she tried to talk with him he would get that horny look in his eyes before grinning and unbuttoning her blouse.

It seemed as if the only time they were together, they were having sex. This one morning, Lucy laid awake across from Negan. She stared at him, closely staring at his face. He was handsome, perhaps in his late forties? She looked at his graying beard, the wrinkles around his eyes. Looking at him as he slept, she couldn't help but like the peaceful look on his face. He seemed younger, less fearful, less scary. He just seemed like an older man in the last stages of being middle aged. A man who wasn't capable of beating someone to death. No, he seemed like just a man. The same man who would cook her meals, stroke her hand, laugh, kiss her, or nuzzle her face when they were showering. The same man who would stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, or bring her books, and little odds and ends smiling, almost nervous waiting to see if she liked them or not. The same man who called her pet names, or playfully goosed her when she walked by or tickled her. She knew this was just a side she only got to see. To the rest of these men he was Negan. The leader. The man they feared. Smiling, she laid there looking at him before finally his hazel eyes opened and instantly a lazy smile spread across his.

"Hey baby, how long have you been awake?"

Lucy smirked.

"Not long...I got a question."

Negan stretched a little, still looking sleepy as he laid there smiling.

"What baby?"

"Do you think I could go downstairs today with you and you could show me around?"

Negan stared at her for a second before he nodded.

"Sure you bet. Sorry I've been keeping you up here, we've just been dealing with a lot. I'll show you the grounds. It's nothing to really write home about but you can see how we operate."

Lucy smiled across from him.

"Thank you...

Within seconds Negan rolled on top of her, pinning her arms down as he worked his way between her legs, spreading them. Instantly he entered her, causing her to stiffen as he pushed down. Laying there, Lucy stared up at the ceiling as he began to roughly thrust into her, making the mattress creak. Staring up, she kept thinking of that night she watched Negan beat the man to death, and how she kept getting flashes of that bat going down over and over again. Negan lifted her hips, thrusting into deeper as he began working up a sweat. Laying there, almost completely removed, she stared upward and figured that maybe she had seen this happen before. She was sure this wasn't the first time she had witnessed him doing this, but why did it seem to vivid?

"I'm coming..."

Negan muttered as Lucy's legs were lifted, both limply shaking from each side of him. With one, two, and finally a rough third he stiffened, grasping onto her. Lucy laid there feeling him empty into her, before Negan squeezed onto her, and thrusted one last time. Right away Negan's mouth covered hers, his tongue going down her throat. Lifting his head, he looked down at her grinning.

"Jesus am I the luckiest man in the world or what?"

Lucy laid there before Negan smiled lacing his larger hand in hers.

"I outta get myself a wedding band. Kills me I wasn't able to grab mine when we had to leave the city...how does that sound?"

Lucy smiled.

"Sounds good..."

Negan pulled out of her, penis flopping before standing up completely nude. Slowly he began gathering his clothes which were thrown among the room from the night before. Lucy sat up, sheets pooled around her like a gown. Watching him dress, she sat back as Negan smiled and pulled his jeans and T-shirt on. Finally he slipped on his red scarf. Lucy stared at it before he smirked.

"This is yours actually, you used to wear it in your hair, looked real sexy..."

Lucy lightly laughed before getting up, going to the closet she sighed before Negan came behind her, slipping his hands around her waist. Nuzzling her shoulder, he smiled.

"Wear those blue jeans and that black top I like so much...okay?"

Lucy smiled nodding before Negan playfully swatted her on the bottom and left towards the bathroom. Standing there naked, her bare hand slipped over her flat stomach and a terrible feeling of dread filled her.

 **Later...**

"And that's our gardens, after that I'll show you the lot next..."

Negan said holding Lucy's hand, while the other swung the baseball bat beside him. For the last hour Negan had shown Lucy around the rest of the warehouse and the grounds. Nearly everyone she met wouldn't make eye contact and simply bowed their heads mumbling

"Ma'am."

before Negan moved her forward. He showed her off like a prized pony, remarking that she was his beautiful little wife and he was just showing her around. She saw that all of these men respected Negan and were frightened of her, which meant they were just as frightened of her. She only saw a few women who kept their distance. All the while he continued squeezing her hand, showing her around proudly. Finally they were downstairs in the sub basement which were long hallways. Dwight hurried over.

"Um, can we talk for a second?"

Negan rolled his eyes.

"Hold on a second baby, I'll be right back..."

Both Dwight and him went out of sight down the hallway. Standing there, Lucy looked around, feeling the tiny hairs on her arm stand up. Something wasn't right about this place. Something wasn't right at all. Just then a man nearly ran into her. He was filthy, with long greasy hair. The moment he bumped into her, he looked shocked. Lucy stared at him with wide eyes.

"Who the Hell are you?!"

He harshly whispered at her. Taken aback, Lucy stared before gulping.

"I'm...Lucy...Negan's wife. Who are you?"

The man stared at her in disbelief.

"Negan's wife?"

With that he shook his head, turned around and hurried away. Standing there puzzled, Lucy suddenly felt dizzy. Her head was throbbing. Taking a deep breath, she blinked before Negan appeared.

"Hey baby I'm sorry but..."

He instantly stopped and his brow wrinkled.

"You okay?"

Lucy stared, all ready feeling weak.

"Yeah I think I just need to go lay down...there was just a man here."

"A man?"

"Yeah, he was dirty looking...he went in that direction..."

Negan stared forward before patting her arm.

"Good girl, listen I'm going to have Simon bring you upstairs okay?"

Lucy nodded before Negan squeezed her arm and hurried away. Feeling dizzy, she swayed for a second before Simon walked over.

"Hey, Miss...you ready?"

Feeling her reactions were slow, Lucy nodded before turning and walking with him.

 **Later...**

Lucy laid in bed shivering, covered by blankets with a cool cloth over her head and an I.V hooked up to her. After taking the elevator with Simon back to the apartment, Lucy instantly knew her fever was back. Barley making it through the door, Simon helped her and asked what was the matter? By then, Lucy would barley speak. The last time her fever had been this bad was back with Joe. Helping her to the bedroom, Simon fetched the doctor who was currently finishing up with her. Just then the door slammed open and Negan appeared, his eyes wild and concerned.

"Lucy?"

The doctor looked up, snapping his bag closed.

"Her fever is up. I got her hooked up to an I.V and just gave her something to lower it. She needs to hydrate and rest..."

Negan went to her side, sitting down and squeezing her hand. Lucy, who was half out of it muttered something and closed her eyes. Instantly Negan glared up at Simon.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I'm sorry, I know you were dealing with Mr. Dixon..."

"You always call me when it comes to her damnit. She's my wife..."

Simon didn't say anything, instead he simply lowered her head before Negan shot a look at the doctor.

"I want you to stay here, watch her close."

The doctor nodded.

"That's fine..."

With that Negan turned, staring at her pale feverish face and squeezed her hand. "Shhhh...you're going to be all right honey. I can't have you die...I can't..." Lucy meanwhile drifted off unaware at the look of madness in Negan's eyes.


	16. The same mistakes

Lucy's fever stayed for almost two whole days. The entire time Negan was a complete nervous wreck, never leaving her side once. The doc had looked her over real good and said he believed she had a bad infection still in her blood stream from a few months back. Instantly Negan mentioned her having the babies and asked if that could have led to this happening? The doctor listened to her heartbeat before taking her pulse and frowning.

"Anything is possible. I have her on a fresh IV every few hours and the antibiotics I'm giving her should help, it's just a waiting game."

Negan then lashed out, grabbing her arm hard enough to break it.

"You fix her doc, if you don't it's your ass...understood?"

The doc nodded before turning and going back to his bag. Lucy meanwhile laid underneath the covers, unaware of what was happening as her as Negan turned, gathering up her hand and kissing it before bowing his head. Endless hours went by, and still no sign. At one point when the doc went downstairs to fetch new syringes, Negan was left alone. Terrified, he sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her pale face. There were dark circles beneath her closes eyelids, her breathing slow and labored. Frowning, he took hold of her hand and squeezed it.

"We were just starting to get it back baby...you can't die..."

Lucy continued sleeping, still fighting off her fever. He knew how weak she was, and honestly didn't know how bad she was until just then. Staring at her, his hand slowly reached underneath her baggy shirt he had changed her into and found her naked breasts. Giving it a good squeeze, he rubbed his thumb over her nipple, watching her sleeping face waiting for any sign of reaction. Instead, she continued sleeping. Sighing his free hand went to his belt buckle, undoing it before jamming it down the front of his pants. Instantly, he began masterbating. Shutting his eyes, he moaned before using his free hand to squeeze onto her. Her fever broke almost two days later after she lost a total of eleven pounds. The doc was still pushing the medication and fluids for her and after taking a good listen of her heartbeat, he told Negan she most likely wouldn't be coming around for another day or so. Negan watched closely from the bedroom doorway, nervously biting his nails before thanking the doc and telling him he could go back downstairs but if he needed him at all, he wanted him upstairs quick, fast, and in a hurry. the doctor nervously thanked him before being seen out. Once he was alone, Negan looked at his sleeping bride closely. He knew these fevers were bad, but had no idea how bad.

The doctor just a few nights ago informed Negan fevers this high could cause brain damage. Staring at her pale sleeping face, a terrible anger rushed through him. He kept seeing her leap off that cliff. It was all her fault. All her fucking fault. Why couldn't she just love him? Why couldn't she just let herself become his? She was selfish, no fucking selfish. Not only did he loose his boys because of this, she had caused herself to get this sick. He believed when she came back to him, this was a second chance. The time they shared since her return had been wonderful. She was a blank slate, no memory. She was so naive, so innocent. She didn't question his methods, or ask questions. She simply stayed by his side, lived up here safe and sound, and went to him willingly. Instantly, he walked over staring down at her. Feeling his temples throb, staring at her he suddenly remembered Lucille. All those years ago, dying, weak, and fail. No, he wouldn't ever allow her to become that. Never.

"You stupid bitch..."

He whispered before his hand curled into a fist. Without so much as another word he swung out and hit her with all his might straight in the stomach. Her body jerked for a moment, still unconscious. Breathing heavy, he brought his curled up fist again and hit her again, even harder. Taking deep heavy breaths, he stared down at her before throwing back the covers.

She laid there in one of his shirts, which went down to her knees. Shaking his hand, he unbuckled his belt, and dropped his jeans to his ankles. Pulling down his boxers, he grabbed his penis and began pulling at it, all ready feeling a hard on beginning to form. Crawling onto the bed, he yanked her legs apart.

"You stupid bitch, I'll put another baby in you and this time you won't fucking ruin it you stupid whore..."

He whispered, thinking of the grave where his son was buried, or how she handed off his other son to two complete strangers. Didn't she know he would have kept her safe? Didn't she? His anger was blurring away the worry and sleepless nights he had suffered from these past few days. Instead, he laid on top of her, and used his hand to guide himself. Instantly he entered her and moaned by how tight and warm she felt.

"Jesus..."

He swore, pushing forward, remembering the first night he had taken her virginity. How tight she felt that night, and how in control he felt as he filled her. Pushing down, he rammed himself into her with one hard thrust and felt her body slightly twitch.

"Wake up you stupid bitch..."

He lightly slapped her cheeks, and began lifting her heavy eyelids. She continued sleeping, completely unaware of what was happening. Moving his hips, he stared down at her before giving a rough thrust. He stared down, waiting for a reaction, and still nothing. Frustrated, he began thrusting, pressing down on her before finally he found a rhythm and began pumping into her with all his might. Working up a sweat, he held her down, still reaching underneath the shirt to grab her breasts as he lifted his ass and kept driving his penis into her, harder and harder. He felt his balls slap against her, as he continued working on coming close. Suddenly Lucy mumbled, her face still pale as her eyelids fluttered open. He knew how weak she had been from the fever, and knew how she still wasn't completely with it. Smiling, he couldn't believe his luck. Grabbing onto her harder, he stared down as his shoulders arched as he waited for her to come around. Lucy tossed her head to the side, her eyes having a slightly glazed look to it before they fluttered open slightly.

Staring up she appeared dazed, not exactly seeing him. Negan grinned as he continued thrusting into her. Slowly he reached down, lifting one of her legs and spreading her thigh as far back as he could. Smiling he bucked his hips, causing her entire body to shake slightly.

"Wake up baby, come on now..."

Lucy blinked again, still looking completely out of it. Blinking, she stared up before finally her vision slightly cleared.

"Negan?"

He continued thrusting into her.

"Hey baby, you gave us a scare...doc says you're gonna be just fine so lay back and let me finish."

Lucy blinked again, before turning her head to the side as he continued thrusting into her and pushing her into the mattress. Turning her head back weakly, she suddenly looked confused.

"W-what...are...you doing?"

Negan smiled as he pushed himself into her, thrusting even faster.

"I'm making ourselves a baby. Now lay back honey while I put him into you..."

Lucy suddenly tried raising her head, still dazed from the fever.

"What?"

Negan firmly pushed her back down and snapped, his voice raising.

"Lay still!"

Lucy now seemed fully awake, in pure panic her eyes darted around. He could feel her starting to struggle beneath him, her legs trying to close while he kept raping her.

"Stop...it hurts...get off..."

She whispered, looking as if any second she was going to pass out again. Negan smiled, feeling himself come close as the climax neared.

"Shhhh, lay back baby I'm almost finished..."

"Negan no..."

She moaned, almost crying as she tried pushing him off. Negan held her firmly down.

"LAY STILL!"

Lucy now seemed fully awake, crying she weakly tried slapping him. Instead Negan grinned and pumped into her at a lighting speed before finally he bit down on his bottom lip swearing and climaxing deeply inside of her. Lucy gasped as he grunted, held her down and waited until he completely emptied himself. After a few minuets of silence he collapsed on top of her breathing heavy. Lucy laid there stunned before Negan smiled and kissed her cheek.

 **Later...**

Negan stood by Lucy's bedroom buckling his belt. Lucy laid almost in a stunned state in bed. Negan grinned before leaning over and brushing back her hair.

"You just lay there and let nature take it's course. I don't want you out of bed all day. I'm going to send the doc back upstairs to keep an eye on you. We don't want that fever coming back..."

Lucy laid there too stunned to talk. She was hurting all over, and felt as if she was going to pass out again. Negan sat on her bedside and reached over. For a second Lucy was frightened and wanted to flinch away. Instead she laid there as Negan's hand slid over her flat stomach.

"Hope I put a little junior in here...we'll have to just keep on trying."

Lucy laid there, not only feeling betrayed, but scared and confused. Why was he doing this? Negan smiled down at her before kissing her forehead.

"Just lay still honey..."

Getting up, he zipped up his jacket before turning to leave.

"Who's Chris?"

Negan froze in the doorway before turning.

"What?"

Lucy laid there feeling so weak she might pass out again.

"Chris...I had a dream about a man named Chris. Did I...know anyone by that name?"

Negan's face said it all as he glared at her.

"Nobody important. Now rest up honey...next week once you are up to it I'm having the doc give you a pregnancy test. The faster we know the better...I'll be by later and we'll try again."

Lucy felt tears starting to blur her vision.

"Why?"

"Because you need to give me another baby as soon as possible..."'

Without so much as another word, Negan turned on his boot heel and walked out, leaving Lucy laying there completely stunned.

 **Elsewhere...**

Rick had just spoken to everyone. He felt disgusted, frightened, and alone. Sitting alone in the church, he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around what had happened. Just then he heard a knock. Turning, he looked and saw Michonne walk in carrying something. Rick raised an eyebrow before she approached.

"What is it?"

"Found a couple of bodies at a small camp about ten miles out while on a run. I was about to leave when I heard crying...he was wrapped up in a nook of a tree. God knows how long he's been there."

She opened the blanket revealing a beautiful baby. Rick instantly froze.

"Jesus..."

"Walkers hadn't gotten to the camp. There were four, maybe five people...gunshots. I think drugs were involved, I saw empty bottles...they must have turned on each other and it ended badly. He's hungry, and feels warm. No idea how long he's been there...lucky he was up so high so the walkers couldn't reach him."

Instantly Rick sighed, another baby was the last thing they needed. Staring down at the filthy poor baby, he suddenly felt his heart ache thinking of his own daughter, and Maggie's unborn child. Carefully he reached over knowing that the Hilltop wouldn't be possible. With no doctor he wasn't sure if they could help this child. Still, holding him brought much comfort at this horrible time of need. Staring down, he sighed, not knowing he was holding the child of the man who he hated and feared the most.


	17. Don't trust him

_**Lucy found herself kneeling on gravel. Despite the sweat rolling down her face, she found herself shivering.**_

 _ **It was dark out, and she heard whistling faintly in the air. Eyes watering, she knelt there before she glanced over to her left. There knelt a man in jeans and a button up jacket. He looked to be in his forties, a wide forehead, thinning brown hair, and direct dark eyes. He knelt there not looking scared but angry. She stared at him confused before suddenly she saw a dark figure standing in the shadows. She watched the baseball bat rise above her view and came down with enough force to make the wind scream.**_

Then...

Lucy awoke choking back a scream. She jerked awake in the king sized bed she shared with Negan in the top apartment of the warehouse. Eyes widening, she looked around frightened, not completely sure of where she was. Looking over she saw Negan sitting in a chair right beside her. He had his boots up on the bed, and instantly sat forward.

"Baby?"

Lucy flinched away from him. Suddenly in her foggy memory she saw herself in this same exact bed, weakened with the fever as he laid on top of her. She remembered him calling her a bitch, and saying how he wanted another baby. She remembered how rough he was, and how bad it hurt. The memories weren't clear but she still felt him inside of her, pinning her down, and hurting her. Looking at him, she nearly screamed.

"Lucy?"

Lucy stared at Negan with frightened eyes. Instantly Negan's brow wrinkled seeing that something was wrong.

"Lucy, what's the matter?"

Lucy sat up, instantly feeling light headed. Staring at him, she felt tears begin to blur her vision.

"Don't touch me..."

Negan stared at her confused, sitting forward.

"What's the matter?"

Lucy sat up, gathering the sheets up like a frightened child. Staring at him, she felt tears roll down her cheek.

"You...raped me..."

Negan froze, instantly staring at her as if she was crazy.

"What?"

"You raped me..."

"Lucy...you've been sick...the doc didn't even know if you were going to make it. You've been unconscious for a few weeks now. The fever finally broke a few days ago but you've been in and out of it babbling nonsense...baby..."

He went to reach out but Lucy jerked away.

"Don't..."

"Lucy enough of this. You aren't thinking straight..."

Lucy stared at him. Instantly her face crumpled before she began crying. Overwhelmed, confused, and more than a little scared she broke down. Nothing seemed clear. Her mind was so foggy she could barley remember anything. Just kneeling and seeing that man, remembering the baseball bat, being pinned down...and somehow knowing this hadn't been the first time. Staring at him, she took a deep shaken breath. Negan reached forward, taking her arm.

"I would never...and I mean never hurt you. I'm your husband...I would never force myself on you. Honey, ask any man here...I'm against rape. I made it very clear I wouldn't put up with that bullshit at all here. Any man gets out of line with any woman here they are out...no questions."

Lucy sat there before her hand went to her temple, rubbing it.

"I..."

"Shhhh...you need to relax. You've been through hell. The doc gave you some heavy antibotiucs but he said there might still be an infection. I was scared shitless honey...I thought we were gonna lose you."

Lucy stared at him with untrusting eyes before he smiled, reaching over and stroking the side of her cheek gently.

"Baby, you gotta rest and push the fluids...doc said you aren't one-hundred percent yet."

Lucy roughly wiped her eyes.

"It...seemed so real..."

"Jesus I'm sorry...come here..."

Negan got off his chair and sat on the edge of the bed, gathering her up in his arms. Squeezing her, he stroked her hair, petting it as she tried not to break down crying. Suddenly Lucy hissed out in pain. Pulling her back slightly, he stared at her.

"What is it?"

Lucy looked down at herself before lifting her shirt, there, right below her breasts was an ugly yellowing bruise.

"What's this?"

Negan shook his head looking disgusted.

"I could kill that fucking doc, you rolled out of bed last week. Must hurt like a son of a bitch...I'm sorry..."

Lucy sat there, dazed as Negan brushed back her hair.

"Not that I wanna listen to a fucking thing he says but you need another week of rest and you should be tip top..."

Gathering her up in his arms, he carefully laid back, holding her against his chest as he continued stroking her hair. Lucy meanwhile laid there, stiff and still frightened before finally Negan raised an eyebrow and looked down at her.

"What's the matter?"

Lucy glanced up at him, not really knowing what to say. Instantly Negan stared at her, his eyes serious.

"You don't think I would ever hurt you...do you?"

Lucy stared up at him before slowly shaking her head. Smiling, Negan stroked the side of her head before kissing her softly.

"Good. That's a good girl..."

Continuing holding her, Negan slowly breathed in and out while Lucy laid against him, never looking so frightened before in her entire life.

 **Three days later...**

Lucy stood naked in the bathroom. She had just showered, the water scalding and fogging up the mirror. She scrubbed the skin until it was raw. Now after finishing blow-drying her hair she stood there, gripping onto the sink for support. The fever was officially gone, but she still felt weak. The doc had swung by the day she finally became fully alert. She noticed how he wouldn't make eye contact with her and how quickly he had worked. He took some blood, looked her over and said she lost a great deal of weight and needed to take it easy until she gained her strength back.

Negan the entire time watched, arms crossed int he doorway. He hadn't left her side since. Flashes continued coming to Lucy. Foggy blurred images of herself pressed down on the mattress, or other times where all she could remember was his face above hers grinning. None of these flashes added up, but they seemed too vivid, so real. She knew something wasn't right. Still, he had been nothing but sweet and gentle since she woke up. He came in every evening, bringing her food, kissing her on the forehead, and laying beside her. He hadn't touched her once. The doc usually came mid morning and he would come back a few hours later. Lucy had wanted to talk to the doc but he looked too scared to even say anything. Today she felt strong enough to shower on her own. While underneath the warm water, she kept trying her hardest to focus on one of these memories. Was it her fever that caused these terrible disillusions or was it something worse?

She didn't want to believe that Negan, her own husband would do this. Nothing seemed clear, but so didn't her life just a few months before hand. She felt half there, underneath some thick fog unable to break free of. The Negan who had been by her beside for the past three days didn't seem capable of hurting her. Of rape, or even worse. Still, this was a man who she had watched beat someone to death simply to show his authority. How did those twins she gave birth to come to be? There was so much she didn't know and so much that didn't add up. Still, in these three days he was always there when she woke up. Bringing her food, juice, and sitting up with her looking so happy. He laid out fresh clothes for her, would stroke her hair, kiss her hands, smile, and seem so sweet and gentle. He would leave once the doc came, and she would be ordered to strict bed rest. During that time she would sit up in bed, not moving, not speaking, but thinking. She strained her memory trying to think of these hazy memories. Whenever he would return he would be all smiles, kissing her cheek, undressing in front of her, and going to shower. He would make her dinner, and sit in bed with her talking about his men. Lucy would tune all of this out. She would eat slowly, and respond only when he talked directly to her. Besides that she would take her meds, lay back, and lay against him before she fell asleep.

Today shortly after the doc left, she gathered some clothes and went straight to the shower. After she was finished, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Rubbing her temples she sighed. She knew these fevers were going to kill her. She didn't want to believe Negan was like this, but every time she looked down at her stomach where the bruises were slowly healing and the skin was still tender, she didn't feel so sure. Why these memories? The image of him laying on top of her smiling seemed so vivid. She knew it was only a matter of time before it became clearer. Feeling achy, and depressed she wanted so badly to believe Negan loved her and wouldn't hurt her, but just last night she repeated the same question she would have sworn she asked before. She asked if they knew anyone named Chris. Negan was was laying beside her, arms draped over her paused for a second before saying no. Lucy wondered if he was lying? Still, she wanted so badly to hold onto the idea that these memories, or thoughts, or whatever they were was just some nasty after effect from the infection and fevers. She was sick and weak, and knew that Negan was the only person in her life. He had kept her safe during all of this...but why did she think he was hiding something? Taking his red scarf that he had left behind in the bedroom, she looked at herself and sighed. Holding it in her hands, she shook her head.

"Don't be stupid Lucy...don't be stupid..."

That's when she thought of that man with the burnt face, or the other one who looked so dirty downstairs a few weeks before hand before the fever happened. They looked as if they knew something. They were frightened of Negan, but she knew they had seen something. Maybe, just maybe she could finally get some answers with them. But first, she needed to gain Negan's trust again. She needed to prove to him she was his pretty little wife, not the sick frail one he locked up here like some bird that might escape. No, if she was going to finally find out what Negan's motives were, she needed to be smart, she needed to think, she needed to stand by him. She softly said, before slowly going to work.

 **Later...**

Negan unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside only to freeze. Lucy sat on the sofa, and she looked different. Very different. She was wearing those tight jeans that drove him crazy, boots, and a black T-shirt. She was wearing one of his leather jackets that was baggy on her, but draped off her shoulders. Her hair was pinned up, the red scarf around her neck. She had makeup on, most likely from the bag underneath the sink. This was the first time ever he saw her with bright red lips on and it absolutely drove him mad. She was sitting on the couch, legs spread, sitting forward, a smile on her face. Negan froze.

"Lucy?"

"You mean Lucille?"

Negan walked in, dropping the baseball bat to the floor with a heavy thud. It rolled across the hardwood floor before he grinned, rubbing his beard.

"Jesus woman...you must be feeling better..."

Lucy smiled, batting her eyelashes, leaning forward making sure her breasts were pushed up together in the tight T-shirt. Smiling, she cocked her head to the side.

"I missed you today..."

Negan grinned walking over, before slowly looking her up and down. Smiling, he reached out and touched the red scarf tied around her neck.

"That's a good look for you baby..."

Lucy smiled before reaching forward and taking him by the belt buckle. Yanking him forward, he laughed before she began undoing his belt, slowly lowering his zipper. "Lucy..."

"Shhhh..."

She smiled, giving a coy smile before reaching in and helping to pull him out. Instantly Negan stiffened, eyes widening before she took his penis out which was all ready rock hard. Gathering it in her hands, she lowered her head and carefully slid his cock right into her mouth. Gasping, Negan shut his eyes as he tilted his head back.

"Goddamn..."

Lucy's head began to bob as she licked down his shaft, carefully using her teeth before allowing her throat to relax as her head kept going up and down. Moaning, Negan took hold of her hair and pressed her head against him as he bucked his hips. Staring up at the ceiling, he instantly felt an orgasm beginning to build. Lucy's tongue and mouth worked like it had never worked before. Taking deep breaths, he couldn't control himself any longer. Instantly he felt himself building as he cried out and climaxed. Lucy withdrew after a moment, licking her lips and smiling before swallowing. Instantly he stared down at her, flushed, and more than a little out of breath. Lucy used her thumb to wipe the side of her mouth before smiling. Instantly Negan smiled.

"Jesus girl, what's gotten into you?"

Lucy smirked before Negan looked her again up and down. Smiling, he motioned to the bedroom.

"You wanna..."

He raised his eyebrows smiling before Lucy sat back.

"Sure...but...with these fevers and how sick I've been, I don't wanna take any changes right now."

Negan stared down at her.

"Huh?"

"Getting pregnant. With how I've been feeling...I wouldn't want anything to happen."

Negan carefully looked at her before nodding.

"Yeah sure honey..."

"Do you have any condoms?"

Negan laughed, before fixing himself and zipping up his fly. Sitting beside her, he put his arm around her.

"Jesus, I haven't used condoms since high school..."

Lucy smiled before looking at him.

"I know honey, I just don't want anything to happen..."

Negan reached over, cupping her breast before smiling.

"Okay baby, you got it...man, I gotta say...I like this look..."

Giving her a wet sloppy kiss, he got up and smiled before walking out. Once she heard the door shut, she sat back and nervously bit her nails, talking softly to herself to try to to over hype herself.

"See, he had no problem with you wanting him to wear condoms...if he wanted a baby so bad he wouldn't agree...you're being stupid Lucy..."

Taking a deep breath, she sighed, before standing up. Rolling her eyes at how silly she looked, she knew after some good sex he would agree to anything, even maybe allowing her downstairs. All she needed then was a chance to ask either one of those men if she got them alone. Then she could clear her mind and maybe start forgetting all of these nonsense and start her life with her husband.

 **Later...**

Negan rolled off her and stared down at himself. Reaching down, he snapped his condom off which was filled full of semen. Tossing it into the wastepaper basket next to the nightstand. he sighed before looking over at her. Instantly, he stared down at her with that lazy handsome look of his he got whenever the sex was good. There he looked at least ten years younger as he smiled staring down at her.

"Baby, that was great...couldn't have done much for you though..."

Lucy smiled rolling over and drumming her fingers against his chest.

"Oh I'm fine...in fact I was wondering if maybe tomorrow we might get the chance to go downstairs. I really could use some fresh air. Maybe even a ride someplace...after being so sick I feel like I'm going stir crazy..."

"I don't know honey...I don't want you to push yourself, besides I gotta do a run nearby..."

"I can do with you, I can help...I promise I won't get in the way. Please?"

Negan stared up at the ceiling, almost lost in thought. Finally he glanced down at her and smiled.

"Okay, but I'm one mean bastard when it comes to business. You sit back and do as I say, things seem too much I'm having Dwight or Neil take you back. Okay?"

Lucy smiled nodding.

"Sure, thank you!"

Negan wrapped his arm around her kissing the top of her head before closing his eyes. Laying against his chest, feeling it rise and fall, Lucy listened to his breathing before smiling as she stared off into space. Tomorrow if she got the chance she would be careful and see if one of those men could help her out. She knew she needed to play her cards carefully since the loyalty with his men were strong. She knew her best bet was with the man who looked so filthy the day she got so sick. She wasn't sure if he was a prisoner, but if there was a chance she could find and talk to him maybe she would know. Wishing so badly she could just remember, tiny flashes went before her mind. She tried so hard to focus, but one part of her wanted so badly to believe that this was her husband. But something wasn't right. She knew it. Still, she wanted so badly to believe these horrible faint memories weren't memories at all. Just some terrible result of her fever that over time she would get her memory back and remember that this was her husband. That he would never hurt her and the only reason she actually believed he was capable of hurting her was just her own fears of not remembering him. Thinking of how willingly he was to wear a condom, how gentle he had been when the two made love, how he didn't have a problem with taking her with him tomorrow.

This couldn't have been a man who could rape or hurt her... Closing her eyes, she fell asleep listening to the sound of her husband's heartbeat.

 **The next day...**

Lucy sat on Negan's lap as the truck was driven to the gated community of Alexandria. Dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt she had her hair in a ponytail as she sat there looking out the window. Both had gotten up early as Negan helped her up into the truck as several vehicles followed behind. Negan had his bat on the floor beside them as he smiled and seemed in higher spirits as Lucy looked out, watching the backroads unfold. Finally they reached high gates and the truck rolled up and parked.

"So, what are you doing here?"

Lucy asked. Negan smiled as he reached down, one arm still around her waist as he scooped up his bat.

"Well these people are a bunch of assholes. They killed a good number of our men and we have a new arrangement going. You just stand back baby, any of these jerks bother you let me know."

He brought the bat up, making Lucy feel slightly uneasy before he opened the door. Helping her down, he climbed out and walked over before using the bat to bang against the main gate. After a moment he began hitting it again.

"Little pig, little pig...let me in..."

Lucy looked around standing back before Dwight walked over to her. Lucy wanted badly to say something but just then part of the gate was pulled back. Standing there in silence, she nervously crossed her arms watching. Several people were up near the gate, and she heard Negan talking. That's when she saw the other man, he still looked filthy and was in that same dirty sweatshirt. Frowning, she knew he was too far away to talk, she needed to wait. The gate opened as people began to march forward. Just then Negan smiled and turned towards her. He was speaking to a handsome middle aged man in a blue shirt. Grinning, he waved her over.

"Lucy! Get that cute little ass of yours over here!"

Lucy walked over, boots clicking as she approached. Finally she reached Negan, nervously looking about. Smiling, he put his arm around her drawing her in close.

"Rick, I want you to meet my wife Lucille, Lucille...this is Rick."

Rick stared at her with lost frightened eyes.

Negan frowned.

"Lucy and me have been married for a while, you wouldn't believe the shit we've been through. Hell and back! Still, she's a loyal lady, and agrees with my way of doing business. Now please me a good host and show me and my lady around!"

The man named Rick lowered his eyes before walking forward. Negan kept his arm around Lucy as they walked, a huge smile on his face as he continued to remark about how big this place was. Lucy walked with him all the while watching his men enter the houses as the people who lived there stood back completely helpless. Walking with him, she looked around before they stopped in the street. Lucy saw people moving out furniture as Negan laughed.

"This is just the kind of thing that tickles my balls! A little corporation and we're pleasant as punch. You see we really are reasonable people once you know us. Honest."

He then walked Lucy over to a cooler, Using his free hand he opened it up and dug out a beer. Snapping off the top, he took a sip before offering it to Lucy. Smiling softly Lucy shook her head before Negan finished the rest of the can and tossed it to the side.

"Damn I love this place..."

"Negan..."

One of Negan's men came over holding a small video camera.

"Something you might wanna see..."

Negan let go of Lucy and stepped forward.

"Well, well, well what do we have here..."

Negan opened up the camera. Smiling, he looked at Rick as Lucy watched some men move out a mattress out of one of the houses.

"Got my fingers crossed for a little freaky deeky..."

Instantly Negan began watching whatever it was. He smiled.

"Jesus...is that you Rick underneath all of that man bush?"

Lucy dropped her eyes, embarrassed for this man.

"Shit...I would have not messed with that guy..."

Turning the camera, he began to film Rick.

"But that's not you anymore is it?"

Negan turned the camera on him for just a second.

"Nope!"

Rubbing his beard he shrugged.

"I really gotta shave this shit..."

He handed the camera over before Lucy stood back, arms crossed. Negan then looked around.

"Where's that sick girl? Seemed like a hell of a stressful night for her. The way she was carrying on...she was married to number two wasn't she?"

The man named Rick lifted his eyes glaring. Lucy stood back confused. Negan smiled.

"Careful how you look at me Rick..."

Negan smiled.

"So where is she?"

"Care to pay your respects?" Negan spun around as Lucy looked over.

"Holy crap! You are creepy as shit sneaking up on me wearing that collar with that creepy ass smile."

The priest smiled.

"My apologizes...I'm father Gabriel..."

Negan looked him up and down, with an untrusting smirk on his face, looking over at Lucy all humor left his face before he turned towards Rick.

"She didn't make it?"

The priest stepped forward. "Come, I will show you..."

Negan turned, motioning for Rick and that other man to follow him. Looking over, he smiled at her.

"Come on baby..."

He offered his open hand before Lucy eyed the houses.

"I'm going to take a look around, I'll be over in a bit."

Negan looked around before nodding.

"Stay close sweetheart, I'll be back..."

Lucy smiled before meeting the man named Rick's eyes. dropping her own gaze, she watched as they all began walking down the street. Seeing the man in the sweatshirt follow. She knew she would have to wait. Hands on her hips, she looked around before seeing the man named Dwight walking past one of the homes. Sighing, she knew with this one she would have to be more than a little careful. Walking over casually, she plastered on her best smile before walking over. Dwight was carrying a box full of lanterns.

"Need some help?"

Dwight looked taken off guard seeing her and quickly shook his head.

"Um, no ma'am, I'm fine." Lucy smiled.

"First thing, enough of this ma'am stuff...you're making me feel like I'm a hundred years old. It's Lucy."

Dwight met her eyes before nodding.

"Sorry..."

"Can I walk with you?"

"Where's Negan?"

Lucy motioned over her shoulder.

"He went with some priest and the other guy...I'm just taking a look around. Sorta feel like a fifth wheel over here, wondering if I can help?"

"Thank you but...Negan wouldn't like it."

Sighing Lucy took a lantern out of the box.

"I'm not useless, I can at least carry this while I walk with you."

Dwight looked more than a little nervous but nodded as the two began walking down the street as more of Negan's men continued carrying things out of the houses.

"So explain to me, what did these people do?"

"They stole and murdered that's what they did. They snuck into one of our bases and murdered dozens of our men in their sleep, burnt the rest alive."

"Jesus..."

"Yeah, don't let this innocent act fool you, they are cold blooded killers. Another group of them wiped out a while team of our men on bikes, just to steal our weapons so we're stealing them back."

"That's horrible..."

"Yeah well, I think each week when we come to collect they might learn their lesson."

"Dwight...can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did you get that burn on your face?"

"I got the iron."

"What's that?"

"I...I stole from our camp a while ago and disobeyed."

"Negan did this?!"

'Yep, but there isn't one day I hold it against him. There needs to be order and I went against my own people, the same people who have kept me safe. I deserved even worse." "You really can't believe that can you?"

"I do. Negan is a man of his word. His methods might seem a bit much but his men are loyal, and would die for each other. Some might think it's crazy, but they did things the same way hundreds of years ago, that's how we were able to build a future."

Lucy eyed him.

"I can barley remember anything...but has he ever done anything like that to me?"

Dwight glanced at her surprised.

"You are the most precious thing to Negan. When you went missing it nearly killed him."

Lucy nodded not saying another word before helping Dwight load the trucks. Faintly they heard the sound of gunshots...

 **In the cemetery**

"This is a tragedy..."

Negan shook his head looking down at the graves.

"Number one was on me, lessons needed to be learned but damn I can't help but feel guilty..."

Rick didn't say a word before Negan shook his head.

"A fucking tragedy...God knows I've had enough of this. My wife Lucy...she was in a bad accident a while back. Was pregnant with twins. One died at birth, the other...a boy was snatched up by some people...I don't wanna say it but I'm sure he's dead. Hell of a thing to loose a child. Hoping we'll have another one soon but after all that bullshit you never know. You're one lucky bastard having your son. Someone to pass everything down to, to see a part of you live on..."

He locked eyes with Rick and smiled before suddenly the sound of gunshots rang through the air. Freezing, his face instantly turned stone set as he glared at him and slowly walked out.

 **Elsewhere...**

"I gotta check this other house, want to come?"

Lucy knew she wasn't getting anywhere with Dwight. He was loyal and even through her husband had disfigured him he wasn't about to say one harmful word against him. Nodding, Lucy re-tied her ponytail and followed him into one of the large wide framed houses. Inside the house appeared very welcoming and comfortable. Looking around the living room she wondered if Negan and her owned a house like this before? Dwight meanwhile began looking through the kitchen. Just then a woman with tied up brown hair appeared at the top of the stairs, hands raised.

"Hello?"

Dwight quickly walked in front of Lucy as the two stared up at her. Instantly Dwight pointed his handgun at her.

"You alone?"

The woman motioned behind her.

"I have two little ones in the nursery, looking after them for Rick. Is everything all right?"

"Get down there on the double lady."

The woman looked frightened and quickly hustled down the steps before meeting Lucy's eyes. Dwight shoved her.

"Wait outside, don't go in until I tell you.."

"But the babies..."

"I said get!"

The woman hurried away before the sound of faint crying drifted down the stairs. The cry of a baby. Dwight and Lucy exchanged a look before Lucy held her hand up.

"Let me..."

Slowly she began going up the stairs.

 **Later...**

"Where's my beautiful wife?"

Negan asked strolling down the sidewalk as he saw Dwight with several new boxes of supplies. Rick followed, holding the bat. Dwight pointed.

"She's inside."

"Well let me go collect her before we say our heartfelt goodbyes, come on Rick..."

Negan walked forward, thumbs hooked into his belt loops as Rick followed silently. Once inside Negan looked around.

"This your place?"

Rick nodded before Negan chuckled and looked around.

"Lucy?" He called.

"I'm up here." Her voice drifted down to them. Instantly Rick looked frightened as Negan hurried up the steps with him close behind. Walking down the hallway they entered the nursery. Lucy was standing at the crib where a little girl, about one sat next to a baby wrapped up in blankets. She had a gentle smile on her face, her hand reached down, gently stroking Judith's cheek. Negan froze in the doorway before slowly smiling.

"What do we have here?"

Lucy smiled and turned. Rick quickly pushed forward.

"These are my children Judith and...Nick."

"Judith and Nick, I like that. Catchy names Rick. Where's mom?"

Rick stared down at the carpet.

"She died having Nick."

"Ain't that a fucking shame...still three kids, you sure are lucky Rick."

Negan mumbled before looking down. Instantly his eyes drifted over to the younger of the two babies. His round face pale as his tiny eyelids were closed and a thick mop of dark hair all ready coming in. Both Lucy and Negan stood side by side staring down at the baby before Negan broke out of his trance. Putting his arm around Lucy he smiled.

"Come on Lucy my love, let's go..."

Together they turned, walking past Rick who glared at them.

 **Later...**

Negan helped Lucy up into the cab of the truck before he turned and laughed telling Rick he almost forgot Lucille. Jerking his thumb in Lucy's direction with the door still open he grinned and said this little baby was named after her. Rick looked beyond disgusted before looking down. Negan took the bat and whispered something to Rick who appeared to be lost in a trace.

Lucy sat there, watching, her face uneasy as she waited for Neil, the driver of the truck they were riding along with. He was currently circling around making sure that Daryl fella was put back in one of the trucks. Sitting there watching, Lucy waited before something caught her attention. It was laying on the dash, a crumpled up little piece of paper. Frowning, Lucy reached forward and opened the tiny piece of paper. Written quickly almost as a scribble said the three simple words.

 **Don't trust him.**

Lucy instantly felt her heart drop. Looking at it she knew whoever threw this in here was banking on the change that Negan wouldn't see it before her. Looking at it, she felt a horrible sense of uneasy before nothing Negan smiling and turning back towards her. Without so much as another thought she threw the tiny piece in her mouth and began chewing the soggy piece of paper like gum. In seconds it was completely gone. Negan then just seconds later climbed up into the truck and smiled. Neil sat down on the driver's side at the same time. Lucy swallowed, hoping he hadn't noticed and smiled. Negan smiled as she scooted over to the middle and tossed his bat down.

"Hope that wasn't too boring darling."

Lucy smiled before he snaked his arm around her as Neil started the engine and the truck began making it's way down the road. Sitting next to Negan, Lucy took a deep breath before he planted a kiss on top of her head.

"You have a good day?"

Lucy forced a small smile.

"Yeah, those babies are cute..."

"Yeah they sure, would be a shame if anything happened to them."

Neil laughed and Negan grinned, making Lucy sit between them too stunned to talk. At that exact moment Negan kissed her cheek, scratching her skin with his scruffy beard. That's when he whispered...

"Don't worry honey, we'll have ourselves another one one day, I promise..." With that Lucy stared forward, not exactly knowing what to say.

 **Later...**

Rick had finished confessing to Michonne about Judith. He was now back in the nursery. Judith was sitting in her crib, chewing on a rubber toy block and gurgling staring up at him. Feeling his heart heavy, he leaned down, gently brushing her hair before scooping up the other baby. Gently he began rubbing the baby's back. The baby lightly stirred for a moment before resting against his shoulder.

"Shhhh, it's okay..."

Sighing, he held the baby and stared out the window unaware that he was holding Negan's son.


	18. Remembering

**One week later.**

"Steady...that's my girl, now hold it."

Lucy stood in the fenced off area behind the complex. She held the heavy handgun Negan had given her and was currently target shooting on large X marks he had spray painted on the trees a few yards away. It was a sunny brisk day, and Lucy took a deep breath, focusing on the target as Negan stood behind her. His large hands were lightly touching her hips before he whispered...

"Okay, now squeeze the trigger..."

Lucy held her breath, and squeezed before the gun recoiled and loudly shot. Blinking, she stood back and instantly saw she had hit the target even closer this time. They had spent the last hour practicing, and all ready she saw a huge improvement. Negan proudly smiled behind her.

"That's my girl!"

Lucy smiled, lowering her gun before Negan laced his hands around her waist and nuzzled her neck, planting kisses on her skin and scratching her lightly with his beard causing her to giggle. Since the visit to the gated community, Lucy was trying her hardest to think over the note she had found. She wasn't sure who had written it, but the terrible lingering feeling that had stayed with her since she had been "returned" to Negan was stronger than ever. The faint memory of him raping her that night seemed more and more vivid and his story of her dreaming up the entire thing due to her fever seemed more and more far fetched. In fact, more strange memories were coming back to her. Memories of that trailer she stayed in back at the other camp when she first arrived. Memories of the staring up at the ceiling and crying. Memories of hurting, feeling scared, memories of Negan pinning her down and laughing. She didn't want to believe it, and she knew she couldn't until she had solid proof, but she knew she had to be smart. She didn't want to believe that this man, the one who seemed crazy about her, the one who protected her, and seemed to love her so much could be hiding something.

She had tried to speak to that prisoner again, but it seemed that Negan wouldn't leave her side these past few days, almost as if he suspected something. For the last few days they had't left the apartment. For days now it had been non-stop sex. Lucy was completely taken off guard by his energy. Hour after hour he was on top of her, pumping, and sweating, grabbing onto her, and making her come. The sex had been wonderful, but draining. Finally this morning she suggested him teaching her how to shoot some more. Once they showered, they headed outside where Negan explained they had guards as well as fences for a few acres as well as a small pond. Currently they were staying put, aiming at the targets.

 _"Don't trust him..."_

The words echoed in her head. Trying to force them out, she stood back smiling slightly as he continued to kiss her. That's when it happened.

"Argh!"

Lucy snapped her eyes shut as a horrible knife cutting cramp went through her, making her double over.

"Lucy?!"

Lucy hunched over, crying out as Negan instantly leaned over, eyes wide and concerned.

"What is it?!"

Lucy felt her heart pound, holding onto her stomach. This was worst than anything she remembered, even childbirth. Suddenly sweat poured out of her as she became short of breath. Looking up, she reached to grab hold of Negan's arm when suddenly her eyes rolled back into her head and darkness took over.

 **Later...**

"Wake up baby...come on."

Lucy's eyelids slowly fluttered open, shutting again before finally they found focus. All it seemed to be was constant moment of her losing focus and waking up again. She was back in the master bedroom of the apartment she shared with Negan. She laid in the king sized bed, surrounded by plush smooth silk pillows and sheets. Her head felt swimmy, and she instantly saw an IV bag hooked onto a pole was beside her. Looking, she saw Negan sitting on the edge of the bed. His face freshly shaven, his eyes worried. The doc stood behind him, looking nervous but trying his hardest to hide it. Lucy took a second, her throat feeling dry, and muscles achy. She took a second before Negan reached over, his large cool hand brushing back her bangs, feeling blissful against her forehead.

"You thirsty?"

Lucy took a second before nodding.

"Yeah..."

Her throat was dry, and her tongue felt puffy and swollen. Negan reached over, handing over a glass full of ice cold water with a straw. Lucy gently leaned forward, sipping it and feeling complete bliss, the same exact feeling she had when Negan touched her forehead. Finally when she had enough, she laid back, and stared at him. She felt sore, but otherwise just a little sleepy.

"You shaved..."

Negan smirked, amused.

"You like?"

Lucy stared up, pale, her voice raspy.

"You look handsome..."

"Yeah, well a lot has been going on since you've been out."

"How long?"

"Almost a week."

"What happened?"

Negan waited before the doc stepped forward clearing his throat.

"Dehydration, but you've been on strict bedrest, and I ran up some blood work and as long as you take it easy, you and the baby should be fine."

Lucy went still.

"Baby?"

Negan grinned, a grin that sent chills down Lucy's spine. That cool large hand reached over and gently drummed against her otherwise flat stomach covered by the sheets.

"We need it Lucy darling, we're having ourselves a baby. Didn't I tell you we could start over?"

He reached down, scooping Lucy up in his large strong arms when suddenly it happened.

Lucy kneeling on the gravel, Chris beside her. Negan standing, glooming down at them before taking his bat and swinging down again, and again, and again. Being thrown down to that dirty mattress in the trailer. The sound of ripping frabic, his hard direct face staring down at her, gritting teeth, and spreading her legs... Standing on the ledge, opening her arms, and throwing herself backwards... The babies, the pain, the screaming, the blood.

She remembered...she remembered...

 **She remembered.**

Her husband. This man. The father to this unborn child, she had just heard about seconds ago. The man who had seemed insane, but had protected her. The man who she had two other children with. One who she was forced to kill, the other she watched get taken away, knowing very well was more than likely dead as well. The man who had kidnapped her, killed Chris, raped her violently month, after month, after month, after month. Had beaten her, and made her believe she could never get away. She now remembered rather wanting to kill herself than to be with him again. After that she had forgotten, waking up barley remembering anything, truly believing that all of these lies, and crazy fate that had brought them back together despite the odds, was true.

He was a maniac that treated her like property. He had in fact raped her. He treated her like this doll that was only for his needs. Here he was, making up all these lies to blind her, and after all this time the fog had cleared. She remembered. She remembered it all. This wasn't her husband. This was a monster. Sitting there, stiff, she felt his muscles squeeze against her. Sitting up, eyes widening, she knew she was trapped. Trapped here with this psychopath all over again, and pregnant with another forced child. When he pulled away, he was still grinning. Staring at her, he smiled before laying her gently back.

"We're going to be real careful here Lucy darling, you are staying put and letting our little baby cook in your oven. Now there's some regular old bullshit happening with those assholes we've visited before. Now I don't want you worrying that pretty head of yours. Ain't that right doc?"

The doctor cleared his throat and stepped forward.

"You are at high risk. You need to stay on bedrest. I'll be monitoring you throughout the reminder of the pregnancy. You are at high risk for miscarriage, so you'll need to try and relax, keep pushing the fluids."

"Thanks doc, I'll see you in a bit, let's allow my wife to rest all right?"

The doctor nodded, collecting his bag and softly saying he would be back to come check on her. Seconds later, he was gone. Negan smiled at Lucy now alone before leaning over. Deeply kissing Lucy, he caught her completely off guard. His mouth roughly pressing against hers, now feeling so odd without his beard there to scratch her skin. When the kiss ended, he smiled before lightly dancing his fingers against the side of Lucy's face.

"I'll be back in a bit, lay back and get some rest honey."

Getting up, Negan leaned over and kissed her stomach. Feeling completely sick, Lucy pretended as good as she could to smile as he grinned one last time and walked out. Laying there, now alone, Lucy's eyes watered as she brought her hand up to her mouth, stiffening a cry. She remembered everything and she knew she would rather be dead before bringing another child of this monster into the world again.


	19. Escape

_"One hell of a way to spend our honeymoon huh honey?"_

Lucy laid in bed, staring out completely spacing out. She had been on bedrest for the last two weeks. Under strict orders from Negan, who she knew relayed it to the doctor, she was only allowed to walk around the apartment a little to stretch her legs, use the bathroom, and shower every other day. Besides that, she was ordered to laying in the large bed she shared with her rapist. He would wake up first thing in the morning, roll over to her side, grin, and reach over, snaking his hand underneath her shirt and roughly squeeze her breast. He hadn't tried having sex with her since she woke up. Lucy believed it was because of the baby. He would rub her stomach, talking down to it, completely adored, remarking on how safe it's daddy was going to keep it, and how much he loved it, and was going to make sure nothing went wrong. He would kiss her, traveling down to her neck before getting up and going to shower. Once he came out, smelling strongly of soap and cologne, he would grin, tell her he would be sending up one of his men to fetch her breakfast, and have the doc come check her out. As always he would brush back her bangs, kiss her, and leave. As always she would lay there, feeling as if she was playing some part in a stage play.

She would wait until one of Negan's men knocked, coming in, always never looking her in the eye, before the doc came in as well. Her blood pressure would be checked, her temperature, and she would be given food. She would go and wash up as the men waited on the sofa and chairs, making small talk, all terrified over the fact they were given the responsibility over Negan's wife. She would stay in the shower, letting the hot water roll down her skin, scrubbing until her skin was raw, and nearly bleeding. Constantly she would think of those memories, all so vivid and returning of him raping her night after night. His large hands ripping open her shirts, snapping her panties off, roughly spreading her legs, entering her hard, dry, and erect. The feeling of herself getting torn, the horrible cramps, the pain and humiliation of it all. She remembered carrying his children. His babies. How she decided she rather die than bring them into the world, and somehow, some way, she had survived, and here she was. Fate had brought them back together. It seemed as if they were destined to be together. Now here she was, trapped, a prisoner, pregnant with another one of his babies. Another one she knew had been put in her by rape. A rape he denied, a rape, she now remembered. So instead she would nod, say thank-you, lay back, eat, sleep, and think. She had a lot of thinking to do. The doctor explained she was almost three months along. He had a decent lab, but there was an even better doctor at the Hilltop. Lucy acted as if she had no idea who or what this was. Instead she listened, and the doctor explained he could treat her, but in the next two months he would want to move her to the Hilltop to get checked out. He informed this in front of Negan one evening where instantly Negan said why not bring the doctor here?

The doc looked ten times more nervous, took a deep breath, and explained very slowly that they wouldn't be able to move the equipment. that he basically had everything the Hilltop doctor had, and if he felt better he could have him brought here, but as of right now as long as Lucy stayed put, both her and the baby were fine. Before the doctor left, Lucy pretend to be looking at a stack of magazines Negan had brought in for her. She glanced over and saw Negan leaning in to the older man, and softly whispered...

"You better be right doc, if you're wrong...and anything happens to my wife or kid, I'll kill you."

The doc turned pale, nodded, muttered something and grabbed his bag before walking out. When Negan returned, Lucy was pretending to be reading up on movie stars who were long since dead. Negan smiled, rubbed her legs and told her there was nothing to worry about. A few days passed, and Lucy noticed she really wasn't sick in the morning. She had heard somewhere that was a bad sign. Instead, she kept her questions and remarks to herself. One morning, Negan pulled up a chair to Lucy. He was talking about how he had gone back to visit those people from Alexandra. How while she was resting, one of the kids from that town came here, even killing one of his men. He said his name was Carl, and he was that guy Rick's kid. He talked about how he brought him upstairs to one of the other apartments and talked with him. "Poor kid has one eye, you should see it." Lucy listened before Negan said he brought the kid back and met his baby sister and brother.

"You should see her, what an angel. If we have a girl, God I hope she takes after you and looks like that. What a cutie pie. The boy is younger, guess Rick's wife died having him. He's named Nick I think. He's cute, covered in freckles, tiny ones all across his nose. Damn Lucy, I guess I'm just baby crazy. I hope we can have ten more of em. God knows we like making em."

He grinned, before Lucy froze. Trying her hardest, she smiled before his radio went off. Tapping her a wink, he got up to the other room to answer it. Instantly Lucy laid there, clutching her sheets with her hands. Instantly she thought of what Negan had just said.

 _"Covered in freckles, tiny ones all across his nose..."_

No, there were thousands of people covered in freckles. But now, there weren't many babies born in this area roughly around that age. Babies with freckles dancing across his tiny little nose. Lucy laid there thinking. As her memories came back, she remembered that night. How she had delivered in the cabin, bleeding, suffering from exposure, and feeling herself dying. She remembered trusting that kind couple on taking the baby, but not before she was able to look at him, laying on the floor. He was beautiful. She remembered how at the time, she couldn't remember how he came to be. How he was a product along with his twin brother from rape. How in her blurred, dying, feverish state, she just saw him as her baby.

A baby she had no memory of until she delivered. A perfect, beautiful baby, crying, and squirming in blankets stained with blood. She remembered how she had looked at him, her vision blurring, and how the only vivid thing she remembered was how all ready, just a half an hour or so old, she could tell he was going to have freckles, all dancing across his cheeks and tiny little nose. The dots were tiny, but she knew if he lived they would become darker, and more adorable. Her child had freckles, did the father had freckles? The only thing she did know, was his brother didn't have them, and hours later, she was forced to kill him after he died and returned. No, the changes were as slim as they were coming back to his bastard. No, it wasn't possible. But it was. Wasn't it? She had given the baby up so it could have a chance. Maybe that couple, who's names she couldn't seem to remember, maybe they had gone to this town. Maybe Rick knew them? But why would he lie? Was the couple still alive? There was so much she didn't know, and figured she was just grasping onto this little glimmer of hope after remembering it all. No, it wasn't possible. That wasn't her baby. It couldn't be. That night Negan fell asleep, his arms roughly wrapped around her. As she laid there, she knew she needed to see this baby, but how? Negan wasn't letting her go anywhere. She was pervious cargo. She needed to just be sure, know and put her mind to rest. Laying there, feeling Negan's breath against her, she knew she had to be patient, just like before.

 **The next morning...**

Negan came into the bedroom anger than hell. Instantly he stormed in, rubbing his now freshly cleaned face. He paced the room, tossing his radio down onto one of the sofas, and muttered under his breath.

Lucy looked up.

"What's wrong?"

Negan shook his head.

"Oh just typical bullshit darling, looks like I'm going to have to leave for a day or so. You okay with that?"

Lucy tried her hardest to look calm, shrugging she nodded.

"Yeah sure, I mean...we're not going anywhere..."

She motioned down to her stomach, knowing she had struck the right nerve. Instantly Negan smiled and walked over, looking down at her.

"I'll make sure the doc is here, and you'll have everything you need."

"When are you leaving?"

"Few hours."

"Won't be dangerous will it?"

"No Lucy darling, it won't...besides, I got my other lady to help me..."

He reached underneath the bed, and pulled out that horrible baseball bat. Lucy stared at it, stunned that he had kept it there. She wondered on how amazing it would have felt scooping that bat up last night while he slept, raising it as he had done all that time ago to Chris, and let it fall over, and over, and over again. No, he deserved worse. Still, it showed that he trusted her, and didn't see her as a threat. He still believed she was fogged over with his lies. Believing him, that they were happily married, expecting a baby, moving on from that horrible terrible night when one baby died, and the other taken away. Yes, she would keep pretending, but she knew she needed to do three things. One was escape from here, the next find that baby, just to make sure, and three...find the best way possible to hurt him. Negan smiled, holding the bat against his shoulder as he grinned. Instantly Lucy raised an eyebrow and pointed.

"What's that?"

Negan smiled before lowering it, and admiring his baseball bat.

"Oh this, one of those assholes tries to shoot me. Almost cracked my lady in half, can you believe that?"

Lucy's eyes widened.

"Somebody tried to shoot you? I thought you had all the guns."

"Oh, they had some idiot make bullets for them, but don't you worry Lucy doll, I got him safe and sound here..."

"Let me see..."

Lucy motioned over, before taking the baseball bat and turning it over. Looking at the bullet slug dug deep between the wrapped wire, she took a deep sigh before handing it back, trying to ignore the fact this very same bat killed several people, including her Chris. Instead, she acted unphased.

"Wow...what's the person's name, I'll kill them."

Negan laughed.

"Oh, she's a pistol just like you but don't you worry. I got myself a plan. So what I need for you to do is lay back, take care of our little one, and don't worry about a thing, all right?"

Lucy nodded before feeling her heart hammer in her chest. This was happening very fast, too fast. Still, she rather do it now before she lost her nerve. Last time she waited until she was nine months pregnant with twins, and look what happened. Instead, she smiled, staring up at him, hating him so much. Negan smiled before looking around, as if somebody could hear him.

"Say, I talked to the doc...he says you're doing pretty good and it's safe for...well...you know. You wanna give me a goodbye present to hold me over?"

Lucy felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to say no, that she wasn't up to it. That she wasn't feeling good. But that might raise eyebrows. That might make him have the doc watch her closer, or not even leave. No, she needed to keep pretending, and she knew this would be the last time she would ever allow that bastard to touch her again. Smiling, she batted her eyelashes up at him, knowing how that drove him crazy. The faster they got this done, the faster he would leave. Negan smiled, dropping the bat with a hollow thud, letting it roll underneath the bed. Moments later, his leather jacket fell back, and he was undoing his belt. Lucy laid there, taking small breaths as she watched him work his fly down and climb on top of her. Minutes later, he was driving himself inside of her, huffing and puffing, making the entire bed shake. She laid there, pressed into the bedding, as he laid on top of her, being more gentle than usual. Her legs were spread as she laid, her head to the side, waiting for him to finish so it could be all over. Negan had his head buried against her shoulder, moaning before finally climaxing.

Collapsing on her, he laid still, as she felt warmth trickle down her thighs. The same warmth that had made this unwanted baby inside her now. Closing her eyes, she waited before he kissed her cheek.

"I'll be back in two days darling..."

He pulled out, and began dressing. Lucy laid back, staring up, before finally he zipped up his jacket and scooped up his bat. Smiling, he stared down at her and smiled.

"You okay?"

Lucy fixed her shirt, sitting up, wanting to scrub herself clean, feeling sick to her stomach. Looking at him, she forced a small tired smile.

"I'm fine, just tired. Tell them to leave me be for the rest of the night, I just wanna sleep and they keep disturbing me. I'll radio down in the morning when I need them."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I just wanna rest...please be careful Negan...okay?"

She knew this was just enough to make him happy. Instead, he smiled, leaned down and kissed her, before gently squeezing her hand.

"Two days at the most, I'll be back."

Lucy nodded, before she felt tears begin to form in her eyes, she tried so hard to make them go away, but they were still there despite all the risks. Instead, she couldn't help it. Instantly Negan frowned, seeing this.

"What's wrong?"

Lucy roughly wiped her eyes, sitting up, fixing the blankets.

"I...I'm just going to miss you."

Negan smiled warmly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Looking at her, for just a glimmer of a moment, she saw the man he could have been before all this madness. He reached over, gently cupping the side of her face, looking nothing like the animal who had raped her night after night in that dirty dark R.V. Instead he smiled, and reminded her he would be back as soon as possible. Smiling, she nodded, really crying because she knew this was it. She had allowed herself twice to be taken by him. Never again. This was the last time she would ever be touched by him again, she swore it, and deep down inside knew how to hurt him the worst. He kissed her one last time, brushed back her hair, and told her as soon as they came back, they were going to pick out names. Smiling, she squeezed his hand, watched him get up, and leave. Once she was alone, she covered her mouth, stiffening a sob.

 **Later...**

Dressed in jeans, a black T-shirt, and boots, she tied her hair back tightly, tucked one of Negan's handguns into the back of her jeans that he kept under the sofa, and grabbed a knife. Checking herself in the mirror, she knew it was now or never. If somebody tried to stop her, she would have to kill them, simple as that. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and snuck out. Luckily, they must have followed Negan's orders, since nobody in the hour following him leaving had come up to check on her. Instead, she snuck out carefully like a thief in the night. She rode the elevator down, heart pounding, waiting for someone to stop her and see. Instead, oddly enough, there was nobody around. Once she reached the bottom floor, she quickly walked down the dark hallway and saw an emergency exit. Holding her breath, she pushed through the door, and walked out into the night air.

Nearly stumbling, she looked around, and saw guards further down from the fence. She knew a way out without being seen. Those few times Negan took her out target practicing, she had seen where they were stationed, and where they would look. Keeping her head down, she continued walking, and saw that the few people passing, most likely workers, heading towards where they were stationed. Nobody stopped, nobody looked at her, instead she kept walking as if she belonged. She knew if she had to use her gun, she would. Instead, less than ten minutes later, she had slipped out. Hurrying, she ran towards the fields, knowing as long as she stayed away from the main road there wouldn't be any guards. Hurrying as fast as she could, she refused to look back. Instead, she knew if they stayed away from town, and continued North she would be okay. Running, feeling the cool night air hit her, pure engird racing through her as she continued running, straight towards the tree line. After a few minutes she had entered the woods, and collapsed to her knees. Falling down hard, catching her breath, she never felt so good before in her entire life. The odds were against her, but she had been able to slip away completely unnoticed. Somehow, Negan's precious pregnant wife wasn't being watched, and had gotten away. She was free. Kneeling down, taking large shaken breaths. Thin moonlight was spilling in through the tops of the trees. A wind had picked up, and for once everything seemed so vivid, so clear, so strong. The smell of the soil and dirt. The cool wind hitting her hot face, the dim shadows of the trees and branches. All of it was here because she was alive. Either tonight or early tomorrow the doc would come in to check, and see she was gone. She very well knew she might have cost some people their life's, but she couldn't think of that. There wasn't much time, and she had a lot of ground to cover. Negan would be altered whenever he was, and they would begin searching. She knew she would be damned if she ever allowed this to happen again. Looking down at her flat stomach, she signed. She knew this wasn't this child's fault. Just like her other two children, conceived by rape, having no business existing. Her fingers slid to her flat stomach, and sighed.

"I'm sorry..."

She knew this was the only way. Closing her eyes and tilting her head back, she allowed a helpless sob to travel up her throat. Snapping her eyes tighter she thought of Chris. The kind man who had helped her originally get out of the city, the same one she had gone to, which seemed like a million years ago, back when she was still just a child. She remembered going to his tent, asking if he would make love to her, how she wanted him to be her first. Instead, like a true gentleman he kindly sent her back on her way. She remembered him kneeling beside her, and how that monster had killed him.

"I'll make him pay Chris. I promise."

She rocked back and forth, before finally opening her eyes. Wiping her tears, her face then crumpled. She wasn't sad anymore, she wasn't hurt, or scared. She was angry. Her eyes glaring, she slowly rose to her feet. Behind her she heard a low moaning sound. Looking over her shoulder, she saw a walker, slowly limping in her direction. It appeared to be a middle aged man, half his face rotted away. Lumbering over, the creature groaned before Lucy slowly slid the knife out, opening the blade from her pocket and ran forward. Instead of seeing this creature, she saw a monster...she saw Negan. Ramming the knife into it's head, it shuttered, before falling down dead. Yanking the blade back, she huffed, feeling her pulse race before wiping the blade on her jeans and folded it back onto her pocket. Turning, she ran, as fast as she could to Alexandra. Dawn. She couldn't believe it. She had found it. Unknown to Negan, the morning she had gone with him to Alexandra, she had spent most of the ride looking out the window, remembering every turn, every landmark. It had been hard, but while running, she came across an old broken down general store. Lucky for her there were two spread out walkers, and she was able to run in and grab a compass.

The faceplate was cracked, but still worked. After hours of moving as fast as she could, through fields, and woods, she finally came down the long road and saw the high gates. Nervously she bit down on her bottom lip before hurrying down towards it, praying they would listen. The sky had a beautiful purple look to it as the sun had just begun to rise. When she reached the gates, a voice came from above. "Hands up!" Lucy was exhausted, her feet ached, and she was freezing. Instead she slowly opened her hands and stared up, trying to find the source of where the voice was coming from.

"I...need to talk to Rick, the leader."

"Who sent you?"

"I...came myself. Here..."

She reached behind her and pulled the handgun out, tossing it forward it landed on the gravel loudly before she pulled her knife as well, flinging it down. Her hands still up, she stared up.

"I need to see him please!"

Just then the gates slowly opened. Standing back, she saw two people she didn't recognize.

"I need to talk to Rick..."

"He just came back from the Hilltop..."

Before he could finish, Rick walked out of the shadows, holding a gun himself. He looked tired. The moment he saw Lucy, his eyes widened.

"What are you..."

"I escaped...I need to talk to you please, I think they are going to be looking for me soon and there isn't much time."


	20. A plan

**Before.**

Julia sat on the kitchen counter, legs spread, head nuzzled against Negan's arched shoulder blade as he stood up against her, boxers and jeans down around his ankles, as he held onto her hips and thrusted away. It was late, and both had met up a little after midnight when Negan couldn't sleep. He came downstairs for a nice cold beer, glancing into the living room where Lucille was fast asleep in her hospital bed. She was hooked up to her machines, an IV pole filling her with that dope that she was strung out on nearly all the time now. The options had run out, and Negan now had to face facts. His wife was dying. This was the end. Now he watched day after day as she shrunk into a skeleton corpse, no longer looking like the woman he had fallen in love with and carried into the honeymoon suite in his arms laughing years ago. The harsh reality was settling in, and he found himself caring less and less at work. In fact just yesterday he had screamed so badly at a group of boys who missed a touch football game by just two points. He screamed himself horse, until finally he walked away, head aching, and hands curled into fists.

He had spent a good remainder of the that evening at the local bar, not wanting to go home, not wanting to face reality, not wanting to see his wife in pain any longer. He regretted how things had started with Julia. She was a woman, and he was a man. She had comforted him when he needed it the most, and understood how horrible this had been for him. Still, there was no excuse. None whatsoever. His wife was dying, but he was cheating on her with her nurse. Night after night they would wait until she was drugged up, and fast asleep and screw for hours. Negan never got any pleasure from any of this, only the sweet release, and little break from reality that he needed.

As always once they finished he would sneak back upstairs, shower, and stand beneath the pouring shower head, eyes closed, fighting the urge to cry. Tonight they had begun having sex, and at the moment, Negan pushed inside of her, eyes closed, feeling himself close, thinking that instead of Julia, it was Lucille. His sweet, sweet Lucille. She was healthy, and wrapping her legs around him, moaning as he gritted his teeth, and kept moving inside of her. That's when he heard Julia gasp. This wasn't a gasp of pleasure, of herself finishing. Instead, this was a surprised, a terrible gasp that caused him to instantly lose his erection, and freeze. Opening his eyes, he lifted his head, and turned, looking over his shoulder. Standing in the doorway, looking like a ghost was Lucille. She had somehow gotten out of bed despite how weak she had been. She stood in her nightgown, clutching onto her IV pole which had wheels beneath it, and stared at them both screwing in the middle of the kitchen. She had circles beneath her eyes, and she stared at them, right now caught right in the middle of the act. Negan stared over his shoulder, before instantly he pulled himself out of Julia, and nearly fell pulling up his pants.

"Lucille!"

Before he completely turned, Lucille swayed, before her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell with a heavy thud.

"Christ!"

Negan ran over, dropping to his knees as Julia slid off the counter and hurried over. Negan went to Lucille, gathering up her hand and feeling her wrist. Instantly he looked up at Julia. "She isn't breathing." Julia worked fast, she knelt beside Lucille, lacing her hands together over his wife's thin chest and began CPR.

"Negan, go call 911 now."

Negan stared at his wife's pale face, wanting more than anything to take back what she saw. She didn't deserve anymore pain. Not like this. He wanted to tell her how it truly meant nothing. That it was just sex. That he loved her, and couldn't do this without her. Instead, he watched as Julia counted, pressing down and counting softly before tilting her chin up, pinching her nose shut, and breathing into her mouth.

"Negan? Go!"

Julia snapped, causing Negan to break out of his trance. Getting up, he hurried to the phone, knowing very well it was too late.

 **Present**

"Negan took the group I was traveling with. He murdered everyone, including a good man named Chris who had cared for me when my parents were killed when everything first happened. I was just a kid, a teenager...he beat Chris to death, then took me...and raped me. He raped me for months, I was held prisoner inside an old trailer. He beat me, he tied me up, and raped me over and over again. He called me his wife...he did terrible things to me, things that didn't make me want to be a woman anymore. I had...I...had never been with a man before..."

"You don't have to do this..."

Lucy shook her head, knowing if she didn't get this out she never would. There wasn't much time. Both were sitting inside Rick's house. He had plans on leaving, returning back to The Hilltop. Lucy knew the discovery of her disappearance would be known within the next few hours, and she needed to leave or hide. She had a plan, but wanted to let Rick know she wasn't a spy. She wasn't Negan's wife. In fact, she was the opposite, and intended to hurt him in the worst way possible. Rick had finished explaining everything that had been happening, starting originally just a few months ago when they had wandered into one of Negan's camps, and he watched him kill two of his friends. Lucy listened to all of the terrible things Negan had done, and wasn't the slightest bit surprised. When he finished, she began, telling him about her kidnapping, and the endless months of rape.

"He raped me until I became pregnant. If anyone tried to help me...they would get killed. I tried to escape, and finally it got to the point I knew he was completely insane.I was pregnant with twins, and...I decided I rather die than bring any children of his into this world."

"What did you do?"

"I tried killing myself. I threw myself into a rock quarry, how i survived was beyond me, but I did. Negan thought I was dead, but I was able to wander into the woods, hurt, broken ones, suffering from exposure, and nine months pregnant before I finally collapsed."

"Jesus..."

"The worst thing was, the injuries made me forget what had happened. It felt like a movie, I didn't remember who I was, how I got there, and how I ended up like this. A kind couple welcomed me into a cabin in the area, helped me deliver, and I thought I was dying. One baby was on his way out, under weight, and very unhealthy. I think this was from my injuries. I knew these babies didn't ask to be born, and I know it was my fault, but I figured if I was going to die, I would die on the cabin floor with him. The other baby, a boy was taken by the couple who tried to help me. I only saw him for a second...but I figured at least he would be given a chance. I destroyed the other baby when he passed, and turned...and I believed I was dying, not even knowing my own name. It wasn't long afterwards that a hunter, a man named Joe stumbled upon me a few days later and nursed me back to health. I buried my son, and prayed my other boy was safe. We traveled in the area, but my health wasn't the greatest. I was weak, and finally...well we came upon some men who knew my name, and claimed I had a husband."

"Negan."

Lucy nodded.

"I believed everything they said. They brought us back to the camps, and there he was. His precious piece of property returned. He fed me a bunch of bullshit about how we were in love, and married before all of this. That I went missing, and claimed it was all an accident. I believed him, but knew something was off. I saw the things he did, and slowly began to remember. He lied, and he raped me, and got me pregnant again. I remembered, but he had no idea. He left me yesterday, not saying where he was going and I escaped. He needs to be stopped...and I can't live anymore knowing I could have stopped some of this."

"What do you mean you remembered?"

"It came back slowly, little pieces here and there. Finally when it came back I remembered every single time he pinned me down, raped me, and hurt me...I'm pregnant, few months along with a baby I don't want. Pregnant because of another rape he tried to claim didn't happen...but I know. I remember everything. It's a high risk pregnancy but I needed to leave. I have zero attachment to...this thing inside of me. A monster put it here, just like he did with my other two boys. Rick, I don't love Negan. He kept me as a prisoner, and used me just to bare his children. I'm a sex slave, nothing more...nothing less. I tried escaping one, and it nearly killed me...and it should have. I...I don't want to live this life anymore. I can't have this baby, and I refuse to let him ever touch me again. I have a plan, a plan where I need your help...but I need to ask something of you."

Rick sat across from her, he leaned forward, hands together listening.

"What?"

"You have three children. I've met your eldest son...but the two upstairs, the youngest...the boy. He isn't yours...is he?"

Rick didn't say a word. Nervously bitting on her bottom lip, Lucy stared at him, eyes glistening with tears.

"I understand if you don't trust me...but I need to know. You either found him or he was brought to you. A couple perhaps?"

Rick didn't answer at first. He stared at Lucy before finally he sat back slightly.

"One of my people found him, not too long ago. We named him Nick, been raising him like my own."

Lucy nodded, feeling her chest tighten.

"I believe...that baby upstairs was the surviving twin I delivered months ago...I believe upstairs is Negan's child."

"But..."

"The changes are slim, but so weren't they when it came to that bastard getting me again. I only saw him once, and I was basically dying...you need to promise me something okay?"

Rick waited, before Lucy struggled to get these words out. Sighing, she clasped her hands tightly, trying to find the strength. Taking slow deep breaths, she looked at him, pain in her exhausted eyes.

"You never let him know. He has no idea...I think he believes he's dead. If there even is the slightest chance that's his child, you never let him know. You raise that child, raise him like your own. I can tell just by looking at you that you are a good man, a better man. If he dies, he dies...at least you'll give him a chance. That bastard wants a baby more than anything in this world, and I'll be damned before he gets him."

"He's your child...what if..."

Lucy shook her head.

"No, he never was mine. You don't look at him and see the man who killed your friends. You see an innocent child, that's lucky to have you. Please...just take care of him. He deserves better if that's him."

Rick stared at her before nodding finally. Sighing, he motioned upstairs.

"You wanna see him?"

Lucy's large eyes cast upwards before nodding.

"Only for a second, we gotta get moving fast..."

Rick nodded before getting up, and leading her upstairs.

 **Upstairs...**

Rick held Judith, while Lucy stood before the crib. Looking down, she stared at the sleeping baby. He wore a dark blue one piece. His eyes closed, spread out on his back, his tiny legs twitching as he slept peacefully, his chest slowly rising and falling. She looked at the tiny freckles spread across his skin, and knew deep in her heart, this was the same baby she had given birth to all that time ago when she had no idea who she was. This was the baby, the same baby that was conceived along with it's dead twin in rape. No, he wasn't hers, and he wasn't Negan's. He never was. Reaching down, she gently used one of her fingers to stroke the side of his soft skin. Sighing, she took a deep breath before turning. Rick watched.

"Is it him?"

"Not sure...but if it is, will you look after him for me?"

Rick nodded.

"I have a plan, you can still be safe if we win, I just need time."

Sighing, Lucy shook her head.

"I'm sorry sheriff...but time is something I don't have."

Turning, she knew better than to pick him up. To touch him again, to keep gazing down at his perfect little innocent sleeping face. No, if she didn't leave now, she never would. Instead she stared at Rick, holding his own beautiful daughter. The same daughter Negan had become to taken with and sadly smiled.

"Come on..."

Rick nodded before placing his daughter inside the crib with the other baby. Stroking her light hair, he turned and remarked he had friends watching them, and that they would be safe. That he needed to round up numbers, but if he had enough he actually believed they could win. The two left the nursery, not turning back. They took one of the cars, and headed back towards the Hilltop.

The ride consisted mostly of Rick talking, telling her his plan. That he knew they needed to be fast. Between Daryl and her missing, they would be sending others soon. He needed to act fast, but with her on their side this might help things. Instead, Lucy stared down the window at the passing woods before looking at him. Behind her she left what very well could have been her son. Instead, she knew no matter how many people were being Rick's so called army, no matter what they got back for weapons, and even if they killed Negan. It wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be punishment enough. Instead she turned, looking at him, her eyes tired and bloodshot.

"I think you have a fine plan, but you need to get him where it hurts the most."

Rick glanced over.

"What?"

"Negan is a one mean bastard. A surprise attack is fine...but you need to understand to defeat him, you need to weaken him first. Catch him off guard, hurt him...make him feel the way you did the night he killed your friends. There are only two things he loves more in this world, or at least says he says he does. You take those things away, you'll see the human side of him. You'll see the scared human side of him. Make him hurt the way he made you hurt. That way he'll be scared."

Rick looked over confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"There was a woman, somebody who tried to shoot Negan?"

"Rosita?"

"I saw her once, if that's the woman we're talking about. She's roughly the same height and build as me right?"

"Right..."

"Then I have a plan..."

 **The Hilltop.**

Rick and Lucy arrived, and they met inside. Lucy had met everyone, including a woman named Maggie. She was pregnant as well, and her husband had been murdered by Negan. She saw the man who had tried to warn her, Daryl, who had escaped, and several other people she had seen before. They only had a handful of people, willing to fight. They knew were currently getting ready to head to a place called The Kingdom. Rick knew there wasn't much time, they needed to head back soon since people would start looking for Lucy. The plan was she and Daryl could hide there until they got the numbers they wanted. Rick and a man named Jesus were riding along with Lucy sitting between them. She wasn't sure if she could convince him, but she knew it was just a matter of time.

 **The Kingdom.**

They were set to leave. Rick stood in the garden with Lucy who stared up at him.

"This is insane, no."

Lucy shook her head.

"Rick, please...I want to hurt that bastard the way he hurt me."

"There's been too much death. Think of that baby back home, that could be your son..."

Lucy shook her head.

"He isn't. He never will be. He's your child, and you never let him know about me or that monster...understand?"

Rick shook his head. "You aren't thinking straight. You are pregnant..."

"With a baby I don't want. A baby put inside of me by rape."

"There are other ways. We can win..."

"You might, and you might not. I've made up my mind...I can do this with or without you, but it would be easier with. I'm tried Rick...and I swore to myself I wouldn't ever go back to that hell again. We gotta hurt him."

"What if it makes it worse? What if he snaps, I have children...three now to think about, my friends who are my family."

Lucy turned, tears glistening. "You need to trust me...this is the only way."


	21. What like this?

**Before.**

"COME ON YOU BUNCH OF PUSSIES!"

Negan screamed blowing his whistle as he stood in the gym just two weeks after his wife's funeral. For many, they saw this as a blessing. Lucille wasn't in pain anymore. She wasn't suffering. Instead, for Negan, things were left in a strange sort of limbo. His wife's last moments were watching him cheat on her. She died hating him, seeing him with her own nurse, and had died with a broken heart. His promise years ago on his wedding day to her were complete bullshit. He hadn't stuck by her through sickness and in health. He was weak, and just because he wanted his dick wet, he had caused his poor beautiful wife to suffer, and die knowing that he had betrayed her. Julia didn't come to the funeral, and he hadn't seen her since, even when the hospital sent the men to collect the bed and equipment. Now his house was empty, now nothing seemed to matter. When he returned to work the following Monday everyone was surprised, trying to tell him to maybe take more time to grieve. Instead, Negan built a stone wall around him, claiming he was fine and didn't want to talk about it.

Instead, he just wanted to work and forget it. Just yesterday he had boxed up all of Lucille's belongings, and had dropped them off at Goodwill. Taking his wedding band, he took his baseball bat, strolled to his back deck and tossed it before hitting the small band of metal with all his might, sending it flying over the fence. Today his head ached as he watched these lazy little brats unable to even catch a football the right way. Marching over, he glared at the two boys who stared up at him with wide stupid eyes. Shaking his head, he rubbed his stubble covered chin, and swore under his breath.

"If you two little girls can't catch a football, you better get down on those knees and give me fifty."

"But..."

Negan glared, ready to rip someone apart. Seeing that look, both boys got down and began to count. Glaring at them, he wanted for them to collapse, to make one mistake and it would make it his business to embarrass them and make their life's a living hell. Standing there, clipboard under one arm, watching them as the other students kept their distance, he shook his head digested knowing his days of teaching were numbered. Every time he saw them he would remember that he was now widowed, childless, and riddled with guilt. After class, he tossed his clipboard down, hard enough to crack it as he snapped off his radio that softly was broadcasting a news report. A news report that would become very important in the next three weeks. Grabbing his bag, he planned on going home, getting drunk, and trying to forget that horrible betrayed look in his dying wife's eyes.

 **Present.**

Rick was still trying to prove to Lucy that her plan wasn't the way. That it was dangerous, and too much of a , she decided that she wouldn't go back to Alexandria to see the baby. As much as she wanted to, she knew even if the chances were that the baby was the same one, that she rather think of it as a one in a million chance shot. She knew if she went back to Rick's, looked down in that crib, and saw that sleeping baby's face, she would chicken out. Instead, when she went to the Kingdom, she met up with Daryl, and the woman who had tried taking a shot out on Negan. When she walked up to both of them, she offered her hand. Originally Rosita stood back, staring at her with uneasy eyes. Finally, Lucy sighed, casting her own eyes down.

"I'm not really his wife."

"Is that so."

Lucy looked up as Daryl stood back. They were currently speaking in the courtyard. If all went as planned, she hoped all of this would end by tomorrow night. Rick was completely against it, and had dropped her off at The Kingdom for close watching. right around that time Rostia had arrived, and Lucy asked if she could speak with them.

Rick was out with Michonne to gather supplies and guns for a group he had met, who he claimed would be his army against Negan. He told Lucy to stay put, if all went as planned, she wouldn't have to do this. She could get a chance, and actually live. Lucy meanwhile knew better. She had spoken her peace, and didn't need to justify it anymore. She wanted escape, to be with her parents, with Chris, and maybe no longer feel this horrible aching pain she felt over what that bastard did. She had tried to kill herself once, and she had been brought back to him to be raped and inpregranted all over again. She swore he would never touch her again, and she knew if this plan actually worked, Negan would be caught off guard, which meant that Rick might actually win.

"I was a teenager when Negan captured the people I was traveling with after my parents were killed. He murdered the man I was traveling with who had kept me safe, the same way he killed your friends. He then kidnapped me and raped me. I was a virgin, and he kept me locked away and raped me night after night until I got pregnant. When I tried to escape, I tried killing myself, and only ended up hurting myself so badly that one of the babies I was carrying died shortly after I gave birth to him in the freezing woods. The other baby was taken away from the people who found me. In the end, I wound up with back with him, with amnesia or something. He lied to me, and raped me all over again and here I am exhausted and pregnant again...he's obsessed with me and from this radio we have, I've been listening on how crazy he is. How he's been sending out men searching for me and if he ever finds me...he'll either kill me, or make me have this baby, and then another one, and then another one. I'm all used up...I can't have this baby, and I can't live another day knowing he touched me. If this bastard has ever loved anyone...it's me. Have him be responsible, and Rick will win."

"What if it doesn't work and more people get killed..."

Daryl started. Instead, Lucy turned towards him and shook her head.

"It will work...he said he's heading on Route 86 tonight. If we do this, I was thinking on the road right next to that farm with the red barn. I can either do this with or without you...but I think the only way it's going to work is with you."

Both stared at her as she held up the rope and sack she had gotten. Staring at them, tears slowly filled her wide eyes.

"Please...make him hurt as bad as he's hurt us."

 **Later...**

Negan slowly pulled off the large rubber work gloves he wore to kill the doctor. He had gathered everyone in to watch him punish the man who was supposed to watch Lucy. The doctor snuffled, begging for his life, as Eugene stood back, frightened, he saw Negan shake his head. Ever since he discovered that Lucy was missing he was wild. He had sent out so far at least a hundred or so men to search the area for her. So far nothing. He was convinced so far that Daryl escaping had something to do with this. If he was responsible, he was going to make damn sure that asshole paid. He would bash his brains out, and rip his lungs out. If Lucy had ran away, if she had remembered, he would just have to teach her a little lesson. Looking up at Eugene, he grinned.

"My wife is somewhere out there, and this prick didn't watch her close enough."

He motioned to the furnace where the doctor's corpse was burning. Smirking, he tossed the gloves down.

"It's one thing trying to screw with me...but to screw with my wife and my baby, well...whoever is responsible...will pay."

Turning, he walked out, planning on loading up a truck and joining Dwight, and a group of his men on another sweep. He refused to think that Lucy was out there dead or killed by walkers. No she was out there, and he would find her. He promised himself he would get her back, no matter what.

 **That night.**

Lucy knelt in the middle of the road. She had borrowed some of Daryl's clothing, and wasn't sure if she could pass as him. The shirt she was wearing was long sleeved, but she was almost four inches shorter than him, and weighted at least seventy pounds less. Still, Rosita once put into action had made to make it look convincing. Now she stood before Lucy, kneeling down, hands tied behind her back. Lucy stared up at her as Daryl waited on the shoulder of the road with the radio. Less than a half an hour they heard Negan's voice announcing they were leaving the complex. They still had at least twenty minutes. Looking up, Lucy sighed.

"You can just leave me here...he'll try to kill you."

Rosita shook her head.

"Yeah well I really don't have anything to lose, so in order for this to work, I gotta be here."

Nodding, Lucy glanced over at Daryl.

"Remember to stay hidden, don't do anything...if it works, let him do it. No shots, nothing okay?"

"Rick isn't going to be very happy about this."

"Yeah well, remind him of that when he's got that army he's been talking about."

Rosita held onto the sack, staring down at him.

"Are you sure?"

Lucy thought of the tiny unborn baby growing inside of her, and how it shouldn't have even existed. That somehow, this was was the only way she could hurt Negan the way he hurt her. Locking eyes with Rosita, she nodded. With that, Rosita put the large brown sack over Lucy's head before standing back. Glaring, she checked her watch before she looked over at Daryl.

"Turn the radio off, and get down...only shoot if you're aiming at him...and that's after he finishes."

Daryl nodded, still staring at Lucy kneeling down before twisting the radio off, and hiding behind the doors of the open barn. Standing as the moonlight shinned down, Rosita took deep breaths before turning and grabbing a rock that sat on the side of the road. Lifting it, she bounced the weight in her hand before smashing it against the side of her mouth. The white hot lighting pain flared in her lips, feeling the bottom one split as blood trickled down. Stiffening a cry, she tossed the rock into the high grass before walking to the edge of the road. Walking over, she threw herself down onto the gravel, and began focusing on breathing as she thought she rather die here watching that bastard's face, making him feel how she felt when he killed Abraham.

 **Later...**

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?!"

Negan announced in the cab of the truck. Dwight rolled to a stop, before they stared up the road just a yard or so away. It was pitch black out besides very thin moonlight that kept trying to shine through from the clouds. It was hard to make out, but the headlights of the truck showed someone with a bag over their head, hands tied behind their back kneeling in the middle of the road. Laying beside them was that bitch who tried shooting him. A barn was on the right side of the road, and on the other woods.

Grinning, Negan raised his hand. Tonight there was only five of them that went out. He sent twenty or so other men down South to search, but tonight he wanted to look himself. He was in a pretty chipper mood despite it all after taking care of the doctor, and knew he had that nerd who made the bullet right where he wanted him. In the back of the truck Ned, David, and Luke sat. He knocked on the tiny window and told them and get out. Once Dwight killed the engine, Negan told him to keep the lights on as he carried his bat, and walked out onto the road. Boots clicking, he strolled forward smirking. Dwight and the others got out, guns ready.

"Well! Well! Well! What do we have here?"

Rosita had been practicing in her head for the last half an hour it took them to get here. Lifting her head, real tears rolled down her face.

"Go away!"

Negan slowly walked over, his men behind him. The headlights giving enough light to see that her lip was pretty badly busted up.

"My straight shooter, what in the world are you doing out here?"

Rosita looked at him, lips curling back as she continued to cry and scream.

"You're men came, they went in the woods! Don't hurt him please!"

Negan glanced over at the figure kneeling.

"Who's that now?"

Rosita knew she needed to act fast, this was the part Lucy had warned her about.

"Daryl! He has your...wife or whatever she is in the woods and they went to go get him. They hurt him real bad, he can't even talk...don't kill him please!"

Negan froze, glaring at the dark woods, trying to figure which group of his men would be out here. He only sent out that other group tonight, as far as he could remember no other trucks went out. In fact, where was the other truck? He eyed the figure who's body was practically swallowed up by the sack. It was dark, but it must have been him. He knew he had been the reason why Lucy was gone. He either told her something, or grabbed her. Looking at the woods he motioned.

"Ned, Dave, Luke! Go now!"

The me hurried into the darkness, guns raised. Negan swung his bat, and looked down.

"This piece of shit is Daryl? He took my Lucy?"

"She's out here, please just don't hit him! Please!"

Negan grinned before raising the bat.

"What like this?"

Raising the bat, he swung down at the figure as Rosita's eyes widened.


	22. Chapter 22

Rosita laid on the gravel of the road staring with wide eyes as Negan slammed the baseball bat right down on the hooded figure, completely disguised with the sack covering the better half of their upper torso. The moment the baseball bat came cracking down, it hit with a sickening thud, followed by a crack. The figure swayed before finally it collapsed to it's side. Instantly the sack began to blossom with dark blood, soaking right through. Negan stepped back, bouncing on his feet like a gleeful child on Christmas morning. Grinning, he held onto the bat, which was all ready dripping blood. That's when he stopped, mid laugh. Looking down, Negan stared down at the figure who laid on it's side.

Instantly even by the thin moonlight and glow of the headlights, he knew something was wrong. The grin slowly fading, he noticed a few things almost instantly. The first was the size of the person. At first glance he was sure that was Daryl, now looking closer, he couldn't believe it. The pants looked baggy on the person, too baggy. The shoes weren't right either, they were boots...but they looked too small. Then he saw the hands, tied behind the person's back. They were filthy, but weren't a man's hands. Suddenly his eyes widened slightly as his free hand reached out, signaling Dwight to be alert. His eyes scanned the darkened area, including the woods before he ignored Rosita completely, and leaned over, reaching forward and grabbing hold of the all ready bloody sack. With one good pull, it came off, and fell from Negan's fingertips that almost instantly went numb. The sack fell down onto the pavement before Negan looked down, eyes widening and everything around him froze. Laying on the payment, thick syrup like blood caking down the side of his forehead. She stared up, confused as blood dribbled into one of her eyes, as her legs gently jerked as she stared up. Negan stared before Dwight shouted.

"WHERE IS SHE?"

Negan glanced over his shoulder and saw the bitch who tried taking a shot out at her was gone. His eyes frantically searched the fall grass, and dark barn further up in the field but saw nothing. It was a trick. This was all a trick.

Dwight instantly went running into the field before they faintly heard what sounded like either a motorcycle or ATV off in the distance. Ignoring Dwight who was running from the road, Negan stared down before he dropped the bat with a heavy hollow thud. Negan stared down in shock like a crazed man, completely losing his grip on reality before Lucy's unfocused eyes found his, blood bubbling up from her lips before they turned upwards in a smile.

"T-t-this...is for...Chris...you sonofabitch..."

Negan stared down at her, before suddnely it hit him. He had just hit his own wife, his wife carrying his unborn child. It was her, he had been fooled, and seeing the hate glaring in her dying eyes, he knew she was behind this. She had escaped, and wanted him to be the one to do it. As hard as he tried, she wasn't Lucille. She never had been. He remembered that day when she jumped from the cliff, pregnant, and seeing how absolutely helpless he had been. Now she had done it again. She had outsmarted him, and taken another one of his badly wanted children with him. Looking at her flat stomach, rage boiled through him. She had never loved him. She had planned this whole thing, and now not only was her blood, but his unborn child's blood staining his hands. His insides ached, as he knew the whole reason why he had chosen her was to make that horrible guilt he had suffered from with Lucille to go away. That night after night following her death, he kept remembering the confused and hurt look in her eyes when she stumbled out and saw him and Julie.

He had hurt his wife, and had taken his girl as a distraction to help bury those horrible feelings. Now she had gotten the last laugh. His kneels buckled as he fell down hard, staring down at her. Dwight was shouting something in the distance, but he ignored him. Instead he stared down Lucy's bleeding head before thinking for a quick second if they got her into the truck and hurried back, the doc from the Hilltop could help them. He just needed her long enough until the baby was ready. Staring down at the blood pooling around her head, with shaking hands he reached down gathering her up in his arms. Slowly he began to rock back and forth. Lucy's vision was blurring now. She knew he was holding her, but she didn't care. All that mattered was that she dying, and in hopefully a few minutes would finally be rid of him. She felt his large hands shake against her skin, trying to stroke back her bloody matted hair.

"Shhhh...lay still...Shhhh..."

He whispered, his voice actually having an edge to it. Blinking, feeling blood drops catch against her eyelashes, she stared up and saw before her vision again blurred badly that he was crying. Actually crying.

"Looks lllike...you won't get your boy..."

She sputtered, more blood dripping between her lips. Negan continued stroking her blood slicked face, before Lucy stared up at him with the last of her strength.

"Why? Why me?"

Negan knelt there holding her, knowing it was too late. Staring down, his voice sounded half human.

"Because...I could."

Lucy's loosely tied hands became lose, as one hand limply reached over, twitching and not quite grasping before stopping his large hand mid stroke against her cheek. Lifting it, she placed it against her flat stomach. Another smile spread across her face, blood trailing down her chin. "We'll seeee you in Hell Negannn..." Negan continued kneeling, feeling rage boil up inside of him before he faint heard gunshots. One hit his shoulder, causing him to scream and fall to the side. Two more skipped against the payment near his head as he rolled over and heard several more before Dwight's shouts became louder. The sound of the engine roared up again, and finally... Silence. Negan opened his eyes, smelling gun powder before he slowly lifted himself up on one arm. Looking, he saw Dwight hurrying over. Instantly a terrible flashing pain roared through his shoulder where the bullet had gone straight in and out. It was bleeding lightly from his jacket, and besides a horrible burning, it wasn't actually that bad. This was the third time he had been shot since this whole thing began, and this wasn't the worst one.

Turning on his side, he gritted his teeth, swearing before Dwight stopped on the road. He saw the others slowly coming out the woods guns raised looking confused.

"They were shooting at you, took off on some ATV, headed West!"

Negan held onto his bleeding shoulder before he looked forward. Laying there in a pool of blood was Lucy. She was dead, and her gushing wound from her head had now stopped to a trickle. She laid there, motionless, and still, completely drenched in her own blood. Freezing, Negan stared at her. They had tried taking him out before taking off, and while they shot at him, Lucy died right then and there. She laid there, eyes open, and still. Crawling over, Negan stared down at her, before he gathered her in his arms despite how much his arm screamed. Holding her warm, bloody, limp body he clutched onto her like when he clutched onto his dead wife all those years ago. Thinking of his unborn child, his grip tightened on her body before his face crumpled as he threw his head back and screamed.


	23. No escape

"Negan?"

Negan stood in a numb trance in front of the truck as dawn just began to touch the sky. He stood there, his shoulder wound dully aching, as Lucy laid by his feet. Her poor body was curled up to the side, matted hair, sticky with drying blood covering her face. His temples pounded, and his heart truly felt as if it had stopped beating. He at first didn't hear Dwight, he simply stood there, staring ahead at nothing, not seeing, hearing, or feeling a thing when he heard Dwight's voice again. "Negan?" Negan's large hazel eyes slowly shifted to the side as Dwight walked up beside him.

"We better get going. I radioed and we have most of our men out there looking for them. We have to get you to a doctor about that shoulder."

Negan glanced down at Lucy's body before he stood back, glaring down.

"Why didn't she come back?"

"Huh?"

Negan covered his mouth with his hand, rubbing his chin with disgust before shaking his head. He couldn't bring himself to stare down at her body again.

"Why didn't she come back? Everyone comes back..."

Dwight glanced down, looking uncomfortable.

"You...um, gave her a pretty good whack on the head. Maybe her brain..."

Negan shut his eyes, shaking his head before slowly walking back and forth, pacing and trying everything not to vomit. His boots clicked against the pavement as Dwight nervously watched him.

"I can load her up..."

Negan stopped, staring ahead at the truck.

"No, let me..."

"Negan..."

Dwight went to reach out and touch Negan's unharmed shoulder when he flinched away, eyes glaring looking completely dangerous as he stared at him. Dwight took a few steps back, lowering his cross-bow before nodding.

"I'll um, start the engine...take you're time..."

Negan stared at him, still looking as if at any second he could rip him to pieces. Instead, taking a deep breath, Negan reached down picking up his bat and blinding handing it to Dwight.

"Here..."

Dwight took it without so much as another word before Negan turned and leaned down. Reaching, he scooped up Lucy's body, feeling sickened by her loose almost rag doll weight. Holding onto her, he slowly walked to the edge of the road before entering the tall field grass. He walked into it, carrying Lucy as if a groom would carry his bride on her wedding day. He finally knelt down slowly, before carefully laying Lucy out. Looking at her head wound, and the sticky clotting blood on the side of her head, he grimaced before taking a deep breath and thinking of Lucille. His sweet Lucille, who he saw laying before her.

"Oh Jesus..."

He swore under his breath, lowering his head looking down at her bloody beaten body. That's when he saw her hand twitch. Freezing, he stiffened, seeing her hand move again very slowly. At first he thought it was just her returning, that it had actually taken a few hours this time. That maybe it just took her this long to truly bleed out and die from her injuries. He sat back, eye brow raised, before he looked her over. Leaning down, he pressed his ear against her blood sprayed baggy shirt, before slowly he lifted his head. Gently, he reached over, and moved her head to the side.

Lucy stared at him with unfocused confused, and terrified eyes. Negan stared at her, before a huge grin spread across his face.

"DWIGHT!"

He shouted. A few yards away on the main road he heard Dwight yell back.

"Yeah?"

Negan smiled.

"You ain't going to believe this! She ain't dead!"

Lucy meanwhile stared at him, her blood stained face looking completely terrified.

 **Meanwhile...**

Rosita and Daryl were riding back, her hands around his waist as they drove down a back road.

"You think Rick will be mad?"

Daryl continued riding before finally over the roar of the engine he muttered.

"Maybe, who knows..."

"He's going to be after us now, worse than ever..."

"Yeah well, we'll be ready. You heard what Tara said about the guns..."

"Yeah maybe. Just glad she's out of her misery."

Daryl shook his head.

"Yeah, at least he now knows what it feels to watch someone he cares about die."

 **Later...**

"Her injuries are bad. I don't have MRI magazines, or even a CT scan to see brain bleeding but her skull is fractured for sure. I can monitor her but I'm not sure if she'll even last he night."

Harlan said wiping his hands as he got up from the master bedroom. Negan stood back, now changed into a fresh white T-shirt, shoulder recently patched up. He leaned against the doorway closely watching.

"Will she be paralyzed?"

"Too early too tell, I don't even know if she'll be able to talk or see...like I said I can monitor her. A crack with that baseball bat of yours is no joke. You're lucky she was only hit once."

Negan's expression changed before Harlan gulped, clicking his medical bag shut. He had been taken by the Hilltop and was now forced to stay here to treat Negan's wife who had suffered from some severe injuries. Only he currently knew along side Dwight what really happened. As of night now the rest of the saviors had no idea that she had become harmed by Negan's own hand. Now a few hours later, she laid motionless in bed. Head bandaged, half of her hair shaved. She had an oxygen mask over her pale face, an IV hooked up to her, and one of the old doc's machines loudly beeping away showing both her heartbeat as well as the baby's heartbeat.

The first thing Negan did when they arrived was to fetch Negan, and have him check if the baby was still alive. After giving her an internal ultrasound, he reassured Negan that the baby was in fact still alive. Negan had passed on the word that he was not tolerating any sign of rape. That he wanted this passed to everyone that served him. If he caught a man trying to attempt to have their way with any woman using force it was simple...they would get killed. Better yet, they would get killed by the hands of Negan.

"Let me tell you one thing doc...you keep her alive, long enough at least for her to have that baby and you'll be perfectly fine. You don't...I kill you and all of those little friends of yours at the Hilltop. Understand?"

Harlan nervously glanced at Negan before nodding. Negan smirked, stepping forward before looking down at his wife.

"This is the second damn time she tried escaping me...goes to show you don't even death will let us be apart. Kinda romantic huh?"

Harlan glanced at him before Negan smiled, clapping him on the shoulder.

"She'll be coming around?"

"She'll be in and out of it yes."

"Well, take a lunch break. Come back in an hour..."

Before Harlan should say another word, Negan opened the door and motioned for him to leave. Nervously, Harlan nodded, taking his medical bag and hurried out. Once the door clicked shut, Negan stood before the bed, listening to the heart monitor of both Lucy, and his baby. Silently, he sat himself down on the edge of the bed before a completely insane smile spread across his face.

"Ah my sweet Lucille...you can never escape me."

Lucy meanwhile continued to sleep. trapped in this prison yet again.

 **Later...**

In Alexandria the little baby laid in the crib beside Judith. His big hazel eyes staring up at the new mobile that one of the residents hing up, completely unaware of who's child this was.

The mobile was of tiny baseballs, and baseball bats. And Negan and Lucy's son stared up, gently kicking his tiny little feet as he laid there, unaware that his deranged father had yet again captured his poor mother who's only wish was to be rid of him. Negan's son laid there, gurgling and giggling not knowing that Negan's madness was just the beginning.


	24. Chapter 24

The days following Lucy's accident, Harlan was forced to operate on her. He examined her, frowning, looking at her bruised face, and shinned a pen light into her eyes before explaining that her skull was fractured, it wasn't bad, but bad enough. That a small part of her skull might have to be removed to let up on the pressure that might have begun to swell by the trauma. Still, he tried to tell Negan he wasn't a surgeon. That they didn't have the proper equipment, and that he might very well kill her. In the end Negan insisted, telling her he might as well try.

When Harlan nervously said she might die despite all of his efforts, Negan simply clapped him on the shoulder, and told him to try. He was hoping they could hold off, at least until the baby was born, but that was months from now. That he wanted his wife to survive, and wanted to at least in the end say that he tried everything possible. When Harlan tried to say something again, Negan glared at her, before pulling out his buck knife from his belt and waved the large blade in front of his face.

"Try, or I'll kill you."

Two days after, Lucy's shaved head was bandaged, and Harlan, who looked white as a sheet, wiped his brow, and explained to Negan he tried his best. It looked good, but he was basically guessing. The surgery had taken place in his brother's lab, where Negan had sent out several men to gather equipment from three major hospitals in the area. The few people with minor medical backgrounds all assisted, knowing what was on the line. In the end a power tool did the job, and Lucy's heart rate remained steady as did the baby's. Hoping he didn't cause any brain damage, Harlan said he removed a small piece of her skill, smaller than the size of a quarter and would simply monitor her. In the end, Negan said that was fine. Now it was just a matter of time until she woke up. So time passed. Lucy woke from this terrible nightmare that seemed to haunt her whenever she fell asleep. Her left eye was still badly blurred, and she wasn't exactly sure when or even if her sight would return in it fully at all. She had lost track of time laying in Negan's quarters.

She had drifted in and out of it for what seemed like days, maybe even weeks. Whenever she was fully aware, she found herself always in fresh clothes, and IV sticking out of one of her hands, and half of her head bandaged. At first she couldn't seem to move. She wasn't sure if this was from her injuries, or the drugs they were giving. She was in a great deal of pain, but usually the horrible throbbing would force her to black out, in which whenever she did awake she would see the light from the parted curtains shift and change. Judging from her clothing changes whenever she was able to look down at herself, she was being taken care of, and by an expert. Once or twice she saw the doctor, a man she could have sworn she had met before, maybe when all of this began. He was a kind man, with scared eyes who often shinned a pen light into her eyes, listened to her heart, and spoke words that seemed muffled to Lucy's ears. She wanted to speak, and found she could not. For a horrible time she believed she was in fact paralyzed. That the blow to the head had left her basically a vegetable. Trapped within her own body. For a while whenever she was alert, she tried with all her might to move her arms and legs and found them like useless heavy pieces of wood. Whenever she tried to do this, or even move her head and speak the white lighting pain could come and she would pass out.

She saw Negan there, usually in the background watching her, or sitting by her bedside, holding a hand, she no longer felt. It wasn't until recently when she found very little function begin to return when she was able to slightly move her fingers, and shift her legs. Things seemed a little clearer, as was her hearing. Still, the only way she judged she had been her was by glancing down at her body. Her stomach still wasn't exactly showing, but she knew her body and figured at least a good few weeks had passed. She wasn't sure how permeant this was. All she did know was that her plan had failed. He hadn't killed her, and yet again she was brought back here. She was truly starting to believe she was in fact dead, and that this was Hell. Today she awoke, feeling a little more alert. The first thing she saw was the ceiling.

Slowly her eyes scanned over, there she saw Negan laying beside her. He looked as if he had just showered. His hair combed back, his skin freshly shaved, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans. He laid beside her, hiked up on one elbow, carefully staring at her. Lucy looked at him, feeling only her eyeballs shift in her skull. She felt pretty numb, and figured it was whatever was dripping into the IV bag that was hooked to her arm. Staring at him, she knew here she was yet again...trapped. Slowly her lips parted, feeling dry. Her voice was horsed, barley above a whisper.

"Why...don't you let me just die?"

Negan smirked before reaching over, gently stroking her side with his large tanned hand.

"Because Lucille...can't you see? We're meant to be."

"You just want me to give you a baby..."

Negan gave a sleepy grin as he continued rubbing her side.

"Well, that's partly true. The rest is the simple fact that I'll die trying to show you how much I love you. How else can you explain the universe bringing us together over and over again despite the odds?"

"Because I'm in Hell, and this is my punishment."

Negan chuckled lightly, lifting his hand and gently touching her face. Instantly Lucy felt sickened, shutting her eyes for a second, she tried everything not to scream.

"I had a wife once."

Lucy opened her eyes and stared at him.

"What?"

"Her name was Lucille. When I first met you I was pretty spooked. I mean what are the chances? We weren't married long, but she got real sick...cancer. Ate her up, and I watched her suffer...the night she died, she caught me with her nurse. I never once had been unfaithful until she got sick. The last thing she saw was catching us in the act. Few weeks later, all of this shit happened and everything fell apart."

Lucy couldn't believe she saw tears in his eyes as he blinked, looking down. Lucy glared at him, not knowing where she would find the strength to even keep this anger from sending her into a stroke. Laying there, she took deep breaths, beginning to feel her head ache again.

"Tell me something? Did you beat her? Rape her? Impregnate her, and hold her against her will. I'm sure you were a real sweetheart Negan. A regular husband of the year. I wonder what sweet Lucille would say knowing you've been raping and beating a teenage girl against her will, despite how many fucking times she tries to kill herself just to rid herself of you."

Negan's expression didn't change. Instead he gently cupped the side of her face.

"I never raised a hand to Lucille, but I hurt her more than I ever could by being unfaithful. I know i've done wrong by you...but you're the only thing I care about in this God forsaken world. I feel a whole lot is about to come down, and I need you by my side."

"Fuck you."

Negan sighed before his hand traveled down to her stomach.

"You'll see we belong together. I promise."

Lucy stared before Negan smiled, using the back of his fingers to stroke her skin.

"I'm sorry baby, but we had to shave all of that pretty hair off you. Harlan, the doc had to remove a tiny part of your skull about a week ago. You're still in recovery, and got some bruising going on. You should have seen the doc, he was scared as Hell to even operate, kept saying he didn't have the equipment, and didn't know what he was doing. I knew better, I knew you would pull through. You got a long road ahead of you, but he said if you take it easy you'll be fine."

Lucy continued glaring at him before he laid his head back down against the pillow beside her. Staring, he smiled.

"I got you some scarfs to wrap around your head when you're healed up a little bit better, and I got you this..."

He raised her left hand, showing a sparking diamond wedding band. Lucy looked at it, as he held up her hand by the wrist. She had slight feeling it in, and knew it was only a matter of time before her strength came back completely. Looking at the ring, it looked as if it would have cost a pretty penny at a top end jewelry store somewhere. Lucy stared it at, before he gently placed her hand back down.

"Thought you would like that."

Lucy didn't say a word before Negan rolled over closer. Nuzzling against her neck, his lips began slowly kissing her, up and down against her ear lobe, down to her jawline, before traveling to her neck. Stiffening, Lucy stared up at him before he cocked his head to the side.

"Hold on a second baby..."

A few minutes later Negan carefully went around, and wheeled over a wheelchair, before lifting her under the arms, being mindful of her head, and got her positioned. Lucy found herself able to sit up in the wheelchair Negan had ready for her. He carefully lifted her into it, making sure she was able to hold her head up, before wheeling her across the room where the full length mirror was. Lucy was dressed in long shirt, feeling her head ache, as he wheeled the IV pole along with her. There he stopped her, putting the break on the wheelchair. Lucy stared at herself and couldn't believe it. Her head was completely shaven, and bandaged at the front with gauze.

She had ugly purplish bruising around her eyes and nose, and circles that were ten times darker. She sat there, looking too skinny, and too frail. She sat there, looking at herself and saw how badly bloodshot one of her eyes were, as if all of the blood vessels had broken inside it. Sitting there, she felt herself shake as she tried to control herself. Lip quivering, she took deep breaths, before Negan knelt beside her, taking hold of her arm.

"You see, this is what you did to yourself. You're lucky you're able to still see...walk, and talk. You could have sent yourself into a coma, or even worse."

Lucy's eyes shifted with pure hate as she glared at him.

"You did this..."

Negan's grip on her arm tightened.

"No baby, you did, and if you ever think you can try that shit again you're crazy. You are going to be my wife, have my baby, and stay by my side...you hear me?"

His voice raised slightly, having a slight edge to it. Lucy continued staring at herself, unable to even recognize her own reflection. Instead she simply sat there before Negan took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, just enough to make her feel it. Staring down, Lucy felt so tired. Her head was starting to ache, and she had no idea if she could do this any longer. Staring down at him, a single tear slowly rolled down her face. There Negan reached up, using his thumb to wipe it away.

"Clark is going to keep an eye on you for a bit. I got some business to attend to..."

He wheeled her back, and scooped her up as if she weighed nothing before carefully laying her back down. Gently, he touched her forehead, before leaning down and kissing it.

"The doc and I are coming back in an hour, you just rest and we'll..."

He stared down at her before finishing.

"Talk later. Rest up."

Pulling up the sheet, he smoothed it around her, before lifting her hand and kissing it. Lucy laid there, watching him before he grinned, making her stomach turn. With that, he opened the door, revealing Clark, a middle aged man with a red beard, before muttering something he couldn't hear to him. Clark's green eyes stared at her, instantly making Lucy uncomfortable. With that Negan left, shutting the door behind him, leaving the two alone.

"Damn woman, I heard you were in bad shape...but I had no idea."

Lucy remained silent, just laying there staring. Clark walked forward, before waving his hand in front of Lucy, looking for a reaction. Instead, she remained still, slowly breathing in and out glaring. Smirking, Clark shook his head before slowly reaching down. There, he cupped Lucy's breast, giving it a dull squeeze. Instantly, he looked giddy with excitement before he looked around, staring down at her.

"Been dying to get watch duty for you. Negan doesn't exactly let any guy watch his pervious little wife...I can see why."

Lucy laid there, knowing something was wrong. That's when Clark nodded, nearly laughing.

"You're all fucked up, but that's okay. I used to work in a nursing home. I dig chicks who do the dead fish act, trust me."

When he saw he wasn't getting a reaction, instantly he looked frustrated.

"Aren't you going to say something?"

Lucy didn't. That's when his face crumpled up before he curled in a tight fist and punched Lucy right in the stomach. The feeling of it, knocked the breath out of her. Lucy's entire body shook like a rag doll, as her eyes widened with tears, and a soft whimper escaped her mouth before Clark licked his lips and began to breath heavy.

"My, my, my what a fine little piece of pussy you are. It's a shame Negan thought he could keep a sweet little piece of pie like yourself all to himself."

That's when he took out a knife, not as large as Negan's, but big enough. He grinned, slowly undoing his belt. Lucy laid there frozen, eyes widened, as he slowly pulled his belt through the loops before unbuttoning his pants, and yanking down his fly. Looking around with frantic pure panic, Lucy tried to will herself to move. Instead she felt frozen, restrained to this God forsaken bed, paralyzed, unable to speak, nor move. Her head thudded loudly as her fingers barley grasped at the smooth sheets, as she tried anything to get enough strength to yell. He smiled, looking ten times crazier than Negan did, as he pulled his pants down, still holding onto his knife before crawling on top of the bed, pinning her down. Feeling his weight, Lucy's limbs screamed in protest, as he roughly spread her legs, and began lifting up the baggy shirt. Licking his lips, he hovered forward, blade ready, before he smiled, his hot stinking breath hitting her face as he began working himself out of his slacks.

Lucy braced herself, ready yet again to be raped when suddenly the door banged open, sounding off like thunder. Lucy froze, as did the man who instantly tried tucking himself away in his open pants, as he shot up, turning white as a sheet. Lucy's eyes shifted to the side as she watched Negan, dressed in black jeans and a white T-shirt come charging inside, eyes direct, and outraged. The doc, and two other guards stood behind him looking like frightened children.

"Negan I..."

Negan stepped forward, boots making a loud hollow thud before he pulled out his knife and plunged it straight into the man's Adam's apple. The man's eyes widened, as he gurgled on his own blood. A fine spray of red mist went across Lucy, and the sheets, before the man clawed at the blade as he convulsed, and fell backwards, legs up, as he thudded against the floor in a slump. From this position, Lucy couldn't see him. Instead she laid there stunned, hating to admit, she was actually happy to see Negan for once. She didn't know if she could take being raped by another man again. Negan glared, chest huffing and puffing, before he turned. Two of his men stood in the doorway speechless before he roared, face flushed, and the cords of his neck standing out.

"Get this rapist FUCK out of here NOW!"

The men nodded, heads bowed down before they hurried inside, not looking up as they bent down, scooping up the man's dead body, and both carrying him out with record speed. Lucy meanwhile laid there watching, still covered in blood before Negan turned, and locked eyes with him. Instantly she saw what she guessed was pity showing in his wide eyes, before he leaned down, to scoop her up. Harlan quickly came in, trying to tell Negan not to move her, when Lucy cried out. Freezing, Negan stopped before Lucy motioned with her head down to her stomach, She spoke softly, her voice almost completely gone.

"He...hit me...hard..."

Negan pulled back the shirt, where all ready an ugly bruise was forming on Lucy's stomach. Face tensing, he turned and shouted for Harlan to come over. That's when Negan lifted his hand which had been holding her underneath, it was slick with blood. Lucy saw how frightened Negan's eyes were before everything began to slowly fade away. Feeling relief, she let this darkness overtake her, thankful she was escaping the pain.

 **Later...**

Lucy slowly opened her eyes before she heard a soft drumming. As her eyes opened wider, she saw a monitor rolled up beside her, and Harlan moving a paddle across her stomach, his eyes intense, and scared. Negan sat on the other side of the bed, gently petting her hand. Harlan pointed.

"Baby is fine, heartbeat is normal, just a little bleeding which is fine...everything looks okay..."

Negan glanced down at Lucy, seeing that she was awake. Sadly smiling, he lifted her hand and kissed it.

"Baby is still on board honey...you're going to be okay."

Lucy found herself dressed in loose fitting sweats, and a new baggy T-shirt. Her head no longer aching, most likely from whatever was given to her in the IV. She felt swimmy, and drugged. Blinking slowly, she stared up before Harlan nodded.

"I'll come back in the morning, if the bleeding gets any heavier call for me, besides that lots of rest."

Negan nodded as Harlan brought down her shirt, wiping the gel he had smeared across her stomach. Wheeling the monitor away, and pushing it across the room where the wheelchair sat, he began to put his things away while Negan watched. Once he finally had his bag, he nodded to Negan who lifted his hand. A moment later, Harlan was gone. Looking down, he sighed.

"You okay?"

Lucy just stared up at him before Negan sighed. Then, completely out of nowhere, Negan snapped his eyes shut, completely breaking down. His entire body shook, as loud alarming sobs began to escape him. Lucy laid there frozen, having truly never seen him face to face break down like this. Tears squeezed between his eyes, as he moaned deeply and gathered her up in his arms, grasping onto her tight. Lucy laid like dead straw against his arms, as he moaned even louder, crying and clutched her like a child would a doll.

"Lucille...I'm sorry...please don't leave me...please..."

Lucy laid there, being squeezed in his arms knowing that what she was trapped with, was very simple. Negan underneath it all was a deeply disturbed man, and the only part of him that seemed half human was whatever part of him that was obsessed with her, or the memory of his wife who shared her same name. It wasn't about power, or sex, or owning her. It wasn't love, nor lost. It was the guilt over what happened with his first marriage, and how in his sick and twisted mind, if he kept her like some sort of China doll, unable to break...things would seem possible for him. Pulling away slightly, feeling more of her strength she looked at him, and saw how bloodshot and tear filled his large hazel eyes were.

"You're insane aren't you?" Negan looked at her, tears spilling down his face before Lucy sighed.

"I'm not you're wife Negan...don't you see what you've done?"

"I can make things better...I promise you I can."

Lucy laughed, feeling as if she herself was going half mad.

"Look at me, how much more do you think I can take? How much more will it convince you that I want to be rid of you? That I rather die than be touched by you again..."

Negan held her closer, before sniffling.

"I'll show you we belong together, if it's the last thing I do."

Negan brought her in closer, holding her tight all the while Lucy stared over his shoulder, knowing this was her punishment. She was in Hell, and could never escape this mad man. Hearing him cry even harder, Lucy found her hands slowly rising, it took a lot of effort, and she found herself having to focus ten times harder than usual as they slowly came up, both slightly shaking. Her left hand still displayed the sparking wedding ring, before finally both touched the sides of his face, just beginning to feel slightly rough, like sandpaper as she cupped the side of his face, causing him to look up and open his eyes. He was still crying. Slowly, she used her fingers to wipe away the stream of tears from the bottoms of his eyes, before both stared at each other, for the first time ever, not knowing what to say.


	25. Anything you want

Rick paced the nursery holding the baby boy. It was an overcast day, and he gently rubbed the baby's back, dressed in a gray one piece, his tiny feet kicking against Rick's chest as he gurgled, and rested his head against his shoulder, looking out with wide hazel eyes. Michonne sat on the carpet floor with Judith sitting against her, currently chewing in a rubber toy block. Rick sighed before looking over at her.

"If I tell you something, you have to promise it doesn't leave here."

Michonne stared up, partly confused before Rick took a deep breath staring down at the baby. Ever since that night, Daryl was officially staying hid at the Kingdom, as was Rosita, but she had come to bring supplies two days ago and was currently staying in the cellar of Maggie and Glen's old house until the wind storms would die down so she could get going again. Word had spread rather quickly over what had happened, and just two days following, the Saviors arrived demanding Rick to know where Daryl and Rosita were? Rick, who hadn't seen them acted just as surprised, as the entire complex was searched top to bottom. In the end they informed Rick that Negan was madder than Hell, and the second he found the two of them, he was going to slaughter them. If he became aware that anyone was sheltering them, or behind what had happened, he simply stated to Rick he would get Rick's children, slit their throats, and burn the bodies. Afterwards, Rick called a town meeting, visibly shaken, before wanting to know who knew about this plan? Nobody spoke up, and instead days passed, and Rick calmly stated they were planning on attacking, and that this move had been a stupid one. From what Rick heard, Negan's wife was alive, but not doing well. When Rosita finally came a few days ago, Rick fought back to urge to slap her.

They spoke upstairs in his room, as he controlled himself from shouting so the babies wouldn't wake up. Fists curled tight at his sides, he wanted to know what they were thinking? He had heard Lucy's plan, and refused to do it, in helping her kill herself. That it was reckless, and stupid. That he was getting the numbers, as well as the weapons to fight the saviors. It was taking longer than usual, but they were getting there. Now from what he hard, Negan was determined to find her and Daryl, and was out for blood. That poor Lucy was hurt, maybe even with serious brain damage and back there with him. He could have kept her safe, and instead this happened. When Rosita tried to explain herself, Rick shook his head disgusted. Shaking his head, he pointed his finger and told her she had until the storms died down, as soon as they went down, she was banned until everything was finished up. He wasn't about to have the saviors give a surprise visit, and have his family at risk. Rosita agreed, and left without so much as another word. Today, Rick held onto the baby, looking exhausted. Ever since he heard about Lucy, he prayed either two things. One, that Lucy had died from her injuries, and was no longer in pain. Or two, that all of this would end soon, and he could help rescue her and get her away from that bastard once and for all. Looking at Michonne, he sighed.

"This is Negan's baby."

Michonne froze, staring up.

"What?!"

"We're not one hundred precent sure but...Lucy was fairly certain this was the baby she gave birth to earlier this year that had been taken. The stories add up, and besides...now that I'm saying it, you can see it can't you?"

Michonne stared at the infant with wide eyes before Rick gently strokes the back of the baby's thick hair that was slowly growing in.

"I tried talking her out of what she did with Rosita and Daryl. I tried to tell her she could start over, even after she saw him. He's the result of rape...Negan he...he kidnapped her and..."

He stopped, unable to finish, instead he took a deep breath.

"Now, if she's alive she's right back there again. She was pregnant again to...this baby..."

Shaking his head, Rick almost appeared to be blinking away tears. Instead he shifted the baby's weight in his arms.

"Negan thinks the baby was taken and is most likely dead. Lucy knew better to ever let him know...it would make sense as a bargaining chip, but I refuse to. Nobody can ever know..."

Michonne nodded, still staring at the baby with wonder. Down the hall, unknown to them Rosita had snuck inside to take a box of bullets from Rick's downstairs hallway before heading out later that night. Unknown to them, she had been listening and stood against the wall, eyes wide with rage. Just a few feet away was her enemy's baby. The man she hated the most. Glaring down the hall at the partly open door of the nursery, a crazed grin spread across her face as she slowly backed up, and headed back down the stairs.

 **Later...**

Negan's large hand was laced within Lucy's. It squeezed it tight, pinning it down against the sheets. Slowly, and gently Negan laid between both of Lucy's partly spread legs. She was completely naked, her ugly bruises all turning several shades of yellow and purple. She was off the I.V now, and her shaved bandaged head was wrapped loosely with a red scarf Negan had brought in for her earlier. Around her eyes there were still shades of light bruising, as well as that one eye badly bloodshot. She laid there was Negan, who was also completely naked, slowly moved himself in and out of her. His bare ass slowly lifting, and pumping down at a slow and steady rhythm. His shoulder blades arched, as his head was buried against her shoulder, being mindful of her head. The headboard creaked as he continued working away, pressing her into the mattress.

Lucy, in a half daze stared off to the side. It was mid afternoon. She had heard Negan in the hallway speaking with the man she believed was named Simon. She heard something about a prisoner named Sasha. Somehow that name rang a bell with Lucy, but she couldn't quite place it. She heard something else, about a Dave being killed, and besides that her head began aching too badly to really focus. Instead, she waited before Harlan came in to check her over. He wanted to do another ultrasound and told Negan he would be keeping the equipment in the closet in the bedroom so they didn't have to move her as much as possible. That if she was healing correctly, he would give it at least another month before he wanted her walking around. Instead he continued her pushing the fluids, and measured how her meds should be shaken. He examined her skull, before changing the bandages, and helping her dress with her scarf. When Negan came in, after finishing talking to that man in the hallway. Harlan had set up the ultrasound machine, and had made sure Lucy was no longer bleeding.

"Spotting should be normal, I just wanna make sure everything is still okay..."

Negan circled around, hands on his hips as Harlan moved the paddle across, squinting at the screen. Instantly Negan cocked his head to the side.

"Everything okay?"

Harlan nodded.

"Baby looks strong, no internal bleeding...do you wanna know the sex?"

Lucy laid flat before glancing over at Negan who seemed puzzled.

"Ain't it too early?"

"Sometimes it is but I'm getting a pretty clear image."

Negan met eyes with Lucy, before he grinned, yet again looking so handsome, showing a small glimmer of the kind of man he could have been.

"Hell yeah we do."

Harlan tried to smirk but looked more uncomfortable than anything. Pressing the paddle a little harder down into Lucy's stomach, he nodded.

"Looks as if it's a boy."

Negan let out a breathless laugh, almost out of pure relief. Lucy laid emotionless, before Negan smiled wife before hurrying over and looking at the small monitor.

"Get out!"

Harlan pointed.

"Like I said, it's still early but there we are..."

He pointed to the screen Lucy couldn't see before Negan smiled warmly.

"Shit, this is exactly the kind of news I needed today. Thanks doc."

He clapped him on the shoulder before looking over at Lucy. Instantly, she found a terrible wave of depression hit her. She was thinking of the baby back at Rick's. Remembering his freckled tiny sleeping face, she sighed, before shutting her eyes, never feeling so exhausted before in her whole miserable life. This would be her third child, her third baby by Negan, all of which conceived by rape. There were so many thoughts, she just couldn't think. Instead, she laid there, listening to Negan thank Harlan as he packed up, telling him to let her sleep, and get plenty to drink. An hour later, here she was, laying beneath Negan as he celebrated over the fact they were expecting a baby boy. He undressed her carefully, before his large hands cupped her breasts. There he slowly and carefully parted her thighs before ducking his head down and began to slowly use his tongue.

Lucy laid there, shutting her eyes, hating this. Feeling a tingling, she took shallow breaths, she hated herself as she tossed her head to the side, feeling herself squirm. Negan continued going down on her before finally she came, harder than she ever came before. When she did, she laid there embarrassed before he lifted his face, smiling and looking at her with sly eyes, before he slowly began kissing his way up her body. When his hands passed over her slowly growing stomach she sensed how tender he was being, before he slowly slid her legs up, and he began to undress. The sex was actually good. Lucy laid like a dead fish, but had just finished on her third orgasm. She hated herself for it, feeling fifty and used. Negan had worked up a pretty good sweat, bucking his hips against her before finally he strokes became slow and drawn out.

His mouth covered her, gently kissing her, before finally he snapped his eyes shut and cried out. She felt his erection twitch inside of her, before completely emptying inside of her. Lucy laid there, not saying a word before he pulled out of her, and rolled over.

"You okay baby?"

Lucy laid there, not saying a word. Instead, she just stared off to the side, silent tears rolling down off her face. There Negan reached over, wiping her eyes just as she had with him. Carefully, he turned her over to face him. Using the back of his hand, he petted her face.

"How's your head?"

Lucy sighed.

"What are you going to do with those people?"

"Who?"

"At the Hilltop, Alexandra...I heard you said you have a woman here? Are you going to kill her?"

"No baby, I got plans but nothing you need to worry that poor busted little head of yours about."

"What do I have to do to make you leave them alone."

Negan stared at her.

"It's the new world order darling, a little bird is telling me something is in the works, and after the shit that was pulled with you, I'm expecting something pretty big. I need to make sure I'm making a safe life for our son."

"I mean it. What do I have to do."

"What?"

"Promise me you won't hurt those people anymore...and I'll do anything."

"Lucy come on..."

Lucy reached forward, she was gaining strength back, but her limbs still felt pretty heavy. Placing them on his shoulder blade, she slowly pulled herself into him, using all the effort she could. Less than an inch away from his forehead, she stared straight into his big hazel eyes.

"I'll have this baby, I won't try to run again, you just gotta promise me you'll leave them alone."

"They are planning on trying to put a world full of hurt down on us. We can't let that happen."

"I'll stay."

"What?"

"I'll stay...I'll give you this baby, I'll be your wife, you just have to end this."

"Baby you're all ready my wife..."

"But you're nervous I'll never love you. I'll be the wife you always wanted...just don't hurt anyone else."

Negan stared deeply into her eyes, before slowly, he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her tight.

 **That night...** Rosita was planning on leaving, but as she walked the dark streets, she stared up at Rick's house, her eyes glaring at the nursery.


	26. God forgive me

**Before.**

"Line up you bunch of girls!"

Negan roared as he walked across the hardwood floor, holding his clipboard, dressed in red shorts, and a white T-shirt, whistle hanging from around his neck. He noticed today there were only six boys in class today, which meant sixteen were absent. There was a lot of bullshit going on with the news, further down South. The military was getting involved, and attendance was getting worse and worse. There was a rumor going around that soon a state of emergency was going to happen, which meant all schools would be shut down.

Half of the staff was out, but Negan showed up. As of lately it seemed like the only thing left to do. He woke up every day, took a run around the neighborhood, went to work, yelled at these little brats, coached practice, which was currently canceled for the time being, yelled some more, got home, showered, barley ate whatever he hated up for dinner, and after a few beers fell asleep in his big empty bed he once shared with his wife. Today he looked at these good for nothing kids, feeling anger boiling up. Standing there, he ignored the attendance list before rolling his eyes. The young boys stared up at him nervously before he motioned to the rack where the dodge balls were kept.

"Okay, I'll pick captain, you make up whatever team and try not to kill each other."

He looked at them before pointing his finger.

"Enny, meeny..."

 **Later...**

School had been called off early, there was officially a state of emergency. Parents had came to pick up their children and Negan over heard people talking about going to safety shelters. What Negan planned on doing was going home and getting drunk. Before leaving his office, which he suspected was for the very last time he stared at the one photograph he had framed on his desk. It was a photo of Lucille, taken years ago before the cancer happened. Back when she was healthy, beautiful, and alive.

It was shortly after they had gotten engaged. Frowning, he sighed staring at it before looking down. There on his desk laid the baseball bat he was planning on putting away with the others. Staring at it hard, he scooped it up, felt the weight in his hands, before glancing one last time at the framed photo of Lucille. Turning, he left it behind and took the baseball bat instead.

 **Now.**

Rosita had waited until Rick and Michonne left before sneaking out from the empty house that sat across the way. She carefully looked around, making sure nobody saw her before hurrying across, and using the front door. Once it opened, she glanced inside, making sure not to have the door creak. Once she slipped inside, she looked in the direction of the kitchen, she sighed. Linda, a woman who was middle aged who's husband had died was currently watching the babies. She was in the kitchen, singing lightly, and from the sound of pots and pans banging about, it appeared she was cooking. Making sure, she slipped by easily, she grabbed onto the railing, and hurried herself up the stairs, making sure she went up them as softly as possible. Once she reached the upstairs hallway, she glared at the door of the nursery. Carefully she slipped her knife out and held it by her side. Slowly she began walking towards the door, eyes glaring as her hate began to boil over.

 **Meanwhile...**

Negan stood behind Lucy, carefully wrapping a silk red scarf around her shaved head. Letting the loose fringe ends fall to one side of her shoulder, he smiled, gently touching her other shoulder as she sat in the wheelchair, looking at her reflection in the full length mirror. With help from Negan, she had been able to dress in a black pair of slacks, and blouse. She still had bruised circles underneath her eyes, as well as her eye was badly damaged and bloodshot. She stared at herself exhausted, and more than a little disgusted. Negan walked around before pulling a chair up. Sitting, he reached over and took her hands, giving them a hard squeeze. Lucy stared at him.

"You said a little bird told you..."

Negan raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

"You said a little bird told you Rick...and his people are up to go good. Who said that?"

Negan smiled.

"I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve darling...now did you hear anything?"

"I wasn't even here, I ran into..."

Negan shook his head still smiling.

"Hey, I thought we agreed to be honest with each other here. So let's not start off with the wrong fit, mostly after we both agreed on that little promise...now I'm going to take my darling loving wife outside for a little bit of sunshine. How does that sound?"

Lucy sat there silent before Negan winked at her and got up, taking the break off the chair, and wheeling her out of the room.

 **Later...**

The man named Eugene nervously watched from a far as Negan carefully pushed the wheelchair with who everyone claimed was his wife back and forth outside near the loading docks. Eugene had heard rumors, plenty of them, and just yesterday somebody said that the rules were simple, don't talk to her, don't even look at her. Some people said that she was just a kid, that he had taken her hostage, and was being held against her will. Still, they warned him to keep his distance. The latest rumor from two of the guards was that she was the reason why they now had the the Hilltop's doctor. That he had taken a baseball bat to her, if it was on purpose was still up in the air. Negan pushed Lucy as the sun shinned down on them.

Lucy sat there, staring across at the fences that seemed to tall, and impossible. She was tuning out Negan was he pushed her, talking a mile a minute in a sickening chipper mood.

"Got any ideas for names?"

"What?"

"Junior, any ideas?"

Lucy sighed staring forward, wondering about that poor woman she heard he was keeping. She wanted to ask about him, but knew he was in too much of a good mood. Feeling exhausted, she looked down at herself, her head feeling as if it weighed a million pounds.

"Not really...you?"

Negan smiled, still pushing her.

"Not sure yet, I'll have to think of some up."

Just then Negan's radio crackled. Negan stopped the wheelchair, before taking his walkie from his belt, and clicked the side.

"Negan in."

The voice on the other line crackled, and instantly he pressed down on the button.

"Hold on a second."

Leaning down, Negan kissed the side of Lucy's cheek, his hand reaching down and gently patting her stomach.

"Hold tight a second..."

Standing up, he walked away, boots clicking as he continued talking on his walkie. Sitting there, Lucy tried to hear what he was saying but saw he was perfectly far enough to make this impossible. Sitting there, she closed her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing, all the while thinking of that little baby back at Rick's.

 **Meanwhile...**

Rosita stood before the crib. Judith was in the playpen on the ground, shaking a doll by it's hair and looking up at her. Rosita tuned her out. Instead she stood before the crib where the little baby slept, his tiny feet gently kicking, his long eyelashes resting against his chubby freckled covered cheeks. Glaring down at him, her hand wrapped tightly around the handle of the knife before slowly raising it above the crib. The knife glimmered in the sunlight that came in through the curtains before a single tear rolled down Rosita's cheek.

"God forgive me..."

She whispered.


	27. Going to war

Rosita froze, just before slamming the blade down right on top of the sleeping baby. Nearly dropping the knife, she stiffened a low moan in her throat before remembering the look on that bastard's face before he swung that bat of his. No, he deserved worse. He deserved to watch his child die. Let him know exactly what it was life to lose somebody he loved right before his very eyes. Standing back holding the knife, she silently slipped it into her pocket and knew she had to be patient. If all else went as planned, she would be able to have quite the show for Negan when he arrived. In fact, she couldn't wait. Turning, she quickly hurried out of the nursery, before making sure she could creep down the stairs, and slip out without being noticed.'

Just a few more days.

She would wait.

She knew she could.

 **Later...**

Rosita had been patient. Days had passed and she stuck around, listening to Rick's plan, and today Jadus and the rest of her people had arrived in large garbage trucks. Nearly everyone was either helping, or hiding in one of the storm cellars next to the back escape exit. She watched as two women, Mary, and Victoria carried Judith, and the baby boy. Instantly her eyes narrowed. She had been waiting, and knew if Negan did indeed show up, she had a show for him. Hurrying over, she put on her best dazzling smile.

"Rick wanted me to watch the boy, he said to take Judith."

Mary and Victoria exchanged a look, before Victoria shifted the baby's weight against her hip. He was wearing a gray one-piece wth little elephants on it. His thick hair swept to the side, and his big hazel eyes staring out as he laid against Victoria's shoulder.

"Really? He told us to head to the cellar in case..."

"He wants to keep him somewhere else, I don't know. Listen we don't have much time, do you wanna go find him and ask?"

Instantly Victoria shook her head before carefully handing the baby over to her.

"All right, he's just been fed, he shouldn't be fussy..."

Rosita had to fight the urge to scream as she held Negan's only son against her own hip, before smiling.

"He'll be safe, I'll see you later."

She quickly glanced at Judith for a moment, before turning and hurrying down the road before the others came to gather. There was a lot to do, and she just prayed that this stupid baby wouldn't blow her over. Heading to the main gate where they were about to put the bombs, she made sure nobody was looking before she went to the blue car sitting right at the beginning of the entrance. Sighing, she opened the back door, before carefully laying the baby down on the floor. The baby's tiny little legs kicked as he stared up. He gurgled, staring up at her before Rosita shut her eyes, reminding herself that this wasn't some innocent baby. That if she wanted to hurt Negan as badly as she had been hurt, this was the only way. Even if it meant that she was a monster. Sighing, she slammed the door, before hurrying away.

 **Later...**

"Baby, let's get rolling."

Lucy, who was currently sitting in the wheelchair, facing one of the windows was staring out at the yard below where Negan had gotten several of his "workers" to mind the area, where walkers were placed, even so much as being fused to the fences as a form of security. Looking down at it made Lucy's head ache even worse than it all ready did. Just yesterday Negan had informed Harlan that he wanted to ease up on Lucy's pain medication seeing that she was pregnant and all. Today her head had throbbed to the point she thought she could vomit. Earlier, Harlan had come in, and helped her bathe, all the while having Negan stone set and watching from the doorway as Harlan stayed professional, and silent, using a sponge to gently soak her skin, before checking on her bandages. He said everything appeared to be healing nicely, and reminded her to take it easy and try not to move around that much since the area was still very tender. At this point, Lucy no longer cared being naked in front of these two men. One was a doctor, the other her rapist...no, she reminded herself, her husband. She simply zoned out, giving one word answers, before Harlan helped her dress in jeans and a black T-shirt. Here Negan handed over the same red scarf she had been wearing the last several days, in which Harlan loosely wrapped it around her shaved head, and helped her into the wheelchair.

He finally was able to give her the dosage she was allowed in pain medication, and was currently enjoying the stoned out numb feeling that had taken over her body. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there, but she spent it staring out the window, listening to Negan come and go, hearing whoever was currently assigned to watch her chew gum, and tap their foot against the floor, before finally the sound of the door opening came again, and Negan's voice filled the air. Lucy slowly turned, looking up at him, the bruising now gone from her face besides dark circles underneath each eye. Harlan had explained he didn't know how long her eye would remain bloodshot, and wasn't exactly sure if all of her vision would completely return. So instead, she stared up, stoned, and confused before Negan smiled. He was dressed exactly as he had been the first night she met him. Squatting down, she could smell his cologne, and noticed his scarf matched the one she was currently wearing around her head.

"What?"

She responded, hoping her speech wouldn't slur. If Negan thought even for a second she was too strung out he would demand she was taken off any medication. The very thought of her head aching as badly as it had been was too much to even think of at the moment. Instead she sat calmly, looking at him as her dark eyebrows lifted in confusion. Negan smiled, his hand reaching out patting her stomach.

"We're taking a little trip."

"Where?"

"To Alexandra, seems as if my pal Rick has a surprise waiting for me and I got an even bigger one planned right back for him."

"What are you talking about?"

Negan's hand continued to rub her stomach as he smiled.

"I know the doc doesn't want you to move, but I hate to admit it but the only place I think you'll be safe is with me. All you gotta do is wait in the truck and rest that pretty little head of yours. As of lately I've gotten pretty paranoid and I know I won't be at my best if I'm thinking the whole time if you and our boy are safe. Besides, you are my good luck charm."

He smiled, leaning over and kissing her cheek. Instantly Lucy stared, thinking of the baby.

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing much. That woman we got, damn Lucy you two would get along just fine. We both agreed on a little plan, and only one of Rick's people need to die for crossing me. Just another reminder on who's in charge."

"You're going to kill someone?"

"Better than three, that's what I originally wanted. No, I'm dealing with things in a whole new light, but I would rather have you come along just in case."

"But you said..."

"Listen, I promised I wouldn't hurt them, but they are planning on attacking us. I'm not going to massacre the whole damn town, just one sorry sack that deserves it. There needs to be an example made, after that Rick and his people will remember who's in charge and we can go back to living our happy little life's."

He gently patted her stomach before smiling.

"I'm going to have Dwight take you down the elevator, and load you into the truck. I'll be right behind you."

Kissing her cheek and standing, Lucy watched as he reached for the bookshelf where Lucille sat. The same bat that had killed how many people? She thought of Chris, then of her own skull splitting open. Closing her eyes, she took deep breaths as another horrible headache began to thud loudly in her ears. Thinking of the baby, she had absolutely no idea how to stop this.

 **Later...**

"How about Kyle?"

"Hum?"

Negan looked down at Lucy as she sat beside him in the front cab of the truck. They had just spent the last hour getting through a roadblock that they suspected Rick's people had put up to slow them down. Lucy had spent the entire time in the truck, feeling her pain medication slowly begin to fade away as she closed her eyes, listening to the dull roar of the engine, and ignoring the pounding in her temples. Negan sat beside her, arm wrapped around her shoulders, allowing her to carefully rest her head against the shoulder of his leather jacket. He had gotten out of the cab once at the roadblock, and had since returned. Now his thick rich voice broke her out of whatever thin broken sleep she had slipped into.

"Kyle. Do you like that as a name?"

Lucy seemed to keep forgetting that she was pregnant. That yet again she was carrying yet another one of Negan's children. Another baby conceived most likely by rape. She tried to believe that they had made this baby back when she was blissfuly unaware, in a thick fog of who he really was. Back when she was believing his lies, thinking they were a happily married couple who despite the odds had found each other. Not made by rape, him forcing himself on her to make another unwanted child. Faint memories continued to haunt her remembering her last pregnancy. How day after day she was kept hostage in that dirty little trailer. How heavy she became with the twins, scared out of her mind. She barley remembered the day she threw herself into the quarry, but remembered stumbling in the woods soaking wet and freezing before collapsing. She remembered the first boy who died beside her in the cabin, and how he had returned. His eyes glazed over, his skin a terrible grayish blue.

Then the other boy. She knew deep in her heart it was him back at Alexandra. How beautiful he looked sleeping in the nursery. His freckled face, his thick hair, his long lashes. At first glance you wouldn't even believe this was a result of something terrible. No, what she saw that day was the best parts of her, and whatever good parts that were in him. She tried to convince herself that she was better off dead, that he deserved never to know how he came to be, or who his parents were. She knew that would be a death sentence for him if Negan ever knew he existed. This baby deserved to be raised by good people like Rick. A man who was a good father, a good man, and somebody who was the complete opposite of Negan. Now they were riding towards him, and Lucy couldn't help but nervously pull at the thread of her slacks as a nervous habit. Looking down at her stomach, she knew it would be a while until she started showing. She was gaining a little bit of weight, and when she was naked you could tell she was pregnant, but sitting right here, looking down, she pretended she wasn't. That another ticking time bomb wasn't inside of her. She knew it was too late to try and get rid of it even if she had the chance. That she had tried killing herself along with this unborn child, and had yet again failed. Negan owned her, and would own this child. She wondered why he was so obsessed with having a child with her? She thought of this wife he had spoken about to her in private.

Did they have children? Did they want any? She had so many questions her head ached. Instead she wondered what they were about to drive themselves into, and if the baby would be safe? Negan had promised if she obeyed him that nobody else would be hurt, yet here they were about to ride on over and take another life. She sat there thinking of what she saw before she was helped into the truck by Dwight. She saw on the back of the truck a coffin. At first she thought she wasn't seeing right. She squinted against the sun before looking up and seeing a woman carefully crawling into it while Negan grinning down at her. Figuring this was the woman Negan had talked about, she dropped her eyes and got in. Minutes later Negan joined her, slamming the door shut before the engine roared to life. Lucy asked why that woman got into the coffin?

Negan smiled saying that they had a little surprise for Rick, and pressed her temple wrapping an arm around her telling her out to worry about a thing. Now they were almost there, traveling up the road. The rich strong scent of Negan's jacket filled her nose as she rested her head against his shoulder. Sighing, she stared down at her stomach and shrugged.

"Kyle is nice..."

Negan smirked before instantly his eyes lifted to the main gate. Raising his hand, he signaled, showing that they were about to slow down. Lucy saw the main gates ahead, and instantly her head started to thud worse than ever. Looking up, her badly damaged eye stared upward before Negan's grip squeezed her wrist.

"Be still."

Negan harshly said just barley above a whisper. His grip tightened, but didn't hurt. Instead a huge smile appeared on his face as he looked out the windshield. There were other trucks, all lining the main road. She saw the man named Eugene standing on the flatbed of one just as the main gate slowly got pushed back. There were tons of people, all holding guns. The truck stopped before Negan gently pulled her by the arm.

"You stand next to Dwight, shit goes down you stick with him okay?"

Lucy stared at him feeling drugged and slow with her thought process. Instead Negan gently touched her chin, before pulling her by the arm, and helping her climb out. Dwight circled around, standing next to her as Negan grabbed onto his bat and began walking forward. Clapping Eugene on shoulder, he began walking towards the main gate as Lucy stood next to Dwight, looking forward.

"Did you ever hear the one about the stupid little prick named Rick that thought he knew shit but didn't, and got everyone he gave a shit about killed? It's about you."

Negan pointed up at Rick who stared down almost in a trance, a woman behind him pointing a gun right at him. Lucy looked around, and suddenly knew this was an ambush.

"Ya'll gonna wanna put your guns down now."

Rick's eyes caught Lucy's for just a second before returning to Negan.

"Nobody drops anything..." He whispered to the woman what appeared to sound like

"We had a deal..."

before the woman responded. Lucy stood next to Dwight, her head aching so badly she thought she might faint. Swaying on her feet, her one good eye scanned everyone through the fence, and saw Rosita, the same woman who had helped her glaring back.

"You pushed me and you pushed me, and YOU PUSHED ME RICK! Just tried to blow us up right? Now I get me and my people...but Eugene? He's one of yours and after what he did? He stepped up! You people are animals! Universe gives you a sign and you shove your finger right up it's ass!"

Negan chuckled lightly.

"Dwight! Simon! Chop! Chop!"

Instantly Dwight and Simon began to climb the truck before Negan glanced over at Lucy and smiled, beckoning her with his gloved hand.

"Lucille my dear! Get that pretty little ass if yours over here!"

Lucy glanced up, meeting Rick's gaze before slowly joining Negan who smiled up. Together they watched as Simon and Dwight uncovered the coffin, and wheeled it upright on the back of the truck. Negan rubbed the back of Lucy's back before softly whispering for her to stay put. Leaving her standing beside the truck, facing everyone, he slowly climbed up and raised his voice to Rick as he stood beside the coffin that held the woman.

"So you don't like Eugene anymore? You guys gotta like Sasha! I do too."

Gently he tapped on the steel of the coffin using the bat. As he continued talking, Lucy began to zone out of his words. Her head was killing her, and everything seemed so bright. She held onto the end of the truck for support as Negan continued shouting up at Rick, saying something about how he brought Sasha so he didn't have to kill everyone. She glanced up as Negan told Rick that he wanted all of the guns, as well as someone of Rick's own choosing for Lucille. That's when he yelled about wanting Daryl back. Smiling, he motioned to him.

"Yep, that's right...I see you. Thought that was a pretty funny trick with Lucy huh?"

Lucy stared at him, feeling that she might faint at any moment. Negan was saying something about a pool table that made totally no sense. His shouting was giving her a worse headache than she all ready had. She swayed, shifting from one foot to another. She glanced up just as Negan started to open the coffin. Suddenly the door flew open, and a horrible hissing filled the air. Lucy snapped her head up towards that direction hard enough to make her vision blur for a moment. She saw the woman they called Sasha come barreling out, but now as a walker. For a split second Lucy thought...

 _"Negan killed her..."_

The woman came barreling out, clawing and hissing before heading straight towards Negan who was completely taken by surprise.

"HOLY GODDAMN!"

The woman grabbed into Negan and both fell backwards, right out of Lucy's sight. For another split second Lucy thought.

 _"She got him, he's dead. Negan's dead..."_

She hated how badly this excited and terrified her. That's when the hail of gunfire began, echoing loudly around her as everyone spun around firing at each other. Lucy stood frozen, before the woman named Rosita ran to the blue car parked beside her. Opening the door, she took something out before turning around. Men and woman all around were shooting guns, screams of pain filling the air. Lucy stood watching her, before Negan came stumbling over, face flushed, and out of breath. Quickly her eyes scanned him, and she saw he wasn't bitten. He nearly lost his footing, before grabbing hold of her. Simon was right beside her as well, and she heard Negan yell in frustration about a plan B. He went to yank her arm when suddenly Rosita turned around, holding in the crook of one arm, the baby. Lucy froze completely unable to move even if she wanted to. Rosita grinned a mad woman's grin, before raising a handgun to the baby's head.

"NEGAN!"

From above she heard Rick scream her name. Instead she ignored, staring right at Negan who stood beside Lucy, looking confused.

"HERE'S YOUR SON! NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO WATCH!"

Lucy saw Rosita click back the safety, before she stared at the baby's round chubby little freckled face. A savage emotion erupted in her before her lips drew back and she screamed. Rosita then pulled the trigger, blood splattering against her face. Lucy moved a step forward, before stopping completely. Whatever was left of the baby tumbled down to the ground, as Rosita suddenly seemed to be aware of what she just did. Lucy stood in shock, staring at the child's blown apart body, before her face crumpled, and without so much as another word, she spun around, grabbing Negan's gun he kept in his belt, and yanked it with all of her strength away from him. Turning, she aimed the gun and screamed at the top of her lungs.

A scream filled with annoy, and outrage. She fired three times. The first missed completely, the second got Rosita right in the shoulder, before the other hit one of the parked car's windows. The gun jammed, as she threw it in frustration before Rosita took off running. Screaming at the top of her lungs, she went to run forward again when Negan's heavy arm went down around her. Struggling, ignoring the pain she kicked and screamed over the gunfire, wanting to rip this woman apart. Instead, Negan wrapped his arm around her, and yanked her between the trucks as she screamed.

 **Later...**

The gunfire for the moment had died down. Negan had brought Lucy to what she believed was a park in-betweens several houses, and sat her on a bench. Lucy had stumbled towards the blown apart corpse of the baby, before her kneels gave out as Negan's men marched forward, holding guns to the others. The sight of the baby caused her to vomit. Hot bubbling acid filled her throat before she bent her head and gagged. Negan walked behind her, boots thudding before he paused and stared down.

"Get up."

He responded in a dead tone voice. Lucy closed her eyes, wishing for death at that exact moment. All she had wanted was for this poor innocent child to be safe. Now, she knelt here, surrounded by it's blood. Negan reached down, grabbing Lucy's arm hard enough to break it, before he dragged her forward. They walked together, as Lucy swayed, unable to truly focus. Instead flashes of the first night when her group had stumbled into Negan's group flashed before her. She kept thinking of Chris for some strange reason, and couldn't seem to think any further. She figured she was in shock. When he sat her down, he did so like a child would toss a used toy down, before she watched as Rick and his son were brought over, keeling side by side. Her eyes franticly searched for that little bitch. She didn't care if it was the last thing she did...she wanted to destroy her. Negan raised his bat as he walked over.

"Hello again."

He paced back and forth.

"Well shit Rick you just couldn't stick with us. You had to go with these filthy garbage people...no offense."

The woman with the gun stared up at him.

"The deal is for 12 yes?"

"Ten."

Lucy slowly rocked back and forth, she felt she was on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown. Looking down at her blood splattered hands, she knew this was the baby's. She shook all over, as Negan glanced in her direction before sighing.

"Rick...this is just going to make you sad. Broken, wishing you were dead. I like having fun...I do..."

He continued talking as Lucy felt blood begin to dribble from her nose, running down her face, and dropping on her slacks. Negan continued talking to Rick before he stood before him.

"I gotta make it right. I guess I gotta start al over again. I gotta tell you Rick...if I had a kid...which I believe I did...right?"

He motioned with his bat backwards.

"The poor little innocent baby that little cock sucker just shot in cold blood? That was me and Lucy's other kid wasn't it? Judging from how my wife reacted as did you...that was wasn't it? The one I had written off believing to be dead. Now I'll deal with Lucy later about that...but I'm pretty certain that one of your people just shot a baby in the head. You people are fucking monsters, and even though I got another kid cooking...I sure do wish that he'll end up just like your kid. Which makes this so much harder..."

Rick's boy muttered something as Negan continued to talk. She heard him say that it was tit for tat. They killed his boy, he'll kill Rick's. Lucy sat frozen before a distant scream was heard. Negan laughed, squatting down saying something about them losing somebody important to them. He shook his head. "Feels pretty awful doesn't it?" He whispered to Rick, and from the distance Lucy sat she couldn't hear them besides a few words. She knew Negan was going to kill Rick's son, and then use the bat to take Rick's hands.

Sitting, Lucy stared at these people and couldn't believe she had trusted them. She never loved that baby, but he didn't deserve this. Lifting herself, ignoring he pain, she limped over, one good eye glaring before standing closer to Negan and the others. Negan glanced in her direction before she glared back at him, curling fists at her sides. Negan turned around, raising the baseball bat.

"All right Rick, you said I could do it..." Just then a tiger lunged out of nowhere. Lucy stared in disbelief as the giant animal lunged at one of the men, ripping him to pieces, screams raised over the horrible sounds of it ripping him apart before Negan grabbed onto Lucy, nearly stumbling back.

"Goddamn tiger!"

He shouted, before taking a gun from Simon as they hid behind a car.

"That widow is alive and guns are blazing! That's the taste of shit Simon!"

Grabbing onto Lucy, she tried to struggle back.

"NO! LET ME KILL THEM!"

She screamed, her entire face looking insane. Instead Negan shook his head.

"There will be another day! Let's go!"

Pulling her, the two ran for the truck as fast as they could as the loud echo of guns continued to sound. Hurrying with him, Simon helped them into the cab of the truck, before Negan pushed her head down against his arm for cover, before the truck began speeding down the road. Flipping off everyone, Negan shouted, as bullets bounced against the truck as they continued speeding away down the road. The sound of the guns became fainter and fainter, before finally Negan checked the rearview mirror as Simon continued to drive. Shaking his head with disgust, he looked over at Lucy.

"You still on their side? You want to team up with a group of people who kill babies?!"

Lucy stared forward with overwhelmed with shock, as well as rage. Slowly her good eye drifted over to him. Negan reached over, grabbing her by the chin and squeezing hard enough to make her jaw creak. Turning her towards him, he stared at her, looking as if he wanted to kill her.

"Was that our son?"

Lucy stared back.

"Wasn't sure..."

"Bullshit, I saw the way you reacted...are you happy now? You killed another one of our children."

"Fuck you."

Simon glanced over looking uncomfortable before Negan smirked, looking half insane.

"You still trust them Lucy? You wanna stay on their side...I'll drop you off right now, tell Simon to pull over right now. I've had it with your shit so make up your mind. Who's side are you on? Mine, or the people who blow fucking baby's heads off?"

Lucy continued to glare.

"Yours."

"Come again?"

"You heard me you bastard...yours."

Negan smirked before looking down at her stomach.

"If it wasn't for that baby in your belly...I would fucking snap your neck."

"Keep talking...really..."

Negan smirked, looking highly amused before letting go. Tomorrow thumb bruised would form on Lucy's neck and jaw. Sitting back, she glared at him before Negan slipped his arm around her. Together they rode in silence, now unspoken partners, both wanting the same thing. To see Alexandra fall.

 **Later...**

"We're going to war!"

Negan shouted as everyone cheered. Afterwards as everyone broke up, Negan went back inside, ignoring Eugene, Dwight, and Simon. Instead he stopped at Lucy who was using a handkerchief to wipe her recent blood nose. She was still in her jeans and blouse, and her hair re-wrapped. She stood in the shadows, her free hand holding Negan's bat. Negan stared at her with uncertain eyes, before she stared up at him, tucking the handkerchief into the back of her pocket.

"So...what's next?"

Smiling, Negan stepped forward, before gently lifting her chin, all ready bruising, and deeply kissing her.

 **To be continued...**


	28. Make them pay

**Alexandra.**

Rick slowly limped over to Rosita who laid upstairs. Her gunshot wound had gone clean through, and was currently pushing antibiotics. Michonne was currently fast asleep, her face still badly swollen. Dark clouds had drifted over the gated community, and just a few days since the siege, members of both the Hilltop and the Kingdom were staying here, recounting on the massacre that just happened. If Negan and his men were planning on attacking, they would be ready. Rick didn't have much time to truly collect himself. He had met with Maggie, and just yesterday the dead had been buried, including Sasha who they all agreed had given her life up to try and take Negan out. Along side her freshly dug grave, was the one for the baby. Nobody really spoke about what had happened. Instead Rick insisted he was the one to bury him, feeling his heart ache over what a terrible tragedy it was. Mary and Victoria had come to him afterwards in tears, claiming that Rosita said he had wanted him placed elsewhere. Instead Rick held them by the shoulders, and promised them that he didn't put any of the blame down. He was responsible for him, and he had gotten him killed. He had met with Maggie, Carol, Morgan, and Daryl, and they all agreed that Rosita had to go. Sitting at her bedside, his side still sore and stiff, he took a deep breath before looking at her tired eyes.

"You know why I'm here."

Rosita's pale face stared up at him with little to no emotion left.

"I know."

"You need to go. We can spare some food and water, but we can't have you here. I can't have you here...not around Judith."

"I'm sorry I did it. From the second I pulled the trigger I knew what a mistake it was..."

"Doesn't count. You did pull the trigger, and he did die. I know Negan hurt you...but Lucy didn't."

"You saw her, she was standing right by his side...I tried to help her, and she looks as if she's on his side now."

"And if she is I wouldn't blame her. She trusted me to take care of that baby...and she watched him get murdered before her very own eyes. I want you gone by the end of the week. I'll give you a few more days to heal but that's it. Do you understand?"

Rosita swallowed, staring at him.

"I do."

Rick nodded before standing up. Running his hand through his hair he deeply sighed, before shaking his head, no longer able to look at Rosita anymore. Without so much as another word, he crossed the room and went to Michonne's bedside.

 **Meanwhile**.

It was raining. In fact, it was pouring. Loud echoing thunder sounded outside as blueish white lighting flashed before Lucy's bloodshot eyes. She was back in Negan's quarters. She had pulled up a chair, and was currently curled up in it, looking out the window as the rain poured down onto the fences and walkers. The door opened slowly, and in walked Negan. Frowning, he rubbed his chin before circling around and pulling up another chair to face her. Watching her for a minute, he leaned forward, hands clasped together.

"Doc says you keep getting those nosebleeds. You feeling all right?"

Lucy didn't take her eyes off the window, the sound of rain seemed to surround her.

"No, I'm fine."

Negan stared at her for another second before reaching out and gently touching he arm. Slowly, Lucy stared at him. The two locked eyes, before Negan sat back, and sighed.

"I'm sorry."

Lucy stared at him before he went on, each word seemed to be a struggle.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for killing that fella you liked..."

"Chris?"

Negan nodded as if this detail meant nothing before going on.

"I'm sorry for raping you..."

"Taking my virginity..."

Negan frowned again as he went on.

"I'm sorry for forcing myself on you, I'm sorry for hurting you and lying to you...I'm..."

Lucy shook her head.

"You're sorry for what? For ruining my life? For raping me night after night? Pinning me down in that filthy trailer, sticking your cock down my throat, up my ass, throwing my legs up, and coming inside me over and over again no matter how much I started to cry or bleed? Or how about when you would handcuff me for hours, or killed how many people who tried to help me? How about feeling sorry for making me nearly kill myself, or conceiving those two babies who had no right to even exist. Both dying dirty horrible deaths that I had to both witness. Sorry that I threw myself how many feet down? Breaking bones, nearly killing myself, and giving birth in the middle of nowhere?"

"Lucy..."

Lucy continued on, voice raising, knowing even if she wanted to she wouldn't be able to stop.

"Or lying to me, raping me again, getting me pregnant with this new little bastard? How about slamming that big old bat of yours against my skull because I honestly thought you killing me would be the only escape from you. That you tried to feed me this sad little tale about your wife and how you were fucking around on her until she dropped dead. Well, the baby died and as much as I want to kill those people...rip them apart, I hate to say it but maybe he was better off. Maybe it was better him being killed than ever having a limp dick monster like you as a father..."

"ENOUGH!"

Negan roared, causing her to simply glare at him. Breathing heavy he glared at her.

"You threw yourself off that cliff, and you fooled me into beating you with Lucille..."

"To be rid of you! I HATE YOU!"

Negan glared back, half crazed.

"That was my son and you got him killed!"

"FUCK YOU!"

She screamed, raising her hand and slapping him across the cheek. Negan's face crumpled in utter outrage, before he lunged forward, grabbing hold of her, digging his fingers into the flesh of her arms hard enough to break blood vessels. Screaming like an animal, he slammed her down hard, causing her scars to unravel and pool around her.

"You wanna play rough? Okay let's do it..."

Negan let go of one of her arms, and franticly began trying to undo his belt. Seeing what was happening, Lucy screamed like a mad woman, and shoved him back into his own chair. Negan blinked with surprise, before Lucy shoved him back by the shoulders.

"You wanna fuck me? You wanna feel in control?!"

She yanked his belt through the loops of his jeans hard enough to nearly break it. Tossing it, the belt flew like a dead snake across the room and hit the hardwood floor with a thud. Glaring, she slapped his hands away before she unbuttoned his jeans, and yanked down his fly. Working himself out, she took hold of his fully erect cock, and yanked it out hard enough to make him moan. Staring up at her in disbelief, he remained still before Lucy lifted up the black skirt she was wearing, pulling her panties down, and climbing his lap, all the while her eyes burning into him. Grabbing his shaft, she gave it a hard squeeze causing him to cry out. When he tried to lift his hands to touch her, she slammed them down.

"LAY STILL!"

She shouted before slowly lifting herself, and carefully lowering herself on top of his cock. Settling herself down, she continued to stare at him, before she pressed her thighs down, and began to slowly lift herself up and down. Negan, who was completely taken off guard, watched her as if she was insane. Slowly, she lifted herself up and down on him, causing the chair he was sitting in to gently creak. Pinning his arms down at his sides, Lucy continued lifting herself, before she started to build a frantic rhythm. Negan was close, as he opened his mouth, and watched as she rocked back and forth, pumping her hips before... She lifted off him, and instantly Negan stared at her in disbelief, just seconds before a total mind-blowing climax. Watching her crawl off him, her skirt pooling back around her legs, Negan snapped his eyes shut, and leaned over, as his cock twitched, and he completely spent himself all over the front of his jeans. Lucy stood there, still looking madder than hell, before Negan took a few deep pants, and began to laugh.

"Holy shut Lucy...you sure know how to give a guy blue balls. Jesus Christ..."

Silently, Lucy pulled her panties up, before fixing her skirt, and turning, facing the window. Negan took a second to collect himself, before he tucked himself away, and stood up, zipping up his pants. Taking a deep breath, still highly amused, he walked over before stopping. He knew she had another blood nose. Since they came back from Alexandra, they appeared to be getting worse and worse. Watching her press the handkerchief against her nose, he slowly walked over placing his large hands on her shoulders.

"We'll get them back baby, we'll make them pay...I promise..."

With that, he gently kissed the side of her face smiling, before staring out at the rainy day, all ready planning his next attack. Lucy meanwhile stared out, feeling deader inside than those walkers who roamed the grounds outside. This was her Hell, but she knew whatever time she had left, she would make it count. Looking down at her stomach she knew she had to.

 **To be continued - Coming this October.**

 **Author's note -** Thank you everyone for the kind reviews. I may post an update at the beginning of the summer, and write another 8-10 chapters before finishing it around next season. I know this is very dark subject matter, but the pay off will be worth it. Thank you for all the input and again thank you for reading!


	29. The beginning of the end

**Two weeks later.**

Lucy suffered another seizure. Harlan brought her back to bed, keeping a close eye. When Negan entered the apartment they shared on the top floor, he met eyes with the doc, and saw him frown. Lucy laid in bed, her head still wrapped up with the scarf, her skin still so pale, those dark circles beneath her closed eyelids. Instantly Negan's face showed a mixture of concern, as well as anger. His brow wrinkling, he strolled on over, sitting on the edge of the bed, he patted his wife's legs before looking at the doctor.

"What can you do for her?"

"I'm no brain surgeon, but I think there's swelling. The cracked skull did major damage. If this keeps up you're going to lose her."

Negan glared.

"Correction. If you let her die...you're going to lose you're life. Understand?"

The doc dropped his eyes before Negan looked down. His beard was slowly coming in again. Rubbing it, he sighed.

"Will she live long enough to have the baby?"

The doc stared at Lucy and shrugged.

"Can't tell for sure."

"Well, if you value that life of yours, make sure she does."

A day later, Negan was meeting with Simon and the others. They knew Rick and the gang were planning something big. Not too far from the circle of men meeting from inside on the platform, Lucy sat in her wheelchair. Negan had dressed her today, and her head ached terribly. She sat there, spaced out and hurting, not quite focusing. Negan stood near, hands in the front pockets of his jeans, talking with the others. Lucy kept trying to focus on what they were saying but found it hard to focus and listen. This last seizure had been bad, she knew it. In fact, she believed she wad actually dying. Her mind kept going back to the baby. Over and over again she watched it get murdered before her very own eyes, completely useless to do anything to stop it. Guilt, grief, and anger spun around her pounding head. She sat there trying to make peace with the fact that as much as she hated that woman and wanted revenge, she would probably never get it. No, she truly believed if she kept up like this she would be dead soon. Thinking of the unborn baby inside of her, she thought perhaps that might be for the best.

Maybe this might be her own escape from Negan, maybe this would be the only way to save this child from being his. Maybe letting it die with her would be best. That's when the loud echo of shots came from outside, causing everyone to turn and listen. Instantly Negan eyed her, staring up from her wheelchair. Walking over, Negan grabbed her arm roughly, pulling her out of the chair. Instantly she swayed.

"Come here!"

He harshly whispered, before pulling the door open. Instantly he handed her over to Simon who took her arm. They walked out, the sky slightly overcast. Across from the fenced in area there were dozens of cars and trucks, all with metal siding. Negan gripped his bat, and began to pace back and forth, grinning. Lucy felt weak, holding onto Simon tighter. She kept trying to focus, but couldn't seem to.

"I see you got you're mud flaps! So I'm really not feeling the need to throw led at each other. I care about my people. I don't want to march them into the line of fire playing my dick is bigger than yours! It is...we both know it. But I'm also comfortable enough to accept the fact if it wasn't. But I'm not about to let my people die over that shit! Like your about to. So Rick what the Hell can I do for you?! I will admit, I did my fair share of damage to your people...but that was only after you attacked my people! At least I can say there's no filthy baby killers in my group. Looks like you can't say the same. Better watch it Rick, with that darling little daughter of yours. Would be quite the shame if anything happened to her."

Rick glared back. Ready to fight.

 **A few minutes later...**

Lucy had no idea what happened. Rick's voice came from behind one of the trucks. When he hit seven, all Hell broke loose. Negan grabbed her from Simon, dragging her away. He stood in front of her, as they hurried down the stairs. The sounds of broken glass and gunshots rang through her ears. Negan threw her down behind a large broken sheet of metal. She kept her knees scrape against the gravel as bullets flew by her. Moments later he grabbed her hand again and next thing she knew they were inside one of the trailers. Echos of gunshots continued to ring. Lucy swayed, sitting on the bench inside the dark trailer before she felt Negan's hand dig into her shoulder.

"Fucking Rick and his little pricks..."

He muttered. Instantly he looked down, that half human look of concern flickering in his eyes as he squatted down.

"You okay?"

Lucy blinked, still feeling partly dazed. Negan's hand swept across her stomach.

"You didn't get hit did you?"

Quickly his hands began searching all over her body, checking for any bullet wounds. Just then the faint moaning of the undead came from outside. Lucy's bloodshot eyes glanced around the blacked out windows as hands began banging on them. A faint dribble of warmth ran down her face. Touching, it, she saw her nose was bleeding. Frowning, Negan saw this and used the sleeve of his leather jacket to wipe her face.

"Hang on Lucy doll, just take it easy..."

He gently reached down, scooping her up and brought her to the end of the trailer, laying her on the cot in the back. Instantly flashes of all those months getting raped in a trailer just like this one flashed before Lucy's mind. Laying her down gently and with love, he patted her side.

"Just be still, don't worry..."

Laying there, Lucy stared forward wondering if this was really it? Did Rick really take this place? Was this the end? Faintly she thought she heard Negan turn and start talking to someone. All the while, she smiled in the darkness, praying this was finally the end.


	30. Free

"Is this your wife?"

Father Gabriel asked as Lucy laid on the bunk of the trailer. She hadn't been aware of much of what was going on. All she remembered was that all Hell had broken lose, and there had been gunfire. They were inside one of the trailers outside, and she could hear the dead outside. She could barley see, and suspected she might have passed out. Her head badly ached, and she laid there listening as Negan and the priest spoke.

"Yeah, that's my Lucy..."

"Is she your real wife, or like the other women you keep?"

Lucy didn't hear Negan's response as she drifted away again, suspecting that something was wrong. She couldn't seem to focus, and her head thudded so badly, she actually found the moans and groans of the dead outside comforting. When she came to again she thought through the darkness she saw Negan talking through the door at the other end of the trailer. He was telling the father, who she suspected was on the other side of the door about her real wife who happened to share the same name as her. He spoke about how he screwed around on her, and how she had gotten sick and how he couldn't have put her down. She listened as he confessed that he knew he had kidnapped her, thinking this would be his second chance to redeem himself. Nevertheless, he kidnapped her, raped her, and it cost him two sons. He's hurt her in more ways a person could ever think of, and he knows deep down inside she'll never love him. She's still just a girl, he's hurt, raped, and knocked up so he didn't have to be alone. He knew she would ever love him, and for that he feels it's his first wife's way of punishing him for what he did to her. Lucy shut her one good eye, wanting to block out his voice. She was sickened, and honestly didn't want to hear any more lies. She suspected whatever he had been telling the priest might have been a glimpse of whatever human side of him as left, but in the end here she was, probably dying of brain damage, pregnant, and trapped against her will. Negan shook her awake minutes later gently.

"Come on Lucy doll, we gotta get the fuck out of here."

All Lucy remembered was standing on shaking feet. Her one good eye could make out shadows in the trailer as the dead banged up against the windows. She swayed, leaning against the wall as Negan dragged in one of the bodies and explained to the priest about the trick with the guts. Lucy knew about this, in fact she had done it what seemed like a lifetime ago with Chris. It was nasty stuff, but still judging by how surrounded they were, she understood this very well might be the only way out. Negan talked about how much this stuff was going to stink before telling Lucy to hold still as his face became disgusted as he smeared the guts over Lucy's shoulders. Instantly the smell made her stomach gag, as she controlled keeping her mouth shut. She stood back as he made sure it was all over her, before covering his own jacket. The priest began scooping some on himself, and Negan instructed that they start making noise. They began yelling and banging on the door, before Negan grabbed her hand and squeezed it. Together they began slowly walking out, the sun blinding as thousands of the undead walked around. Negan slowly began leading her in. All the while Lucy slowly shuffled beside him, feeling as if she was truly in Hell.

 **Later...**

A few days later Negan took Lucy's hand as they started walking around Alexandra. All Hell had broken loose, and half of the houses were exploding. Lucy couldn't quite recount the last few days. All she remembered was that Negan kept her under lock and key. When they got back into the complex there had almost been a riot. Negan took charge as always, then the two of them went in the scalding hot shower. He raped her anally, before changing her and giving her a pill. For how many days afterwards she slept. When she woke, Negan said they were going someplace. She had a fresh change of clothing, and she joined him. Tonight she watched as yet another war broke out. Negan laughed saying something about making spaghetti. They walked, and Lucy felt her nose begin to bleed. When they arrived as the house, Negan put his bat down on the countertop and grinned, walking to the window as they stood in darkness. All Hell was breaking loose outside, and Negan looked as if he was loving all of it. Lucy had wiped her nose, and leaned against the counter watching him.

"They gotta learn somehow Lucy doll. Think, we're making a future for our boy. He's gonna grow up just like his pop. You'll see."

That's when she knew her revenge wasn't with the woman who had shot the baby, or any of these people. It was with him. Face crumpling she wasn't certain if she had the strength, but she was going to at least die trying. Grabbing the bat, she tightened her grip on it and went charging at him. Negan turned just in time, only to have Lucy slam the bat right against his head. Negan fell over in the dead heap, hitting the hardwood floor hard. Lucy stood back, and went to raise the bat again when she froze. He laid there, knocked out, his temple bleeding...she stared, ready to bash his brains in like him, when she remembered Chris. Disgusted, she dropped the bat with a loud clunk. Face crumpling, she spit down at him before looking down at the man who had raped her. The man who had caused so much pain and misery. Yanking the ring off her finger, she threw it down before shaking her head.

"You don't get to win. Not this time."

Turning, she bolted out the back door, slamming it so hard the glass in the window nearly shattered. Running as fast as her legs would carry her, she passed some walkers, and the blazing fires, not slowing down until she knew she was safe. When that was exacting, she wasn't sure. If she had to run until she dropped she would. Chest burning, head throbbing, she kept running until she left the limits of the community and started down the dark road. She hadn't had this kind of strength in months. Feeling her nose bleed, she ignored it. Enjoying the copper taste running down her strength. She ran as fast as she could, laughing like a mad woman.

 **Later...**

When Negan woke, his head was killing him, and he saw he was bleeding. Outraged, he screamed for Lucy but knew she was long gone. His first instinct was to find her, but that's when he heard Rick. Turning, like a crazed mad man, his eyes narrowed.

 **Elsewhere.**

Lucy watched the sunrise just start touching the sky. It was absolutely beautiful. She had ran for hours it felt like, before finding a motor bike at an old car dealership. She had found one, and the pumps out back hadn't been completely tapped. She was thrilled when it started, and knew even if it meant getting just a few miles between her and him, it was something. Since she got on it, she hadn't passed a single car. She felt whatever mess she had left behind, nobody was about to rush out and find her. Keeping her speed low, she knew her vision was completely fucked and she wasn't about to risk dumping it. She rode, listening to the hum of it, using whatever was left of her strength to hold onto the handlebars. She knew the last two times she tried to escape Negan she had tried to end her life. This time, she had ran. No, she refused to give up, even if it did mean she was still carrying his bastard child. He wasn't going to win. She was going to leave all of that behind and run.

Run as far away as she could.


	31. Another survivor

**Three days later**

Lucy wasn't sure how she would find a car or motorcycle to make the miles she needed to separate herself from Negan. She had tried to escape plenty of times, twice even trying to take her own life. Instead, as always fate would play a cruel game by bringing her right back to this monster. As Alexandra burned, she continued running. Not just for her life, but for this child's. She had welcomed the fact that this was another child conceived from rape. Another unwanted pregnancy, that was yet another reason Negan had tried to own her, control her, and in no time, end up finally killing her. She thought back on the two children she had lost. One she had put down when it turned, the other murdered. No longer looking for revenge, she was over the killing. Nothing would fix what had happened, nor change the past.

Instead she had to push forward, even if she believed she wasn't going to live long. If she lived long enough to have this baby, she would make sure it was placed with good people, and never know the monster that had been it's father. No, half of this baby was hers, and if it was the last thing she would do...she would make damn sure she would survive long enough to try and fight until the very end. Exhausted, she hid in abandoned buildings, sleeping durning the day, traveling at night. She had grabbed a small backpack, stuffed it full of a few canned goods, a knife, and a handgun with roughly three or so boxes of bullets. She tied a handkerchief around her hair, changed into boots, and continued onward. She heard people sometimes, but stayed off the road. She kept waiting for any second to hear Negan, screaming her name, searching for her. Instead nothing. Finally she came upon a used Honda shop. She walked in one evening, careful, holding her handgun, looking around as dried leafs blew by her feet. She had killed a total of four walkers since she escaped, and was surprised that she still had her strength. Wandering in, she stepped through the shattered broken glass bay window, stepping over the shattered pieces before digging into her pocket for the tiny flashlight she had grabbed with some batteries at a drug store when she took a few bottles of aspirin. She wasn't too sure if the amount she was swallowing was good for the baby, but she knew if her headaches continued like they were, she might end up fainting, which might result in her either getting killed, or captured again. Just last night she had a vivid nightmare of Negan laying beside her, his eyes looking her body over, that terrifying hunger showing in his eyes, before he reached forward and softly said...

 _"Hello my sweet Lucille..."_

That's when Lucy shot up from the nightmare, eyes wide, sweat rolling off her. Tonight, she shinned the flashlight, looking at the few display cars that had been abandoned, before seeing exactly what she had been looking for. Smiling, she tucked the flashlight back into her pocket and stepped forward. There were dirt bikes, at least a dozen of them all brand new. She knew there were pumps out back, and if she could get enough gas to get her to cross state lines she would be in business. Smiling, she walked over before she heard a noise.

"Don't shoot."

Spinning around, Lucy aimed the gun, feeling her heart leap into her throat when she saw a young boy, a teenager maybe. Fifteen, maybe sixteen. He wore jeans, and a long sleeve gray T-shirt which was torn and dirty. He had thick dark hair and eyebrows. He had a knife, but instantly dropped it before holding up his hands. "I'm unarmed." Lucy stared at him, expecting a trick. Staring at him, she clicked the safety off and saw how scared the boy seemed. Staring at him, she thought of the baby and wasn't even the slightest bit surprised she was ready to fire. The boy stepped forward carefully, hands still up.

"My name is Mikey...Mike. I've been traveling alone since the place I'm from got taken over. My family got killed...I haven't been back to see it. I..."

He reached down and Lucy tensed up before he pulled up one leg of his jeans, showing a swollen kneecap with a faded scar.

"I hurt my knee...when everything happened I was accidentally pushed off a roof. A bunch of walkers almost got me but I was able to hobble up and run. I saw my friends get killed. I was able to make it to the woods. There were these guys...they were crazy, they grabbed me and tried..."

He lowered his eyes before shaking his head, quickly moving on.

"When I got a chance about a month later I escaped. My leg was infected but I ran. It took awhile, but I found a drug store, and the tiny apartment above it. I've been hiding up there until I got my strength back. I was going to head back to where I came from, trying to find a bike or something...I swear to God I'm not going to hurt you."

Staring at him, Lucy understood that this kid had been through a lot. More than he was leading onto. She saw his lip was split, and dark circles under his eyes. Looking, she cocked her head to the side.

"Where are you from?"

Mikey shuffled his feet for a second before looking up.

"Alexandra."


	32. Chapter 32

**That night...**

Mikey and Lucy found two decent dirt bikes, and carefully wheeled them out of the dealership. The keys were in the office, and after less than an hour if searching with only their two flashlights helping them, they finally found the right sets. Rolling them out, they were pleasantly surprised to find gas still in the pumps. Both hid both bikes in the bushes, before Mikey brought her to the apartment he was currently hiding out in. Lucy followed him, still keeping her gun close, as they walked down the deserted street, Entering through the drugstore, they climbed the steps, and Mikey opened up the apartment, before starting to drag furniture to block the door. Lucky looked around, the place was dark, but actually pretty clean besides some dust. She noticed Mikey had a window open, which dropped off to the fire escape. Respecting the fact he had thought out a second exit just in case, she took a look around. On the sofa there were blankets and a pillow, a few scattered empty bottle bottles and cans of food. Sitting down, she watched Mikey before he finished and wiped his hands on his jeans. She noticed he was slightly limping, before making his way over to the chair across from her and plopped himself down.

"Leg bothering you?"

Mikey shrugged looking down at it.

"Yeah, it's still hard to walk on. I'm real lucky I didn't lose it. I would have been a goner for sure if that happened."

"You want some aspirin?"

She went to reach into her bag when Mikey shook his head and motioned to the open first aid kit on the coffee table as well.

"Got plenty here and down below, thanks though. When everything happened I think all the junkies cleared everything out. Some nights it hurt so bad I swear I must have passed out from the pain. I got off lucky..."

"You think you broke a bone or something?"

"Maybe. I fell from a second story window. The place I came from was a gated community. Me and my dad went there after everything happened. There was a bunch of us, running water, electricity, everything...then my dad died, and one of the walls fell. The place got overrun with wakers and it was chaos. I tried to get away when those guys grabbed me."

Lucy listened and crossed her legs, almost certain the men were Negan's.

"Did they all themselves anything?"

"Yeah, the wolfs. They have the letter W carved into their foreheads. They were filthy...crazy in fact. They grabbed me in the woods. I was hurt bad, and they dragged me to one of their camps..."

His words drifted off when Lucy stared at him and swallowed hard.

"They raped you?"

Mikey looked ashamed. His dark eyes lifted before he slowly nodded.

"Yeah, for a month or so...they took turns, barley fed me. My leg got really bad...whenever I cried out or fought back they would beat me. It was pretty bad. Finally one day I was able to slip away when a group of walkers turned up at the camp. They were outnumbered. I was real sick, and been holding up here since. I kept waiting until I was strong enough...I have no idea if anyone is still alive or not..."

"I've been there."

"Huh?"

"Alexandra, where you came from? I've been there."

"When?"

"Not that long ago, few days..."

"Is anyone left?"

Lucy thought of the explosions, the walkers entering it, the saviors taking over. Staring at him, she slowly shook her head.

"No, I'm sorry..."

Mikey sighed, looking down at his hands.

"I figured. I heard my dad probably didn't make it...I didn't have any other family. My mom died from cancer years ago. I have friends there though."

"I'm sorry..."

Mikey sighed staring down, looking much older than he actually was. Finally after a few minutes of silence, he lifted his eyes and looked at her.

"What's your story? You from around here?"

Lucy sighed staring forward.

"I was with a group of people...and they were all killed. I was from Atlanta, when everything happened I saw my parents get killed. A man named Chris helped me get out...but my group stumbled upon the wrong group. They were called The Saviors. Heard of them?"

Mikey shook his head as she went on, knowing if she didn't say this now, she never would.

"It's an army really...hundreds upon hundreds of men all over the state. Their leader is a man named Negan. He's insane...he killed Chris, and everyone else I was with before kidnapping me and holding me hostage. He raped me over and over again, claiming I was his wife."

"Jesus..."

Lucy went on.

"He got me pregnant, and I tried to escape several times. Finally one day when I was nearly nine months pregnant I tried killing myself by throwing myself into a rock quarry. How I didn't kill myself is beyond me but I got hurt real bad. I collapsed in the woods, and went into labor. A couple found me and helped me deliver. I had twin boys. The couple took the healthy baby while they left me with the one who wasn't going to make it. I was bleeding badly, and I think they figured I wasn't going to make it either. I put down the baby after it turned, and a man named Joe found me. He was a good man, nursed me back to health and we hit the road. Due to my injuries I couldn't remember anything before the accident. Only the name Negan. As luck with have it a few months later we wandered back into Negan's camp."

"Shit..."

Lucy nodded.

"He lied to me saying I was his life and that I must have gotten lost in the woods and got hurt. I feel so stupid but I believed him. He killed Joe and lied that he left me. I lived with man who raped and tortured me for months, not remembering anything. I watched as he murdered people with this awful baseball bat wrapped in barb-wire. He named it Lucille...after me and after his first wife. I think somehow in his crazed mind he thought it was a sign of fate that he found me. All he did was lie. He ruled these people like an army and had complexes all over the state. He got me pregnant again and around this time I remembered everything. I planned my escape when I happened upon the people from Alexandra. Negan had taken over there, forcing them to give them half of everything they found and would kill if anyone questioned them. I believed one of the babies there might have been the other boy I have birth to. I know the chances were slim, but I believed it and when word got out they might have Negan's child...well...it got killed."

"They killed the baby?!"

Lucy sighed shaking her head.

"Everything happened pretty fast, but a war broke out between the people of Alexandra and Negan's men. I watched a lot of people die. Negan wanted to get even after they tried to help me. I tricked Negan into thinking I was one of your people and he got me with his bat before he realized it was me...that's why I wear this..."

She undid the handkerchief showing the scar traveling down her skull. Mikey blinked looking in the darkness at her before she sighed, no longer embarrassed or ashamed before putting the handkerchief back on. Tying it back, she stared at him.

"He kidnapped the doc from The Hilltop to try and help me but I got hurt real good. A few days ago he attacked Alexandra. Something tells me they were able to rebuild after the wall fell and you got taken. I had been inside it, met some people there...then I watched Negan destroy it. Half the place was in fire when I saw my chance and escaped. I figured he would send people after me but I've been careful. I've been laying low...but I don't want you to get hurt. If you don't mind I'll sleep here a few hours and take off if that's okay."

Mikey stared for a second before shaking his head.

"No."

"What?"

"No, I'm not kicking you out all because that psycho might be after you. If we take the bikes and travel at night we'll be okay, we just need to stick off the main roads."

"I'm hurt bad...I don't even know if I'm healthy enough to travel..."

"Then it makes more sense if we travel together. You're pregnant aren't you?"

Lucy shifted in her seat, before looking down at herself.

"Yeah..."

"Well after what you've told me I'm sure you can take care of yourself, but I might feel better having you with me. Hell, you might even help me."

Lucy gave an exhausted humorless laugh before staring at him. For just being a kid, he seemed as if he was being sincere.

"Listen, it's worth a shot. You're a survivor like me. We've been through a lot...and I really gotta tell you. I don't want to be alone."

Sighing, Lucy stared at him before nodding.

"Okay..."

Smiling Bradley looked around.

"I say we stay put here for a day. Get some sleep, I'll take first watch. I have some canned goods and we can eat later. We'll stay low tomorrow and take off tomorrow night. You ever ride a bike before?"

"A little...you?"

"Kinda, my uncle showed me how before..."

Lucy sadly smiled.

"Yeah, before..."

Mikey then stood up, rubbing his hands against his pant legs and motioned to the sofa.

"Sleep, I'll keep watch."

Actually feeling quite exhausted, Lucy looked around before nodding.

"Okay..."

Handing him the handgun, she knew she was taking a risk, but at this exact moment she no longer cared. If she was destined to die, she would die. If she would live, she would live.

"Ever shoot one of these?"

Mikey nodded.

"Yeah..."

"Okay...wake me in an hour and we'll take turns."

Mikey nodded before Lucy swung her legs up and settled into the sofa. It smelled a little musty, but otherwise was pretty comfortable. Settling down, she closed her eyes and within ten minutes she was dead asleep. Mikey watched her, before carefully pulling up one of the tangled blankets and covering her.

 **The next evening...**

Mikey was kind enough to let Lucy sleep four straight hours before she woke up. She scolded him for not letting her take over, but thanked him for allowing her to get some much needed rest. For the first time in awhile she didn't have a headache. Using the bathroom down the hall, she stared at her pale reflection, and sighed wishing for a hot shower. Turning, she joined Mikey who insisted on them eating before he slept for awhile. They ate canned corn beef, and drank from water bottles, talking a little bit of life before, and how many walkers they had seen since all of this happened. Mikey slept for a while and Lucy stood guard, sitting in the chair, watching him asleep. She had learned he was turning sixteen soon. Funny enough, she would be nineteen soon. Nineteen. That seemed insane. All ready she had been a mother, and had gone through complete Hell.

Now, she had another one of Negan's babies growing in her, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she didn't feel depressed staring down at herself. She had just begun to show, and she enjoyed the thought of that bastard never touching her again. Still, she was scared. He had found her all those times before, what would make this time any different? Knowing she had to be smart and careful, she sat there watching Mikey sleep and thought of Chris and then Joe. She hoped to God he wouldn't have the same luck as her other friends. When daylight came, they switched off again. She slept for an hour, then him. They ate again, sat on the furniture, and kept away from the windows. They didn't hear anything all day. When dusk settled, they decided to pack what they needed in their backpacks, and head down. Once in the drug store, Mikey grabbed another first aid kit then started looking for something else. Raising an eyebrow, Lucy turned.

"What are you looking for?"

"Prenatal vitamins..."

Mikey then found a white bottle, grabbed it and held it up before smiling and tossing it to her. Grabbing it, she looked at the bottle touched before smiling.

"Thanks..."

Mikey smiled before telling her to come on. Together, they left the store, careful, sticking to the alleyways, before finding the two dirt bikes in the bushes. Lucy insisted that they test drove the bikes behind the dealership a few times. At first Lucy felt a little uneasy climbing onboard, scared she was going to wobble off. Instead after a few laps in the back lot, she began to feel more and more comfortable. She remembered all those times having to ride with Negan on his motorcycle. Disgusted, she pushed that thought away before motioning with her head to Mikey who seemed to slowly be getting the hang of it.

"You good?!"

Mikey nodded before calling back over the hum of the engines.

"Let's keep our speed down until we either find helmets or get more comfortable with it! I looked at a map, I know which back road to take to get onto the freeway."

"If there's any trouble, don't wait, just ditch the bike and run okay?!"

Mikey nodded before telling her to follow him. Together the two rode their bikes down the main road, and into the darkness of the night.

 **Two weeks later...**

 **Florida.**

Lucy couldn't believe it. They had made it. They had rode the bikes non-stop, only twice did it seem tricky when they were low on fuel and forced to search all the deserted towns until they found some. They followed Mikey's map, keeping the speed down, riding side by side. Durning the day they would find someplace safe to hold up, always hiding the bikes a mile or so away. They slept on rooftops, in an old motel, even up a tree once. Their sleep was broken, but they were always careful, and always kept watch. In total, they killed just nine walkers between the two of them. They began to suspect that whatever walkers were left were rotting badly, and weren't as much of a threat as before. Still, they made sure they were careful. They ate canned goods and Mikey always made sure Lucy ate first and had enough. He was always the first to make sure she got plenty of sleep, and warned her to take it easy on the bike. When they crossed state lines they came upon a bike shop and got themselves helmets, jackets, and elbow and knee pads.

They only saw one person, a filthy drifter who tried flagging them down while they rode through a town, but both picked up the speed and blew past him knowing it was smarter to keep going. When they reached Florida, they still didn't exactly know where they were headed. To Lucy, the more miles they made, the better. Currently they were staying at a deserted resort. They killed two walkers, and were holding up in a third story hotel room that looked out onto the lagoon. They found water bottles, and some bags of stale chips. They secured the place, and were burning pieces of broken furniture in a tin trash barrel together, both sitting Indian style side by side. It was warm here, and they were making plans maybe to head as far as Key West before trying to figure what came next. Both knew this couldn't last forever. The real threat were survivors, both learned that the hard way. Sitting and poking the fire, Mikey glanced at Lucy and raised an eyebrow when he saw her staring at the flickering flames smiling.

"What is it?"

Lucy rocked back and forth looking around this giant hotel room, and began to laugh, tears in her eyes.

"I'm free...I'm finally free!"

Smiling, Mikey stared at her before Lucy turned and stared at him. The two made strong eye contact, before slowly Lucy felt a strange fluttering in her stomach, a fluttering she knew wasn't the baby, and a fluttering she hadn't felt since Chris. Leaning forward, she closed her eyes, and gently kissed Mikey.

 **Later...**

"Are you sure?"

Mikey asked laying on top of Lucy crammed in a sleeping bag on the double bed in the hotel room. They had put put the fire they had made, and now both laid in the darkness, sweating and anxious. Lucy laid there, finally relaxing, allowing herself to let go, and see that this wasn't Negan. Mikey admitted he was a virgin, and she helped him undress in the dark, before both climbed into bed together. She felt him lay between her two spread legs, his penis rubbing against her inner thigh. Licking her lips, Lucy nodded. Mikey stared, still looking unsure. "What if I hurt the baby?" Smiling, Lucy gently wrapped her arms loosely around Mikey's neck, pulling him down before hearing him gasp.

That night Lucy laid awake in Mikey's arms. The sex had been wonderful. The first attempt Mikey had climaxed almost instantly when he entered her. The second time, after Lucy gave him a half hand job, he seemed excited, and less embarrassed. It only lasted a few minutes, but for Lucy for the first time ever she saw sex was something nice, something that brought her pleasure, not pain or embarrassment. She enjoyed feeling him move inside of her, exploring her body. She loved the feeling of his warmth, how gentle he was, and how he bit his bottom lip when he finished. Afterwards, he laid in her arms, asking over and over if he had hurt her? Finally, he drifted asleep in her arms as she gently stroked his hair. That's when she felt the baby very slightly move inside of her. Staring up at the hotel ceiling, she stroked Mikey's hair and smiled thinking to herself...

"Oh Negan...I hope you are suffering you son of a bitch."

With that she gently laughed, and closed her eyes, allowing sleep to take over.


	33. Game changer

"How...did...this...HAPPEN?!"

Negan roared, the veins and tendons straining in his neck. He had been on quite the rampage since Lucy escaped. He had sent dozens, upon dozens of his men searching all over the states. So far, not even the smallest trace of her was found. Negan half expected to find her remains someplace, torn to pieces in either the woods or a swamp. Instead, nothing. He knew she was injured, and from what the doc had said with her head injury she might not even survive until the end of the pregnancy. Still, despite everything that had happened, she wound up right by his side. He was convinced it was fate, pure and simple. Meant to be. That the chances of everything happening, and her still coming back to him proved that she was his second chance. He suspected she would die soon, and if that was the case, he was going to make damn sure he got his child. She was responsible for his boys to die, she wasn't going to ruin this one. A lot had been happening, and Simon had returned from those garage people earlier. He hated to admit it, but he was preoccupied with trying to figure out where his Lucy had gone off to. It was now going on nearly two days, and he was beginning to suspect that as much as he didn't want to admit it...that Lucy was going to be found dead. Maybe just pieces of her somewhere, but dead. Between her injuries, and her stage of her pregnancy, there was no way she could survive out here alone without him. Still, even though he was busy building bullets, getting ready to take over the Hilltop, find Rick, and get his complex back in working order with these idiots, he was still sending men out to look. He knew many, including Simon disapproved, but he didn't care. All that mattered was that he would find her. If she was dead, well...he had himself to blame for that one. If she was alive, he planned on strapping her to the bed like he used to, and keep her alive until he could take his baby out. After that, he would have his family, and block his nagging ache that was constantly throbbing in his chest. Simon dropped his eyes uncomfortable, before Negan shook his head. He was frustrated, and earlier Eugene actually came up with quite the idea. When they went to The Hilltop, they would use walker blood and guts. If they couldn't kill them, might as well infect them. In fact, he had ordered to string up some walkers tomorrow in the front yard. He was going to show them exactly what he had in store for them.

"We can send another few trucks...but we really can't spare it with the Hilltop tomorrow..."

Negan glared up from his table, Lucille laying before him. He felt his blood pressure building, his temples pounding. Rubbing his chin, where a new grayish beard was coming in.

"Screw it, send it. We gotta find her...she's out there someplace, pregnant...and needs me."

Simon cleared his throat.

"How...did you two get separated? I know it was crazy the other night but..."

"Send the trucks...get them to find her, and drag her back. 100% rations for the man who finds her first, plus the woman of his choice for company, and one of the suites for a permeant living quarters. In fact, they can have whatever the fuck they want...just get them to get me my wife and baby back."

With that he grabbed hold of his baseball bat, got off his chair, and strolled out, swinging the bat, and whistling softly. Simon watched him, knowing this was impossible.

 **The next day...**

"What about your wife? The young girl you've raped...that came to us begging for us to kill her? Was that new world you wanted to save including her?"

Negan glared in the darkness. He continued to hear Rick's voice.

"She told us everything...she rather be dead than to be with you."

Negan wanted to scream about one of Rick's people blowing that baby away, or fooling him into thinking she was that idiot with the bike Daryl. His blood boiled thinking about it. Instead, he continued crawling around for the first time in what seemed like forever...feeling actually scared.

 **Later...**

Lucy was sitting in the forest, her belly full and round beneath her wine red sundress. She was humming, rubbing her stomach, before turning and looking straight at him, eyes sparking and smiling. Negan's eyes fluttered open, he hurt all over, and as his vision cleared he saw that he was sitting in a car. blinking, he glanced over and saw and saw that weird Garbage woman sitting behind the wheel, driving, actually looking quite clean. Grinning, he laughed. She must have saved him, when he truly believed Rick had his ticket punched.

"Well shit..."

"Shut up!" With that she whacked the handgun against the back of his head, knocking him out cold.

 **Elsewhere...**

Lucy tied a bandana around her head. Thankfully the ugly scars and stitch marks that basically snaked all over her bruised skull didn't appear infected. The skin around it was purplish, and still very tender, but she knew as long as she kept an eye on it, she would be fine. Her eye was basically completely useless at this point. That eye was bloodshot completely, with a blood ring permeantly there. She had bags underneath her eyes, but actually for the first time in a while looked good. She had changed into loose white capris, and a T-shirt from the mall they had broken into. So far they had only had to destroy several walkers. They went into a gift shop, and were currently grabbing clean clothes. Lucy found the bandana, and tied it around, feeling much better. She stared at herself in front of the full length mirror that hung in the sitting room. She turned, and slowly her hands went down to her stomach. You could definitely tell she was pregnant now. She touched the skin, frowning, feeling the tiny little kicks from within her. The baby had been kicking up a storm lately since she had been on the road. She felt this was partly because she hadn't been sleeping well, scared, stressed, and now finally relieved. She knew she had put more than enough miles between Negan and her. She was safe for the time being, and with this young kid...who seemed more than just a kid. He was the person who helped her escape. He saved her. Last night had been wonderful, for the first time ever she had sex that wasn't unwanted. It was Mikey's first time, and it was gentle, slow, and felt amazing. They had attempted doing it several times last night in the hotel room, and fell asleep in each other's arms. Today they explored, and were going through the mall. Next was the sporting goods store to see what camping gear they could find. They knew if they stayed here, they could actually make this work.

Frowning, she hated that this was Negan's baby inside of her. She was too far along to get rid of it, but knew this baby was part hers. She wouldn't let what happened with the twins happen to this one. No, she would keep it safe, and even if it was the last thing she did...she would never let that monster see this child, or claim it as his. There was just then a gentle knock on the dressing room door. Smiling, snapping out of her thoughts, she turned.

"Come in."

The door opened and Mikey walked in, wearing shorts, and a T-shirt himself. Instantly he smiled.

"You look great!" Lucy smiled, hands still on her stomach.

"Thanks, feels great to be in new clothes..."

Mikey's eyes went down to her stomach and instantly he raised an eyebrow.

"You okay?"

He actually sounded concerned. Laughing, Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Oh, nothing...just starting to feel the baby kick."

"Can I feel?"

"Yeah? Sure."

Mikey walked over slowly, before reaching out, hesitating. Reaching, she placed her hand on top of his smooth warm hand, and firmly placed it there.

"Feel?"

Mikey waited, before the tiny little fluttering came from within her. Instantly Mikey's eyes lit up. Not the chilling scary light that lit up in Negan's...but something completely different. Something sincere, something sweet, and innocent. Instantly, Lucy smiled as Mikey stared down in complete amazement.

"Wow!"

Lucy closely studied Mikey's face before smiling.

"We're going to be okay...aren't we?"

Smiling, Mikey lifted his brown eyes and locked them with Lucy. With that, he leaned forward and gently kissed her. Unaware that the father to his baby was on the verge of quite a game changer. Something that would change all the rules...


	34. Going back

"I had a wife...her name was Lucille..."

Negan confessed, not just talking about his darling wife, who succumbed to cancer, but not before witnessing him cheating on her right at the very end. No, as he laid there tied up, he confessed about his other Lucille, his Lucy.

"I...didn't treat her right. She was basically just a kid when all this started. I didn't treat her right. In fact I was a monster..."

For the first time in what seemed like forever, he didn't think of the lost babies, or the rage that had been keeping him going. No, at this exact moment in time. He wanted to see Lucy and tell her he was sorry. There was no turning back the clock. He had raped, tortured, and nearly killed her. He didn't care about anything else, what he cared about was telling her he was sorry, and if he could take it back he would. He knew she was probably dead, and at this exact moment he figured maybe it was for the best. He had kidnapped this poor girl, did ungodly things to her, raped her, beat her, drove her to constantly keep preferring to die than to be with him. They lost two children, and by force he raped her until she got pregnant with this one. Somehow in his twisted mind he thought if he had a wife, had a family, he could control her into loving him, not leaving his side, and distract him from the fact he had failed his first wife so badly at the end of her suffering. He had caused all of this, but the sad thing was...durning all this madness, he didn't know who he was without her?

He missed her so badly it hurt, and telling this crazy bitch why he named his bat after her, he truly wondered if he even cared at this point if he lived or die. All that was waiting for him was Hell. He knew if he ever saw her again, he would change everything. He would leave all this madness, and give her what little time she had left to prove that he was sorry. Truly sorry. Still, as he laid there...he knew deep in his heart she was dead. Finally free of him at last.

 **Elsewhere..**

Lucy sat beside Mikey on the beach. It was a beautiful sunny day and they were currently feeding the birds and watching the surf. Both had spent their morning exploring the island. They searched the indoor shopping mall, got clean clothes, and supplies. Currently they were holding up at an old abandoned hotel, before venturing out to take a look at the beaches. Both handled the few walkers they got in their way, but found the island pretty much empty. Together, the two sat on the sugar colored sand, staring out at the crashing waves, and feeling the hot blazing sun casting down on them. Mikey sighed, before reaching into his shirt and pulling out a chain

"What?"

Mikey shrugged, letting the key and chain drop against his shirt.

"My father had a hidden room in my house, nobody knew about it. Sorta like...a panic room. You see, my dad was sorta...well he was an asshole. He had at least fifty guns in that room. He was a total gun-nut but kept it hidden, even before all of this started. He had gotten arrested a few years back, wasn't supposed to have them anymore. Said he sold them all off to my uncle but still had them."

"What kind of guns?"

"Shotguns, pistols, even a few machine guns."

"He never showed anyone them?"

"Besides me, nope. Said he would beat my ass if I ever told anyone, most of all our neighbors."

"Even after this started?"

"Yep. He was worried since they took inventory of the guns. I kept telling him these people needed them, Rick needed them...but he threatened to kill me if I ever tried to take them or talk. He kept the room locked with this key. The day everything fell apart he left it on the counter. I grabbed it hoping to unlock it but that's when all the walkers came and I got separated and hurt. I kept meaning to go back and see if anyone was left alive..."

Lucy reached forward, holding the key that laid against his shirt.

"You have bullets?"

"Oh yeah, boxes upon boxes, he had been collecting since before I was born..."

Lucy locked eyes with Mikey.

"Would you go back?"

"Where? Alexandra?"

Lucy nodded before Mikey raised an eyebrow, staring at her as if she was crazy.

"We just escaped, Lucy...they might be looking for you!"

"If those guns are still there, and your house didn't burn...there has to be survivors."

"Lucy, you're not thinking straight..."

"Mikey, look..."

She reached into her backpacker and took out her bandana she had kept since they started out. She held it up in the Florida sunshine.

There it flapped, showing all the dried bloodstains.

"I keep getting nosebleeds and headaches. I can barley see. My head injury is too much...I don't think I have long."

"So why go back there?"

"If there's any chance those people are still alive, I want to try to help them. I thought what I wanted was to escape and be free...but knowing I'm probably going to die soon, I wanna die doing something right."

"Lucy, you're pregnant..."

"And I don't think I'll even stay alive along enough to have this baby. I'm dying Mikey. I wanna at least try to help..."

"What if they all died? What if there isn't anyone else to help..."

"Then I wanna die doing one last thing."

"What?"

"Kill this baby's father."

Mikey stared before Lucy sighed, her eyes pleading and desperate looking.

 **Later...**

That night Mikey and Lucy laid together in bed. They had just made love again, and when Mikey climaxed, he cried out collapsing on top of Lucy breathing heavy. Gently stroking his sweaty hair, she kissed his forehead as he pulled out of her and laid beside her.

"Lucy, we're finally safe...maybe you should wait and think this over..."

Lucy turned, staring at him, giving a sad smile.

"Mikey, my life since Negan kidnapped me has been a nightmare, these few days with you have been the happiest I've been in what seems like forever. I know it's stupid...but if I'm dying, I need to die trying to do this. Trust me, I rather stay here with you, but I gotta at least try."

"What about the baby?"

"I told you. I don't think I'm going to live long enough to have it."

Mikey sighed staring at her in the blueish darkness of the room.

"I'm going with you..."

"Mikey no...you're safe now..."

"How much longer though? I guess I might as well be by your side and go out fighting..."

"I've gotten too many people killed trying to help me, you don't need to do..."

Mikey reached across and squeezed her hand.

"I do. If I can't talk you out of doing this, you can't talk me out of not going okay?"

Lucy sighed and nodded before Mikey smiled, brushing back her hair that revealed her terrible crushed in head. In the darkness, he leaned forward and deeply kissed her.

 **The next morning...**

"Ready?"

Lucy took a good look around this little paradise, before smiling. It hadn't been long, but it had been complete Heaven. She knew if she did die, which was more than likely...she would never forget her time with Mikey here. She knew she was being stupid, but she sensed with how weak she was getting, time was short. She wanted to see if anyone else was alive, see if she could help if these guns were still around...and if she could get her hands on one...she would kill that bastard Negan and send him straight back to Hell where he belonged.

Climbing on the scooter with Mikey, she wrapped her arms around him and glanced around one last time. Smiling, she held onto him as Mikey kicked started the engine, and both rode back to what Lucy believed would be her final fight.


	35. It ends

Mikey slid open the hidden door that was inside the large framed house in what once was Alexandra They had been traveling non-stop back from Florida and arrived a little after five in the morning several days later. The journey had been rough since Lucy continued getting nosebleeds, and twice almost passed out riding double with Mikey. When they finally arrived, both stood at the ruined gate, and were amazed at the sight of destruction. Lucy stared, almost waiting for any second for one of Negan's men to pop out of nowhere, waiting for them.

Instead, just silence.

The entire gated community looked like a ghost town, and it truly did seem like ages ago that Lucy had found her chance to escape Negan durning all the chaos and ran away. That night, even though it was just less than two weeks ago still held strong in her memory. She remembered the fires, the explosions, and how truly wonderful it felt to bash Negan's head before running out of the house. Mikey stared up and slowly shook his head.

"Jesus...what happened here?"

Sighing, Lucy felt the baby kick inside of her. Glancing over at Mikey, her hand slipped into his.

"Negan happened...that's what."

They spotted a spray painted sign hanging on a car, stating that any survivors were now West at the Hilltop. Together they slowly entered. Once they found Mikey's house, he used his key and unlocked the hidden room. The moment they slid it open, both stood in the doorway for a moment before Mikey reached up, pulling the string to turn the lightbulb on. The power was still on, and the second the bulb turned on shelfs upon shelfs of guns on displayed were shown. Walking in, boots clicking, Lucy nodded, all ready making a mental list on what to do. Turning, she faced Mikey.

"We'll need to get a car and take these to Rick at the Hilltop if he's there."

 **Later...**

"Are you okay?"

Lucy asked, glancing over at Mikey who sat in the passenger seat of one of the cars left behind. Finding gas had taken a few hours, but once Lucy finished with the cans, both spent the remainder of the day loading in the weapons, carrying them by the armful. Mikey didn't seem the slightest bit phased entering his home that he had once lived in. Instead he continued helping load the car, before for one second he swayed, and had to grab onto the railing of the porch. Instantly Lucy noticed how pale he appeared, with big dark circles underneath each eye. He looked exhausted, and beads of sweat were slowly rolling down his face.

"You don't look so good. Maybe we should stay here tonight and let you rest..."

Lucy began, reaching and feeling his warm head. Right away she knew he had a fever. Instead, Mikey dismissed how he was feeling and told her it was probably just a cold, that he was fine and wanted to make sure they got everything to the Hilltop. Lucy drove, while Mikey seemed to slowly go in and out of it, nodding off as his skin became warmer and warmer. When they arrived to the Hilltop, he was barley responsive. Stopping the car, Lucy stared across at Mikey who was curled up in the seat beside her. Feeling panic, she took a deep breath knowing he needed to see a doctor. Climbing out, she held her hands up as the guards aimed their own guns down.

"I need to see Rick!"

"Who are you?!" One of the men shouted. Sighing, Lucy knew they didn't have time. Frowning, she called back up to them.

"Lucy...Negan's wife!" Instantly the guards all looked at each other.

 **Later...**

Lucy nervously chewed on her thumbnail watching as the doctor, a young handsome Indian man got Mikey settled in the medical bay, which was a trailer outside of the main building. He had just hooked Mikey up to an I.V and was giving him fluids. Mikey seemed to have gotten ten times worse in the hour or so since they arrived. His fever hadn't broken, and he seemed in this strange feverish dazed state, barley responsive. Lucy stuck by his side as Rick and his men took the weapons from the car. Rick had gone with Lucy to the medical bay where Mikey was being treated. The doctor said it appeared to be a virus, and as long as they kept an eye on him, fed him fluids, and worked on getting his fever down he would be fine. Still on edge and scared, Lucy closely watched Mikey, his sweaty hair sticking up as he slowly breathed in and out from his cot. Rick stood beside her as Lucy explained where she had been, and why she had returned. Rick and her had talked for some time, and Lucy had just learned Rick had just lost his boy.

"I'm going out with you tomorrow..."

Rick instantly shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, you should stay here where it's safe..."

Lucy shook her head.

"I can't do anything else for Mikey besides hope and pray...I came back to help and that's what I wanna do."

"But..."

"I know I'm pregnant. Negan is the reason I'm like this again...I'm weak, but I'm not helpless. Besides, if I really am dying...let me do it on my terms and help get that bastard."

With that Rick knew she was serious. staring straight into her eyes before shifting his gaze back to Mikey and sighing. Standing beside him, Lucy's entire body ached, and she knew it truly wasn't up to them. Still, she knew she would rather try and die, than to just wait and found and wait until it happened.

 **The next day...**

Before Lucy left the Hilltop, she brushed Mikey's sweaty bangs back as he muttered in his sleep. She prayed he would recover, and smirked down at him. He reminded her of Chris, the man who had originally helped her when this all started, and had been murdered at the hands of Negan and his baseball bat. Mikey was still just a kid, but had all ready been through so much. Still, he had helped her escape, showed her that sex wasn't a filthy dirty thing like Negan had made it, and without so much as a second question had returned to help people he barley knew.

"Thank you..."

She whispered, leaning down and kissing his warm forehead. Her head was aching worse than it ever did right now, and all of last night as she sat up next to Mikey watching him sleep, she had soaked through three handkerchiefs with her nosebleeds. The young man who had treated Mikey had tried to examine her, but she simply and poilety refused. Staring down at her tiny bump in her belly she sighed.

"The baby wouldn't survive if I gave birth now would it?"

The doctor paused and stared at her.

"How far along?"

"Six months maybe."

"If this was before I might say yes...now...very unlikely. This isn't a hospital. Why are do you feel contractions?"

Lucy shook her head, still watching Mikey as she wiped her nose.

"No."

It was then and there she made up her mind. This morning before she left, she squeezed Mikey's hand as he slept and thanked him before turning and leaving. Her headaches were so bad now she had dry swallowed several pain pills, no longer caring if she overdosed, or hurt this baby growing inside of her. Her vision was worse, and she knew she just had to push herself a few more hours. She joined the others, grabbing a weapon knowing today was the last day of her life.

 **Later...**

Lucy marched with the others through the field. They had looked down below into the valley and saw thousands of walkers roaming. Just the sight of this made Lucy's heart drop. She knew as much time passed, it truly would never be over. Walking beside the man named Morgan who carried the large stick, she glanced at him and saw a deep kind of insane sadness that she had never seen before. That's when the whistling started. Feeling her heart sink, she froze. She stood between everyone, carrying her gun, eyes frantic looking around. She then looked up, just over the slope of the hill was Negan and his men. She knew from this distance it was too far for him to spot her. She stood back, weapon raised as she heard that bastard speak to Rick.

Then...a God awful noise came as the guns the saviors held blew up in their hands. She watched as that coward began taking off, still holding the bat. Rick began running after him and Lucy joined him. Both emptied their guns trying to shoot at him as he ran to a large tree with beautiful stained glass windows slowly waving back and forth, hanging by the branches.

"That you Lucy?! I knew you couldn't have gone far!"

He shouted from behind the large tree. Rick and Lucy glanced at each other before both broke out into a full fledge run. Rick tried grabbing onto Negan while Lucy lunged onto his back, screaming as he tried to throw her off him. Lucy used all the rage she remembered from what this bastard did to her and sank her teeth right into the back of his neck. Negan grunted, and threw her off, causing her to land hard in the grass.

Laying there, Lucy stared up at the clear blue sky. Suddenly nothing hurt. She tasted blood, but laying there her one good eye glanced up at the stained glass and never saw anything more beautiful like it before in her entire life...

"Goddamnit Lucy doll, what did you get yourself into?"

Negan asked, staring down at her, still clutching his bat. Rick went to move towards her, who laid between both men but Negan's face twisted up and became flushed.

"STAY AWAY FROM HER!"

Rick then pleaded for ten seconds. Negan outraged began to count down, being careful not to step on Lucy who continued staring up, her eyes transfixed on the glass. The pain was no longer here and faintly she thought she heard Chris' voice.

 _"Come on home Lucy...it's over."_

She thought of her family, she thought of the people who had tried to help her, she thought of the first two babies, and the one who no longer moving inside of her. She thought of Rick and his group, and she thought of Mikey. Things were over now, and as the lights and colors faded, she was comforted by the thought that this bastard would never touch her again. Never. At that exact moment Rick lashed out and slit Negan's throat. Negan dropped to his knees and fell down hard into the dirt. Choking, he saw Lucy was no longer moving. Her eyes were open, as she stared up, but she wasn't moving.

"No..."

He choked, gurgling on his own blood as it dribbled between his fingers as he clutched his wounded throat. He tried using his other hand to touch her, but she was too far away. Rick glanced down at him disgusted, before looking down at Lucy. She was dead. She had finally succumbed to her head injuries. He wasn't sure when it exactly happened, but she died peacefully laying between them. He only hoped she had witnessed him doing this to Negan. She deserved that much. Sighing, he turned and faced the others as they approached. That's when he knew what to do with Negan. He hadn't cut that deep, and instead of allowing him to die with this poor girl, he was going to do something better. He would make him live and suffer. Negan continued trying to each out to Lucy as the doctor hurried over to treat him. Negan remembered his real wife, and the pain in her eyes before she died. He stared at this young girl, and knew it was over. She finally got what she had always wanted. To be free of him. Outraged, he struggled, still gurgling up blood knowing it was over. Lucy meanwhile remained there, laying in the grass, Even after the doctor and others carried Negan away to one of the trucks, Rick in a very exhausted trance sat down thinking of his son. Sitting against the tree, he looked over at Lucy and felt his heart break.

She had helped them, even up until the very end she had helped them.

"You rest now girl...you deserve it."

He said before knowing at any second she would turn. Not wanting that, he waited until Michonne walked over and looked up with sad bloodshot eyes.

"Help me bury her?"

Michonne nodded before grabbing her sword. Gently she turned Lucy's head and quickly plunged the sword through the side of her temple. Together they worked for hours, sweaty, dirty, and exhausted until there was a hole big enough. Laying Lucy inside it, they slowly covered her up using the rich dark soil. Once they were finished it was nearly sundown.

"You sure you didn't want to bring her back to the Hilltop?"

Rick shook his head as he patted down the soil with his blistered and bleeding hands.

"No, she looked at peace here...if anyone deserves that it's this poor girl."

Michonne nodded in agreement before both stood up and headed home.

 **Later...**

Mikey had been taken out of the Hilltop when they were under attack. He still had his fever and was very weak. By the time Rick and Michonne returned, he was back at the medical bay. His fever had lifted, but he still didn't have his strength. Both had informed him about Lucy. Calmly he laid there before looking up, the circles beneath his eyes were fading.

"The baby?"

Rick shook his head. Mikey glanced off to the side, tears filling his eyes for a second before he blinked.

"If she died, she might as well died doing something she thought was right. I'll admit...I wouldn't have come back if it wasn't for her. She's the reason you have all those weapons now. Don't forget it okay?"

Rick nodded.

"I know you and my son were friends...it's up to you, but we could use you around here, help us add something to what we're trying to build."

Mikey laid there for a while before staring up.

"You kept him alive?"

Michonne and Rick glanced at each other before nodding.

"As an example...yes."

Mikey laid there for a bit longer before nodding.

"Just make sure, nothing like what happened to Lucy ever happens to anyone again okay?"

Rick nodded.

"That's a promise."

 **Later...**

Michonne and Rick were just finished telling Negan what exactly they were planning on doing with him. Negan laid there, listening, eyes furious before Rick glared down at him.

"The girl you kidnapped and raped died happy thinking you were dead...she died with your child still inside of her. You will never get the family you always wanted Negan, and we're going to make damn sure you will never forget her."

With that Rick and Michonne left as Negan laid there, not speaking, not moving. Instead he knew Rick was right. For the rest of his miserable life he would pay for what had happened, and Lucy had finally got what she always wanted. To be rid of him. Closing his eyes, a small tear rolled down his face for his Lucille. His sweet Lucille.

 **The End. - Thank you for all the kind reviews!**


	36. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 _"Look what you did...Carl didn't owe you nothing..."_

 _Negan said clutching his bleeding throat, staring up at Rick, eyes watering with tears as Lucy laid dead in the leafs and grass just a few feet away. Devastated, Negan collapsed with a thud and that was the end._

 **At the Hilltop...**

 **2 months later.**

It was a beautiful sunny day when the truck arrived at the gate. A man drove it, filthy, scared, and half insane. When they let him roll in, they made him surrender his two shotguns, and searched the truck from top to bottom. Here they found a baby, over a year, laying in a basket, filthy with thick black hair, hazel eyes, and freckles. Instantly Maggie eyed Rick as she scooped the baby up who continued screaming. The man babbled that less than a year ago he came upon a couple traveling. His girlfriend wanted a baby real bad dispute everything going on, so they killed the couple and took the baby. Their small camp was attacked by walkers, everyone was killed but him, his girlfriend Vicky, and the baby. They traveled for a while, until Vicky got sick. She turned and nearly killed him. Since then he had been wandering, and even confessed about leaving the baby behind more than once.

He barley had enough food for it, and knew it was getting sick. He hadn't slept in days, and found this place the night before. Here he collapsed on his knees begging mercy. He knew he had killed people, hadn't everyone? He did this to please his girlfriend who was everything to him. He honestly didn't know what else to do. Disgusted, Maggie ordered Daryl to bring him to the trucks where he would be transported to Alexandra where the cells which currently held Gregory, and now Negan were. The man half crazed began crying, thanking them before he was hauled away. Instantly Maggie glared at Rick. Things hadn't been the same since that day in the field.

Maggie was finally starting to show, and many changes had happened since that day Rick made the choice to save Negan. Everyone was working together, crops had been planted, food hunted, and for once peace. They were making a government, and trying to pick up the pieces from what happened. Mikey had recovered, and lived at the Hilltop. Rick and him had grown close since he reminded him very much of his own son. Mikey was getting taller and taller, and really pitching in, not only being a great shot, but showing that he actually was really great at helping with the crews building. Currently he was helping on making a windmill with several different men. Only once did he ask to see Negan. Rick allowed it, and Mikey two weeks after Lucy's death shuffled in, where Negan sat on the cement floor in the dim light. His beard was coming in, and the bandage wrapped tightly around his throat. They were currently in the middle of rebuilding Alexandra, but they knew that very much might take months, even years after the damage. The burned frames of the houses and buildings were being torn down, and they were transporting using trucks for the lumber. As of right now out of the eleven houses and four buildings that were burned down, three were all ready framed up. The gates and walls were back, and Rick was back with Michonne, along with Judith, Gabriel, and several others. They usually traveled back and forth.

That day, Mikey asked to see Negan, Rick thought it over and decided he deserved to see him, even if it was just for a few minutes. The cell had been split into three. The original wall was taken down, replaced with bars, and now three sat. Two side to side, one across the way. When he brought him in, Mikey stared before Negan glanced up, looking over at him. Gregory ran to the bars trying to get Rick's attention from the other cell but Rick ignored him. Since that day in the field, Negan hadn't said a word. Food was delivered three times a day, and the trays were always taken. Besides that Negan just sat. He slept and sat, and ignored everyone. The doc was brought in twice since that day to check his throat, change the bandages, and keep the stitches clean. Even then, Negan didn't say a word as Rick watched closely. This day, Mikey walked in and stared.

"Do you know who I am?"

Negan didn't say a word, instead his hazel eyes glared. Mikey, who was still so pale from recovering, swallowed hard and looked down at him through the bars, sitting on the cold cement floor. Mikey took a step closer while Rick and Gregory watched. His eyes were calm, showing no fear.

"I'm the guy who came back with Lucy...I was originally from Alexandra before you took over. I met up with her after she ran away from you. We made it all the way down to Florida together and were happy...but she made the choice to come back and help these people...and to stop you. She told me everything...about how you killed everyone in the group she had been in. How you kidnapped her, raped her...cuffed her to a mattress...took her virginty until she became pregnant. She told me about how she tried to kill herself to get away from you...about the babies, having to destroy one, and the couple who took the baby. She told me about not remembering and coming back to you, about the lies and the rapes. She told me about tricking you into trying to kill her, and the baby that died inside of her the day she died. She told me everything...and Rick filled me in on the rest. She told me what a monster you had been and how it finally took a third try...in death again to be rid of you."

Negan glared up at him as Mikey went on.

"I didn't know Lucy long...but the only good thing about her dying is that she finally got her wish. She's finally rid of you. Just remember one thing...when we made love, it wasn't a dirty filthy forced thing. It was something I'll never forget for the rest of my life. If she hadn't of died...I was willing to raise that baby as if it was my own. I may just be a kid...but I would have been ten times the father you ever could be. So that's it. I just needed to see who this monster was...and I gotta admit. I'm not impressed."

Mikey's face crumpled up before he spit in Negan's direction. Just like that, he turned and walked away. Rick glanced in Negan's direction one last time before following him. Today Mikey was in a short sleeve T-shirt, holding a hammer, laughing with the guys near the frame of the windmill. Rick glanced in his direction and smirked, happy to see him happy. In fact, Judith had taking quite the liking to him and constantly ran around his feet whenever he was out here crying to get scooped up by him. Knowing he outta go with Daryl to drop this guy off, he stared at Maggie. Things hadn't been the same since that day in the field.

Often Rick went out to that tree where Lucy was buried and sat thinking of his son, and everyone they had lost. Sighing, he walked over as the baby started to settled down, nuzzled against Maggie. He really was beautiful beneath all the dirt. Sighing, Rick touched his tiny back, his clothing torn and soiled.

"Taking him to the doc?"

"Yeah..."

Rick nodded knowing they didn't have anything else to say. Turning, he headed towards the trucks.

 **Later...**

The prisoner sat in his cell weeping. Gregory had tried talking to him, and was just starting to get through to him. Negan meanwhile sat against the wall on the floor silently watching. Gregory sighed and clutched the bars of his cell looking across to this new guy. Rick and Daryl had left them, and now it was just the three of them, locked in separate cells. "What's your story?" Gregory asked, making Negan roll his eyes. The man looked up, tears still cutting through his filthy cheeks.

"My group...they all died, my girlfriend Vicky, she's dead. I've been wandering with this stupid baby I got from this couple about a year back. My Vicky wanted a baby so bad so...we fucking shot them up on the side of the road and grabbed it. I came to the Hilltop and they took me here..."

Negan lifted his head, for the first time in weeks, finally seemed alert. A baby... No, it couldn't be. The other baby had been killed by that spit-fire who tried to shoot him. She plunged the knife right down into the baby's skull. No, all his children were dead. One destroyed in the cabin where Lucy first gave birth, that one murdered by that bitch, and the other died inside Lucy the day in the field. Negan felt his heart hammer as he swallowed, his throat still hurting so badly. Looking up, Negan stared at the man.

"A couple you say?"

His throat was dry and raspy, even making Gregory raise an eyebrow and look over shocked. These were the first words Negan had spoken since he was brought here. The man looked over, still crying.

"Yeah, I've killed a good amount of people, but looking back I shouldn't have taken the fucking thing. Nearly got me killed more than once since Vicky died."

"Was it their baby?"

The man shook his head and wiped his eyes, sniffling loudly.

"No, they took the baby from this woman who wandered to their cabin they were holding up in. She was hurt real bad and dying. Had twins I guess and one of them didn't make it. They promised to take care of it for her...and we came along like fucking animals and killed them dead snatching it."

Negan couldn't believe it. They had been wrong. That baby killed here hadn't been his. This one was. Sitting up straight, he glared.

"Where is the baby now?"

"At the Hilltop, he hasn't eaten in awhile and he's sick. Poor thing might die...God knows I deserve to!"

Burying his head down he continued to weep before Negan knew he needed to ask one last thing. Swallowing again, feeling his throat ache, he rubbed his beard.

"Does he have freckles?"

The man lifted his head looking confused, he sniffled again.

"Yeah why?"

Negan shook his head showing it wasn't important. Instead his heart ached badly. Here he was stuck in this God awful cell, while his son, his baby...was with these pricks. For a moment he thought of saying something to Rick next time he popped his stupid little face in to check on them. Then he remembered that little bitch slamming that knife down in that baby's skull. He knew there was plenty of people that hated him, maybe most...maybe all. Most of all that widow.

They wanted revenge, and that asshole Rick might very well be the only person keeping him alive. Not that he really cared. He just wanted this to end, then maybe he would get some peace and be with his Lucy again... He missed her so badly it hurt. He knew he had been awful to her, just as awful as he had been with his real wife. Still, as horrible as he had been...he loved her. He just wished she had never remembered, he could have fought though this bullshit. Started a family with her, never looked back... Now he knew that baby hadn't been his. It was just some other abandoned child. No, this was reality. He had a child...his son was alive.

He hated to admit, night after night he thought of Lucy and thought of the baby growing in their belly. She hadn't delivered, and that meant their baby had died, and turned...spending all that time floating in her dark rotting womb... His stomach turned at the thought. He sat there, before knowing it was best not to say a word. There was no way these fuckers were going to let him out. Unless someone came in here shooting, he wouldn't be put out of his misery. He was destined to sit here and rot until the end of his days. The only relief he got was when he slept. There he would drift off, and make this fantasy that he was back in his real house, before all of this happened. But instead of Lucille, he had Lucy. They were married, with plenty of babies. They were happy, and every night after making love for hours, she would lay sprawled across him, sleeping soundly. This was his perfect safe little world... Until he opened his eyes. He thought of saying something, wanted to so badly...but instead he stayed silent.

Trying to make a plan.

 **That night...**

 _"Negan?"_

 _Negan grunted in his sleep, not wanting to awake from this image he had made for himself. He was in the shower with Lucy, soaping her up and gently kissing her neck. He heard his name echo, being called from far away. He fought to hold onto the image of wrapping his arms tightly around his wife, seeing that beautiful smile of hers..._

 _Then...his eyes fluttered open._

 _Lucy was there._

 _She looked as she did before. No scarf tied around her head, no bloodshot eyes, no damage. In fact, she looked even more beauitfuil than she ever did. She was dressed like she had back in their quarters all that time ago when he figured she hadn't remembered yet. He remembered she welcomed him like this, looking sexy and slutty. She was sitting on the edge of his cot, her eyes looking sad in the thin moonlight that spilled through the bars in the window._

 _"Negan?"_

 _Negan was startled. His eyes widened as he stared up, heart skipping a beat. No, this wasn't like the dreams he made himself. This was different. This was for real. He stared at her, before glancing over. That idiot who had arrived, had cried himself to sleep hours ago. Gregory was fast asleep across the way. Waiting a second, he stared frightened before scooting further up to sit._

 _"Lucy doll?"_

 _He went to reach over, touch her beautiful warm skin. Instead Lucy slapped his hand away and glared. That same fire flickered in her eyes that had turned him on. He sat there, staring at her before Lucy stared, eyes angry and serious._

 _"Rick might put two and two together, but he knows better to tell. Nobody can know Negan. Even if you find a way to get out of here...nobody can know. Understand?"_

 _Negan gulped, his throat aching again._

 _"It's really our baby isn't it?"_

 _Lucy nodded slowly, still glaring._

 _"You saw what happened. You know to keep your mouth shut. You feel any guilt whatsoever? You keep our son safe. If there was any good in you...it's in him. So keep him safe, and never try and get him...even if you get out. Leave him be."_

 _Negan's eyes watered before his face crumpled and he nodded._

 _"Fine damnit...but if I could..." Lucy stared in the darkness, eyes direct._

 _"No. Leave him alone. Let him be safe...or you'll lose him."_

 _Negan nodded, unable to believe he was crying. He nodded, wanting so badly to grab hold of her, wrap his arms tightly around that thin body of hers and never let go._

"Negan?"

Negan was startled awake, instantly he sat up, sweating and a little on edge. Looking, he saw Gregory, standing, hair a mess, holding onto the bars. It was morning, and the sunlight was drifting in through the windows. Looking around, Negan saw Lucy wasn't there.

No, Lucy was dead...

"What?!" He snapped. Gregory shrugged.

"You sounded like you were crying..."

"Piss off..."

Negan said turning over. His voice was raspy, and his throat burning. Turning over, he stared ahead at the wall, truly not caring about a single thing. Only that he knew Lucy was right. Even if he did get out...he couldn't tell.

Nobody could know...

 **Elsewhere...**

Rick and Michonne watched as Judith smiled, sitting on a spread out blanket in the shade. The baby had been released from medical, and besides being a little nourished, and a little under weight, he was perfectly healthy. Maggie had stayed with him, and after being fed, and being put on antibiotics, he seemed much more alert. He had been bathed, and changed into fresh clothing. He was walking and seemed happy enough. He wasn't talking, but the second Maggie carried him out, Rick took him. Both locked eyes, but didn't say a word. Rick knew things very well might never be the same after he saved Negan. He had his reasons, but he could sense a distance. That's why he elected certain people to watch the cells. He hated to admit it, but even Daryl seemed different. Today he brought Judith and the baby back to Alexandra. Him and Michonne planned on spending the night and overseeing more construction. Setting both babies up, they sat underneath the shade on the blanket, surrounded by dolls and rubber blocks.

The entire ride over, the baby stayed silent, staring out the window, not making so much as a noise, Once they got there, Michonne took the babies, while Rick made his rounds to see how construction was going. Now that he returned, he sat on one of the house's porch steps with Michonne watching the babies. The boy was in overalls and a stripe shirt. His dark hair was coming in thick and wavy, and his eyes were gorgeous. He sat there, looking curious as Judith giggled and held up her toys for him to see.

"I'm going to tell you something...but nobody can know."

Michonne glanced over.

"What?"

"That's Negan's son."

Michonne stared at him in disbelief before slowly returning her gaze back to the two babies.

"But..." Rick shook his head.

"Lucy told me about the couple who took the baby that she had. The story matches. That baby...the one that was killed, wasn't Negan's."

"Jesus Christ...how sure are you?"

"Sure. It's him. You know people didn't agree with my choice in keeping him alive..."

Rick motioned across the way to the house that held the cells, along with the windows. Two of which belonged to Negan's cell. Sighing, Rick shook his head.

"I never thought I would say this...but we can't risk it. I'm only trusting you. If word gets out...somebody...anybody might try and hurt him. Look what happened before."

Michonne nodded before sighing.

"Not even Mikey?"

Rick shook his head.

"Not even him.

Just us...Negan can never know. Carl wanted us to build a new world...and I think Lucy did too. He may look like Negan, but I think there's Lucy in him. He deserves a chance at least."

Michonne nodded, before reaching over and squeezing Rick's hand. Both of their attention went back to the two babies sitting on the rug. Judith had acutely gotten the boy to laugh. He giggled, his chubby face lighting up. Rick remembered asking the coward that had brought him what the baby's name was.

The man said Ryan.

So Ryan it was.

The baby, sat giggling and laughing underneath the sunshine, unaware that his father from across the street was standing on the bench, grasping onto the bars of the window, and looking out in disbelief. Rick, Michonne, his adorable daughter, and his son...were all sitting together. It was hard to see, but he stared and even found himself grinning through tears as he watched the baby laugh and wave his tiny hands of his to Judith, Rick's girl.

The baby was beautiful... In fact the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Sniffling, he knew it was best not to lead on. If the topic of the kid got brought up in front of him he would play dumb. Releasing the bars, he sat back down on the bench and roughly wiped his raw eyes. Gregory and the other prisoner watched confused, having no idea what he had been looking at. Sitting on the bench, Negan sat back, clasping his hands together before nodding. If he could do one thing...one single thing for Lucy it would be this. He would stay far away, and never let anyone know. Closing his eyes, he nodded.

"That's a promise my sweet Lucille...that's a promise.

 **The End. April 2016 - April 2018**


End file.
